Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!

Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.

Type One

They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.

Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.

Type Two

They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.

Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.

Type Three

They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.

Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.

Type Four

They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.

Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.

Type Five

They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.

Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.

Type Six

They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.

Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.

Type Seven

They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.

Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.

Type Eight

They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.

Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.

Type Nine

They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.

Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.

Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS

Interview with Enneagram Type Four, Rima Lyn

Hello Enneagram Paths, friends! Happy Monday, and welcome back! I hope all of you are finding ways to love yourself well, move deeper into acceptance and awareness, and listen to your body as we continue to navigate Covid-19 times.

Today we are lucky to hear from the fantastic Rima Lyn about her unique experiences as an Enneagram Type Four! Rima and I connected on Instagram, so make sure you scroll to the bottom of the interview to find the link to her excellent Ennea-IG page.

Hi Rima, thanks so much for being here today and talking to all of us about what it means for you to identify as a Type Four!

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. How do emotions affect your daily life?

I am rather tempestuous and quick to have an emotional reaction. I am a trained actress and member of the Screen Actors Guild and was encouraged early on in classes to allow immediate reactions to flow on stage, be they tears, laughter or anger. There is a saying that acting is re-acting, and I find that to be true as a Type Four. As an Sx4, competition is something with which I struggle. I can be quite defensive because I imagine sleights that aren’t there to galvanize or motivate or protect myself. For a long time, I thought I could be a Type Eight though I am too elitist to help masses of downtrodden groups of people. I am generous with emotional support in a one-on-one setting. I was also an art teacher for ten years, and a safe place for other artists to feel their feelings. One of my favorite songs is ‘You’ve Gotta Have Heart” from Damn Yankees. Coincidence? 🙂

2. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One? 

I believe that both the move to Type One and Type Two can be stressful if you are at a low level of development in your Type. Both moves can also be positive if you have done personal or Enneagram work. Type One energy can cause me to be more dutiful, more of a rigid perfectionist, not feel my feelings, or put someone else first at my own expense. I spent so long acting like a Type Two, that every test I took, including the recently updated Enneagram Institute test, typed me as a Two. I used to hide behind other artists and be a ‘helper’ so that I wouldn’t have to reveal my art or my point of view. It was safer to hide behind another ‘diva’ like personality. I realized I needed to be the diva for growth—a balanced diva who is at peace with my quirkiness and can allow myself to be an integral part of things instead of always hiding or holding back my true self. I feel more likable in Type Two space because I am soooooooo helpful and can move mountains for others, but barely grab a drink of water for myself.

3. How does Envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others? 

I don’t do straight-up envy, but I do compare myself to others and then judge or beat myself up. I don’t wish people who have it more together than me would fail, but sometimes I assume something is wrong with me because I haven’t achieved the thing they have seemingly easily accomplished: damaged goods and all that.

4. Talk a little about the desire to be unique. Why is this so important to you? Is it important? How do you try to be a unique person in daily life? 

I got a lot of verbal reinforcement from my grandmother that there was no one like me. That I was 100% original and that I could do anything. My grandmother also used to recite a nursery rhyme to me, “When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrid.” Of the five people in my immediate family, I felt she was the only one who got me, so I used creativity as a way to feel productive. Since I had a unique name, a scratchy voice, intense eyes, and a lot of talent for the performing arts, very early on I saw that if I couldn’t fit in it was good to be special, original, and entertaining. I like to use the phrase “hip geek” or “cool nerd” to describe myself, and I’m getting better about wanting to fit into a group of misfits/creatives vs. being the loner that no one understands. As an Sx4 I have a lot of passion and zeal—I work on using these traits to help me from getting bogged down in melancholy. I fight against it and try to be as productive as possible (3w.)

5. Talk about what the words Discipline and Objectivity mean to you today. 

I hate discipline so much!!!!! ACK. For years it was all about “when I feel like it and at no other time.” Every meal was about what I was craving, every radio choice, what song I was in the mood for. Exercising to exercise, writing every day as a practice, sticking to a diet—these were all things I could not do until I embraced my Five Wing and the high side of Type One. Equanimity—but without being a boring zombie robot—that is the goal.

6. What does the phrase, “You are good enough,” mean to you? 

It means I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to jump through hoops. It means self-acceptance and forgiveness.

7. Are there any spiritual practices you are drawn to as a Type Four? 

Beauty in nature. Appreciating the sublime. The perfection of imperfection. Believing in the arts and the magic of creativity and self-expression.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances your Type Four characteristics.

If I lean into my 3w, I get to stay in the Heart Triad, but I’m less emotional and more productive. If I lean into my 5w, I get some genius, brilliant, maverick inspiration, and ideas that come to me fully formed. These ideas clearly originate from the ether, and I can find the courage to be truly original.

Rima Lyn is a longtime educator in the creative arts. Her writing has appeared in Art Magazine, Quercus Review Press, Schuylkill Valley Journal of the Arts, and Voices de la Luna. She was awarded 3rd place in the 2020 Writer’s Digest contest for screenplays and is a 2019 Nicholl Quarter Finalist. A graduate of UCLA’s Film History program, you can read her take on Mexican food at http://tacomaven.blogspot.com

Instagram: @enneagramista

Are you a Type Four that would like a Certified Enneagram Coach to help you move into deeper authenticity, wisdom, and self-love? Book a free 15-minute consultation with me right now! – Melissa **FREE CONSULT**