Enneagram Four Interview » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Hello Enneagram Paths, friends! Happy Monday, and welcome back! I hope all of you are finding ways to love yourself well, move deeper into acceptance and awareness, and listen to your body as we continue to navigate Covid-19 times.

Today we are lucky to hear from the fantastic Rima Lyn about her unique experiences as an Enneagram Type Four! Rima and I connected on Instagram, so make sure you scroll to the bottom of the interview to find the link to her excellent Ennea-IG page.

Hi Rima, thanks so much for being here today and talking to all of us about what it means for you to identify as a Type Four!

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. How do emotions affect your daily life?

I am rather tempestuous and quick to have an emotional reaction. I am a trained actress and member of the Screen Actors Guild and was encouraged early on in classes to allow immediate reactions to flow on stage, be they tears, laughter or anger. There is a saying that acting is re-acting, and I find that to be true as a Type Four. As an Sx4, competition is something with which I struggle. I can be quite defensive because I imagine sleights that aren’t there to galvanize or motivate or protect myself. For a long time, I thought I could be a Type Eight though I am too elitist to help masses of downtrodden groups of people. I am generous with emotional support in a one-on-one setting. I was also an art teacher for ten years, and a safe place for other artists to feel their feelings. One of my favorite songs is ‘You’ve Gotta Have Heart” from Damn Yankees. Coincidence? 🙂

2. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One?

I believe that both the move to Type One and Type Two can be stressful if you are at a low level of development in your Type. Both moves can also be positive if you have done personal or Enneagram work. Type One energy can cause me to be more dutiful, more of a rigid perfectionist, not feel my feelings, or put someone else first at my own expense. I spent so long acting like a Type Two, that every test I took, including the recently updated Enneagram Institute test, typed me as a Two. I used to hide behind other artists and be a ‘helper’ so that I wouldn’t have to reveal my art or my point of view. It was safer to hide behind another ‘diva’ like personality. I realized I needed to be the diva for growth—a balanced diva who is at peace with my quirkiness and can allow myself to be an integral part of things instead of always hiding or holding back my true self. I feel more likable in Type Two space because I am soooooooo helpful and can move mountains for others, but barely grab a drink of water for myself.

3. How does Envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others?

I don’t do straight-up envy, but I do compare myself to others and then judge or beat myself up. I don’t wish people who have it more together than me would fail, but sometimes I assume something is wrong with me because I haven’t achieved the thing they have seemingly easily accomplished: damaged goods and all that.

4. Talk a little about the desire to be unique. Why is this so important to you? Is it important? How do you try to be a unique person in daily life?

I got a lot of verbal reinforcement from my grandmother that there was no one like me. That I was 100% original and that I could do anything. My grandmother also used to recite a nursery rhyme to me, “When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrid.” Of the five people in my immediate family, I felt she was the only one who got me, so I used creativity as a way to feel productive. Since I had a unique name, a scratchy voice, intense eyes, and a lot of talent for the performing arts, very early on I saw that if I couldn’t fit in it was good to be special, original, and entertaining. I like to use the phrase “hip geek” or “cool nerd” to describe myself, and I’m getting better about wanting to fit into a group of misfits/creatives vs. being the loner that no one understands. As an Sx4 I have a lot of passion and zeal—I work on using these traits to help me from getting bogged down in melancholy. I fight against it and try to be as productive as possible (3w.)

5. Talk about what the words Discipline and Objectivity mean to you today.

I hate discipline so much!!!!! ACK. For years it was all about “when I feel like it and at no other time.” Every meal was about what I was craving, every radio choice, what song I was in the mood for. Exercising to exercise, writing every day as a practice, sticking to a diet—these were all things I could not do until I embraced my Five Wing and the high side of Type One. Equanimity—but without being a boring zombie robot—that is the goal.

6. What does the phrase, “You are good enough,” mean to you?

It means I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to jump through hoops. It means self-acceptance and forgiveness.

7. Are there any spiritual practices you are drawn to as a Type Four?

Beauty in nature. Appreciating the sublime. The perfection of imperfection. Believing in the arts and the magic of creativity and self-expression.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances your Type Four characteristics.

If I lean into my 3w, I get to stay in the Heart Triad, but I’m less emotional and more productive. If I lean into my 5w, I get some genius, brilliant, maverick inspiration, and ideas that come to me fully formed. These ideas clearly originate from the ether, and I can find the courage to be truly original.

Rima Lyn is a longtime educator in the creative arts. Her writing has appeared in Art Magazine, Quercus Review Press, Schuylkill Valley Journal of the Arts, and Voices de la Luna. She was awarded 3^rd place in the 2020 Writer’s Digest contest for screenplays and is a 2019 Nicholl Quarter Finalist. A graduate of UCLA’s Film History program, you can read her take on Mexican food at http://tacomaven.blogspot.com

Instagram: @enneagramista

Are you a Type Four that would like a Certified Enneagram Coach to help you move into deeper authenticity, wisdom, and self-love? Book a free 15-minute consultation with me right now! – Melissa **FREE CONSULT**

A friend of mine was recently struggling to define her Four subtype, waffling between being a Social (So) Type Four or a Sexual (Sx) Type Four. I found that even though I have a pretty good grasp on what the subtypes are in general, I was no help with the nuances of each and every number. Enter you amazing Twitter-verse people and some digging back into The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut. Today, we’re going to learn about the Self-Preservation Type Four (Sp) from Ms. Chestnut and hear from Sharalee, Kelly, and Justin about their experiences as Self-Pres Fours!

According to Chestnut, Self-Pres Fours are the Countertype, expressing envy and suffering much less than the other two subtypes. “[Instead] of dwelling in and expressing envy, this Four works hard to get what others have… Thus, this Four makes a virtue of toughing out difficulties without talking about them, hoping that others will see this, admire them for it, and help them meet their needs… They put themselves in situations that are tough. They test and challenge themselves… This Four tends to be a humanitarian with an empathetic and nurturing disposition, someone who protests for the sake of others and is sensitive to the needy, the dispossessed, and victims of injustice.” (Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram, She Writes Press, 2013)

And now, welcome Sharalee, Justin, and Kelly thank you for sharing with us!

My name is Sharalee Roberts. I am a 39-year-old female. I am a film cinematographer, writer, photographer. I have three children and have been married for seventeen years.

Instagram: @sharaleeroberts Twitter: @sharaleeroberts

1. What does it mean to you to be a Self-Preservation Type Four?

For me personally, a Self-Preservation Type Four displays my desire for my space and my comfort as a way to de-stress the constant emotional connections the Type Four battles with. My mind is in a constant state of high function creativity and I’m also typically the person everyone wants to talk to. I have a need for my den, my home, my Zen space. My home has lots of throw blankets, and plants, with calming paint colors. My office, my room, and my kitchen have to be clean and organized in order for me to find comfort within them. This may be because I’m a Type Four with a Five Wing (4w5). If given the choice of a fun night out for drinks and dinner with friends or a good book under a blanket at home, I’m choosing the book and blanket! I love to push my comfort levels for art. I love a good hike for a picture. I can endure endless hours behind the camera in poor weather. However, at the end of the day when everyone wants to go out and celebrate, I want nothing more than a warm bath and my home. I find comfort in travel. Old spaces and history are warm, inviting, and cathartic. You just probably won’t find me being a chatty Cathy with the stranger on the plane. I will have my earphones in and under the extra blanket that I probably have in my bag. There is no subject that I don’t love to learn about and pick apart, even death and the macabre. Others may find this disturbing, but I am just playfully psychoanalyzing and sifting through all the complicated layers of the subject.

2. How does the Self-Preservation Instinct as a Four shape your need for physical security, including food, shelter, money, time, energy, and relationships? Which of these needs do you most require to feel safe?

I need to know I am safe. Physically and emotionally. At the age of 39, I have experienced the lack of security in all the areas of physical security, including food, shelter, money, time, energy, and relationships. I have learned how to not panic at the mere idea of the lack of security in these areas. I have also learned to work hard to meet the areas at the level in which I need them. However, the level in which I need each of these has also changed throughout the years. Relationships being the least of these for me, and Energy being the highest right now. Meaning, the level of which I will exert my energy into a high number of relationships has dwindled. People expect a lot emotionally from Type Fours. Even as much as I try to protect my energy, people still tend to drain me. So, I have learned to place a high value on my energy levels and who I am willing to drain it for. Mainly, my immediate family (husband and children) and a close friend. I have drained it too often to the point of severe depression not to be very protective of my energy now.

3. What does Stress look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four? What does Integration/Health look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four?

When under high stress I can sink into my comfort places to an unhealthy degree. I can stay in bed for days. Blocking my endless spinning thoughts by reading four or five novels a day. I will be obsessive about my space, but not my food. I can be so concerned about what to eat that I cannot eat at all. I can be unwise in spending because looking at a budget is too stressful and I clearly really need one more comfort item. All of my energy turns inward and the endless cycle of negative thoughts and lost conversations from years gone by will resurface to berate me. Depression is very real for Fours—many of us have to constantly manage it or battle with it.

For a Healthy Self Pres Four, it’s all about balance. It’s learning about what is a healthy lack of communication with family and friends versus when my depression is returning. I have to balance my diet with exercise to find balance within my mind. I balance people time with alone time and have learned to find enjoyment and value with both. I set boundaries with people, even when I want to help them because I know they are not healthy for me. Again, going back to protecting that energy and learning when I have the extra to give and when I don’t. I have to balance my work, which I can obsess over to perfectionism, with a non-work-related creative endeavor. I’m currently in pre-production for a business commercial, planning out my fall photoshoots, starting to writing one book, and already in the research phase of another book. It’s non-stop for Fours. I’m always figuring out when to let my crazy creative juices run wild in a project and when to pull back and calm it back down again. It’s finding just the right balance between it all and then recharging my energy within my comfort places.

My name is Justin Brown. I live in Springfield, IL, and I have been learning and studying the language of the Enneagram for nearly two years. As a Type Four I’ve often felt misunderstood, but the Enneagram allowed me to see that I’m not alone.

Twitter: @jlbrownik

1. What does it mean to you to be a Self-Preservation Type Four?

To be a Self-Preservation Type Four means enduring difficult emotions. It means making sure my frame is intact. It means using my resources, or physical resources (money, time, energy, sustenance) to my advantage in order to keep myself intact or be the best version of myself.

I think that ‘physical’ security is prioritized being a self-preservation type. I think I am perhaps more aware of what I need, or what I need to do in order to feel physically secure. It’s not simply attending to those physical needs that allow me to feel safe, it’s also about how I attend to them. For example, it’s not just about eating food, it’s about what I eat that allows me to feel secure (eating healthy). It’s not simply that I have a shelter that makes me feel secure, it’s also taking care of my living space and cultivating that space for comfort. Time and energy aren’t tangible but, I am cognizant of where my time and energy go. I mostly require time and energy to feel safe. There is an emphasis put on energy though. I am careful where I spend that currency because I can lose it during social interactions being an introvert. When I am limited energy-wise, it affects what I can do or the way I do something because I’m low on energy. I am aware of my energy levels when I’m in the presence of family and friends, and I try not to spend all my energy in one place.

3. What does Stress look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four? What does Integration/Health look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four?

Under stress, I tend to be more expressive, and I can become suspicious of long-suffering. I may reach out to someone in the form of self-expression to let my plights be known. Under stress, I may become frantic and to cope with what I’m experiencing. I can become “proactive” in an attempt to keep life from becoming even more stressful.

In health, I’m more structured, disciplined, and organized. I live more in the present moment, while also considering the future in order to do what I need to do—in the now to be secure in the future. For example being financially stable, physically healthy, and emotional well/intelligent.

Kelly Craig: Artist/Writer

Instagram: @kellycraigart Twitter: @justkellycraig1

1. What does it mean to you to be a Self-Preservation Type Four?

For me, it means I have a place of safety/nurture to retreat to when the world feels chaotic; when everything feels like it’s too much. In fact, when I look at my core values feeling safe and creating spaces of safety, where others feel safe to be vulnerable, to dialogue and to be themselves, is at the top of my list. Being a Self-Preservation Four also means I surround myself with people who respect that space, even protect it. Also, as a Self-Preservation Four, I don’t enjoy conflict. It causes a lot of anxiety and doesn’t bring out the best in me. I want to be with people who bring out the best in me even in spaces of accountability or differing points of view.

As a Self-Preservation Four, my home aesthetic is really important. I want it to feel intuitive & peaceful (which doesn’t always happen). Also as an artist, I have always been drawn to nice things. In my studio—one of my primary nesting spaces—is a chair hammock so I can rock in it to feel physically secure and facilitate energy for creative ideas. Even as a kid, growing up where we didn’t have a lot of money to buy a lot of extra things, etc, and without knowing the price, I almost always picked the most expensive pair. My nickname in our family was “princess.”

2. How does the Self-Preservation Instinct as a Four shade your need for physical security, including food, shelter, money, time, energy, and relationships? Which of these needs do you most require to feel safe?

You may laugh, but when my family sits down at the dinner table (food & shelter), it’s really important that we make sure everyone has enough to eat. It’s important for my kids to think about other people in this way. Actually, having a “family table” is also a central value to me. Oddly (because I’m not the typical throw paint to the wind artist), I handle most of the finances.

Regarding energy, I get easily drained by too much noise or chaos. If I don’t protect that, I get anxious and frustrated. Enter the need for space to breathe and express through words, photographs, drawings, and painting.

As for the primary need for feeling safe, by far it’s having that “nesting space,” (physically, emotionally, even spiritually) which if I don’t have this, it negatively affects my relationships, with myself and others. Like I said before, if I don’t feel safe or secure in my home, even relationships, I won’t have peace. And if I don’t have peace, the energy of that invades my home, my time, my energy levels, all relational things, and it taxes me. I feel like I’m losing myself (being swallowed up). And honestly, that’s death for any Type Four. In the end, I’m my best self when I feel honored and protected. In those spaces, I flourish and can engage in arguments without losing my peace.

3. What does Stress look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four? What does Integration/Health look like for you as a Self-Preservation Four?

For me, stress is being so busy that I don’t get time to saturate myself in the things that feed my soul or energize my creativity like nature, writing, taking pictures, and one-on-one time with my children and husband.

Integration/Health happens when I can take that inner peace, energy, and positively affect the world around me instead of letting the world and its chaos affect me to the place where I hide. Honestly, the word “BALANCE” has been my life’s mantra for as long as I can remember. I am on a life-long journey of knowing when to reach out from my nest/cocoon versus knowing when to stay in that place. And because life is life, I know disagreement will arise. So, I have to discern when it’s safe to dialogue and tackle hard and when it’s not. Enter everyone’s favorite word, boundaries!! I think Fours, especially Self-Preservation Fours, need to know how to navigate this because of a propensity towards extremes.

Thank you three so much! – Melissa

Interview with Enneagram Type Four, Rima Lyn

Self-Preservation Four: Sharalee Roberts, Justin Brown & Kelly Craig