Today we’re diving into a corner of Enneagram theory world via the brilliant Belinda Gore.
“Basic to Enneagram Object Relations theory is the concept that the ego-self, or personality, develops only in relation to something else. This something else is called the Other. We develop the ego structures we come to know as ourselves through early experiences interacting with key people and objects.” – Belinda Gore
As humans, we have three core needs: protection, nurturing, and belonging. For each of the nine Enneagram types, our child psyche perceives one of these core needs as being specifically unmet. This lack leaves behind a deep, often unrecognized wound—a persistent need that compels us to respond unconsciously with either frustration, over-attachment, or rejection. Each of the nine Enneagram type structures represents a unique strategy crafted by the ego to cope with and address this perceived lack. I’ve listed all the types and their object relation structures below. Scroll down to find your type. What do you think? Does this theory resonate for you?
To learn more, visit Gore’s website: https://belindagore.com/enneagram/
Type 1
Lack: Protection
Coping Mechanism: Frustration
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that people who were supposed to protect me have failed. They’ve fallen short, so I’ve had to form rigid rules and boundaries that keep things ideal and in check. I often sense frustration boiling under the surface and deal with it by making sure I engineer specific outcomes.
Type 2
Lack: Protection
Coping Mechanism: Rejection
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that people who were supposed to protect me didn’t care to do so. I deal with this pain by unconsciously rejecting my wound. I turn my attention outward and lose myself in the lives of others, making sure I’m constantly ignoring myself. I don’t want to feel that lack again.
Type 3
Lack: Nurturing
Coping Mechanism: Attachment
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that I was not nurtured enough. I deal with this pain by trying to offer relational resources to others. I’m not too vulnerable or invulnerable so that people keep me around. I’m constantly adapting my external behavior to receive positive responses from others, which feels like nurturing.
Type 4
Lack: Belonging
Coping Mechanism: Frustration
Over the span of my life, I’ve felt a gnawing sense that I never entirely belonged. I deal with this lonely sensation by noticing my dissatisfaction with life and people. I’m idealistic and picky, both longing for others to include me and yet never feeling that reality meets the sense of inclusion I crave. I turn inward to provide for myself.
Type 5
Lack: Belonging
Coping Mechanism: Rejection
Over the span of my life, I’ve felt a gnawing sense that I don’t really belong in the world. I deal with this feeling by removing the possibility of relational disappointment. I’m hermit-like because I tell myself I don’t like people while secretly longing for community and connection. I reject others before they can reject me.
Type 6
Lack: Protection
Coping Mechanism: Attachment
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that people who were supposed to protect me were not trustworthy. I deal with this pain by collecting a community and procuring reassurance from others. I’m very aware of what needs to be attended to to keep us all safe. I continually adjust so that you will stick around if I need you.
Type 7
Lack: Nurturing
Coping Mechanism: Frustration
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that I was not nurtured enough. I soothe this dissatisfaction by replacing nurturing with obtaining whatever my heart desires. I deny my frustration, staving it off with endless doing, fun, and lightheartedness. Yet, I feel hollowness the whole time and long for an ideal kind of love.
Type 8
Lack: Nurturing
Coping Mechanism: Rejection
Over the span of my life, I have felt a gnawing sense that I was not nurtured enough. I reject this wound and delude myself into thinking I’m invulnerable and that emotions don’t matter. I use my body, strength, and power to deny the pain and desire for care I feel in my heart. I reject my heart and keep it locked away, even from myself.
Type 9
Lack: Belonging
Coping Mechanism: Attachment
Over the span of my life, I’ve felt a gnawing sense that my true self didn’t matter much, that I wasn’t important enough to belong. To assuage this ache, I go along with people, adapting to what they want from me so they keep me around. I tell myself it’s good to be easygoing while still longing to be known and accepted.
I tend to speak before I think. I speak directly from what I’m feeling, with no filter that this may not be something appropriate or what others would want to hear. In my heart, it feels like “what I feel is something that will help them” or ” they should know this”. But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, I can get into trouble for being too brutally honest. When I’m stressed I don’t notice or accept it until my muscles are spasming and my tension headaches are debilitating. My body has to tell me to stop and slow down because my brain does not.
When I move toward Arrow Type Four, I want to share everything. I’m inspired to write a book or a blog or share every good thing on social media. I want to hug my children and never let go while watching them do amazing things from afar without interfering.
drinking tea and reading a great book. Or working together as a family to accomplish a common goal. Helping one another is fun to me.
Jess is a mom of two young boys and two energetic dogs. On weekends she can be found teaching wood sign painting classes through her own small business, Sparkles and Crafts. Day to day, she’s a stay-at-home mom who is busy cleaning up messes and cooking up loads of delicious grub. When given a hot cup of Earl Grey and a cupcake, there is nothing she can’t do. You can find her on Facebook at 
An Enneagram Type Two in health is a glorious creature to behold! They are warm, empathetic, kind, and generous. They are others-focused, meeting needs, and giving out of genuine love with no reciprocity expected. Twos know how to relate to others with a magical unicorn level of depth and understanding. They are usually very social and enjoy parties, retreats, nights out, and anything fun with lots of people. Integrated Twos are also quite attuned to their own needs and easily set and enforce healthy boundaries. They will be your best friend for life, but also tell you a firm “no” when appropriate.
It is very difficult for a Two to stop the “giving to get” approach to love. As children, they were either taught or absorbed the idea that if they presented their need to be loved, it would be rejected. During their formative years, a message was enforced that in order to be loved you must repress who you are and focus on others. Twos are quite often unaware of their own needs—and afraid that if they do express their needs to another, the need will be unmet. And if it is met, what about next time? Is this a safe relationship in which my needs will always be met? And round and round they go!
“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.”-–Vince Lombardi
They can obsessively succeed in any area of life: relationships, work, or as a parent or spouse, but usually, they tend to focus on work. They want to be seen as prestigious and professional and so they will work until they drop (and maybe never drop). They will achieve goals and complete tasks in a fast-paced and efficient manner.