Enneagram 9w1 vs 9w8

What is the function of the Enneagram wings? In brief, the wings serve as an enhancement of the basic type, they bring out different centers or magnify the (body, heart, mind) center already present in the type, and they introduce different variations of the basic type. Let’s look at the two wings for Type Nine.

Type Nine with a One Wing (9w1)

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We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.” ― Gwendolyn Brooks

In Integration: 

9w1s in health (or integration) are people who combine the desire for peace of a Type Nine with the responsibility and moral obligation of a Type One. They follow the rules and fulfill what is expected of them because they truly want to create a harmonious society — and feel they have a duty to do so. They desire to do good and be good. 9w1s have double body center. 9w1s are generally nice people, like all Nines, and the One wing adds judicious and tactful tendencies. The One wing helps the Nine have a sense of acceptable social behaviors and good conduct. This subtype is much more reserved and orderly than 9w8s. They are less prone to bursts of anger like the other subtype. 9w1s are often spiritually oriented people. They connect to the flow of the universe like the Nine, but the One wing allows them to channel their spiritual experiences into daily practices like yoga, prayer, meditation, the reading of sacred texts, and reflection. The One wing is so helpful to the Nine in this way because spiritual practices help the Nine to restore their inner balance when it’s disrupted. Peace (both inner and outer) is vital to a Nine’s well-being and the One wing creates a drive in a healthy Nine to devote energy to bringing peace into the world. They are adept and patient mediators, social justice initiators, wise sages showing others different paths to the Divine, and generally, they seek to create unity wherever they go. You will experience a 9w1 as a comforting, calm, person who has a firm belief that their efforts towards harmony are important in creating a better world.

In Stress/Disintegration:  In stress, 9w1s goes to the low side of both numbers. They are people who desire peace no matter what. Their anger, feelings, and opinions are repressed in order to sustain this peace, and they do their very best to ignore anything that will disrupt inner and outer harmony. They will put up with abusive behavior from others, they will disregard things that are unfair, and they become inert in the face of challenges. Nines in stress check out naturally, but the One wing compounds this desire to disconnect from everything, including themselves. This detachment can extend for many years, as long as 9w1s remain stressed and cope in unhealthy ways. This can lead to many 9w1s experiencing depression. A 9w1 in disintegration will also exhibit some of the perfectionistic tendencies of Type One. They can start to be obsessively organized, stubbornly insisting that things in life be done the right way and put in proper order. A 9w1 won’t get angry, but they will have attitudes of censure and bitterness.

Type Nine with an Eight Wing (9w8)

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“When two brothers are busy fighting, an evil man can easily attack and rob their poor mother. Mankind should always stay united, standing shoulder to shoulder so evil can never cheat and divide them.” ― Suzy KassemRise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

In Integration: 

9w8s in health are pleasant, agreeable people who also exude an innate sense of authority. They are also a double body center. 9w8s bring a stable, calm, firm, and solid energy into places and situations. The Eight wing brings an aura of strength to the easygoing Type Nine. Their strength is much more reserved and detached than the aggression and raw power of the pure Type Eight, though. The Eight wing helps the Nine to move through life with more common sense, directness, and a take-charge attitude. 9w8s can be leaders, CEOs of big corporations, or politically inclined. (I often wonder if President Obama is either a 9w8 or 9w1.) They are usually very cool under pressure and don’t resort to despair in the face of crisis. Other people truly like and follow 9w8 leaders because they are powerful and compelling, while also being kindhearted, serene, and pleasant.

In Stress/Disintegration: 

In stress, 9w8s take on the low side of Type Nine and the low side of Type Eight. This creates a very strong internal tension because the Nine desires harmony at all costs and the Eight desires to express anger and engage in conflict. Usually, a stressed out 9w8 will be compliant and try to move away from conflict, except for the times when the Eight wing roars and the Nine suddenly explodes. These eruptions of anger serve to try to communicate to people in their lives that a Nine’s boundaries have been crossed. The Eight wing also propels the Nine to step into conflict at the very end in order to diffuse and wrap up a fight in a direct, efficient manner. This allows the 9w8 to then move back to a place of harmony as quickly as possible. 9w8s are not as upset by their anger as 9w1s would be, they don’t feel guilty about it. Their desire is to get back to inner and outer peace; their feeling of normal. One distinguishing feature of the disintegrated 9w8 is their tendency to dissociate from others and their own feelings, all while exacting revenge on people who have wronged them. They are dispassionately vengeful. And like a Type Eight, once you are on their bad side, you are blacklisted forever. They might seem nice and act socially polite, but any kind of relationship with them will be over for good.

Four on the Floor: Interview with Liz Johnson

agnieszka-boeske-354851-unsplash“I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.” ― Jess C. ScottThe Devilin Fey

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ― Brené BrownThe Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Happy Monday everyone! Today on Enneagram Paths we have an interview with Liz Johnson, an Enneagram Type Four. Just to refresh our memories, The Enneagram Institue defines Type Fours as people who, “[are] self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.”

Welcome, Liz, and thank you so much for sharing about yourself and what it’s like to be a Type Four!

Enneagram Type Four

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. Are there things you’re learning to do that help balance energy and get in touch with your thoughts and body?  

I’ve been learning to not dwell on my emotions. I’ll catch myself in the act of letting an emotion consume several hours of my day — or sometimes the entire day. Lately, I’ve been telling myself that when something hits (feeling defeated, sadness, anger, etc) to not let my whole self become that feeling. I take the feeling out of my body and let it go. The Enneagram has opened my eyes to how much I allow myself to fully immerse my mind, body, and spirit in an emotion. I hadn’t realized how deep into an emotional rabbit hole I’d go. The more I awaken to this as it’s happening, the more I make the initiative to be productive. Breathing has helped with emotions. Just being still, focusing on the breath going in and out. Emotions can take such a toll on my body. I have to be kind to myself and remember to “breathe” it back to somewhat of a homeostasis, or even do some yoga. Release the negative energy.

2. What do you love about your number? What do you hate about your number? 

I love that Type Fours can poetically explain how certain emotions feel. This can happen through the lyrics of a song because a Four can cause a person to say, “Yes! that’s exactly how that feels!” Sometimes, the lyrics don’t even make sense but they impact someone in a specific way. Same with art. Fours can take those emotional wounds and create art that stirs something deep within the soul.keagan-henman-479521-unsplash

Also, Fours can hold space for pain without the need to fix it with unrealistic optimism. People need to process suffering organically and at their own pace. If someone shares their pain with me, I want to help them allow themselves to feel it and not prematurely cut it off. It’s part of the healing process. A Four will not encourage you to “just get over it” and brush your pain under the rug. That is not the nature of a Four and I love this part of me. Sometimes, I hate the physical toll emotions have on my mind and body — like I just want to move on already! When I experience an emotion, it is as if it’s held in place by a really strong magnet and it becomes paralyzing. It takes some serious intentional effort to let go.

3. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One? 

In stress to Type Two, I can recall times when I’ve been worried about the status of a friendship and would attune to my friend’s needs — while disregarding my own needs. I now see the damage that does to my self-worth. I learned a long time ago that if there’s tension with someone, I can’t set myself aside and selflessly make sure they’re okay. It’s so important to maintain boundaries. It’s also been said that Fours get “clingy” in Two. This could happen if I allowed myself to be that way, but I also know people have their own boundaries, and I have enough common sense to not “cling” a relationship to exhaustion. I keep my distance (because Fours hide a lot anyway), and have had overall decent relationships for a while now.

In health towards a Type One, I notice some of my better days are when I’m intentional and actually commit to creating something. There have been many times I daydream about doing a project, but never actually execute it. My overall mood is a lot better on days when I actually let go of clinging to my emotions and fantasies and create. However, there is still much to process on this Arrow as well.

4. How does envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others? 

It made sense when I read that envy was the “deadly sin” of Type Four. At times, envy has caused me to feel as though my life and creations are worthless and pale in comparison to others. Sometimes, if someone shares an accomplishment I may have a thought like, “I wish I could do that”, instead of fully embracing their joy. I can also relate to the Four’s tendency to feel as if something is missing from an experience. It seems like others experience life to the fullest. I want to be fully engaged in the present like everyone else around me appears to be. It’s so challenging to let go of anything outside of the moment and trust that it doesn’t lack anything.

erik-witsoe-618924-unsplash.jpgThere has also been a divine sweetness in realizing my own story helps me to let go of envy. I am special (said like a true Four) and as I create from my soul, I see more and more that I truly am needed in this world. In realizing this truth, there is no room for envy.

5. Talk about what the words Unique and Authenticity mean to you today. 

Unique makes me think of how I always had this sense that I had to look unique and stand out by wearing outfits that set me apart from everyone! I went through several different phases: grunge, punk, goth, retro, futuristic, etc. This was a way to express myself because I felt like my voice had no worth or wasn’t being heard. I had a lot of emotional pain, therefore fashion was a means by which I could communicate to others.

I’ve realized I’ve been doing Enneagram work unawares for a couple years now. Now that I have a name for this work, it’s shown me how much I long for a vocation — job/work/calling/purpose — that isn’t something I just settle with and do for a paycheck. Over time I’ve come to understand that what I naturally like to do is unique AND authentic, I’ve just been avoiding it. I avoided painting, drawing, and writing because it seemed like a waste of time. But, after taking the time to work on myself and process my pain, I now see that creativity is a means through which I can share myself; by letting others know they’re not alone and encouraging them on their healing journey.

Authenticity. I wonder who I am without the personality of Type Four and it’s coping methods? Who is anyone without their Enneagram number keeping them from being their true, authentic self? It’s so worth the time/energy/money/etc to discover our true selves.

6. Are there any spiritual practices you’re drawn to as a Type Four? 

When creating a piece of art, I not only create from my personality but with a mysterious presence that dwells within me. I tend to live life through a Type Four filter, but even deeper there is a good, true, divine image of our creator and source of life. Often, I’m surprised by what stirs in my soul when I finish a drawing or painting. I’m in awe of the ways my creations have revealed mysterious wonder, wisdom, and truth. I see this as spiritual because these creations do not come to life solely by my humanity, but with a spiritual presence as well. I love to hike and have had incredible divine insight as I walk in the woods. I suppose this has become a spiritual practice as well.

7. How has learning about your Enneagram Type impacted your life and relationships? Has it changed the way you view yourself or others?

We all have some kind of pain or wounding from childhood. Before I knew I was doing the work of the Enneagram, learning about my childhood led me to discover ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). What we experience in childhood can have a huge impact on our minds and bodies, and ACEs research, along with many other similar subjects, has shown the science behind adversity/toxic stress. I came across a TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician who is on a mission to encourage ACEs screenings at all childhood wellness visits. I agree with Nadine and hope that with enough awareness of ACEs, there will someday be ACE screenings at all pediatric wellness visits, and ACEs/trauma training in schools.

The work of the Enneagram involves addressing one’s childhood in order to understand why we are a particular Type. I can’t expect my center to move towards health unless I process and heal from childhood wounds. I continue to research my childhood in relation to who I am as an adult which has changed the way I view all my relationships. Knowing and processing my own story and Type has helped me to have grace for the times when I live in a fantasy world rather than live with intention, believe the negative lies in my head, hurt others (or when others hurt me), and numerous other ways I miss the mark.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances the Type Four characteristics. 

juliette-leufke-154599-unsplashI think I might be a Five Wing, but I’m unsure about it. Sometimes it seems like I fit the description of a Three Wing and sometimes a Five wing. I can be both social and private. Sometimes I create with an audience in mind and sometimes I create for myself. The thing that draws me to the Five Wing is the fact that I love to research. When something sparks my interest, I’ll read several books, search about it on Youtube or podcasts, and follow experts on the subject on social media. What I discover from researching fuels an inward fire that impacts what I create. From this fire also comes strength, like that of a Five’s growth towards a healthy Type Eight. As a Four, I desire to have the strength of an Eight. If that’s possible, that is so worth the hard work of the Enneagram!

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Liz resides in northeast Ohio, a place where she’s able to experience the beauty of each season, welcoming winter with the most joy. She lives with her husband Jon, daughter Roxy and son Kai. She’s an artist and writer, blogging her journey with a focus on ACEs advocacy, personality, spirituality, and the science behind those subjects. She loves to hike, research, and frequently enjoys the creativity and wisdom of a children’s picture book. Instagram: @lizjartist Blog: @painsplatteredholygenes.wordpress.com

 

*Photos by Agnieszka Boeske , Keagan Henman , Erik Witsoe , Juliette Leufke on Unsplash

 

Enneagram Type Seven: More Fun Than Anyone

adam-whitlock-270558-unsplash.jpg“And the sun and the moon sometimes argue over who will tuck me in at night. If you think I am having more fun than anyone on this planet, you are absolutely correct.”
― Hafiz

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”
― J.K. RowlingHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Radical honesty here, I want to be a Type Seven. Ohmagosh, Sevens seem to have so much fun and as a Type Five, fun is like the literal last thing on my mind! (But it needs to be.) Healthy Sevens, man they’re cool. They make even the most mundane thing seem as though it’s the best ever.

Okay, enough about my Enneagram crush on Sevens. Let’s learn some basic information about these glorious people — because I’m a Five and information is my superpower!

Enneagram Type Seven at Their Best

In their healthiest state, Type Sevens live life to the fullest. They suck every drop of happiness from each moment and, surprisingly, are totally present in that moment. They are the kings and queens of mindful joy and teach others how to appreciate the simple and even mundane things of life.john-moeses-bauan-636149-unsplash.jpg Healthy Sevens truly enjoy life and they see the world through a lens of optimism. This Type is highly energetic and fast-paced, always going and doing and being everywhere all at once. They have a wide range of abilities and gifts that span many different areas of life. At their best, they use their brainstorming skills to come up with new, innovative ideas and enjoy the entire process of implementing their plans. Sevens can quickly derive associations and interrelation’s between things that others would miss — their sharp minds perceive patterns and deeper realities that are not readily apparent. Healthy Sevens are highly creative and love to have multiple projects going at once. They swiftly get others involved in these projects with their enthusiasm and genuine high-spirits. The most important thing to realize about Sevens in health is they are happy because they have learned how to accept the reality of pain — without trying to escape from it. This ability to endure pain makes them resilient. Then, crisis turns into a challenge to overcome, instead of something to flee. At their best, Sevens are funny, engaging, fantastic storytellers, charming, and delightful to be around.

Enneagram Type Seven in Autopilot

The first thing to know about Type Sevens in Autopilot is that they are in the Head Triad on the Enneagram. This might be surprising to some, but it’s not to Sevens. Their minds are constantly churning — just like Type Fives and Sixes — and they deal with the same core emotion of fear. hipster-mum-102826-unsplashThe racing mind of a Type Seven is attuned to getting them the hell away from anything boring. They fear boring. Feeling bored means that they might have to stop all the fun and deal with some hard things — like pain. Sevens do not want to feel pain, this is why they plan and move so fast.

Having a constant baseline of happiness can begin to become a need for a Seven. Their thoughts turn to ways they can seek new and more exciting sources of stimulation. In Autopilot, they have to be free and independent, and when any kind of boredom sets in they start to feel stifled, becoming restless and scattered. They begin to do too many things, say yes to too many social engagements, take on too many projects, and go out every night. They are terrified of missing out, but what they are really terrified of is dealing with the difficult things in their lives. As they get more and more stressed, they lose focus and quit things. They start to live in the future (in their heads) and become persistently dissatisfied with the present. They get angry and frustrated and so plan more activities to make their happiness return — it becomes a cycle. Eventually, the Seven burns out or turns to addictive, self-destructive behaviors. At their lowest levels of functioning, Sevens can become childlike, impulsive, demanding, insensitive, and they rationalize their selfish, self-indulgent behavior with poor excuses or defensive criticisms.

Arrow to Five in Health

  1. Able to focus on one task and see it through to completion.
  2. Start to care more about deeper subjects like spirituality, the meaning of life, social justice, and so forth.
  3. The need to be the center of attention and action is lessened and they take time to withdraw and reflect in solitude.
  4. Lust for more is tempered and become satisfied with simple pleasures.

Arrow to One in Stress

  1. Optimism can start to tilt toward pessimism and their worldviews become more black and white — often as it relates to their own actions and choices. “I’m right, you’re wrong.”
  2. When bored they take their frustrations out on others with critical and judgemental comments.
  3. Restless and angry, feel like the world is trying to oppress them.
  4. Natural good humor becomes biting, harsh, and sarcastic.
  5. Can become perfectionistic about pleasure. What they expect of experiences and people in terms of how both will make the Seven happy becomes totally unrealistic.

Body Language

aatik-tasneem-138230-unsplash.jpgSevens appear smiling, engaged, and generally happy. Their eyes are wide and almost seem to sparkle. They talk with expressive hand and arm gestures and lean forward during conversations. They will crack jokes and have an animated energy to them, always moving about the room, always trying to find the center of all the action.

*Photos by Adam Whitlock ,Hipster Mum , John Moeses Bauan , Aatik Tasneem on Unsplash

The Great Eights: Interview with Enneagram Eight Asia Perrin

arisa-chattasa-604772-unsplash

“You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against.” ― Laurie Halse AndersonSpeak

Today we have a Type Eight in the house! Asia Perrin has graciously allowed me to interview her and ask all kinds of questions about what it’s like to be a Body Triad Eight. Her answers literally put me in the mind, body, and emotions of an Eight and are so helpful! I’m loving these interviews and have a bunch more lined up. It’s great to hear from real people about how the Enneagram is impacting their lives. Thank you, Asia, for sharing your amazing thoughts and experiences!

1. (Asia), when you typed yourself as an Eight did you feel deflated or have a confident sense of, “Oh yeah, that seems all good to me!” I’ve heard that of all the numbers, Eights are the most content with their number.

I was super content, haha. Actually, it was more like I felt known. That’s a big deal for me, feeling known past my “tough” exterior. (Which in my opinion, I don’t feel as tough as people perceive me!)

2. What is the energy flow of an Eight? How does being in the Body Triad impact how you work, play, relax, and interact? Does anything shift your energy, like do you have triggers that might send you into a different space/flow?

I always need to be doing something. I’m a tactile learner, I have to do/play with the lesson I’m learning in order to grasp it. Even relaxing for me is “doing” something. Cooking, cleaning, shopping. I don’t enjoy doing nothing. For me, being in the Body Triad means I physically experience things. Like, when I get really scared/angry, my mouth gets hot. When I experience something physically large in nature (waterfalls, Grand Canyon, mountains, etc), I get lightheaded. I’m also a Christian, so in context of the presence of God, I feel Him… instead of seeing or sensing Him. Everything I experience is very physical.

As far as triggers, it’s when people take away my attention of that moment; distracting or interrupting me from what I’m experiencing. Sometimes, in integration/health, I can feel people emotions. It’s weird, but often that overwhelms me. It’s tiring to process someone else’s emotions when processing your own emotions isn’t natural.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you are stressed (Arrow to Type Five)? What happens to your closest relationships when you are integrated/in health (Arrow to Type Two)?  

Stressed: I’ve made it a point to surround myself with very strong people who aren’t afraid to call me out or put me in my place. I know my personality is intense, so I need people to be strong enough to tell me what I need to hear. But also, people who see past that strength, as well. SO usually in times of stress, they let me throw my fit and can handle the unbridled tongue of an Eight haha! But if something is too vulnerable to talk about, I don’t even share it with them. I handle it on my own, because if I, the juggernaut Eight, can’t fix the problem, how can they?

photo-1426329559439-876ed4b77295Health: In health, I’m a very protective, selfless person. It’s really interesting how much of a Type Two I embody in health. I can process and work through feelings. I don’t care about asserting my dominance. I still express anger, though—I’m not afraid to show anger in either stress or health. I think the most important thing is, in health, even if I think someone is trying to control me, I don’t feel scared or defensive because I’m in total control of myself. For me, it’s taking a lot of my energy to consistently function as an integrated Eight. I have a lot of counter-instinctual behaviors to adjust to. When I visualize an Eight in health, I picture a beautiful house, one that was made to be enjoyed by guests to find safety and rest (that’s the Type Two). This house, however, is enclosed by the most impenetrable wall that no one can get in unless I let them.

4. Do you know if you have a Seven or Nine Wing? If so, how do the characteristics of either the Seven or Nine or support/enhance the traits of being an Eight?

I’m a Seven Wing! I definitely embody a Type Seven in most social interactions. My Seven Wing is most shown through my energy. I’m social, outgoing, humorous, fun and love hanging out with people. I overcommit to social activities and am very dramatic in interactions… very loud and boisterous. In fact, for the most part, besides in stress, my Eight nature most comes out when I see someone trying to hurt others, especially those I care about.

5. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike the most?

I love that Eights are so comfortable (and proud) with who they are, that opinions don’t bother us. I also love how we love. Passionately, deliberately, and sincerely. If you have an Eight on your side, you have one hell of a companion. annie-spratt-54462-unsplashHave you ever seen an Eight walk into a room? As an Eight, even I’M captivated. We’re some of the most authentic and captivating types. The main thing I love about Eights is the authenticity we live in. We truly are ourselves, for better or worse.

What I dislike most, is the Eight’s ability to bully and manipulate. We carry too much intensity and authority to use it carelessly. I also truly dislike how people interpret Type Eight people. For the most part we’re seen as mean and often told to soften our personalities because others can’t be around us. While I agree in part, I don’t think it’s fair to the Eight.

6. What practices have you integrated into your life as an Eight to help you become more self-aware and grow? Are there any spiritual practices you connect to that might tie into your number?

When I get angry about something, I have to take a day or two to feel that anger and identify the root of it. Mostly, I’ll confront the source of my anger, whether that means talking to someone about an issue, processing an emotion I’m uncomfortable with, or asking for help. I always research things or try to find the truth behind a situation before I act out. Lastly, I started counseling, it really helps mirror how my actions come across but also validates the feelings I neglect. As far as spiritual practices, I pray a lot and talk to God about things I’m experiencing.

7. What do you wish people understood about your number? What are some common misconceptions about Eights?

We’re not mean, wild forceful beings that can’t be tamed. Those are aspects to us, yes, but that doesn’t mean that’s all we are. We’re actually super caring and emotional—when you let us be. It just takes some time for us to let down our walls, and if you’re not worth it, you’ll never see that side.

Eights do not mean to be rude, I promise. People can like having Eights around because we will say what they’re afraid to say. But our bluntness isn’t malicious, it’s coming from a sincere place of wanting to be honest. Eights value honesty so much that when we share the truth with you, it’s because we’re trying to do the right thing.

Eights unconsciously fight for those who can’t. It’s almost second-nature. This, however, leads to Eights fighting battles we were never intended to fight. You may have to tell an Eight to back off and let you do it on your own (I know it’s scary, but we need that smack sometimes.) However, Don’t use an Eight to engage in conflict when they’re for you, then “punish” us when that same energy is directed at you. We’re allowed to defend ourselves when other Types finally get the courage to say something to us, especially if it’s a negative interaction.

jyotirmoy-gupta-527306-unsplash.jpgLastly, women Eights are just as valuable as male Eights. DON’T FORGET THAT. Women Eights: you are strong and still delicate, protective, yet fragile, hardworking, yet still needing rest. It’s okay. You can do and have it all, and still ask for help. The right people will always be there to help you when you can’t do it anymore (even though we will still try)!

8. As a child, did you feel that somewhere along the line you picked up the message that, “You must always be strong,”? That somehow it would be unsafe to show softness or vulnerability?

I didn’t pick it up, so much as it was specifically said to me. Growing up, the message of not letting people take advantage of you and protecting others was instilled into me. Especially after becoming an older sister, that heightened. Unsafety in showing vulnerability and softness often came when people would tell me to “get over it”, use my vulnerability against me, or when someone would invalidate my feelings as trivial. It was really sad that emotions were regarded as a weakness when in reality, counter to the Eight’s belief, there’s immense strength in acknowledging and processing your emotions.

9. Talk about what the words truth, protect, and thoughtfulness mean to you today.

Those words carry so much weight!! Truth is everything. I have a really hard time whenjon-tyson-628533-unsplash people lie. Mainly about stupid stuff. For me, I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t keep their mouth shut, instead of unnecessarily lying about something. Most of the time, the truth comes out and you look stupid. That’s intense I know, but I hate lying. Moral of the story: If we’re friends, tell me the truth, I can handle it

Protect: This word to me, is almost a command. “Protect those who can’t protect themselves.” I can’t tell you how many battles I fought that weren’t mine to fight. However, as I grow, I know it’s not my place to fight every battle, nor is it smart. It still does feel like a command though, so I definitely look down on people who abuse their power and hurt people they should be protecting.

Thoughtfulness: This is an acquired ability for me. Being thoughtful doesn’t come naturally, so it was a muscle I’ve had to exercise. Now, thoughtfulness is easier. Thoughtfulness is essential as Eights to care for and interact with others. It almost serves as a filter when the Eight overdoes it and tries to control everything. It helps bring my attention back to how my actions are affecting others.

unnamed.jpgHi, I’m Asia! (Yep, just like the continent) I live in Orange County, but grew up in San Diego. My life consists of tweeting, getting far too invested in the Enneagram, and watching too much reality TV. Follow me on Twitter @AsiaJaLacie

 

*Photos by Arisa Chattasa , Annie Spratt , Jyotirmoy Gupta ,Jon Tyson on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

I’m Afraid; I’m Going to Punch You: Discussions About the Phobic and Counter Phobic Enneagram Type Six

jean-philippe-delberghe-461606-unsplash.jpg“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.”
― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up”
― Veronica RothDivergent

Of all the nine numbers of the Enneagram, Type Six is the only one with two variants: Phobic and Counter Phobic. Many scholars believe that Sixes will fall somewhere on a spectrum between Phobic and Counter Phobic, having a dominant variant instead of being strictly one or the other. Let’s discuss the main features of both the Phobic and Counter Phobic Six, as well as the basic features of the type in general.

Type Six Generalities

At their healthiest, Sixes are quite adept at problem-solving. They use their cassandra-hamer-470074-unsplash.jpganalytical skills to confidently lead their own unique life and take control of situations. They trust themselves, their hearts, and their instincts and can take individual action based on their gut instincts. They move about in the world with confidence in their decisions. Type Sixes can become productive troubleshooters who are amazing at spotting future problems or potential issues. Integrated Sixes can see the uplifting and inspirational side of life and develop a good sense of humor about things that go wrong. At their best, Sixes are sensitive and loyal friends, family members, employees, and citizens.

In autopilot, the main downfall of the Six, namely, their unrelenting fear, becomes the focus of all their attention. They are in the Head Triad and so their minds begin to fill with constant anxiety. The Six feels helpless, self-doubtful, and emotionally unstable. Left to stew with their churning, fearful thoughts about worst-case scenarios, they become hyper-cautious and tense; unable to make decisions or take action. It becomes almost impossible for them to trust their own judgment. They start to feel they can’t handle even the smallest of obstacles and become complainers about small injuries. Sometimes, they aggrandize their perceived helplessness so that another “stronger” person will take charge.

Spirituality

“Doubt involves a loss of faith. The [Six] child reacted with fear to losing the permanent security of essence, initiating a lifelong preoccupation with courage. Fear creates dependency on rules and protective authority, which mimics the certainty of faith. The Enneagram’s Fear type has a parallel in the Doubting Mind category of Buddhist practice, in which attention shifts from belief to intense internal questioning…The path of faith begins with the firmly held beliefs seen in psychologically mature people, but, like all of the qualities that originate in essence, faith can transform consciousness.” – (The Enneagram in Love and Work, Helen Palmer, pg.151,152)

Phobic Six

travis-bozeman-396018-unsplashFear is the central emotion in Sixes; a Phobic Six will flee from whatever causes them fear. A Phobic Six will literally exude nervousness. Their speech will be hesitant and sometimes they might stutter or mispronounce words. Their gaze will be scattered, moving around the room, not settling on anything for long. They can also put on a calm, compliant, warm front—in order to disarm other people. A Phobic Six will either consciously or unconsciously think, “When I am nice, it doesn’t cause trouble and I will be safe.” Their smiles will look strained and you may catch a suspicious sort of look in their eye; even while they’re working hard at being engaging. A Phobic Six is always watching you, always testing you. They are obedient to authority but also very suspicious.

A Phobic Six tends to complain a lot, in a very whiny manner. They talk about dangers, risks, undesirable outcomes, or worst-case scenarios. “I have a stomach ache,” they think, “it must be cancer.” Type Sixes often disempower themselves and in reaction they empower forces outside themselves, trying to make other people do what they believe they can’t.  They show devotedness to an authority who feels safe – they become a loyal soldier. Once safe inside the care of authority, they check to make sure everyone else is adhering to set guidelines, traditions, or beliefs.

 They talk about their fear so much to diffuse it. Sixes feel their fear in their bodies and can frighten themselves to such a degree they need to vent their anxiety. Otherwise, it becomes very overwhelming inside of their minds and hearts.

Phobic Sixes in autopilot (see paragraph one for more healthy Six characteristics) are often over-reactive. Their emotions are felt in extremes. They dramatize challenges to seek attention, magnifying small injuries and making mountains out of molehills. Their tone of speaking is negative and pessimistic. On the flip side, more integrated Phobic Sixes can be quite funny and have a good sense of humor. This humor helps them to deal with anxiety by making fun of it in a self-deprecating way.

The Phobic Six will often take a position in a group discussion they don’t necessarily agree with. They want to engage others in order to test the quality of the argument and identify weaknesses or to disprove or discard the argument as a whole.

Counter Phobic Six

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Fear is the central emotion in Sixes; a Counter Phobic Six will confront and jump into their fears in order to overcome them. They can even seek out their fears at times.

Their body-language will be an overcompensation of their inner fears—Counter Phobic Sixes are often mistaken for Type Eights. They appear strong, powerful, and authoritative, with direct, probing eye-contact.  An Enneagram Eight will be very distant and secure in their power stance, you can differentiate the Counter Phobic Six by the small glimmers of anxiety that seep through their facade: rapid eye movements and blinking a lot. They have quicker and more reactive hand and arm gestures when talking.

The Counter Phobic Six will still talk a great deal about dangers and risks, but they will emphasize how unafraid they are. They want to anticipate dangers and to do something about them. “What needs to be done to handle this worst-case scenario before it’s too late?” Counter Phobic Sixes focus on preparation, tools, and plans. They also like to speak about us vs. them situations. They are usually loyal to one organization or authority because it brings a sense of belonging and security, and so they are active in promoting their own team. My church vs. your church. My corporation vs. your corporation. My sports team vs. your sports team.

This Six variant wants to show you they’re not afraid. Inside they are actually very afraid, but they handle it by creating safety in preparation, plans, a safe authority, and keeping risky people at a distance. In a strange mini-twist, the Counter Phobic Six will also be very wary of their chosen authority figure; they are obedient but distrustful. They will continually test the authority or organization, looking for red flags or warnings that something might become untrustworthy.

Counter Phobic Sixes are bold when they are healthy and authoritarian when they are stressed. In stress, they will expect submission from you, becoming contentious and argumentative. They will intentionally cause controversy, ask a lot of questions, and initiate arguments.

In summary, a Phobic Six is afraid. A Counter Phobic Six is afraid, but they will karate chop that fear into tiny, wee pieces. In doing their work and moving toward integration, both variants are confident, smart, decision-makers who are great friends and employees. You want a Six by your side in life!

 

*Photos by Jean-Philippe Delberghe , Travis Bozeman , Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash