“Do not let arrogance go to your head and despair to your heart; do not let compliments go to your head and criticisms to your heart; do not let success go to your head and failure to your heart.” ― The Light in the Heart
Happy EnneaMonday everyone! Today we’re going to continue our rollout of interviews with Type Three, Oscar Islas.
Just a little refresher on the personhood of Type Three: Threes are charmers, full of energy and a charismatic vitality. They are anxious to prove their worth through realistic and achievable goals; they often excel at what they put their minds to. At their best they are, “inner-directed and authentic, everything they seem to be. [Healthy Threes] accept their limitations and live within them. [They might have] a self-deprecatory sense of humor and a childlike innocence. Charitable, genuinely modest, and benevolent.” (Personality Types, Riso & Hudson) In disintegration, a Three can become preoccupied with the fear of failure and maintaining a desired image. They will adapt their personality to this end. Unhealthy Threes deceive others—and usually themselves— to hide what they perceive as unforgivable failings and mistakes.
But at their core, Threes, just like the rest of us, long for love and acceptance. They want to know that their true selves, including all their utterly human faults and failings, are needed, valuable, and embraced in entirety. I’m married to a Three, and I’ve had to learn about the deep, wide hearts that hide, beating loudly, underneath the masks Threes often wear. They are wonderful people.
Welcome, Oscar! Thank you for sharing:
1. Three’s experience the world as a series of tasks or challenges to be overcome. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always felt the need to challenge myself and be the best I can be. When I walk into a room, my first instinct is to find the missing holes and fill them. Sometimes when issues arise in my life or people come to me with their problems, I go straight to finding solutions and try to figure out how we can achieve the best outcome.
2. How do you make decisions? From your gut, from your head, or from your heart? (Or any combination.)
Mostly from my heart.
3. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Nine? What happens to your relationships when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Six?
When I am stressed and go to Arrow Nine, I tend to disengage from my relationships. There have been countless times when I’ve had a difficult week, and all my best friends are going out, but I choose to stay back because I don’t feel adequate or “good” enough to be around people. I also tend to “check out,” not be interested, or have any concern about what is going on around me.
When I’m healthy and go to Arrow Six, I tend to be supportive and committed to my closest relationships. I will be their number one fan.
4. How does the need for image and status play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself changing and adjusting to people and circumstances?
I want to be the best version of myself; thankfully I have people around me to remind me of who I am. Being a Type Three, it’s so easy for us to get lost into what society wants us to be, or what we think we need to be. Honestly, I don’t change or adjust for people other than myself, but I do change and adjust myself to circumstances.
5. What do you wish other people understood about being a Type Three?
I wish people understood that wanting to achieve the best isn’t a bad thing. It’s what inspires us to do better and to feel fulfilled. I don’t want to be better than you; I want to be better than myself. We are our own biggest competition, not you.
6. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Three?
I feel like I fluctuate between both Wing Two and Wing Four, leaning more towards Wing Four. The Four colors my experiences as a Three because it’s makes me a bit unpredictable. I love being open to new things and thinking outside the box. I can be fun/supportive but at the same time also be moody/quiet, and no one can change that about me. It doesn’t help that I am also a Gemini, lol.
7. What would the phrase, “I am loved as myself, even when I fail,” mean to you if you knew it to be deeply true?
It’s really weird because this phrase has carried me through the last two years. I live by it. I was actually going through a tough season last year and made some mistakes along the way. I didn’t tell anyone because I was ashamed and scared of my image being ruined—because I was a leader in the church. It was eating me up and felt like I needed to be open about it. So I spoke to each one of my best friends separately about my tough times, and each response was different. The one that really healed my heart was when one of my friends said, “I don’t care what you have done, I don’t care what people say; I love you.” Even when I failed and made mistakes, it felt amazing to know I was still loved.
Honestly and vulnerability is really important to me, so I always want to let my loved ones know that I love them and everything that comes with them, including their flaws. There is no need to pretend to have everything together around me.
8. As a Type Three do you connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?
Most definitely. I am a practicing Christian. My relationship with God has always been so strong and special to me. If I’m honest, I’m not really into the concept of “Religion” and “rituals.” I think the most important thing is your relationship with God rather than checking things off a list every Sunday.
9. How do feelings show up in your life? Are you able to recognize and experience your feelings or do you suppress them?
Because of the Enneagram, I have been able to put a face to my feelings. I understand myself clearer and now get why I think the way I do. I used to suppress my feelings, but now I do my best to be transparent and open without the fear of being judged or told my feelings are irrelevant. Actually, something I’ve been doing these last couple weeks is a lot of writing. I’m so bad at it (haha), but writing has helped me acknowledge my feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Writing makes my feelings more tangible and real—things I can’t ignore.
10. Talk about what the words Authenticity, Be, and Pain mean to you today?
Authenticity – To me, authenticity means being able to communicate one’s true spirit, personality, and character. This word has always been so important to me because it’s something that I am not good at and wish I was. Being able to live your life every day with authenticity takes so much strength. To me, that’s what makes a great human.
Be – Be means being present and accepting. Being a Type Three, I tend to think about the future a lot. I also think about how I should have done something different for a better outcome. Learning to “be” and accept my mistakes so I can move forward has been freeing.
Pain – Unfortunately, a lot has happened in my life. I was sexually abused for three years as a kid, had a speech impediment that caused me to believe I was worthless, had a moral failure, my parents are currently battling with drug and alcohol abuse, they are set to finalize a divorce soon, and to top it all off I lost my job a couple months ago. These are just a few of the things that have caused me pain. I wish I could write what pain means to me today, but I’m still fighting through it.
Hi guys! My name is Oscar Islas, I grew up in East L.A. and have been living in Orange County for the last six years. I graduated from Vanguard University of Southern California with a B.A. in Business Marketing. I love to sing and have been leading worship for about three years and have a passion for health and wellness. Also Ariana Grande is the best thing that has happened to us in 2018.
*Cover Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash