Deep Dive with a Five: Samantha Eubanks

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“I’ve never minded it,” he went on. “Being lost, that is. I had always thought one could not truly be lost if one knew one’s own heart. But I fear I may be lost without knowing yours.” ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

Another Type Five interview this week! I’m so happy my fellow nerd turtles are braving the world and willing to open up and share their heads and hearts with all of you. It’s hard for us Fives to trust that we can be ourselves and be accepted, maybe even loved! So glad to have you, Samantha, and thanks a million for giving all of us even more insight into the Olympic minds and deep feelings of Type Fives.

1. Fives see and experience the world by trying to make sense of it with their thoughts. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.

As a Five, I feel like to fully experience something; I have to know a lot about it first. Like, it’s hard for me to really appreciate a movie unless I’ve researched everything about it beforehand. I’m really trying to balance out this part of myself by practicing being present and being curious about something instead of pulling out my phone to get the immediate answer. My partner is a Type Seven, and I’ve learned a lot from him because he is very present in his experiences. I can sometimes ruin the mood when we’re hiking and go into a monologue about how to survive a bear attack from every type of bear, bear traits, and bear facts. There’s a time and a place!

2. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Seven? What happens when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Eight? 

When I move to Seven in stress, I can either be really fun or like, a little much. I get really chatty and can’t stop moving. I’ll have a whole day of hopping around from one thing to another planned. This can be great for the people I’m in relationships with (because, whoa, I’ve actually planned things), or quickly draining, and then they need space. Mainly, when I move into Seven, I get really excessive with my needs and my wants. In turn, this causes me to ignore the needs and wants of my loved ones. I can become pretty self-absorbed when I’m stressed.

In Type Eight, I am a very encouraging friend. I’m a bold and confident communicator, and I’m not overly observant of myself, which allows me to be more present for my friends because I can easily forget about my social insecurities. I also become more assertive when I move into Eight. This can either be great in some relationships or offensive because it definitely helps me set boundaries that I’m not confident setting when I’m in full Five mode. Overall, in Eight, I’m able to identify and address the needs of others while also acknowledging my own. Then, I try to figure out how both of our needs can be met.

3. How does Avarice/Greed play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself hoarding time, energy, and resources?

Greed shows up for me with my time. I worry a lot about getting too engulfed in people’s lives because to me I feel like they will have unrealistic expectations of how much time I should spend with them. This is usually untrue, but this fear has stopped me from getting close to people before. I think it’s honestly just an excuse to comfortably lean back into a natural reclusive state. I’ve learned, though, that every time I do let go and share my time, it is so worth it and I feel so much better! I am always reminding myself that there is enough. There is enough time to go around, and it’s okay to share it.

At one point, I hoarded lots of books that I didn’t read, but having them around me felt really safe and comforting. I’ve since gotten rid of most of them and try not to get too attached to material things like that. Instead, I hoard library books because, at some point, I have to let them go (usually after lots of overdue notices!). If I’m feeling very Seven (very excessive), I get as many books as I can carry and bring them home with me and they usually remain un-cracked, but I just really like their company! Is this a problem? Probably. Yes. *Shrug*

4. Are you a parent? How does your Type influence parenting? If you’re not a parent, what do you imagine would be some strengths and weakness in being a Type Five parent?

I’m not a parent, but I think something that might be a weakness for me as a parent in the future would be not having enough energy to keep up with the littles. Like most Fives, I have a small tank of energy that can be drained pretty quickly. I really try to conserve my energy for my creative projects and work, so I just worry that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everything. I think a strength would be my creativity and my ability to connect with kids. I work with children on a day-to-day basis and writing for kids is my life’s work. I love talking to kids, hearing their ideas, their stories, and I love being silly with them. Kids keep you in the moment, and I love that.

5. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Five?

My enneagram wing is Four. I think my wing is a big part of my creativity. I’ve always been a dreamer and a little idealistic. I love exploring different outlets for my creativity. I love writing, photography, music, painting, video editing and crafting. I want to do anything and everything when it comes to art.

On the emotional side of the Four, I’m very introspective. Sharing can be fun for me and pretty easy at times until the Five pushes back and says, “Danger! Hoard your personal information, or it will be used against you!” *eye roll* So, these two sides fight quite often and can leave me sounding pretty vague when people try to connect with me. The Four side has allowed me to form deeply meaningful and rich relationships that I absolutely treasure. Though, when I’m first meeting someone, the Five is in high gear, and it usually takes months and months for the Four side to reveal itself. I’m trying to work on a balance between the two!

Overall, though, the Four really balances out my drive for dry, mundane information that my dominant type brings out. It reminds me to look at things creatively and not so analytically. I think it’s my fun side.

6. What would the phrase, “You know enough, you can handle this. You are wise,” mean to you if you knew it to be deeply true?

It would allow me to feel freer, less constrained, and not so concerned with incompetence. I wouldn’t constantly be searching or preparing (for what? I don’t know!). I would be able to let everything be and relax, and I would understand that what I need to know would come to me.

7. As a Type Five do you personally connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?

I connect to spirituality in nature because it’s there that I feel most present and in my body. I also practice meditation. Meditation reminds me of my breath. It reminds me that breath is life. It reminds me to slow down and take a look around to see without having to know exactly what I’m looking at.

8. How does emotion show up in your life? Do you value or suppress emotion?

I definitely suppress emotion. When I get sad, I get mad at myself for feeling sad. I try to practice holding onto an emotion, observing it, considering it for a little bit and then letting it go, so it doesn’t bottle up and explode one day. I am so envious of people who can process emotions quickly. I think it’s beautiful to be so in tune and able to just let the emotions flow. For me, it truly takes me months to process big life changes and how I feel about them. When emotion does show up immediately for me, like if there’s an argument and I get angry, or something sad happened, and I cry, I feel really out of control, like I’m crazy, when no, I’m just a human. I really need some kind of mantra for this! Any suggestions?

From Melissa: Feeling emotion is constant, daily work for me, too! My emotions overwhelm me in the moment, so I often have to pick a mantra like you and remind myself that “this will pass” or “feelings are healthy.” But I can’t lie, sometimes I just don’t know that something impacted me until a day or two later and I’m sobbing in the shower! Bodywork and grounding practices like yoga have helped me recognize when my body is alerting me to emotion by an adrenaline rush, tightened muscles, sweat… all those things we Fives try to ignore!)

9. Talk about what the words Voice and Relationship mean to you today.

Voice – Right now, voice is the thing I keep pushing toward the uppermost part of my heart because I want to remember to use it. I want to use my voice to encourage those I love. I want to give voice to my needs and to the needs of others, so they know they’re heard. I want to continue giving voice to characters I create. I want to stay true to my voice in my work and all that I do.

Relationship – Listening. Loving. Hard work. Good work. Soul work. Grace. Partnership. Good Intent. Kindness. Boundaries. Conflict. Selflessness. Joy. Fun. Presence. Laughter. Play.

Thank you, Samantha!!

samantha2Samantha Eubanks is a freelance writer working from Nashville, TN with a furry dog at her feet and a story at the tips of her fingers. You can follow her at @WritingWithSam on Twitter for updates on her creative projects and website, samantha-writes.com. When she’s not writing, Samantha is overcoming her fear of whales, dreaming of travel with her fiancé, and kissing her dog sloppily on the mouth.

*Photo by Jan Traid on Unsplash

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