Tag: enneagram 5

Enneagram – Health (Integration) Arrows

Posted on by melissakircher

The funny thing about the Enneagram health/aware/integration arrows is that we can’t force the move. It simply happens with a combination of inner work + natural wiring + intention + flow. We never quite figure out the formula. I’m a nerdy Enneagram Type Five, and even I use words like unexplainable and magical to describe the health arrow move!

Integration to your health number (or type) provides you with new energy, new awareness, and expansive options. How do you want to move forward in a different way? What got you here, and how do you feel? What do you see in a new light? What do you sense is right? How must things change? What will enliven and enrich your life?

Use your answers to accept the gifts of your health arrow – they almost always lead to expansion, healing, joy, and a revitalized relationship with yourself!

As you read through these, remember that they are a list of high-side attributes you go to in your health arrow. They are the best of that type. These are all qualities to help you notice when you’re in alignment.

Type 1 – To – Type 7

I find life fun and enjoyable. My mind expands, and I accept new ideas. Pleasure becomes a healthy priority. I embrace spontaneous adventures. My thinking becomes much more gray. I make decisions that resonate and feel good in my mind, body, and heart.

Type 2 – To – Type 4

My inner world is known to me. I take self-important risks and reap the rewards of trying new things. I can say no with confidence. I grant all my emotions equal importance. I learn how to love being with myself. My mind is filled with exciting ideas.

Type 3 – To – Type 6

I know and trust my own voice and authentic opinions. Loyalty takes the place of competition. I bravely communicate and share my heart. I learn to take careful, considered action. I am genuinely emotive, warm, and loving. I work cooperatively with others.

Type 4 – To – Type 1

I know what needs to be done. I find congruence in many areas of my life. I think objectively and with precision. My gut intuition is strong and trustworthy. My emotions and actions become aligned. I create new realities every day.

Type 5 – To – Type 8

My mind finds pockets of quiet. I move into the world with power an ease. I am aware of desire and act on it. My body speaks to me, and I listen to it. I relish life with robust energy. I accomplish goals with great success.

Type 6 – To – Type 9

All is well and will be well. I attract people who support and love me. I trust in the goodness of the universe. My body is on my side. My intuition is strong and leads me well. I relax, let go, and allow life to unfold.

Type 7 – To – Type 5

I focus and get so very much done. I find great delight in the mundane. The moments I inhabit are satisfying. My body is here, singing with life. I accept stillness and all it holds. My mind is my rational ally.

Type 8 – To – Type 2

I see others as worthy equals. My soft heart is shown to a chosen few. I embrace risk as part of being loved. My protection of others is boundaried. I accept my own humanity. My inner child feels safe to play.

Type 9 – To – Type 3

I know I am loved, worthy, and special. My goals become actions that are achieved. I take a stand on vital issues. My wants and needs become known to me. I see myself as someone of importance. My heart guides me, showing me the way.

Grief & The Enneagram Part II: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Grief & The Enneagram Part II: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Posted on by melissakircher

Welcome back to this three-part grief and Enneagram series. To summarize why this series is so important let’s revisit an excerpt from the last post:

“Grief and Enneagram shadow work are very similar in their approach and application. In both instances, we wrestle with the unknown sides of life that indicate unacknowledged pain, confusion, or disruption to our path forward. Effective grief and Enneagram work provides a framework for understanding ourselves and embracing new ways of thinking about our lives and circumstances. The more we learn, the more we realize we are unique individuals. The nuance of our individuality causes our grief journey to be like a fingerprint. Even when some stereotypes apply, there is always a part of our spirit that needs a little more intention.

This journey allows us to cultivate the compassion needed to find movement through our pain. As you embrace the truth of grief in your life, you may find that learning more about your Enneagram type provides extra support.”

Today, I want to unpack three more type misconceptions and how they can lead us to incorrect assumptions about how we “should” feel and move through our grief stories. We already know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for all. We can reckon with the stereotypical reactions in our enneagram types that act as easy excuses to avoid the deeper, more intimate work of pursuing healing in our grief.

Type Four

Type Fours are known for being comfortable with melancholy and conflicting emotions and are often wonderful people for grievers to speak with when their own hearts cannot figure out how to survive a heavy loss.

Fours believe they are fundamentally different, which, in grief, can also lead them to spiral down a road of overthinking. They try to sort their emotions into a grief identity that makes sense yet remains unique.

But what we don’t often see in Type Fours is the propensity for forward motion. Grief is not about learning to move on; it’s about integrating our losses into our identity in a way that allows us to become more nuanced, intentional, and whole. There is no one more adept at adjusting to big, heavy emotions in an integrative way than Fours.

When they live in their heart center, Fours become witty, clever, insightful, and clear-minded. They work through grief productively, thinking intentionally rather than in a circular way. As a result, Fours begin to spiral upward with high energy and healing for themselves and others.

Type Five

Type Fives are full of wisdom, depth, and intelligence. They look for depth with each question, perfectly delighted to chase ideas down whatever obscure path they find. Because Fives are typically introspective and thoughtful, we assume that grief is something they’ve sorted out. Perhaps Fives have learned how to detach from the pain and therefore experience no grief at all?

Not true. What really happens for a grieving Type Five is that their mental wheels spin faster than ever. You may perceive them as cold and calculated, yet Fives are truly empathetic, deeply attuned people. They search for answers to relieve suffering or lack, but that’s not something available in grief. Not truly.

When Fives are able to become embodied – really connecting to the center of who they are – they will find strength outside of knowledge. Type Fives who allow themselves to take action toward reintegration of their whole selves become authoritative, confident, and compassionate to others and themselves.

Once Type Fives accept a thoughtful path toward healing for themselves, they will become the leaders you always suspected they could become. Their emotional side will surface with intention and grounding, leading others to heal, as well.

Type Six

Type Sixes aren’t strangers to thinking about grief – in fact, Sixes are hyper-aware of potential grief events and do all they can to minimize possible loss before it happens. Once introduced to their story, grief drives secure, steady Sixes into overdrive for resolution.

Then, natural cynicism surfaces, affirming their belief that all things are inherently untrustworthy. This draws Type Sixes further away from integration, where they would experience a settled spirit and an understanding of their secure place in the world, even when threatened by grief.

However, when Sixes embrace grief as truth, they gain new insight about the facts of their life circumstances. They acknowledge their lack of control in loss and recognize the grief in their life is not the end of the story. As they begin healing, their lighthearted, confident nature emerges.

Grief changes Sixes for the better, so long as they process their experiences as survivable. Not in a “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” platitude way, but through gaining soul-deep, inherent wisdom about the nature of life and loss.

Type Sixes long to express their free-spirited, lighthearted, fun side. When grief doesn’t destroy them, Sixes learn they can find a way to trust others and survive the most intimidating pain because life is so much richer than navigating around fear.

Mandy Capehart is an author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is the founder of The Restorative Grief Project, an online community of grievers and grief supporters looking for movement while they heal. Her first book is titled, “Restorative Grief: Embracing our losses without losing ourselves,” released in 2021. This is a memoir and 31 day guidebook for managing grief and growth in the aftermath of loss, no matter how long it lasts. You can hear more about her grief work on her podcast, Restorative Grief with Mandy Capehart. She also co-hosts The Uncomfortable Grace Podcast, where space is held for growth amid the messy middle-parts of life.

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Posted on by melissakircher

Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!

Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.

Type One

They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.

Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.

Type Two

They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.

Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.

Type Three

They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.

Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.

Type Four

They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.

Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.

Type Five

They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.

Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.

Type Six

They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.

Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.

Type Seven

They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.

Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.

Type Eight

They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.

Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.

Type Nine

They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.

Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.

Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Posted on by melissakircher

“..then he added, as if requiring a response to his own remark,
‘Probably the greater the difference, the greater the similarity, and the greater the similarity, the greater the difference,’ at that moment he did not yet know how right he was.” – José Saramago, All the Names

It is consistently interesting to me as I work with clients in my Enneagram Coaching Practice that both:

  1. Our external behaviours can look the same, yet have different internal emotional/energetic underpinnings.
  2. Our internal emotional/energetic underpinnings can be so similar and yet, have different external behaviors or manifestations.

Here is a series of observations I’ve made so far. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. We’re all interconnected and interwoven in such a way that I know I’ll be joyfully fascinated for the rest of my life! – Melissa

Type 9 & Type 5

Same: Both externally procrastinate when needing to complete important tasks. They fill the day with busywork.

Different: Type 5s internally fear being unable to handle the task and having to ask for help. Type 9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance/peace.

Type 4 & Type 7

Same: Both tend to quickly shift jobs, projects, interests, and relationships. This is often done unconsciously, neither Type aware of how much they change.

Different: Type 4s are searching for a sense of identity in each shift. Type 7s search for fulfillment and satisfaction with every move.

Type 2 & Type 8

Same: Both feel angry, often because their selfhood or boundaries are being violated in some way.

Different: Type 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this particular emotion. Type 8s show their anger more easily and consistently, and move on from it quickly.

Type 3 & Type 6

Same: Both are excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals.

Different: Type 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly and to great success. Type 6s expect that all manner of problems will arise and so they develop a myriad of contingencies just in case.

Type 1 & Type 5

Same: Both deal with voices of internal criticism and feeling not good enough.

Different: In response, Type 1s pour endless energy into improving all that surrounds them. Type 5s pick a few projects and try to silence their distrust of self with overzealous mastery.

Type 2 & Type 6

Same: Both appear externally warm and friendly in their many relationships.

Different: Internally, Type 2s cling to the love in their relationships; it gives them a sense of identity. Internally, Type 6s mistrust others, always keeping a watchful eye open for breaks in loyalty.

Type 3 & Type 4

Same: Both are intense and competitive, seeking outward recognition and approval.

Different: Type 3s push their true feelings aside to maintain momentum toward a goal. Type 4s lose goal momentum as their fluctuating feelings return them to an inward focus.

Type 7 & Type 9

Same: Both are adaptable, inviting, and would prefer to avoid conflict. Internally, both do not want to feel pain.

Different: Externally, Type 7s have a hectic, wild energy and express their desires. Type 9s live at a more measured pace, are generally mellow, and mesh with the desires of others.

Type 2 & Type 4

Same: Both are used to others liking them, seeking out relationships that bolster their self-confidence. Both are friendly and magnetic.

Different: Type 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, and it’s in inward image confirmation. Type 4s distrust their relationships and inwardly distrust that they are lovable.

Type 1 & Type 8

Same: Both are focused on control, feeling inwardly that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.

Different: Type 1s exert super-control over themselves and the details of their environment. Type 8s care about the big picture. They desire power to ensure they get what they want and everything stays together.

Can’t figure out your Type? I offer 1-hour Typing Sessions and have fall slots open! Click HERE to fill out a request and discover your number!

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type's Shadow?

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type’s Shadow?

Posted on by melissakircher

Kim Parker of WayfindingLife.org says this about Enneagram Shadow work, “The Enneagram shows us the shadow side of our gifts and reveals the games we often unknowingly play. Although these can be difficult to face, doing so is part of a path that leads us toward freedom. Taking an honest look at ourselves, through the lens of the Enneagram, provides us with the awareness needed to let go of our unhelpful tendencies and patterns of behavior. Furthermore, as we begin to practice ‘letting go’ we are set free to be a more whole and loving p/Presence in the world.”

I love this! Something I often say to my coaching clients is that not only are struggles and weaknesses hidden in Shadow, so are amazing strengths.

Our Shadow Sides are places and spaces in our personality makeup that can be unconscious on a regular basis. However, when we dig into the darkness, a whole lot of light begins to shine, and we’re made aware of a myriad of exciting and challenging aspects of each Type’s survival mechanisms. Be kind to yourself as you investigate your Shadow Side. Always enter the work with kindness and love—and feel free to get in touch with me if you need an Enneagram Coach to guide you along this process!

Concealed in Shadow: Type One

The Type One’s Shadow conceals true desires and the need for spontaneity, levity, and joy. To preserve order, the Shadow suppresses undesired emotions like personal pain, melancholy, and deep frustration.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Two

The Type Two’s Shadow conceals the paradoxical belief that they’re deserving of royal treatment and that they’re only as good as what they give. They have a hidden thirst for love and attention. A need to express anger is also in shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Three

The Type Three’s Shadow conceals unconscious self-deception. They believe in the positive images they project, and suppress insecurity, fear, and vulnerability—all of which help them get in touch with their True Selves.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Four

The Type Four’s Shadow conceals an unconscious victimhood; a self-perpetuating cycle of lack and loss. It also hides a great wealth of happiness, satisfaction, capability, normality, and energetic action.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Five

The Type Five’s Shadow conceals a deep longing for connection, a vast wealth of wants and needs, fear of rejection, great power, emotionality, and a wise, unwavering strength that sources itself in Universe.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Six

The Type Six’s Shadow conceals a depth of connection to Source/Divine and self. There is a unconscious drive for ultimate security which can never be satisfied. Many actions are motivated by a fear of retribution from authority.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Seven

The Type Seven’s Shadow conceals the full spectrum of their inner emotional life, and a true ability to hone and focus attention. Feelings of insecurity and “unknown-ness” are also hidden in Shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Eight

The Type Eight’s Shadow conceals the purest parts of themselves because they are the least accessed: softness, innocence, and vulnerability. Their Shadow also hides insecurities that Eight’s refuse to admit.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Nine

The Type Nine’s Shadow conceals a layered emotionality, often with a deep reserve of rage/anger that must be expressed…to then access a kind of grief over abandoning themselves for so long.

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

Posted on by melissakircher

During this uncertain season, when none of us know quite what to do or how to feel, let’s turn our attention to positivity as best we can. What can we offer each other in our homes, in Zoom meetings, on FaceTime calls, or in the flurry of texts and emails that we’ll be sending in the coming days? Here are a few examples of the gifts each Enneagram Type brings to the table in times of crisis:

Type 1: Bravery, Attention to Detail, Order, Tenderness

Type 2: Empathy, Plausible Solutions, Grit, Boundaries

Type 3: Action, Resources, Authenticity, Cooperation

Type 4: Non-Judgment, Depth, Space, Vitality

Type 5: Wise Insight, Attention, Leadership, Courage

Type 6: Connectivity, Vulnerability, Endurance, Adaptability

Type 7: Ferocity, Goodwill, Warmth, Intelligence

Type 8: Protection, True Care, Soul, Character

Type 9: Calm, Understanding, Reconciliation, Goal-Setting

*Be sure to check out my new Enneagram Self-Love Downloads you can print and use instantly!*

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Posted on by melissakircher


What is Enneagram Darkness Growth?

A few thoughts on darkness in general. Darkness is something we try to avoid, right? And it IS awful going through a dark time or feeling in a dark place. Yet, darkness is an underrated state of being; it can actually be one of the most fertile moments in our lives. Deep stress, hurt, pain, transition, betrayal, uncertainty, and loss are all ripe for extraordinary change, growth learning, rebirth, and renewal. The following darkness ideas for each Enneagram Type might feel really “ouch”, but in actuality, are huge opportunities for growth.

The term I’m using “Darkness Growth” stems from the idea of a shadow side found in many Enneagram teachings. The shadow is characteristics, behaviors, and motivations that we exhibit but are not consciously aware. Both helpful traits and unhelpful are hidden in shadow, and can be brought to light to form a whole, integrated person.

The key with Darkness Growth is to remember we don’t shame or hate ourselves, we face the dark with courage to realize some behaviors harm us now, even if they’ve helped us survive for years. You have to love yourself first, to be able to authentically grow. Take the following thoughts and ruminate on them. See if they resonate with you in any way, and what questions you might ask yourself about what the darkness is inviting you into.

Darkness Growth Type One:

Pointing out the incorrect politics, moral failings, and questionable behavior of others to make the world better and prove your own goodness, only serves to exhaust you and alienate people. How can you embrace the spectrum of humanity?

Darkness Growth Type Two:

Cultivating an image of how good you are by constantly being there for others actually serves to disconnect you from your true feelings and personhood, turning you from falsely helpful to demanding and needy. How can you love yourself well first?

Darkness Growth Type Three:

Your character-shifting gets you admiration, likes, and success, but when it comes time to be intimate and love deeply, you will struggle because you don’t know who is the real you to share. How can you be still, in order to connect with yourself more fully?

Darkness Growth Type Four:

Idealization of self and others pulls people in, then pushes them away. This pattern solidifies your untrue victim status when people get fed up and leave. But you’re not a victim, you’re the perpetrator. How can you empower yourself with commitment?

Darkness Growth Type Five:

Your boundaries keep people from hurting you and affecting your perceived safety. But when shit hits the fan, you won’t have a network of people to help when you really can’t help yourself. Your aloneness will be real. How can you let others in?

Darkness Growth Type Six:

The search for certainty in situations and people is a self-defeating survival tool. Eventually everything will disappoint you, confirming an untrue belief that the world is unsafe. How can you shift your perspective to realistic optimism?

Darkness Growth Type Seven:

If you only show people the fun, energetic, happy side of you, they will come to think you’re truly happy all the time. It’s then not their fault that they don’t check on you or see the pain you’re experiencing. How can you share your heart?

Darkness Growth Type Eight:

You can technically treat people however you want, disregarding their feelings or etiquette. But then, when you realize you have tender, needy feelings that require love and nurturing, don’t expect compassion. How can you treat others better?

Darkness Growth Type Nine:

You can be so affable and nice that people forget you exist sometimes. The desire to avoid sticky situations backfires to eject you from a life that needs your active presence. How can you shine today?

Deep Dive with a Five: Samantha Eubanks

Posted on by melissakircher

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“I’ve never minded it,” he went on. “Being lost, that is. I had always thought one could not truly be lost if one knew one’s own heart. But I fear I may be lost without knowing yours.” ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

Another Type Five interview this week! I’m so happy my fellow nerd turtles are braving the world and willing to open up and share their heads and hearts with all of you. It’s hard for us Fives to trust that we can be ourselves and be accepted, maybe even loved! So glad to have you, Samantha, and thanks a million for giving all of us even more insight into the Olympic minds and deep feelings of Type Fives.

1. Fives see and experience the world by trying to make sense of it with their thoughts. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.

As a Five, I feel like to fully experience something; I have to know a lot about it first. Like, it’s hard for me to really appreciate a movie unless I’ve researched everything about it beforehand. I’m really trying to balance out this part of myself by practicing being present and being curious about something instead of pulling out my phone to get the immediate answer. My partner is a Type Seven, and I’ve learned a lot from him because he is very present in his experiences. I can sometimes ruin the mood when we’re hiking and go into a monologue about how to survive a bear attack from every type of bear, bear traits, and bear facts. There’s a time and a place!

2. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Seven? What happens when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Eight? 

When I move to Seven in stress, I can either be really fun or like, a little much. I get really chatty and can’t stop moving. I’ll have a whole day of hopping around from one thing to another planned. This can be great for the people I’m in relationships with (because, whoa, I’ve actually planned things), or quickly draining, and then they need space. Mainly, when I move into Seven, I get really excessive with my needs and my wants. In turn, this causes me to ignore the needs and wants of my loved ones. I can become pretty self-absorbed when I’m stressed.

In Type Eight, I am a very encouraging friend. I’m a bold and confident communicator, and I’m not overly observant of myself, which allows me to be more present for my friends because I can easily forget about my social insecurities. I also become more assertive when I move into Eight. This can either be great in some relationships or offensive because it definitely helps me set boundaries that I’m not confident setting when I’m in full Five mode. Overall, in Eight, I’m able to identify and address the needs of others while also acknowledging my own. Then, I try to figure out how both of our needs can be met.

3. How does Avarice/Greed play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself hoarding time, energy, and resources?

Greed shows up for me with my time. I worry a lot about getting too engulfed in people’s lives because to me I feel like they will have unrealistic expectations of how much time I should spend with them. This is usually untrue, but this fear has stopped me from getting close to people before. I think it’s honestly just an excuse to comfortably lean back into a natural reclusive state. I’ve learned, though, that every time I do let go and share my time, it is so worth it and I feel so much better! I am always reminding myself that there is enough. There is enough time to go around, and it’s okay to share it.

At one point, I hoarded lots of books that I didn’t read, but having them around me felt really safe and comforting. I’ve since gotten rid of most of them and try not to get too attached to material things like that. Instead, I hoard library books because, at some point, I have to let them go (usually after lots of overdue notices!). If I’m feeling very Seven (very excessive), I get as many books as I can carry and bring them home with me and they usually remain un-cracked, but I just really like their company! Is this a problem? Probably. Yes. *Shrug*

4. Are you a parent? How does your Type influence parenting? If you’re not a parent, what do you imagine would be some strengths and weakness in being a Type Five parent?

I’m not a parent, but I think something that might be a weakness for me as a parent in the future would be not having enough energy to keep up with the littles. Like most Fives, I have a small tank of energy that can be drained pretty quickly. I really try to conserve my energy for my creative projects and work, so I just worry that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everything. I think a strength would be my creativity and my ability to connect with kids. I work with children on a day-to-day basis and writing for kids is my life’s work. I love talking to kids, hearing their ideas, their stories, and I love being silly with them. Kids keep you in the moment, and I love that.

5. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Five?

My enneagram wing is Four. I think my wing is a big part of my creativity. I’ve always been a dreamer and a little idealistic. I love exploring different outlets for my creativity. I love writing, photography, music, painting, video editing and crafting. I want to do anything and everything when it comes to art.

On the emotional side of the Four, I’m very introspective. Sharing can be fun for me and pretty easy at times until the Five pushes back and says, “Danger! Hoard your personal information, or it will be used against you!” *eye roll* So, these two sides fight quite often and can leave me sounding pretty vague when people try to connect with me. The Four side has allowed me to form deeply meaningful and rich relationships that I absolutely treasure. Though, when I’m first meeting someone, the Five is in high gear, and it usually takes months and months for the Four side to reveal itself. I’m trying to work on a balance between the two!

Overall, though, the Four really balances out my drive for dry, mundane information that my dominant type brings out. It reminds me to look at things creatively and not so analytically. I think it’s my fun side.

6. What would the phrase, “You know enough, you can handle this. You are wise,” mean to you if you knew it to be deeply true?

It would allow me to feel freer, less constrained, and not so concerned with incompetence. I wouldn’t constantly be searching or preparing (for what? I don’t know!). I would be able to let everything be and relax, and I would understand that what I need to know would come to me.

7. As a Type Five do you personally connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?

I connect to spirituality in nature because it’s there that I feel most present and in my body. I also practice meditation. Meditation reminds me of my breath. It reminds me that breath is life. It reminds me to slow down and take a look around to see without having to know exactly what I’m looking at.

8. How does emotion show up in your life? Do you value or suppress emotion?

I definitely suppress emotion. When I get sad, I get mad at myself for feeling sad. I try to practice holding onto an emotion, observing it, considering it for a little bit and then letting it go, so it doesn’t bottle up and explode one day. I am so envious of people who can process emotions quickly. I think it’s beautiful to be so in tune and able to just let the emotions flow. For me, it truly takes me months to process big life changes and how I feel about them. When emotion does show up immediately for me, like if there’s an argument and I get angry, or something sad happened, and I cry, I feel really out of control, like I’m crazy, when no, I’m just a human. I really need some kind of mantra for this! Any suggestions?

From Melissa: Feeling emotion is constant, daily work for me, too! My emotions overwhelm me in the moment, so I often have to pick a mantra like you and remind myself that “this will pass” or “feelings are healthy.” But I can’t lie, sometimes I just don’t know that something impacted me until a day or two later and I’m sobbing in the shower! Bodywork and grounding practices like yoga have helped me recognize when my body is alerting me to emotion by an adrenaline rush, tightened muscles, sweat… all those things we Fives try to ignore!)

9. Talk about what the words Voice and Relationship mean to you today.

Voice – Right now, voice is the thing I keep pushing toward the uppermost part of my heart because I want to remember to use it. I want to use my voice to encourage those I love. I want to give voice to my needs and to the needs of others, so they know they’re heard. I want to continue giving voice to characters I create. I want to stay true to my voice in my work and all that I do.

Relationship – Listening. Loving. Hard work. Good work. Soul work. Grace. Partnership. Good Intent. Kindness. Boundaries. Conflict. Selflessness. Joy. Fun. Presence. Laughter. Play.

Thank you, Samantha!!

samantha2Samantha Eubanks is a freelance writer working from Nashville, TN with a furry dog at her feet and a story at the tips of her fingers. You can follow her at @WritingWithSam on Twitter for updates on her creative projects and website, samantha-writes.com. When she’s not writing, Samantha is overcoming her fear of whales, dreaming of travel with her fiancé, and kissing her dog sloppily on the mouth.

*Photo by Jan Traid on Unsplash