I Feel Pain: A Humorous Look at How Each Enneagram Type Might Intuituvely Respond to Pain

Type One – I feel pain.

Ah, an imperfection in myself detected. Must find the right diet, mindset, routine, system to obliterate this aberration.

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Type Two – I feel pain.

That’s someone else’s pain, let me go help them. Helping, helping, helping. Serving, serving, serving. Oh gosh darn, this pain is getting stronger and bigger and… (demon voice) NOW YOU WILL ALL FEEL MY WRATH!

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Type Three – I feel pain.

Nah, that was just a bit of indigestion. What’s next? Grab the dry cleaning, construct a chair from scratch using repurposed wood, go to the bank, kill my presentation at work, pick up the kids, and conquer the world… all while lookin’ fly.

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Type Four – I feel pain.

I need to stay in bed all day and wallow in the myriad of ways my life might have turned out differently / fantasize about the ideal scenario in which this misery, this gut-wrenching ache of despair would not have descended on such as I.

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Type Five – I feel pain.

What is the origin of this pain? Why is it manifesting at this particular time in my life? What happened today? There’s gotta be a book about this. Let me just pull up Google…

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Type Six – I feel pain.

Damn right. Okay, DEFCON ONE! I’ve prepared for this moment every second of every day. I know my leader and I will now adhere to every one of their principles and guidelines until I’m shepherded back to safety.

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Type Seven – I feel pain.

Oh, look a glitter pen! And there’s a new burger joint I’ve been wanting to try and god, this shirt is old, I need a new one like right now.

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Type Eight – I feel pain.

No, I don’t. F*^ck you, feelings!

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Type Nine – I feel pain.

What? Huh? Oh sorry, I’m a little hazy because I’m between naps. Now, what was I feeling? Pizza, yum. I could go for a slice right now. What do you think? Do you feel hungry?

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Enjoy! – Melissa (Enneagram 5 and books are my best friends)

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