Tag: enneagram interviews

An Enneagram Two During a Pandemic: Andréa Mcinnis

An Enneagram Two During a Pandemic: Andréa Mcinnis

Posted on by melissakircher

Welcome back, Enneagram Paths friends! Today we hear from another fantastic person on what it’s like to move about in the world with Type Two energy. As we deal with the ongoing pandemic, it’s important to listen to each other, absorb how others are experiencing life, and learn how we each deal with these unprecedented times in a myriad of ways. Thank you, Andréa, for being here today!

1. What has it been like being a Type Two during Covid, quarantine and social distancing? How have you coped?

Being a Two during Covid has definitely had its ups and downs. I moved to Nashville in August of 2019 and didn’t make many friends until January of 2020. So, in some ways, it wasn’t a whole different than when I first moved because I didn’t know many people. So, I utilized what I did when I wasn’t as rooted. While I couldn’t meet with my friends in person, we would FaceTime almost every day. I also joined a small group with my church that met over Zoom. In some ways, it was hard because my love languages are physical touch and quality time, but FaceTiming and phone calls helped fill my social quota. My friends and I would also use Netflix party and play games over zoom, which was a lot of fun! At the beginning of quarantine, I also made sure to go outside as much as possible and have some kind of routine. Since things have opened up more, it’s gotten easier to do social distancing activities!

2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Two? 

The thing I like most about being an Enneagram Two is that it’s pretty easy to make friends. Most people trust me relatively quickly. 

3. Tell us about pride. How do you engage with pride and calm it, so that you’re able to know you are loved, liked and wanted just as you are?

A lot of therapy and self-care. My therapist and I talk a lot about meeting my own needs and affirming myself—instead of gaining those things from friends and family. I’m also learning that when I have expectations that others to receive what I give them (time, encouragement, etc.), I have to voice those expectations. It’s definitely challenging and doesn’t come easy, but I’m slowly making progress. Intentional self-care has also helped. Claiming that I am caring for myself by watching a TV show or going to the gym instead of just doing it has allowed me to become friends with myself and not so heavily rely on others to fill that need of feeling loved.

4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Eight to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Twos about choosing some of the high side traits of Eight to be of service to you in Stress?

One of the ways I use my Stress Arrow is through voicing my needs or feelings when I’m stressed or feel like there’s a strain in a relationship. At a certain point, I stop hinting at what I want and express it directly. A tip I would say is to voice your needs when you need them instead of waiting. Obviously, it’s way easier said than done, but it reduces stress to be more direct. There is a nice way of expressing one’s needs without sounding harsh. Find safe people you can practice voicing your needs on!

5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?

I am a Self-Preservation Subtype. When I first read about the Enneagram, the Self-Preservation Two convinced me that I was a Two! It comes out in being carefree and silly whenever possible. Finding experiences that make me happy and that are life-giving are common practices of mine. It shows up in my relationships as well. I want to be the fun one that people want around but can also go deeper with. Opening up to even close friends can be harder for me because I would rather not have the focus on myself. 

6. From the perspective of Type Two, how can we love each other well during these difficult times? 

Give each other grace. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’re given. Also, look outside yourself. We need community now more than ever. Utilize FaceTime, Zoom, Netflix party, social distancing picnics, or walks. Check-in on your friends and family, especially those who are struggling, and the ones that check-in on you. We all need a little encouragement. 

Hi! My name is Andréa! I’m twenty-eight-years-old, and I am an Enneagram 2w1 Seattle native living in Nashville, Tennessee. I’m currently a barista, and I’m in my second year of grad school for counseling. My dream is to do therapy with kids and adolescents, primarily through animal therapy. I’m a lover of animals, friends, lattes, and Taylor Swift. On days that I’m not working or doing school, I love to be outside exploring state parks, hiking, and being in the sunshine. I also enjoy traveling (when there isn’t a pandemic) and spending my time with my close friends, family, and dog Scooter. 

Twitter: @drizziedrebae

Instagram: @andrea_mcinnis

The View From a Two: Brittany Straub

Posted on by melissakircher

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“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
― Maya Angelou

Today on Enneagram Paths we have Brittany Straub, an awesomely inked lady (check out the picture of her sleeve below) who also happens to be an Enneagram Type 2w3.  Just as a reminder, Don Riso and Russ Hudson — Enneagram gurus — roughly define Type Twos as people who, “are either the most genuinely helpful to others or, when less healthy, the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful… The love and concern they feel — and the genuine good they do — warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile.” Twos are generally concerned with emotions, relationships, and finding love/deep connection.

Welcome, Brittany, we’re so excited to hear from you! Thank you for such insightful responses, I know I learned a good deal about you and being a Two from all you’ve shared.

1. Talk to us a little about what it feels like to be intensely attuned to other people’s needs. How does this attunement play out in your everyday life?

Sometimes it feels like I can look at someone and they are begging for help through their smiles. I like to think that when I notice it, it is real, but it isn’t always. There are times that I have been completely off in regards to what that person needed or wanted. In those times I find myself still looking for clues because there’s no way they wouldn’t need me.

Before I was aware that I was a Type Two, and what that meant, I thought I really had my stuff together, and people really trusted me. However, on the flip side, I now realize that most of the time I was pushing myself on people; even some who truly did not want or need anything. And what makes it worse, I wasn’t actually helping to benefit them. It was all for self-gratification so I could say they needed me. I love black sheep — I am one —and I love making another black sheep feel like they belong even more.

Fast forward to today… I still feel like I can “read” people, especially those struggling with something, but instead of prying until I’m allowed to intervene, I listen. I’ve found that just genuinely caring about someone will help us both.

2. What do you feel like would happen if you took time for self-care, for silence and rest, and/or invested in activities that made you feel happy and fulfilled?

This question comes at a very peculiar time for me. I’m recently divorced and have a ten-year-old son that I’m essentially raising on my own. I have NEVER been this kind of exhausted before. Lately, I find myself searching for just a second of silence so that I can do absolutely nothing. I feel like if I were to take any extra time for just myself, then some aspect of my life would unravel. I can’t even go shopping for myself without putting everything for me back and replacing it with something for someone else. I latch onto the sense that I’m not the center of attention and someone else (my son especially) deserves that attention that I almost thought about giving myself.

Being a single parent adds a lot of different layers to this. There will be judgment from family members or people surrounding me that feels like I’m pushing my child aside if I take even one night to go out with friends. This cycle has been very harmful. I’ve stated this is a peculiar time because recently I’ve noticed that I feel like I’m drowning. I actually do need time to myself, for myself! And more importantly for my son. I think I’ll still struggle with feeling like I don’t deserve that free time, but I’m starting to recognize that it’s absolutely necessary for me to stay mentally healthy.

3. Type Two’s are in the Heart Triad, which means you experience the world through emotion/relationship. How does this lens of heart impact your actions and thoughts? Are you aware of thoughts and do you feel your body much?

Absolutely everything that I do is centered around how I feel. My attitude is determined by the kind of love I feel I’ve received from the people most important to me that day. I’m a very emotional, passionate person, and I cannot hide how I feel, whether it be overly happy or the inevitable resting bitch face. (Can I say that? Melissa: yes you can!)

When my relationship is struggling, I struggle. But it’s not just struggling in one aspect of my life, it overflows into everything and will consume me until I can fix it. Usually, waiting is out of the question when there is a problem. I need to know I am loved, and everything will be okay almost immediately after an issue has been exposed and resolved.

I’m aware of my thoughts, and I’m always thinking. When I do feel my body, it’s when I’m at the very end of my rope, which usually means I just need sleep.

4. How do you deal with boundaries? Do you set boundaries for yourself? Do you feel like you respect the boundaries of others well?

Boundaries are the hardest thing in the world for me. They make me feel like I am untrustworthy or unwanted. I do have boundaries for myself, but they are easily crossed because I don’t want to upset anyone by letting them know I’m not comfortable with something. As far as other people’s boundaries go, I do feel like I respect them unless I feel disrespected, then EVERYTHING is out the window.

5. What happens in your relationships when you’re stressed and move to your Arrow Type Eight? What happens in your relationships when you’re healthy and move to your Arrow Type Four?

I do not like myself when I am stressed. I become the exact opposite of everything I believe myself to be, all of the inner self-work, therapy, meditation, prayers… all of it has zero impact on me and how I handle stressful situations. When stressed, I make people feel my presence because I have to be in control, I have to be strong, and I cannot ask for help.

When I am healthy, I am at peace. I strive to stay in that space. The kitchen can be a mess overnight, my son can go to sleep without taking a bath — it doesn’t matter. When healthy, I listen to people when they speak, and HEAR what they are saying. I’m soft around the edges, and easy-going. The struggle for control and power ceases. Honestly, when I feel loved and wanted, I willingly relinquish those things to the person I’m with.  Being in control is something I consider myself to be good at, but it’s not what I want.

6. Do you know your wing? How does your wing number enhance or contribute two aspects of being a Type Two? 

I have a 3 Wing. I feel like it exaggerates a lot of the self-gratification aspects of my personality/Type. I have to be successful, I have to achieve whatever it is I am set on doing. If I’m able to keep that drive focused on work or my family then great!! However, the 3 Wing energy usually ends up back on relationships, and then I become overbearing and smothering, needing to be right.

7. Do you feel like in your formative years you somewhere picked up the message that to be loved, you had to put your own needs aside? That meeting others needs were the path to love and security?

100%, absolutely, yes yes yes. I felt like to truly love someone you had to be willing to bleed out to that person. And if they would not do the same for you, then they could not possibly love you the same. If I loved someone enough, took care of them, paid their bills, cleaned their house, cooked for them, and prayed hard enough, then it would be reciprocated, and that person would, in turn, do those things for me — which is what I wanted to make me feel safe and secure.

8. What would make you feel truly safe and secure in yourself? In a relationship? 

Honestly, this has changed drastically for me very recently. I’ve always wanted someone to take care of me, to be “the man of the house”, be strong. I had all that, and it was the loneliest I’ve ever been — surrounded by people. I now want someone to look at me with affection, to tell me everything will be okay when I screw something up, and that they will be next to me to help me figure out how to fix it together. I want them to smile and be happy around me. Then I will know I’m loved and wanted and appreciated. I feel like I have the same requirements for me to feel secure in my own self. I need to know that when I walk into a room, people are happy to see me, trust me to do my job, and trust me with their thoughts/ feelings.

9. What do the words True Self, rage, and voice mean for you today?

True Self: The me behind the thing… the me that doesn’t need to be needed, but is wanted, and not because I’m good at something. The me that is happy and silly and confident.

Rage:  The absolute worst possible reaction, uncontrollable emotions/words/expressions. Nothing makes sense, talking in circles. The need to be right, and noticed. Unnecessarily irrational.

Voice: I don’t think I can answer this 100% just yet. It’s something I’m still working on. I am easily guided by external voices and influences, and listening to myself is proving to be very difficult.

10. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike about your number?

I took the test probably six times praying that I would not be a Type Two! I was a Two every single time. I can tell you what I dislike about my number easily: I don’t like that I’m selfish with my actions, that my motivations are self-fulfilling, and that I’ll use my emotions to manipulate situations, so they are easier for me to navigate and be in control of.

I’m learning to love my number right now. I do genuinely care about people. I love that I am able to separate my need to be needed from their actual need of assistance. I’ve learned to love when someone comes to me for help! I appreciate being asked to do things now, instead of just doing them and then becoming upset because I wasn’t acknowledged for doing it in the first place.

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Brittany is thirty-four and has a ten-year-old son Killian that looks just like her. She was in the Air Force for six years. She is now a nurse and manages an Orthopedic Surgery office. She’s been divorced for almost two years, which was when she started her sleeve 🙂 She has a boyfriend who is a Type 4w5 and sings like no one she’s ever heard before. You can connect with Brittany on social media at:
Instagram: @britt_straub
Twitter: @brittmstraub
*Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash

Four on the Floor: Interview with Liz Johnson

Posted on by melissakircher

agnieszka-boeske-354851-unsplash“I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.” ― Jess C. Scott, The Devilin Fey

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Happy Monday everyone! Today on Enneagram Paths we have an interview with Liz Johnson, an Enneagram Type Four. Just to refresh our memories, The Enneagram Institue defines Type Fours as people who, “[are] self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.”

Welcome, Liz, and thank you so much for sharing about yourself and what it’s like to be a Type Four!

Enneagram Type Four

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. Are there things you’re learning to do that help balance energy and get in touch with your thoughts and body?  

I’ve been learning to not dwell on my emotions. I’ll catch myself in the act of letting an emotion consume several hours of my day — or sometimes the entire day. Lately, I’ve been telling myself that when something hits (feeling defeated, sadness, anger, etc) to not let my whole self become that feeling. I take the feeling out of my body and let it go. The Enneagram has opened my eyes to how much I allow myself to fully immerse my mind, body, and spirit in an emotion. I hadn’t realized how deep into an emotional rabbit hole I’d go. The more I awaken to this as it’s happening, the more I make the initiative to be productive. Breathing has helped with emotions. Just being still, focusing on the breath going in and out. Emotions can take such a toll on my body. I have to be kind to myself and remember to “breathe” it back to somewhat of a homeostasis, or even do some yoga. Release the negative energy.

2. What do you love about your number? What do you hate about your number? 

I love that Type Fours can poetically explain how certain emotions feel. This can happen through the lyrics of a song because a Four can cause a person to say, “Yes! that’s exactly how that feels!” Sometimes, the lyrics don’t even make sense but they impact someone in a specific way. Same with art. Fours can take those emotional wounds and create art that stirs something deep within the soul.keagan-henman-479521-unsplash

Also, Fours can hold space for pain without the need to fix it with unrealistic optimism. People need to process suffering organically and at their own pace. If someone shares their pain with me, I want to help them allow themselves to feel it and not prematurely cut it off. It’s part of the healing process. A Four will not encourage you to “just get over it” and brush your pain under the rug. That is not the nature of a Four and I love this part of me. Sometimes, I hate the physical toll emotions have on my mind and body — like I just want to move on already! When I experience an emotion, it is as if it’s held in place by a really strong magnet and it becomes paralyzing. It takes some serious intentional effort to let go.

3. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One? 

In stress to Type Two, I can recall times when I’ve been worried about the status of a friendship and would attune to my friend’s needs — while disregarding my own needs. I now see the damage that does to my self-worth. I learned a long time ago that if there’s tension with someone, I can’t set myself aside and selflessly make sure they’re okay. It’s so important to maintain boundaries. It’s also been said that Fours get “clingy” in Two. This could happen if I allowed myself to be that way, but I also know people have their own boundaries, and I have enough common sense to not “cling” a relationship to exhaustion. I keep my distance (because Fours hide a lot anyway), and have had overall decent relationships for a while now.

In health towards a Type One, I notice some of my better days are when I’m intentional and actually commit to creating something. There have been many times I daydream about doing a project, but never actually execute it. My overall mood is a lot better on days when I actually let go of clinging to my emotions and fantasies and create. However, there is still much to process on this Arrow as well.

4. How does envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others? 

It made sense when I read that envy was the “deadly sin” of Type Four. At times, envy has caused me to feel as though my life and creations are worthless and pale in comparison to others. Sometimes, if someone shares an accomplishment I may have a thought like, “I wish I could do that”, instead of fully embracing their joy. I can also relate to the Four’s tendency to feel as if something is missing from an experience. It seems like others experience life to the fullest. I want to be fully engaged in the present like everyone else around me appears to be. It’s so challenging to let go of anything outside of the moment and trust that it doesn’t lack anything.

erik-witsoe-618924-unsplash.jpgThere has also been a divine sweetness in realizing my own story helps me to let go of envy. I am special (said like a true Four) and as I create from my soul, I see more and more that I truly am needed in this world. In realizing this truth, there is no room for envy.

5. Talk about what the words Unique and Authenticity mean to you today. 

Unique makes me think of how I always had this sense that I had to look unique and stand out by wearing outfits that set me apart from everyone! I went through several different phases: grunge, punk, goth, retro, futuristic, etc. This was a way to express myself because I felt like my voice had no worth or wasn’t being heard. I had a lot of emotional pain, therefore fashion was a means by which I could communicate to others.

I’ve realized I’ve been doing Enneagram work unawares for a couple years now. Now that I have a name for this work, it’s shown me how much I long for a vocation — job/work/calling/purpose — that isn’t something I just settle with and do for a paycheck. Over time I’ve come to understand that what I naturally like to do is unique AND authentic, I’ve just been avoiding it. I avoided painting, drawing, and writing because it seemed like a waste of time. But, after taking the time to work on myself and process my pain, I now see that creativity is a means through which I can share myself; by letting others know they’re not alone and encouraging them on their healing journey.

Authenticity. I wonder who I am without the personality of Type Four and it’s coping methods? Who is anyone without their Enneagram number keeping them from being their true, authentic self? It’s so worth the time/energy/money/etc to discover our true selves.

6. Are there any spiritual practices you’re drawn to as a Type Four? 

When creating a piece of art, I not only create from my personality but with a mysterious presence that dwells within me. I tend to live life through a Type Four filter, but even deeper there is a good, true, divine image of our creator and source of life. Often, I’m surprised by what stirs in my soul when I finish a drawing or painting. I’m in awe of the ways my creations have revealed mysterious wonder, wisdom, and truth. I see this as spiritual because these creations do not come to life solely by my humanity, but with a spiritual presence as well. I love to hike and have had incredible divine insight as I walk in the woods. I suppose this has become a spiritual practice as well.

7. How has learning about your Enneagram Type impacted your life and relationships? Has it changed the way you view yourself or others?

We all have some kind of pain or wounding from childhood. Before I knew I was doing the work of the Enneagram, learning about my childhood led me to discover ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). What we experience in childhood can have a huge impact on our minds and bodies, and ACEs research, along with many other similar subjects, has shown the science behind adversity/toxic stress. I came across a TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician who is on a mission to encourage ACEs screenings at all childhood wellness visits. I agree with Nadine and hope that with enough awareness of ACEs, there will someday be ACE screenings at all pediatric wellness visits, and ACEs/trauma training in schools.

The work of the Enneagram involves addressing one’s childhood in order to understand why we are a particular Type. I can’t expect my center to move towards health unless I process and heal from childhood wounds. I continue to research my childhood in relation to who I am as an adult which has changed the way I view all my relationships. Knowing and processing my own story and Type has helped me to have grace for the times when I live in a fantasy world rather than live with intention, believe the negative lies in my head, hurt others (or when others hurt me), and numerous other ways I miss the mark.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances the Type Four characteristics. 

juliette-leufke-154599-unsplashI think I might be a Five Wing, but I’m unsure about it. Sometimes it seems like I fit the description of a Three Wing and sometimes a Five wing. I can be both social and private. Sometimes I create with an audience in mind and sometimes I create for myself. The thing that draws me to the Five Wing is the fact that I love to research. When something sparks my interest, I’ll read several books, search about it on Youtube or podcasts, and follow experts on the subject on social media. What I discover from researching fuels an inward fire that impacts what I create. From this fire also comes strength, like that of a Five’s growth towards a healthy Type Eight. As a Four, I desire to have the strength of an Eight. If that’s possible, that is so worth the hard work of the Enneagram!

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Liz resides in northeast Ohio, a place where she’s able to experience the beauty of each season, welcoming winter with the most joy. She lives with her husband Jon, daughter Roxy and son Kai. She’s an artist and writer, blogging her journey with a focus on ACEs advocacy, personality, spirituality, and the science behind those subjects. She loves to hike, research, and frequently enjoys the creativity and wisdom of a children’s picture book. Instagram: @lizjartist Blog: @painsplatteredholygenes.wordpress.com

 

*Photos by Agnieszka Boeske , Keagan Henman , Erik Witsoe , Juliette Leufke on Unsplash