An Enneagram, Post-Deconstruction, Mid-Reconstruction, Integrated Response to Ariana Grande’s “God is a Woman”

Isn’t that the best blog post title you’ve ever read?

So.

I can’t even with the new Arianna Grande video. I love it so freaking much it’s almost painful. The symbolism. The art. The Sacred Feminine. The Divine as a Mother. A woman owning her sexuality. A woman bigger than angry white men. A woman loving her body and all the things it can do. Smashing glass ceilings with a gavel. I mean, sigh. Happiness.

Here you go. Some fun:

Type One: I’m morally obligated to let you know that the perfect expression of God is found in both male and female energies.

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Type Two: If it helps your spiritual life to think about God as a woman then I will support your journey. Tell me all your feelings.

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Type Three: Yes! She looks amazing. The video is so gorgeous. Those visuals. And the Sistine Chapel part made me cry—bonus emotions!

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Type Four: *Deep breathing* The scope of authentic, pure ideals shown in the video have now made my heart literally stop. I’ve known a shift away from patriarchy was coming and have been waiting for the rest of the world to realize what we sensitive artists have intuited for so long.

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Type 5: I mean, if you even read the Bible you see that God is described as both Mother and Father. So it’d make sense that both genders would want equal representation in sacred spaces.

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Type Six: At first the idea of God as a woman freaked me out. I mean, what would that do to my theology? But then I thought, fuck it, I’m going to follow my heart and my heart says hell yeah!

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Type Seven: I love everything about this! I’m SO into feminism and the Sacred Feminine. Sign me up for a class or a retreat or something. Lets’ get a group together and discuss the video! Drinks on me!

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Type Eight: Fuck yes! I mean….fuck yes!!

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Type Nine: I believe in all things, that we are one, that God is one, that we can find peace by accepting God as both genders and also genderless.

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What Are Wings?

roan-lavery-542074-unsplash.jpg“If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing.” ― Coco Chanel

Each Enneagram number has two Wings. The wings are the numbers on either side of each number, therefore it would be impossible for a Type Seven to have a One-wing. A Seven would have either an Eight-wing or a Six-wing—or possibly both. There are some schools of thought that say a person will have one dominant wing in the first part of their life and switch to the other wing in the second part of their life.

What is the point of wings? Many people find them confusing, but actually, wings help clarify Types. They help students of the Enneagram become increasingly specific about the ways in which a person moves about in the world.

According to Riso & Hudson on page 69 of The Wisdom of the Enneagram, “Wings help us to individualize the nine (more general) types of the Enneagram. Each wing is a subtype of the general type. Knowing the wing enables us to narrow down the issues that we must face on the [path to self-knowledge].”

One thing to remember is that a wing does not change a number, rather its characteristics are serving the purposes of the basic Type. The wing operates to further the drive of the Type number.

For example, a Type Three with a Two-wing (3w2) in health will tend to look like a regular Three but with a dose of Two charm and helpfulness. The Two-wing brings a concern for others plus generosity. 3w2’s are excellent in mentoring and coaching. They are more seductive Threes. They tend to be highly popular from a young age as the Two-wing brings a dose of heart. The Two-wing helps the Three to be keenly perceptive about what is going on with other people, they become more sensitive and caring for the needs and feelings of others. A 3w2 in health will be more extroverted, expressive, talkative, and enthusiastic than a 3w4.

A Type Thee with a Four-wing (3w4) will have a different energy and body language—more of an inward orientation. The Four brings a curiosity about the Three’s inner life and spirituality. They are attracted to the meaning of life, becoming less materialistic and more introspective. A 3w4 will prefer more independent activities, be quieter, and speak with fewer words. Because of their search for depth and meaning, they can more easily move away from the Three projected “successful” image. They will have the ability to present themselves in a more authentic way. The Four-wing can bring a more creative orientation, expressing feelings through the arts. A 3w4 will have a certain elegance, show good taste, appreciate beauty, and have a well-developed aesthetic.

Both are Type Threes. Their wings serve to lead the Three, and others, into a deeper understanding of their internal motivations and exterior behavior in a fine-tuned way.

To reiterate, “…your wing is the ‘second side’ of your personality, and it must be taken into consideration to better understand yourself or someone else. For example, if you are a personality type Nine, you will likely have either a One-wing or an Eight-wing, and your personality as a whole can best be understood by considering the traits of the Nine as they uniquely blend with the traits of either the One or the Eight.” (The Enneagram Insititute, Wings) harry-quan-486229-unsplash.jpg

Wings reveal a particular shade in the rainbow of humanity.

What are your questions about wings? Leave a comment below or email me through the contact page!

*Photos by Roan Lavery & Harry Quan on Unsplash

Type One: Body Language and Speaking Style

agence-producteurs-locaux-damien-kuhn-97746-unsplash“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” ― Augustine of Hippo

“One minute was enough, Tyler said, “A person had to work hard for it, but a minute of perfection was worth the effort.” ― Chuck PalahniukFight Club

A Type One on the Enneagram is often called “The Perfectionist” because of their constant inner voice that sees everything as black and white; perfect and imperfect. The attention of the One in autopilot goes to any perceived imperfection. They notice the two percent failure of a job done ninety-eight percent well. This hyper-focus on what needs to be changed or made perfect can push them to become unbalanced. They become hyper-critical of themselves and others, arrogant in their idea of their own rightness, and excessively judgmental.

Ones often struggle with anger as a secondary emotion; their primary emotion being whatever the One felt immediately before feeling angry. For instance, a Republican father talking to his Democratic son about politics. He sees his son’s views as dangerous and he becomes anxious and worried that his son is supporting the “wrong” ideas. The One father will not express the anxiety or worry, but his tone of voice gets louder, he becomes tenser, and he begins to show lots of anger as he talks. Eventually, he gets so angry he has to walk away from the conversation, without ever paying attention to his primary emotions of anxiety and worry.

When encountering a Type One you will hardly ever see their anger but you can detect in it their body language. They will hold themselves erect, spine straight, and have stiff arms and legs. They will often punctuate their words with sharp hand gestures near their face.

Type Ones will generally have very neat appearances. Their shirts will be tucked in, their hair combed, and everything will be ironed.

Their gazes will be piercing and unwavering and their mouths downturned or in a thin straight line. They clench their teeth. You will frequently observe Ones engage in “deep sighing” during difficult conversations. The One is angered but feels that anger is not a correct emotion to express. Anger is sinful, or not moral, or not how a proper citizen should act, therefore they repress their anger—but it builds up much like a volcano builds up heat and lava and steam. A deep sigh is a way for the One to vent their steam, to let a bit of their anger out in an unconscious way.

When a One speaks their tone will be forceful and intimidating. They love to engage in dialogue about topics where they feel there is a right or wrong outcome. They want to debate to get to the truth, tending to focus on subjects like rules, procedures, obligations, responsibilities, flaws, operations, and mistakes.

jpegGiorgio Locatelli from Britain’s Big Family Cooking Showdown is the perfect example of a One. He literally prowls about the set, his brown eyes like lasers as he stares into the camera or the poor trembling cooks. He expects perfection he says, and nearly growls, “but I also am looking to see that they’re having fun!” Cooking must be fun for families and Giorgio is there to scare that fun into them whether they like it or not. He is quick to judge a dish “a shame” when it doesn’t come out absolutely perfect and it’s almost painful to watch the family cooks wilt under his harsh criticisms.

When Ones can quiet the inner critic they access their Type Seven tendencies: they become winsome and engaging, drawing on a sense of humor to lighten conversations. Joy, fun, and pleasure become part of their experiences as they accept the imperfection of life. They relax a bit and contribute intuitiveness and an innate sense of the natural order of things, but they don’t impose these ideals, they are content to live out wisdom and rightness in their own lives and accept the humanity of others. They allow others to be on their own path. They offer discerning insights to problems when they are in health and can become wise advisors.

Other Famous Ones: Harrison Ford, Emma Thompson, Hilary Clinton

 

 

Features of a Type Three – Basic

rawpixel-com-274858-unsplash“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.”-–Vince Lombardi

An Enneagram Type Three is often called the Achiever or the Motivator. They are in the dead center of the Heart Triad and yet are the most disconnected from their own emotional life because they don’t have a Body or Head wing to help pull them out of autopilot.

Type Threes focus on success as a way to achieve the love and admiration they think they’re incapable of receiving as their authentic self. The main motivation towards relentless doing and succeeding is the underlying fear of being worthless. They want to feel accepted and desired in an unconditional way.

When Threes are at their healthiest they have a sense of their own worth and so are able to access their emotions more freely. They connect to their heart. They are high energy and can then use their big hearts to be passionate about motivating others to achieve goals. Healthy Threes also work to accomplish worthwhile goals; things that help others and contribute to the good of the world. They become team players and aid their team in the journey to success. They get things done, but in a way that is realistic and paced, making sure to create time for rest. They stop seeing others as extensions of themselves and their projected image and incorporate healthy boundaries into their daily life.

When Type Threes move into autopilot their attention is focused on both being successful and appearing successful, and all their boundless energy flows in this direction. jordan-whitfield-112404-unsplashThey can obsessively succeed in any area of life: relationships, work, or as a parent or spouse, but usually, they tend to focus on work. They want to be seen as prestigious and professional and so they will work until they drop (and maybe never drop). They will achieve goals and complete tasks in a fast-paced and efficient manner.

They also want to physically look successful so they will be very conscious of their image, and the way in which they talk. They will adapt their mannerisms and speaking style to any circumstance or person and project whatever image is necessary to succeed in the given moment. They are highly magnetic and engaging—like a salesperson. But they can also be perceived as robotic by those close to them who sniff out their inauthentic posturing.

Path of Integration (Health): Type Three takes on positive characteristics of Type Six. 

  • Become more group focused. They work towards the interest of the whole rather than promoting their own agendas.
  • Think through potential risks and dangers. They are more cautious and less likely to act impulsively in order to achieve fast results.
  • Instead of acting superior, they begin to show a softer, more self-deprecating, humorous side.
  • More spontaneous. Less attached to specific outcomes and able to be authentically engaged in the moment.

Path of Disintegration (Stress): Type Three takes on negative characteristics of Type Nine.

  • Emotional disengagement becomes more pronounced. They begin to shut down, becoming increasingly insensitive to problems and passive-aggressive with others.
  • In the face of failure, they begin to numb themselves either with hyperactivity (doing and accomplishing LOTS of things) or with inaction and substances (TV, Food, Reading, Alcohol).
  • Check out of life. Energy levels plummet and they become stagnant and unmoving. They will say things like, “I don’t care.”
  • They can seem fuzzy and unfocused, their attention is easily diverted.

Childhood Wounds

“Type Threes as children often have a well-spring of pent-up anger and hostility because [they feel] nothing they do is enough to please their unhealthy nurturing figure. Children Threes often play the role of Family Hero.” –The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Riso & Hudson, pg. 154

 

*Photos by Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash & rawpixel.com on Unsplash