enneagram 4w5 » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Hello Enneagram Paths, friends! Happy Monday, and welcome back! I hope all of you are finding ways to love yourself well, move deeper into acceptance and awareness, and listen to your body as we continue to navigate Covid-19 times.

Today we are lucky to hear from the fantastic Rima Lyn about her unique experiences as an Enneagram Type Four! Rima and I connected on Instagram, so make sure you scroll to the bottom of the interview to find the link to her excellent Ennea-IG page.

Hi Rima, thanks so much for being here today and talking to all of us about what it means for you to identify as a Type Four!

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. How do emotions affect your daily life?

I am rather tempestuous and quick to have an emotional reaction. I am a trained actress and member of the Screen Actors Guild and was encouraged early on in classes to allow immediate reactions to flow on stage, be they tears, laughter or anger. There is a saying that acting is re-acting, and I find that to be true as a Type Four. As an Sx4, competition is something with which I struggle. I can be quite defensive because I imagine sleights that aren’t there to galvanize or motivate or protect myself. For a long time, I thought I could be a Type Eight though I am too elitist to help masses of downtrodden groups of people. I am generous with emotional support in a one-on-one setting. I was also an art teacher for ten years, and a safe place for other artists to feel their feelings. One of my favorite songs is ‘You’ve Gotta Have Heart” from Damn Yankees. Coincidence? 🙂

2. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One?

I believe that both the move to Type One and Type Two can be stressful if you are at a low level of development in your Type. Both moves can also be positive if you have done personal or Enneagram work. Type One energy can cause me to be more dutiful, more of a rigid perfectionist, not feel my feelings, or put someone else first at my own expense. I spent so long acting like a Type Two, that every test I took, including the recently updated Enneagram Institute test, typed me as a Two. I used to hide behind other artists and be a ‘helper’ so that I wouldn’t have to reveal my art or my point of view. It was safer to hide behind another ‘diva’ like personality. I realized I needed to be the diva for growth—a balanced diva who is at peace with my quirkiness and can allow myself to be an integral part of things instead of always hiding or holding back my true self. I feel more likable in Type Two space because I am soooooooo helpful and can move mountains for others, but barely grab a drink of water for myself.

3. How does Envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others?

I don’t do straight-up envy, but I do compare myself to others and then judge or beat myself up. I don’t wish people who have it more together than me would fail, but sometimes I assume something is wrong with me because I haven’t achieved the thing they have seemingly easily accomplished: damaged goods and all that.

4. Talk a little about the desire to be unique. Why is this so important to you? Is it important? How do you try to be a unique person in daily life?

I got a lot of verbal reinforcement from my grandmother that there was no one like me. That I was 100% original and that I could do anything. My grandmother also used to recite a nursery rhyme to me, “When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrid.” Of the five people in my immediate family, I felt she was the only one who got me, so I used creativity as a way to feel productive. Since I had a unique name, a scratchy voice, intense eyes, and a lot of talent for the performing arts, very early on I saw that if I couldn’t fit in it was good to be special, original, and entertaining. I like to use the phrase “hip geek” or “cool nerd” to describe myself, and I’m getting better about wanting to fit into a group of misfits/creatives vs. being the loner that no one understands. As an Sx4 I have a lot of passion and zeal—I work on using these traits to help me from getting bogged down in melancholy. I fight against it and try to be as productive as possible (3w.)

5. Talk about what the words Discipline and Objectivity mean to you today.

I hate discipline so much!!!!! ACK. For years it was all about “when I feel like it and at no other time.” Every meal was about what I was craving, every radio choice, what song I was in the mood for. Exercising to exercise, writing every day as a practice, sticking to a diet—these were all things I could not do until I embraced my Five Wing and the high side of Type One. Equanimity—but without being a boring zombie robot—that is the goal.

6. What does the phrase, “You are good enough,” mean to you?

It means I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to jump through hoops. It means self-acceptance and forgiveness.

7. Are there any spiritual practices you are drawn to as a Type Four?

Beauty in nature. Appreciating the sublime. The perfection of imperfection. Believing in the arts and the magic of creativity and self-expression.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances your Type Four characteristics.

If I lean into my 3w, I get to stay in the Heart Triad, but I’m less emotional and more productive. If I lean into my 5w, I get some genius, brilliant, maverick inspiration, and ideas that come to me fully formed. These ideas clearly originate from the ether, and I can find the courage to be truly original.

Rima Lyn is a longtime educator in the creative arts. Her writing has appeared in Art Magazine, Quercus Review Press, Schuylkill Valley Journal of the Arts, and Voices de la Luna. She was awarded 3^rd place in the 2020 Writer’s Digest contest for screenplays and is a 2019 Nicholl Quarter Finalist. A graduate of UCLA’s Film History program, you can read her take on Mexican food at http://tacomaven.blogspot.com

Instagram: @enneagramista

Are you a Type Four that would like a Certified Enneagram Coach to help you move into deeper authenticity, wisdom, and self-love? Book a free 15-minute consultation with me right now! – Melissa **FREE CONSULT**

Enneagram Type Fours are in the Heart Triad. They are introspective, experience a wide range of emotions, care about the deep meaning in life, have active imaginations, and make ample space for pain. Fours are the people you want to have around when a loved one gets sick or passes—they will empathize in whatever way you best need. Healthy Fours understand the complexity of inner life, often becoming masters at helping others navigate the realms of spirituality and soul. They will have a good balance between their own inner world and what they can contribute to the world at large. They are warm, astute in their advice-giving, and encouraging. Often mystics, artists, musicians, and contemplatives, Type Fours can also be CEO’s and accountants, bringing their wealth of emotional intelligence and creative thinking to almost any scenario. They are eloquent wordsmiths, speaking in symbols and metaphors that others can clearly understand. And above all, they value authenticity! “Be your unique self,” is the mantra of Type Fours.

People are human beings always in motion, not types that act in restrictive boxes, therefore the integration and disintegration descriptions below will not describe someone fully. Nor will a person ever seem fully integrated or disintegrated. One can cycle through the full spectrum of stress/health levels in a day. In an hour even! Keep this in mind as you read on.

Type Four with a Three Wing (4w3)

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In Integration:

A 4w3 is an intelligent, curious, creative person who has a million ideas… and actually executes them. The Three Wing helps the Four move from the fantasy in their head to actual physical projects and businesses that take shape and do well. They have a much higher capacity to produce results than the 4w5. The Three Wings lends practicality to the mindset of a Four, which helps them balance out melancholic and dramatic tendencies. A 4w3 will tend to focus more on their careers and often have lofty goals, with the confidence of a Type Three to achieve them. A 4w3 can also sometimes be more extroverted than a 4w5, the Three Wing drawing out a normally introspective Type Four into social settings and group activities that are enjoyable. The Three Wing allows the Four to access more energy so they move out of the pools of emotion and reverie and into the real world.

In Stress/Disintegration:

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In stress or disintegration, a 4w3 combines the low side of both numbers. Both types have issues with identity, and so shame will be a core struggle. An unhealthy, 4w3 will be hyper-conscious of their image, become obsessive about relational issues (drama), and seek to find their authentic selves in projects rather than within. To maintain any kind of self-esteem, a stressed 4w3 seeks validation, trying to be seen as both unique and successful to impress others and win their love. The disintegrated Type Three shades the stressed Four with doses of anger and competitiveness. Who is more creative? Who is better than me to lead this team or make this decision? The disintegrated 4w3 throws modesty out the window, and can even act like they are royalty, which exacerbates the Type Four’s inclination to see themselves as ‘above’ the common person. Their finances take a hit as they spend excessively to create the right image, atmosphere, or environment.

Type Four with a Five Wing (4w5)

In Integration:

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Healthy 4w5s are a great mix of the Heart and Mind Triad. The Type Five’s brain energy compliments the Four’s orientation to immerse themselves in all the feels, creating a person who can empathize wisely. Think of them as a creative guru best friend. The Five Wing adds impartiality to the inner and outer experience of a Four, allowing them the capacity to reflect on relationships, situations, and emotions in a more objective manner. They can distance their ‘selfhood’ from their feelings and rely more on facts. Type Fours are normally profound and insightful, and the Five Wing lends even more wisdom through intellectual analysis. 4w5’s have an abundance of emotional depth and sensitivity, being able to view others and society through intensely perceptive and ground-breaking lenses. This is a usually introverted type, often quiet, but with active minds and cycling emotions.

In Stress/Disintegration:

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When stressed, 4w5s become eccentrics, agonized by emotions that feel overpowering and thoughts that race out of control. Their inner lives are so intense that they begin to drown in themselves, lost in a labyrinth of their own making. When this happens 4w5s often withdraw from their relationships and the outer world, thinking that no one could possibly understand their tortured experiences. This withdrawal causes their work and relationships to suffer because they aren’t living life, they’re trapped in their imaginations of reality. They rebuff all attempts at aid, insight, and practical help. In this state, a 4w5 can have a hard time holding down a job or taking care of their basic needs because in every area they doubt themselves. The weight of the universe rests on their shoulders, and they often escape into idealized memories. They can become hermits who don’t dare to trust themselves, other people, or society.

*(A special thank you to Beyoncé for her wide range of gifs. This post is not trying to type Queen B, I just like how she expresses literally everything!)

Interview with Enneagram Type Four, Rima Lyn

Enneagram 4w3 vs. 4w5