Our Enneagram type’s job is to protect us, to keep us safe. Type (or internal parts) form patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior that shield us from being hurt, wounded, and in pain. These parts of our type have a lot of power, but no matter how hard they work on our behalf…life inevitably presents triggers and activations.
We DO eventually experience all the things our type (or internal parts) try to avoid. It happens to everyone. We all get activated, wounded, and hurt. Here is where we need deep breaths. Take a few now. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Let your breathing deepen and slow.
As you breathe, allow your awareness to flood with love, seeing your type/ego/parts. Then notice where in the body you feel them. Next ask what they need from you. Often our type/ego/parts need a loving witness, to be seen and known. With intention ask yourself, what new choices might be before me? If type cannot protect me in the same way it’s always done, how can I expand, grow, and heal while facing this activator? What new, healthy ways can I respond?
If you have any trouble locating these internal parts or energies, here is a list of common activators for each Enneagram Type. These are some places and events that require deep breaths! Do any of them resonate with you?
Type 1
• When others dismiss my emotions, not understanding that I’m sensitive and emotionality takes work.
• When life gets messy and I don’t feel like I have control.
• When my concerns aren’t heard; it feels unjust.
• When I or others fail to meet my expectations.
Type 2
• When I’ve worked hard to make others feel seen and known but that energy isn’t reciprocated.
• When my emotions are strong and I feel them deeply.
• When others are suffering and I don’t know how to help.
• When I feel rejected or that people don’t understand me.
Type 3
• When I hit my energetic limit, it’s like everything shuts down, and I’m fully done.
• When I’m brave enough to share, and others don’t listen.
• When my valiant efforts on your behalf are disrespected.
• When I don’t know how I feel and my insides are a confusing tangle that I can’t grasp.
Type 4
• When others don’t get me, despite how hard I’ve worked to communicate my nuance and complexity as a person.
• When I’m ignored or left out; when I’m slighted.
• When life is so raw, I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
• When my emotions overwhelm me, I need to take deep breaths.
Type 5
• When my emotions are safe to emerge, and they do so at once in an overwhelming rush.
• When all the choices feel bad, and there is no logical solution. When I feel trapped.
• When I’m called awkward, and I already feel like I don’t fit in.
• When I’m left out just because I’m quiet and reserved.
Type 6
• When I ask for help and I’m disappointed. When someone doesn’t show up for me.
• When people don’t treat me as worthy and valuable.
• When I feel out of control, and my plans aren’t working.
• When my worries and concerns are invalidated.
Type 7
• When I’m judged or when someone doesn’t talk to me directly about being upset.
• When people fail to live up to the good opinion I have of them.
• When my sadness and pain linger longer than I’d like.
• When my ideas fall flat or don’t pan out like I’d hoped.
Type 8
• When I’m tired because there is a right thing to do, and no one is doing it but me.
• When my emotions bubble to the surface and I feel them.
• When people I counted on seem to betray me.
• When others misunderstand my passion as anger.
Type 9
• When I work so hard to set healthy boundaries and they are not respected.
• When I’ve let tasks pile up and I’m totally overwhelmed.
• When people I love are treated unfairly or cruelly.
• When I’m so understanding of others, but they willfully misunderstand me.
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Enneagram Paths! Today, we have interviews with Lindsay O’Connor and Becca Briggs who are going to share their experiences as Enneagram Type Sixes.
Let’s take a quick look at the description of a Type Six by Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, whose book, Whole Identity, outlines a brain-based take on the Enneagram. Click on the book title to check out his entire site and grab a copy of this groundbreaking Enneagram theory for yourself.
Dr. Lubbe uses the term ‘Loyalty’ to summarize Type Sixes. Of Sixes, he says, “The innate human capacity reflected in 6 nature is the energy of loyalty. What 6 nature seeks and is motivated by is guarantees. [Their] primary style of engagement is thought. Positive limbic attachments reinforce a sense of being in concrete and promised. Negative limbic attachments are triggered fastest by unpredictability or insecurity. When overwhelmed, fatigue expresses as anxiety. The primary and practical application for 6 nature is to breathe and practice silence. The healthy 6 nature in each of us is the most gifted at modeling our human capacity for courage.” (Whole Identity, Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, pg. 59)
Thank you, Lindsay and Becca, for being here today and sharing with us what it means for you to live life as Six!
Lindsay O’Connor
1. What has it been like being a Type Six during Covid, quarantine, and social distancing? How have you coped?
In some ways, I think being a Six has made the pandemic more bearable because I’m used to worrying and planning for the worst-case scenario. Part of me has felt like, at least for the first few months when everything was shut down, the rest of the world was finally catching up to the anxiety, planning, and concern for safety that I always carry. I often feel invalidated in my anxiety, so in an odd way, having the whole world prioritize safety was validating. The more control I felt I had over the situation, the more settled and safe I felt, so when my husband, children, and I were all able to be at home, I felt reasonably safe. However, I am an introvert and have a pretty sizable 5 wing, so one of the greatest challenges during the pandemic has been the lack of alone time. I’ve had difficulty finding space to decompress and feel my own feelings without worrying about how they are impacting family members.
One of my greatest needs is for certainty, which has been very difficult during this odd in-between time when everything keeps changing. Because I cope with anxiety through planning, I’ve struggled with not being able to plan very far in advance as so many things have been subject to change in this phase of the pandemic. I’ve had to learn to hold things loosely and to create my own routines (for myself and for our children) in order to feel some sense of security and control. Structure helps settle my anxiety because it allows me a small degree of predictability when so many things are out of my control.
As a rule-follower who looks to authority figures to offer a sense of guidance and safety, I’ve struggled with the lack of unity and consistent messaging from those in authority (in the government, healthcare, etc.). Deep down, I believe that rules for the common good keep us safe, so it has been frustrating to see everyone disagreeing about the best ways to protect ourselves and others during the pandemic.
2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Six?
My favorite thing about being a Type Six is our concern for and commitment to the common good. I generally want, can envision, and am committed to working toward whatever is most beneficial for everyone, including and especially people whose perspectives have often been ignored, dismissed, or invalidated. I believe in the importance of working toward a group consensus and everyone having agency to be involved in the decisions that affect them.
3. Tell us about fear or doubt. How do you engage with fear/doubt and calm it so that you feel internal peace and trust in yourself?
The first and most basic step for me in engaging and calming fear and doubt has been increased awareness. Enneagram work has taught me to practice non-judgmental self-observation. In the past, I had attached a lot of shame to my anxiety (in general but especially pertaining to postpartum depression and anxiety disorder), so for several years, I’ve been working on becoming more shame-resilient and developing self-compassion. This has helped me to have healthier self-talk. When I recognize fear creeping in, I try to talk myself through it with kindness. When I start second-guessing a decision I made, I remind myself of all the things I did to make the best decision I could. I’m working on really believing that making a decision and then changing my mind doesn’t mean it was a bad decision or that I should not have trusted myself; it simply means that at any given moment, I am making the best decision I can with the information that is available to me.
I use some regular practices and routines to lower my baseline of anxiety as well as tools and mantras that I use in the moment when anxiety is ramped up. Therapy, spiritual direction, Enneagram work, and contemplative practices have helped immensely over time as sort of preventative measures or “maintenance.” Contemplative prayer has been especially beneficial in quieting my mind and getting in touch with my inner knowing, which acts as an anchor I can return to when I get caught up in the stress of daily life. Being outside and moving my body (usually with walks or yoga) helps me integrate my body, mind, and heart. As a head/thinking type, I’m working on reconnecting with my body as a way to get in touch with my real feelings.
I love to write and have found that it allows me to process what I’m thinking. I try to notice when I’m overly concerned with checking in with others for validation instead of trusting my own inner knowing. When I’m feeling especially anxious, I often turn to my body and try to discover what it needs (water, movement, rest, etc.). Viewing my anxiety as something that I carry and can befriend instead of something I need to get rid of has allowed me to see myself as a whole person and not to over-identify with it. When I’m struggling, a mantra that I use is, “You won’t feel this way forever.” Uncomfortable feelings are like waves, and it helps to remember that if I ride them out, they will pass.
4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Three to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Sixes about choosing some of the high-side traits of Three to be of service to you in stress?
The energy I tap into from my stress move to Three is very helpful when I’m feeling paralyzed by fear (on the low/unhealthy side of 6). When the move happens, I often notice that I’m able to set the fear aside and focus on taking the next step, and then the next, in order to keep moving and accomplishing. I get a burst of energy with this move and accomplish a lot. It also increases my confidence, which often shows up when I am teaching or leading a group in some capacity. Those are some of the gifts of the move to Three. However, we (Sixes) need to be aware of when we are too dismissive of others’ feelings in this space, prioritizing tasks over people/relationships, and we need to make time to circle back to our own feelings after we have set them down for a while.
5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?
I identify the most with the self-preservation subtype. I’ve heard it described as the “warm” subtype (compared to social, which is cool, and sexual, which is hot). For Sixes, this means we are family-oriented, warm, and disarming. All Sixes deal with anxiety and a need for safety, and my subtype means that often the method I use to feel safe is to be warm and disarming towards other people. I think this (subconsciously) is a way that I try to endear myself to others in order to build a strong support system. My disarming behaviors look like avoidance of conflict, being (sometimes overly) accommodating of others, and moving towards others to fulfill their needs.
My subtype also means that most of my anxiety is around health and safety for myself and the people for whom I am responsible. All Sixes are concerned with being responsible and fulfilling duty, and as a self-preserving type, this is focused on practical, daily responsibilities involved in keeping my family and myself healthy and safe. I’m (sometimes overly) focused and intentional with practical physical needs like meal planning, keeping up with doctor appointments, paying bills, etc.
6. From the perspective of a Type Six, how can we best support each other during these difficult times?
I believe that we can love and support others best when we feel healthy, whole, and loved ourselves. As I have worked on developing deeper self-compassion, I’ve noticed that I am more resilient and secure in my identity so I am in a healthier place to be present to the suffering of others. We can support one another by checking in, especially with people who might easily fall through the cracks, and listening and being present to people’s pain without trying to fix it. We can learn to recognize and own the privileges from which we have benefitted and make intentional efforts to listen to and follow the lead of those who have been marginalized in various parts of their identities. As we listen and develop relationships with people who have had different life experiences than we have, we can begin to see concrete ways to stand in solidarity with people who are suffering. For me as a Six, the support I often need and therefore the support I usually give involves listening to and validating people’s experiences without judging them. When we validate each other’s struggles, we can then find common ground where we can connect and work together to make the world a more just and compassionate place.
Lindsay O’Connor has been working with the Enneagram for about five years and is on staff part-time at Life in the Trinity Ministry, which was founded by Enneagram Teacher Suzanne Stabile and Reverend Joseph Stabile. Her favorite job is being mama to her two daughters. She is a writer, reader, former teacher, and most recently, a seminary student. Lindsay is passionate about cultivating spaces and conversations for healing, reconciliation, and flourishing in relationship with God, others, and self. She can usually be found with her nose in a book.
1. What has it been like being a Type Six during Covid, quarantine, and social distancing? How have you coped?
I will admit, the beginning months of Covid were TERRIFYING for me. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without having a panic attack and felt like I needed to take every precaution necessary. I wouldn’t say it’s been an easy time, but once I quit focusing on the uncertainty and lack of control of everything happening around me, the change of pace and increase in introspection has been extremely beneficial. For years I was in a go-go-go mode, working constantly and extremely stressed on a daily basis. Being able to slow down and figure out what I TRULY want has given me the space and resources to live a simpler, more intuitively guided life instead of reacting to everything around me. I have coped by spending lots of time in nature, learning and starting my own business, and strengthening the relationships with the people closest to me. Having the mental/emotional support of my boyfriend, friends, and mom has honestly made the world of difference in how my quarantine experience played out.
2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Six?
Two things stand out the most. The first, although somewhat stereotypical, is the amount of loyalty given. Although at times it’s maybe caused more harm than good, I do take pride in my level of commitment. It’s hard to find people who truly put their dedication into relationships, jobs, projects, experiences, etc. and I would rather put my full heart and soul in than be half-in and half-out. Secondly, I like being such a deep thinker. As long as I’m not TOO caught up in my head, I actually do enjoy seeing many perspectives, putting puzzle pieces together, finding solutions, and the mental planning and organizing that occurs. I feel like I notice things others don’t, making this a valuable and appreciative skill.
3. Tell us about fear or doubt. How do you engage with fear/doubt and calm it so that you feel internal peace and trust in yourself?
Fear and Doubt feel like the Angel/Devil figures that sit on my shoulders, giving advice and guidance, except both of them can cause a chaotic mental spiral if I’m not careful. This has been a main area of growth for me in my personal development, and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t present themselves to me on a daily basis. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to find the balance in embracing them for what they are, instead of trying to repress or ignore them, yet not allowing them to control me or my life. Ultimately both fear and doubt are there to protect me, so I honor them as such, but know that just because they’re trying to help doesn’t mean that I NEED their help. They’re merely friends trying to give me suggestions for what to do. I take it into account, but at the end of the day, I make my OWN decision. A life hindered by fear and doubt isn’t a life lived at all, and more often than not pushing past our fears and doubts leads to the most AMAZING experiences that make it all worth it.
4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Three to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Sixes about choosing some of the high-side traits of Three to be of service to you in stress?
This is something I’ve been utilizing recently. I used to ONLY use it as a way to keep myself busy and distract myself from my worries and thoughts. But I’ve found that using it in an intentional and helpful way can actually be extremely beneficial. I either focus on projects that I can easily complete, especially if they’re collaborative or in a way that helps others, or do some strategic planning for myself; personal/professional goal planning, task management, scheduling, etc. – something to get me out of my head and into healthy productive action. The biggest tip I can give to other Six types is to make sure that the actions you take are intentional. Don’t just work to work. Don’t overload yourself just to prove something. Don’t get competitive to test yourself or others. It’s ultimately like a drug, that you never feel better after once you’ve “sobered up”, and trust me I spent YEARS chasing the “high” of overexerting myself. Instead, take healthy actions. Stay “busy” in ways that matter instead of distract. “Compete” with yourself by reaching goals for what you want. You don’t have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else, it feels so much better to stay focused on and true to you and your big-picture vision.
5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?
My instinct is Self-Preservation, and it shows up in a variety of ways. Firstly, I look to an authority figure in my life. I like knowing I have someone there, helping support and protect me, and letting me know if they see any red flags in any decisions I consider risky. Although I’m currently working on not relying on outside validation as much, it’s nice to have it as a tool to ease my doubts. I’m also someone who prioritizes my physical/mental wellbeing. For example, in the past, I wasn’t able to date or pursue relationships until I had my work/financial/health/living situations figured out, because those took up most (if not all) of my mental capacity. In spending time with friends, if I don’t feel safe/comfortable (physically or emotionally), become too hungry or tired, or get too socially drained (as an introvert) I either won’t go or will leave immediately if I’m already there, and if I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I tend to go off the radar until I feel in a good-enough state to talk to people again. None of this is meant to be rude or uncaring to others, it’s simply a survival thing. Lastly, it’s also given me the unfortunate “worst-case-scenario” thought process. Although I don’t always express it, in my head I’m usually ALWAYS playing out scenarios – especially the worst or craziest ones – down to the last detail. I’m always prepared for the worst, that way if ever it does happen I’ll be prepared to do anything and everything I can to get through it – both for myself and anyone else involved. Because of this though, I have a tendency to be spaced out in my head for a long time if I don’t have something actively taking my attention
6. From the perspective of a Type Six, how can we best support each other during these difficult times?
I believe the best support right now is through community and compassion. There is an amount of personal responsibility that needs to be taken right now, but instead of focusing only on ourselves, I think people should look at the entirety of how their actions will impact others. We are all connected whether or not we want to admit it, and all of our actions have consequences, so being a contribution to the solution and taking any helpful steps will go far. The only way we can get through this without inflicting more chaos and damage is through having empathy and understanding for each other and taking actions to better ourselves and our world instead of focusing on things through a personal funnel of what we WANT to see.
Becca Briggs is a certified life coach and freelance artist, specializing in helping other intuitive creatives reconnect with their passions and purposes through personal development, organizational/strategic planning, and energetic/mindset work. She is dedicated to helping people develop deeper understandings of themselves using tools like the Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and NLP so they can live their best, most confident, creative, and authentic lives.
Happy Tuesday Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the next installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.
This Type Five artwork is fifth in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. Here is a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted and inked each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type 5: In this piece, the yellowish-green paint represents both a “cloud” of information and the connection to universal knowing that Fives access in Essence. This cloud aspect is echoed in the lines underneath the eye. The eye is part of the body and harkens to how Fives can observe all with embodied energy in integration. The eyelashes include arrows that point up and down to signify how, in health, Fives can live rich inner and outer lives. The “V” at the top of the illustrated painting shows how the True Self of Fives moves powerfully in and out of the world according to the combined wisdom of their bodies, hearts, and minds. The contract between the defined geometric shapes and the free, messy watercolor paint represents how Fives can simultaneously understand facts and be in tune with mysterious unknowing.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
Happy Wednesday Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the next installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.
This Type Four artwork is fourth in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. Here is a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted and inked each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type 4: With this piece, I wanted to create a landscape infused with drama. I went for rich colors, and the energetic movement found in nature. The spectrum from light to dark is signified by the sun to the deep sea, honoring Type Fours’ full, vibrant emotionality. There are calmer waters and a flowing current underneath the tumultuous waves to show how the True Self of Fours is steady and true. The sunset is the way Fours illuminate the beauty in the world for the rest of us. And the serene stillness of the ocean in the back of the waves illustrates the embodied, authentic Essence of Fours found in integration.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
Hello Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the third installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.
This Type Three artwork is the third in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. But don’t worry, I dislike long artsy-fartsy art descriptions as much as the next person. So instead, I aim to provide a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type 3: This illustrated painting began with the idea of a Whole Self or True Self that Threes lose touch with as they mask up. The geometric shapes represent the many identities that Threes take on to please others. I imagined these identities as facets of a gem broken apart. The circle in the middle of the painting is meant to be both the untouched, authentic core that resides with a Three’s heart and a protection around their True Selves. Inside this ring lies a star compass. The heart of the integrated Three shines bright and brings centered energy that does not fail. They move with real confidence and become faithful guides for both themselves and others.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
Hello Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the second installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.
This Type Two artwork is the second in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. But don’t worry, I dislike long artsy-fartsy art descriptions as much as the next person. So instead, I aim to provide a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type Two: With this illustrated painting, I wanted to honor the heart of Twos, who see the rainbow of possibilities in other people. They give of themselves to help the rest of us shine! The arrows and blue marks around the reflected rainbows represent the energy of giving and receiving that surrounds a Two in health or integration. You will notice that the arrows point outward and inward, signifying that Twos can learn to give to themselves and receive from others. The black lines that hem in the colors of each strand in the rainbows are healthy boundaries. The heart of each rainbow is loosely figurative, forming an “I” on the top and a “You or U” on the bottom. The I and U represent the ability of Type Twos to be the beautiful rainbow of themselves and differentiate from the rainbow of others. They learn to radiate their own unique light and colorful imprint on the world.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
Hello Enneagram Paths friends! It’s been a while, and I hope this post finds you well. I’ve had a whole summer of coaching, teaching, family time, and much-needed rest. Rhythms and seasons bring all kinds of changes, ebbs, and flows to my work. It’s a joy to live and work this way, paying attention to shifts in energy and passion.
Today, I’m bringing you the first installment of a side project I’ve been working on for a few months. For a long time, people would ask me when I’d meld all three parts of my career together: art, writing, and the Enneagram. And for a long time, I would tell them that I honestly had zero ideas when it came to Enneagram Art! Until, of course, one day, I had an idea. Funny how inspiration strikes!
This Type One artwork is the first in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. I want to give you a little bit of a deeper description here on the blog. But don’t worry, I dislike artsy-fartsy art descriptions as much as the next person. Instead, my aim is to provide a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I created each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type One: With this piece, I wanted to honor the real and necessary black-and-white thinking of Ones. You will see that the only colors I’ve used are black, white, gray, and gold. The mountains represent the heights Ones will attempt to reach on their path to perfection and the diligent work toward excellence that inspires their lives. The landscape below is a mix of straight and flowing lines, illustrating the blend of structure, emotionality, and spontaneity of a Type One in integration. The gray landscape is an invitation for health, to see the beauty in grayscale and the endless possibilities that exist between black and white. Finally, the golden sun is a nod to the perfection found in Essence – Ones are already good and worthy and loved exactly as they are.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
