enneagram two wing one » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Welcome back, Enneagram Paths friends! Today we hear from another fantastic person on what it’s like to move about in the world with Type Two energy. As we deal with the ongoing pandemic, it’s important to listen to each other, absorb how others are experiencing life, and learn how we each deal with these unprecedented times in a myriad of ways. Thank you, Andréa, for being here today!

1. What has it been like being a Type Two during Covid, quarantine and social distancing? How have you coped?

Being a Two during Covid has definitely had its ups and downs. I moved to Nashville in August of 2019 and didn’t make many friends until January of 2020. So, in some ways, it wasn’t a whole different than when I first moved because I didn’t know many people. So, I utilized what I did when I wasn’t as rooted. While I couldn’t meet with my friends in person, we would FaceTime almost every day. I also joined a small group with my church that met over Zoom. In some ways, it was hard because my love languages are physical touch and quality time, but FaceTiming and phone calls helped fill my social quota. My friends and I would also use Netflix party and play games over zoom, which was a lot of fun! At the beginning of quarantine, I also made sure to go outside as much as possible and have some kind of routine. Since things have opened up more, it’s gotten easier to do social distancing activities!

2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Two?

The thing I like most about being an Enneagram Two is that it’s pretty easy to make friends. Most people trust me relatively quickly.

3. Tell us about pride. How do you engage with pride and calm it, so that you’re able to know you are loved, liked and wanted just as you are?

A lot of therapy and self-care. My therapist and I talk a lot about meeting my own needs and affirming myself—instead of gaining those things from friends and family. I’m also learning that when I have expectations that others to receive what I give them (time, encouragement, etc.), I have to voice those expectations. It’s definitely challenging and doesn’t come easy, but I’m slowly making progress. Intentional self-care has also helped. Claiming that I am caring for myself by watching a TV show or going to the gym instead of just doing it has allowed me to become friends with myself and not so heavily rely on others to fill that need of feeling loved.

4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Eight to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Twos about choosing some of the high side traits of Eight to be of service to you in Stress?

One of the ways I use my Stress Arrow is through voicing my needs or feelings when I’m stressed or feel like there’s a strain in a relationship. At a certain point, I stop hinting at what I want and express it directly. A tip I would say is to voice your needs when you need them instead of waiting. Obviously, it’s way easier said than done, but it reduces stress to be more direct. There is a nice way of expressing one’s needs without sounding harsh. Find safe people you can practice voicing your needs on!

5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?

I am a Self-Preservation Subtype. When I first read about the Enneagram, the Self-Preservation Two convinced me that I was a Two! It comes out in being carefree and silly whenever possible. Finding experiences that make me happy and that are life-giving are common practices of mine. It shows up in my relationships as well. I want to be the fun one that people want around but can also go deeper with. Opening up to even close friends can be harder for me because I would rather not have the focus on myself.

6. From the perspective of Type Two, how can we love each other well during these difficult times?

Give each other grace. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’re given. Also, look outside yourself. We need community now more than ever. Utilize FaceTime, Zoom, Netflix party, social distancing picnics, or walks. Check-in on your friends and family, especially those who are struggling, and the ones that check-in on you. We all need a little encouragement.

Hi! My name is Andréa! I’m twenty-eight-years-old, and I am an Enneagram 2w1 Seattle native living in Nashville, Tennessee. I’m currently a barista, and I’m in my second year of grad school for counseling. My dream is to do therapy with kids and adolescents, primarily through animal therapy. I’m a lover of animals, friends, lattes, and Taylor Swift. On days that I’m not working or doing school, I love to be outside exploring state parks, hiking, and being in the sunshine. I also enjoy traveling (when there isn’t a pandemic) and spending my time with my close friends, family, and dog Scooter.

Twitter: @drizziedrebae

Instagram: @andrea_mcinnis

Enneagram Type Twos are often called the Helpers. They have a desire to fulfill the needs of others; often in order to get their own buried needs met. They can sense emotions with clarity and precision and are in the Heart Triad, meaning they experience the world through the lens of feeling and relationships. They know you very well, but when healthy, also know themselves well, maintaining good boundaries and practicing self-care.

Type Two with a One Wing (2w1)

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In Integration:

Type 2w1s are the warm, generous, loving people you’d expect, with a shade of moral obligation and resolve thrown into the mix. Their desire to do good in the world and to meet the needs of others is amplified by the 1w motivation of correctness. Their generosity is often turned toward social justice and they truly wish to change the world for the better through their efforts. “They are often Good Samaritans, willing to take on thankless and unglamorous tasks that others generally avoid.” (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Riso & Hudson, pg. 130) Type Twos are in the Heart Center Triad, but the 1w brings a measure of the Body Center. This is advantageous to the 2w1 because they have help processing their reality with body energy, more easily recognizing when their feelings threaten to overtake them. The 1w is also empowering, supplying the Type Two with a sense of physical presence and backbone.

In Stress/Disintegration:

In stress, the 2w1 experiences the drive for perfection of Type Ones. They still want to be needed and give, but the 1w makes them think that they know best. Often, 2w1s in stress will begin to impose their “help” onto other people, intruding into their lives in order to tell them the correct thing to do. They can often seem preachy, going on and on about what they perceive to be right — in your life, not theirs — and rub others the wrong way. 2w1s in stress can also struggle with severely judging themselves. Type Twos have trouble recognizing their own feelings and needs, and the 1w makes them further think that personal desire is somehow wrong or selfish. They toil away for others but often resent the fact they are not recognized for their work. In extreme duress, the 2w1 can even begin to neglect their bodies, melding together the body shame of Type Twos and the strive toward physical perfection of Type Ones. This can lead to bodily neglect, eating disorders, or extreme exercise regimens.

Type Two with a Three Wing (2w3)

In Integration:

2w3s are solidly in the Heart Triad, therefore they will be more good-humored and social than 2w1s. They will be more driven by their feelings (often unconscious) and the feelings of others. 2w3s seek security by trying to foster as many relationships as possible and by supporting those they love. Because they are innately more social, they have more socially pleasing manners than 2w1s—they are charismatic, alluring, chatty, versatile, adventurous, and generally pleasant to be around. They often like to be the host or hostess and gather people in their homes or out at parties. They want to offer all their good qualities and advice to others. It makes them feel good to give wholeheartedly of themselves and they do so to advance the experiences and lives of those they care about. They are less caretakers and more the attentive host.

In Stress/Disintegration:

2w3s in stress will find it challenging to see past overwhelming feelings; their entire reality will seem clouded by the feelings of others that they perceive so strongly and their own emotions that are repressed but bubble up from time to time. The fact that they lack a wing in a different Center/Triad makes self-awareness much more difficult. The influence of a Head or Body energy would help pull them out of their conditioned patterns of behavior. 2w3s will have to work extra hard to overcome autopilot. They might have more problems in relationships as they see the huge, self-sacrificing gift of their friendship as “enough”. They are sensitive and easily affronted by any criticisms directed their way because the Type Two has poured themselves out for another and the 3w cares about how they are perceived. Criticism is thus a double offense to their overinflated pride. 2w3s in stress can become arrogant, overbearing, authoritarian and are prone to bursts of anger.

An Enneagram Two During a Pandemic: Andréa Mcinnis

Enneagram 2w1 vs. 2w3