The funny thing about the Enneagram health/aware/integration arrows is that we can’t force the move. It simply happens with a combination of inner work + natural wiring + intention + flow. We never quite figure out the formula. I’m a nerdy Enneagram Type Five, and even I use words like unexplainable and magical to describe the health arrow move!
Integration to your health number (or type) provides you with new energy, new awareness, and expansive options. How do you want to move forward in a different way? What got you here, and how do you feel? What do you see in a new light? What do you sense is right? How must things change? What will enliven and enrich your life?
Use your answers to accept the gifts of your health arrow – they almost always lead to expansion, healing, joy, and a revitalized relationship with yourself!
As you read through these, remember that they are a list of high-side attributes you go to in your health arrow. They are the best of that type. These are all qualities to help you notice when you’re in alignment.
Type 1 – To – Type 7
I find life fun and enjoyable. My mind expands, and I accept new ideas. Pleasure becomes a healthy priority. I embrace spontaneous adventures. My thinking becomes much more gray. I make decisions that resonate and feel good in my mind, body, and heart.
Type 2 – To – Type 4
My inner world is known to me. I take self-important risks and reap the rewards of trying new things. I can say no with confidence. I grant all my emotions equal importance. I learn how to love being with myself. My mind is filled with exciting ideas.
Type 3 – To – Type 6
I know and trust my own voice and authentic opinions. Loyalty takes the place of competition. I bravely communicate and share my heart. I learn to take careful, considered action. I am genuinely emotive, warm, and loving. I work cooperatively with others.
Type 4 – To – Type 1
I know what needs to be done. I find congruence in many areas of my life. I think objectively and with precision. My gut intuition is strong and trustworthy. My emotions and actions become aligned. I create new realities every day.
Type 5 – To – Type 8
My mind finds pockets of quiet. I move into the world with power an ease. I am aware of desire and act on it. My body speaks to me, and I listen to it. I relish life with robust energy. I accomplish goals with great success.
Type 6 – To – Type 9
All is well and will be well. I attract people who support and love me. I trust in the goodness of the universe. My body is on my side. My intuition is strong and leads me well. I relax, let go, and allow life to unfold.
Type 7 – To – Type 5
I focus and get so very much done. I find great delight in the mundane. The moments I inhabit are satisfying. My body is here, singing with life. I accept stillness and all it holds. My mind is my rational ally.
Type 8 – To – Type 2
I see others as worthy equals. My soft heart is shown to a chosen few. I embrace risk as part of being loved. My protection of others is boundaried. I accept my own humanity. My inner child feels safe to play.
Type 9 – To – Type 3
I know I am loved, worthy, and special. My goals become actions that are achieved. I take a stand on vital issues. My wants and needs become known to me. I see myself as someone of importance. My heart guides me, showing me the way.
1. Hard times happen to everyone. They are not your fault and the universe isn’t punishing you. You are loved and wanted. Reach out as much as you need to. Being reminded of how lovable and worthy you are is a key way to get through difficulties.
2. Acknowledge that two things can be true at the same time. You might have no idea what to do and know exactly what to do all in the same breath. This confusion and sometimes bone deep exhaustion is normal. Rest, trust, take the next right step and nothing more.
Type 1
When life is hard, I remember that I can ask for support, encouragement, and reminders that being exactly where I am is okay. I am going through a hard time because I’m human; there is nothing bad or wrong with me. I can delegate tasks to others and reconnect with myself. I am worthy and loved and don’t have to do it all right now.
Type 2
When life is hard, I remember this is precisely when it’s good and right to be “selfish.” I can ask for others to help me put myself first. Hard times happen to helpers, too. I’m worth being here, I’m worth showing up for myself, and I’m worth the space to rest and heal. Now is the time to sleep, have fun, do nothing, read, relax, and just be.
Type 3
When life is hard, I remember that I am a someone who needs to verbally process during hard times. I can ask someone to let me vent. I’m allowed to seek external validation; I need to hear I’m doing a good job right now. I can assess what to do and what to let go of to slow down. I am a person, and I have limits. I deserve love.
Type 4
When life is hard, I remember who I am and what I feel is never “not enough” or “too much.” This is precisely the right time to ask for validation, hugs, encouragement, and help from others. In my gut, I know how to process this challenging time and give myself permission to do so freely. This is not my fault; it happens to everyone.
Type 5
When life is hard, I remember it’s normal for me to feel immense anxiety during hard times. I’m allowed the space to worry and try to figure out how to fix things. I can ask for help with daily tasks and for a listening ear. I am not alone; there are people who love me. I am not deficient; this is a lot, and letting go is okay.
Type 6
When life is hard, I remember that hard times are when it’s appropriate for me to reach out to my network. I can ask for time to talk and also to seek opinions. There is nothing wrong with being overwhelmed and needing support. I can do this, but I don’t have to do it by myself. I am so freaking strong, and it’s also okay to break down.
Type 7
When life is hard, I remember this is when I’m totally allowed to vacillate between needing other’s upbeat energy and time alone. I can ask people who know my deeper side for advice. It’s okay for me to feel sadness and anxiety in small chunks and not all at once. I am resilient, soft, badass, tired, lonely, and kind of okay all at once.
Type 8
When life is hard, I remember that hard times are when I can seek out safe, professional support. I can ask for time away to think and help getting out of my head. I don’t have to muscle through this. My emotions are valid and true. I am lovable exactly as I am. Resting isn’t a failure. It’s storing energy to fight the good fight another day.
Type 9
When life is hard, I remember this is the perfect time to ask others to check on me. I need love, time to vent, support, and a lot of space. There is nothing I did to cause this. I might see eight million ways out and not know which one to choose. I can trust myself. I am allowed to wait and see what happens and/or also take cautious action.
Our Enneagram type’s job is to protect us, to keep us safe. Type (or internal parts) form patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior that shield us from being hurt, wounded, and in pain. These parts of our type have a lot of power, but no matter how hard they work on our behalf…life inevitably presents triggers and activations.
We DO eventually experience all the things our type (or internal parts) try to avoid. It happens to everyone. We all get activated, wounded, and hurt. Here is where we need deep breaths. Take a few now. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Let your breathing deepen and slow.
As you breathe, allow your awareness to flood with love, seeing your type/ego/parts. Then notice where in the body you feel them. Next ask what they need from you. Often our type/ego/parts need a loving witness, to be seen and known. With intention ask yourself, what new choices might be before me? If type cannot protect me in the same way it’s always done, how can I expand, grow, and heal while facing this activator? What new, healthy ways can I respond?
If you have any trouble locating these internal parts or energies, here is a list of common activators for each Enneagram Type. These are some places and events that require deep breaths! Do any of them resonate with you?
Type 1
• When others dismiss my emotions, not understanding that I’m sensitive and emotionality takes work.
• When life gets messy and I don’t feel like I have control.
• When my concerns aren’t heard; it feels unjust.
• When I or others fail to meet my expectations.
Type 2
• When I’ve worked hard to make others feel seen and known but that energy isn’t reciprocated.
• When my emotions are strong and I feel them deeply.
• When others are suffering and I don’t know how to help.
• When I feel rejected or that people don’t understand me.
Type 3
• When I hit my energetic limit, it’s like everything shuts down, and I’m fully done.
• When I’m brave enough to share, and others don’t listen.
• When my valiant efforts on your behalf are disrespected.
• When I don’t know how I feel and my insides are a confusing tangle that I can’t grasp.
Type 4
• When others don’t get me, despite how hard I’ve worked to communicate my nuance and complexity as a person.
• When I’m ignored or left out; when I’m slighted.
• When life is so raw, I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
• When my emotions overwhelm me, I need to take deep breaths.
Type 5
• When my emotions are safe to emerge, and they do so at once in an overwhelming rush.
• When all the choices feel bad, and there is no logical solution. When I feel trapped.
• When I’m called awkward, and I already feel like I don’t fit in.
• When I’m left out just because I’m quiet and reserved.
Type 6
• When I ask for help and I’m disappointed. When someone doesn’t show up for me.
• When people don’t treat me as worthy and valuable.
• When I feel out of control, and my plans aren’t working.
• When my worries and concerns are invalidated.
Type 7
• When I’m judged or when someone doesn’t talk to me directly about being upset.
• When people fail to live up to the good opinion I have of them.
• When my sadness and pain linger longer than I’d like.
• When my ideas fall flat or don’t pan out like I’d hoped.
Type 8
• When I’m tired because there is a right thing to do, and no one is doing it but me.
• When my emotions bubble to the surface and I feel them.
• When people I counted on seem to betray me.
• When others misunderstand my passion as anger.
Type 9
• When I work so hard to set healthy boundaries and they are not respected.
• When I’ve let tasks pile up and I’m totally overwhelmed.
• When people I love are treated unfairly or cruelly.
• When I’m so understanding of others, but they willfully misunderstand me.
Welcome back to this three-part grief and Enneagram series. To summarize why this series is so important let’s revisit an excerpt from the last post:
“Grief and Enneagram shadow work are very similar in their approach and application. In both instances, we wrestle with the unknown sides of life that indicate unacknowledged pain, confusion, or disruption to our path forward. Effective grief and Enneagram work provides a framework for understanding ourselves and embracing new ways of thinking about our lives and circumstances. The more we learn, the more we realize we are unique individuals. The nuance of our individuality causes our grief journey to be like a fingerprint. Even when some stereotypes apply, there is always a part of our spirit that needs a little more intention.
This journey allows us to cultivate the compassion needed to find movement through our pain. As you embrace the truth of grief in your life, you may find that learning more about your Enneagram type provides extra support.”
Today, I want to unpack three more type misconceptions and how they can lead us to incorrect assumptions about how we “should” feel and move through our grief stories. We already know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for all. We can reckon with the stereotypical reactions in our enneagram types that act as easy excuses to avoid the deeper, more intimate work of pursuing healing in our grief.
Type Four
Type Fours are known for being comfortable with melancholy and conflicting emotions and are often wonderful people for grievers to speak with when their own hearts cannot figure out how to survive a heavy loss.
Fours believe they are fundamentally different, which, in grief, can also lead them to spiral down a road of overthinking. They try to sort their emotions into a grief identity that makes sense yet remains unique.
But what we don’t often see in Type Fours is the propensity for forward motion. Grief is not about learning to move on; it’s about integrating our losses into our identity in a way that allows us to become more nuanced, intentional, and whole. There is no one more adept at adjusting to big, heavy emotions in an integrative way than Fours.
When they live in their heart center, Fours become witty, clever, insightful, and clear-minded. They work through grief productively, thinking intentionally rather than in a circular way. As a result, Fours begin to spiral upward with high energy and healing for themselves and others.
Type Five
Type Fives are full of wisdom, depth, and intelligence. They look for depth with each question, perfectly delighted to chase ideas down whatever obscure path they find. Because Fives are typically introspective and thoughtful, we assume that grief is something they’ve sorted out. Perhaps Fives have learned how to detach from the pain and therefore experience no grief at all?
Not true. What really happens for a grieving Type Five is that their mental wheels spin faster than ever. You may perceive them as cold and calculated, yet Fives are truly empathetic, deeply attuned people. They search for answers to relieve suffering or lack, but that’s not something available in grief. Not truly.
When Fives are able to become embodied – really connecting to the center of who they are – they will find strength outside of knowledge. Type Fives who allow themselves to take action toward reintegration of their whole selves become authoritative, confident, and compassionate to others and themselves.
Once Type Fives accept a thoughtful path toward healing for themselves, they will become the leaders you always suspected they could become. Their emotional side will surface with intention and grounding, leading others to heal, as well.
Type Six
Type Sixes aren’t strangers to thinking about grief – in fact, Sixes are hyper-aware of potential grief events and do all they can to minimize possible loss before it happens. Once introduced to their story, grief drives secure, steady Sixes into overdrive for resolution.
Then, natural cynicism surfaces, affirming their belief that all things are inherently untrustworthy. This draws Type Sixes further away from integration, where they would experience a settled spirit and an understanding of their secure place in the world, even when threatened by grief.
However, when Sixes embrace grief as truth, they gain new insight about the facts of their life circumstances. They acknowledge their lack of control in loss and recognize the grief in their life is not the end of the story. As they begin healing, their lighthearted, confident nature emerges.
Grief changes Sixes for the better, so long as they process their experiences as survivable. Not in a “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” platitude way, but through gaining soul-deep, inherent wisdom about the nature of life and loss.
Type Sixes long to express their free-spirited, lighthearted, fun side. When grief doesn’t destroy them, Sixes learn they can find a way to trust others and survive the most intimidating pain because life is so much richer than navigating around fear.
Mandy Capehart is an author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is the founder of The Restorative Grief Project, an online community of grievers and grief supporters looking for movement while they heal. Her first book is titled, “Restorative Grief: Embracing our losses without losing ourselves,” released in 2021. This is a memoir and 31 day guidebook for managing grief and growth in the aftermath of loss, no matter how long it lasts. You can hear more about her grief work on her podcast, Restorative Grief with Mandy Capehart. She also co-hosts The Uncomfortable Grace Podcast, where space is held for growth amid the messy middle-parts of life.
Grief work is not easy. We assume those who grieve are sad all the time, wallowing in their feelings and crying over every reminder of their loss. Often, grievers feel avoided and ignored because no one wants to accidentally make the griever feel worse. The same is true of the Enneagram – when a friend knows your Enneagram type, you may find they behave differently based on what they expect you to do or say in response.
While this can be frustrating, getting to know ourselves better is the only way to disarm these harmful and dismissive assumptions. Grief and Enneagram shadow work are very similar in their approach and application. In both instances, we wrestle with the unknown sides of life that indicate unacknowledged pain, confusion, or disruption to our path forward.
Effective grief and Enneagram work provides a framework for understanding ourselves and embracing new ways of thinking about our lives and circumstances. The more we learn, the more we realize we are unique individuals. The nuance of our individuality causes our grief journey to be like a fingerprint. Even when some stereotypes apply, there is always a part of our spirit that needs a little more intention.
This journey allows us to cultivate the compassion needed to find movement through our pain. As you embrace the truth of grief in your life, you may find that learning more about your Enneagram type provides extra support.
Today, I want to unpack type misconceptions and how they can lead us to incorrect assumptions about how we “should” feel and move through our grief stories. We already know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for all. We can reckon with the stereotypical reactions in our enneagram types that act as easy excuses to avoid the deeper, more intimate work of pursuing healing in our grief.
Type One
Type Ones are often perceived as hard, black and white, and intense. They’re known for their strict boundaries and their ever-present inner critic keeping them on track (and held back).
In grief, this can look like the person chasing down justice for themselves, trying to find the right way to grieve. But no right way exists, and there is often no real justice for the loss we experience. We have no one to blame, so we tend to blame ourselves. If only we could have found a better path, or made better decisions, maybe we wouldn’t be feeling this much pain.
Yet, Type One’s have access to lightheartedness and a playful demeanor. These integration characteristics will move them through melancholic overthinking and onto a path of restoration. When a Type One embraces the unknown with an expectation of warmth on the other end, they can begin to release their rigid expectations of doing grief “correctly.”
Grievers know two emotions can exist at the same time – because there is gray space in life. When a Type One recognizes ambiguity, their laughter returns, despite sad feelings that remain. And this is the path forward.
Type Two
Type Twos are known for being selfless, casual, and willing to set all their needs aside for the well-being of others. They keep their own emotions close to the vest with an intent to serve — which masks their sense of self.
This can mean they don’t actually grieve! Don’t get me wrong, Twos feel deeply and experience grief personally in their lives. But grief itself and the act of grieving are wildly different, and most of the time, Twos can’t move beyond their default coping mechanism of caring for others.
When Type Twos see the truth that their serving is a safety net, things will shift. They become more introspective and introverted, choosing to move toward their own sense of need and healing in a way that disarms the manic energy to serve others.
This integrated Two becomes a total Zen-master, learning how to engage their inner world with the insight and compassion typically reserved for others. From here, they can teach others how to do the same without needing to do it for them. They release the desire to control or manipulate and instead learn to let themselves and others feel their feelings — even when they’re sad.
Type Three
Type Threes are passionate, externally focused, driven, charismatic, and positive. However, the changing masks of a Three make it harder for their genuine emotions to surface. In seasons of grief, this becomes more evident.
Threes need to know they are safe to fall apart, and that level of trust doesn’t come easily. So many Threes will convince others and themselves they’re doing fine. Barely impacted at all, even. Sure, grief is sad, and, like everyone else, they feel sad about the loss. But for the most part, a Three may seem even-keeled and smooth as glass on the outside.
Internally, however, a war is waging. Type Threes who learn to engage their repressed emotions and feel intentionally can be incredibly supportive and loving to themselves and others. Threes are usually supportive, but learning to authentically and honestly support themselves means they also have to drop the act of having it together all the time.
Emotionally healthy Threes will be honest with their safe few when they are overwhelmed, grieving, and need help. The hard part for grieving Threes is that while they believe their masks are intact, everyone else can see the facade cracking. The pressure of loss is too heavy to bear alone, and a Three can move into a place of cooperation for their own healing when the atmosphere is safe enough.
Part 2 & 3 Coming Soon!
Mandy Capehart is an author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is the founder of The Restorative Grief Project, an online community of grievers and grief supporters looking for movement while they heal. Her first book is titled, “Restorative Grief: Embracing our losses without losing ourselves,” released in 2021. This is a memoir and 31 day guidebook for managing grief and growth in the aftermath of loss, no matter how long it lasts. You can hear more about her grief work on her podcast, Restorative Grief with Mandy Capehart. She also co-hosts The Uncomfortable Grace Podcast, where space is held for growth amid the messy middle-parts of life.
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Enneagram Paths! Today, we have interviews with Lindsay O’Connor and Becca Briggs who are going to share their experiences as Enneagram Type Sixes.
Let’s take a quick look at the description of a Type Six by Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, whose book, Whole Identity, outlines a brain-based take on the Enneagram. Click on the book title to check out his entire site and grab a copy of this groundbreaking Enneagram theory for yourself.
Dr. Lubbe uses the term ‘Loyalty’ to summarize Type Sixes. Of Sixes, he says, “The innate human capacity reflected in 6 nature is the energy of loyalty. What 6 nature seeks and is motivated by is guarantees. [Their] primary style of engagement is thought. Positive limbic attachments reinforce a sense of being in concrete and promised. Negative limbic attachments are triggered fastest by unpredictability or insecurity. When overwhelmed, fatigue expresses as anxiety. The primary and practical application for 6 nature is to breathe and practice silence. The healthy 6 nature in each of us is the most gifted at modeling our human capacity for courage.” (Whole Identity, Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, pg. 59)
Thank you, Lindsay and Becca, for being here today and sharing with us what it means for you to live life as Six!
Lindsay O’Connor
1. What has it been like being a Type Six during Covid, quarantine, and social distancing? How have you coped?
In some ways, I think being a Six has made the pandemic more bearable because I’m used to worrying and planning for the worst-case scenario. Part of me has felt like, at least for the first few months when everything was shut down, the rest of the world was finally catching up to the anxiety, planning, and concern for safety that I always carry. I often feel invalidated in my anxiety, so in an odd way, having the whole world prioritize safety was validating. The more control I felt I had over the situation, the more settled and safe I felt, so when my husband, children, and I were all able to be at home, I felt reasonably safe. However, I am an introvert and have a pretty sizable 5 wing, so one of the greatest challenges during the pandemic has been the lack of alone time. I’ve had difficulty finding space to decompress and feel my own feelings without worrying about how they are impacting family members.
One of my greatest needs is for certainty, which has been very difficult during this odd in-between time when everything keeps changing. Because I cope with anxiety through planning, I’ve struggled with not being able to plan very far in advance as so many things have been subject to change in this phase of the pandemic. I’ve had to learn to hold things loosely and to create my own routines (for myself and for our children) in order to feel some sense of security and control. Structure helps settle my anxiety because it allows me a small degree of predictability when so many things are out of my control.
As a rule-follower who looks to authority figures to offer a sense of guidance and safety, I’ve struggled with the lack of unity and consistent messaging from those in authority (in the government, healthcare, etc.). Deep down, I believe that rules for the common good keep us safe, so it has been frustrating to see everyone disagreeing about the best ways to protect ourselves and others during the pandemic.
2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Six?
My favorite thing about being a Type Six is our concern for and commitment to the common good. I generally want, can envision, and am committed to working toward whatever is most beneficial for everyone, including and especially people whose perspectives have often been ignored, dismissed, or invalidated. I believe in the importance of working toward a group consensus and everyone having agency to be involved in the decisions that affect them.
3. Tell us about fear or doubt. How do you engage with fear/doubt and calm it so that you feel internal peace and trust in yourself?
The first and most basic step for me in engaging and calming fear and doubt has been increased awareness. Enneagram work has taught me to practice non-judgmental self-observation. In the past, I had attached a lot of shame to my anxiety (in general but especially pertaining to postpartum depression and anxiety disorder), so for several years, I’ve been working on becoming more shame-resilient and developing self-compassion. This has helped me to have healthier self-talk. When I recognize fear creeping in, I try to talk myself through it with kindness. When I start second-guessing a decision I made, I remind myself of all the things I did to make the best decision I could. I’m working on really believing that making a decision and then changing my mind doesn’t mean it was a bad decision or that I should not have trusted myself; it simply means that at any given moment, I am making the best decision I can with the information that is available to me.
I use some regular practices and routines to lower my baseline of anxiety as well as tools and mantras that I use in the moment when anxiety is ramped up. Therapy, spiritual direction, Enneagram work, and contemplative practices have helped immensely over time as sort of preventative measures or “maintenance.” Contemplative prayer has been especially beneficial in quieting my mind and getting in touch with my inner knowing, which acts as an anchor I can return to when I get caught up in the stress of daily life. Being outside and moving my body (usually with walks or yoga) helps me integrate my body, mind, and heart. As a head/thinking type, I’m working on reconnecting with my body as a way to get in touch with my real feelings.
I love to write and have found that it allows me to process what I’m thinking. I try to notice when I’m overly concerned with checking in with others for validation instead of trusting my own inner knowing. When I’m feeling especially anxious, I often turn to my body and try to discover what it needs (water, movement, rest, etc.). Viewing my anxiety as something that I carry and can befriend instead of something I need to get rid of has allowed me to see myself as a whole person and not to over-identify with it. When I’m struggling, a mantra that I use is, “You won’t feel this way forever.” Uncomfortable feelings are like waves, and it helps to remember that if I ride them out, they will pass.
4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Three to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Sixes about choosing some of the high-side traits of Three to be of service to you in stress?
The energy I tap into from my stress move to Three is very helpful when I’m feeling paralyzed by fear (on the low/unhealthy side of 6). When the move happens, I often notice that I’m able to set the fear aside and focus on taking the next step, and then the next, in order to keep moving and accomplishing. I get a burst of energy with this move and accomplish a lot. It also increases my confidence, which often shows up when I am teaching or leading a group in some capacity. Those are some of the gifts of the move to Three. However, we (Sixes) need to be aware of when we are too dismissive of others’ feelings in this space, prioritizing tasks over people/relationships, and we need to make time to circle back to our own feelings after we have set them down for a while.
5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?
I identify the most with the self-preservation subtype. I’ve heard it described as the “warm” subtype (compared to social, which is cool, and sexual, which is hot). For Sixes, this means we are family-oriented, warm, and disarming. All Sixes deal with anxiety and a need for safety, and my subtype means that often the method I use to feel safe is to be warm and disarming towards other people. I think this (subconsciously) is a way that I try to endear myself to others in order to build a strong support system. My disarming behaviors look like avoidance of conflict, being (sometimes overly) accommodating of others, and moving towards others to fulfill their needs.
My subtype also means that most of my anxiety is around health and safety for myself and the people for whom I am responsible. All Sixes are concerned with being responsible and fulfilling duty, and as a self-preserving type, this is focused on practical, daily responsibilities involved in keeping my family and myself healthy and safe. I’m (sometimes overly) focused and intentional with practical physical needs like meal planning, keeping up with doctor appointments, paying bills, etc.
6. From the perspective of a Type Six, how can we best support each other during these difficult times?
I believe that we can love and support others best when we feel healthy, whole, and loved ourselves. As I have worked on developing deeper self-compassion, I’ve noticed that I am more resilient and secure in my identity so I am in a healthier place to be present to the suffering of others. We can support one another by checking in, especially with people who might easily fall through the cracks, and listening and being present to people’s pain without trying to fix it. We can learn to recognize and own the privileges from which we have benefitted and make intentional efforts to listen to and follow the lead of those who have been marginalized in various parts of their identities. As we listen and develop relationships with people who have had different life experiences than we have, we can begin to see concrete ways to stand in solidarity with people who are suffering. For me as a Six, the support I often need and therefore the support I usually give involves listening to and validating people’s experiences without judging them. When we validate each other’s struggles, we can then find common ground where we can connect and work together to make the world a more just and compassionate place.
Lindsay O’Connor has been working with the Enneagram for about five years and is on staff part-time at Life in the Trinity Ministry, which was founded by Enneagram Teacher Suzanne Stabile and Reverend Joseph Stabile. Her favorite job is being mama to her two daughters. She is a writer, reader, former teacher, and most recently, a seminary student. Lindsay is passionate about cultivating spaces and conversations for healing, reconciliation, and flourishing in relationship with God, others, and self. She can usually be found with her nose in a book.
1. What has it been like being a Type Six during Covid, quarantine, and social distancing? How have you coped?
I will admit, the beginning months of Covid were TERRIFYING for me. I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without having a panic attack and felt like I needed to take every precaution necessary. I wouldn’t say it’s been an easy time, but once I quit focusing on the uncertainty and lack of control of everything happening around me, the change of pace and increase in introspection has been extremely beneficial. For years I was in a go-go-go mode, working constantly and extremely stressed on a daily basis. Being able to slow down and figure out what I TRULY want has given me the space and resources to live a simpler, more intuitively guided life instead of reacting to everything around me. I have coped by spending lots of time in nature, learning and starting my own business, and strengthening the relationships with the people closest to me. Having the mental/emotional support of my boyfriend, friends, and mom has honestly made the world of difference in how my quarantine experience played out.
2. What is the thing you like the most about being a Six?
Two things stand out the most. The first, although somewhat stereotypical, is the amount of loyalty given. Although at times it’s maybe caused more harm than good, I do take pride in my level of commitment. It’s hard to find people who truly put their dedication into relationships, jobs, projects, experiences, etc. and I would rather put my full heart and soul in than be half-in and half-out. Secondly, I like being such a deep thinker. As long as I’m not TOO caught up in my head, I actually do enjoy seeing many perspectives, putting puzzle pieces together, finding solutions, and the mental planning and organizing that occurs. I feel like I notice things others don’t, making this a valuable and appreciative skill.
3. Tell us about fear or doubt. How do you engage with fear/doubt and calm it so that you feel internal peace and trust in yourself?
Fear and Doubt feel like the Angel/Devil figures that sit on my shoulders, giving advice and guidance, except both of them can cause a chaotic mental spiral if I’m not careful. This has been a main area of growth for me in my personal development, and I’d be lying if I said they still don’t present themselves to me on a daily basis. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to find the balance in embracing them for what they are, instead of trying to repress or ignore them, yet not allowing them to control me or my life. Ultimately both fear and doubt are there to protect me, so I honor them as such, but know that just because they’re trying to help doesn’t mean that I NEED their help. They’re merely friends trying to give me suggestions for what to do. I take it into account, but at the end of the day, I make my OWN decision. A life hindered by fear and doubt isn’t a life lived at all, and more often than not pushing past our fears and doubts leads to the most AMAZING experiences that make it all worth it.
4. How do you use your Stress Arrow to Type Three to help you these days? Are there any tips you’d give other Sixes about choosing some of the high-side traits of Three to be of service to you in stress?
This is something I’ve been utilizing recently. I used to ONLY use it as a way to keep myself busy and distract myself from my worries and thoughts. But I’ve found that using it in an intentional and helpful way can actually be extremely beneficial. I either focus on projects that I can easily complete, especially if they’re collaborative or in a way that helps others, or do some strategic planning for myself; personal/professional goal planning, task management, scheduling, etc. – something to get me out of my head and into healthy productive action. The biggest tip I can give to other Six types is to make sure that the actions you take are intentional. Don’t just work to work. Don’t overload yourself just to prove something. Don’t get competitive to test yourself or others. It’s ultimately like a drug, that you never feel better after once you’ve “sobered up”, and trust me I spent YEARS chasing the “high” of overexerting myself. Instead, take healthy actions. Stay “busy” in ways that matter instead of distract. “Compete” with yourself by reaching goals for what you want. You don’t have to prove anything to yourself or anyone else, it feels so much better to stay focused on and true to you and your big-picture vision.
5. Are you a Social, Self-Preservation, or Sexual/One-to-One Subtype? What does this instinct look like in your daily life? How does it drive some of your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?
My instinct is Self-Preservation, and it shows up in a variety of ways. Firstly, I look to an authority figure in my life. I like knowing I have someone there, helping support and protect me, and letting me know if they see any red flags in any decisions I consider risky. Although I’m currently working on not relying on outside validation as much, it’s nice to have it as a tool to ease my doubts. I’m also someone who prioritizes my physical/mental wellbeing. For example, in the past, I wasn’t able to date or pursue relationships until I had my work/financial/health/living situations figured out, because those took up most (if not all) of my mental capacity. In spending time with friends, if I don’t feel safe/comfortable (physically or emotionally), become too hungry or tired, or get too socially drained (as an introvert) I either won’t go or will leave immediately if I’m already there, and if I’m stressed or overwhelmed, I tend to go off the radar until I feel in a good-enough state to talk to people again. None of this is meant to be rude or uncaring to others, it’s simply a survival thing. Lastly, it’s also given me the unfortunate “worst-case-scenario” thought process. Although I don’t always express it, in my head I’m usually ALWAYS playing out scenarios – especially the worst or craziest ones – down to the last detail. I’m always prepared for the worst, that way if ever it does happen I’ll be prepared to do anything and everything I can to get through it – both for myself and anyone else involved. Because of this though, I have a tendency to be spaced out in my head for a long time if I don’t have something actively taking my attention
6. From the perspective of a Type Six, how can we best support each other during these difficult times?
I believe the best support right now is through community and compassion. There is an amount of personal responsibility that needs to be taken right now, but instead of focusing only on ourselves, I think people should look at the entirety of how their actions will impact others. We are all connected whether or not we want to admit it, and all of our actions have consequences, so being a contribution to the solution and taking any helpful steps will go far. The only way we can get through this without inflicting more chaos and damage is through having empathy and understanding for each other and taking actions to better ourselves and our world instead of focusing on things through a personal funnel of what we WANT to see.
Becca Briggs is a certified life coach and freelance artist, specializing in helping other intuitive creatives reconnect with their passions and purposes through personal development, organizational/strategic planning, and energetic/mindset work. She is dedicated to helping people develop deeper understandings of themselves using tools like the Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and NLP so they can live their best, most confident, creative, and authentic lives.
Happy Tuesday Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the next installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.
This Type Five artwork is fifth in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. Here is a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted and inked each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!
Type 5: In this piece, the yellowish-green paint represents both a “cloud” of information and the connection to universal knowing that Fives access in Essence. This cloud aspect is echoed in the lines underneath the eye. The eye is part of the body and harkens to how Fives can observe all with embodied energy in integration. The eyelashes include arrows that point up and down to signify how, in health, Fives can live rich inner and outer lives. The “V” at the top of the illustrated painting shows how the True Self of Fives moves powerfully in and out of the world according to the combined wisdom of their bodies, hearts, and minds. The contract between the defined geometric shapes and the free, messy watercolor paint represents how Fives can simultaneously understand facts and be in tune with mysterious unknowing.
I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.
Hello Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m excited to share something a little different with you all, a review. A couple of months ago, a new company called My Enneagram Box reached out to me and asked if I’d be willing to check out their new box subscription service based on the nine Enneatypes. The box came last week and… It. Was. So. Fun.
Here is the company’s mission statement:
“My Enneagram Box is a quarterly subscription box based on your Enneagram type, delivered to your doorstep! Each box is uniquely curated to make the Enneagram tangible by including items that foster growth, celebrate uniqueness, and encourage self-care.”
I admit I was a little skeptical about things/gifts based on type; there is a risk that type boxes could be a little shallow in the wrong hands. How delightful it was to find out this is not the case with My Enneagram Box!
My Enneagram Box comes beautifully packaged with materials that are paper-based and recyclable – Earth win! And the contents are super cool. I found myself both emotionally moved and laughing while unpacking everything inside.
The first thing that sticks out to me is a note from the company, specially catered to the type receiving the box. It included positive, integrated aspects of a Type 5 and reminded me that I have unique gifts to offer the world. You can tell My Enneagram Box put a lot of heart into the note and it was well-received.
Now to the goodies! This box came with six different gifts. The first was a whole bag of Type 5 coffee from a company I already love, Enneagram Coffee. Having already tasted and approved this brew, I was thrilled to see that these two companies have teamed up. Trust me; it’s a good cup of coffee. Next was a beautifully designed packet of “Untranslatable Words.” I laughed and was then immediately intrigued, reading through them like the curious little monster I am. Then came the “I Need Some Serious Me Time” journal, which is both humorous and inviting to Type 5s who can always use more resources on how to care for themselves well.
I loved the two smaller items in the box, Placebos’ “Confidence” and “Believe In Yourself” lip balm.
And the piece de resistance of this particular iteration of the Type 5 box: a “Personal Library Kit” by Knock Knock’s. Did I nerd out over this? Yes, yes, I did. The kit includes old-school return packets (self-adhesive) for the back of your books, a date stamp and ink pad, and twenty checkout cards. Will I be using this? Yes, yes, I will!
Lastly, there is a sheet that recommends nine Enneagram Instagram accounts to follow for tons of excellent Enneagram content. I’m honored and delighted that My Enneagram Box included @EnneagramPaths on this list:)
Overall, I am blown away by how carefully curated this box is, striking the perfect mix of seriousness, heart, and levity. I think any Type 5 would felt seen and known when opening this box. I’d wholeheartedly recommend buying a box subscription for yourself as well as all nine types of your friends and family. Support this fledgling business today; you won’t be sorry!
Check out: Myenneagrambox.com for their next round of boxes or to get a box delivered per quarter. And make sure to follow them on Instagram at @myenneagrambox. Enjoy!
Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!
Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.
Type One
They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.
Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.
Type Two
They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.
Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.
Type Three
They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.
Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.
Type Four
They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.
Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.
Type Five
They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.
Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.
Type Six
They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.
Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.
Type Seven
They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.
Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.
Type Eight
They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.
Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.
Type Nine
They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.
Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.
Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS
“..then he added, as if requiring a response to his own remark, ‘Probably the greater the difference, the greater the similarity, and the greater the similarity, the greater the difference,’ at that moment he did not yet know how right he was.” – José Saramago, All the Names
It is consistently interesting to me as I work with clients in my Enneagram Coaching Practice that both:
Our external behaviours can look the same, yet have different internal emotional/energetic underpinnings.
Our internal emotional/energetic underpinnings can be so similar and yet, have different external behaviors or manifestations.
Here is a series of observations I’ve made so far. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. We’re all interconnected and interwoven in such a way that I know I’ll be joyfully fascinated for the rest of my life! – Melissa
Type 9 & Type 5
Same: Both externally procrastinate when needing to complete important tasks. They fill the day with busywork.
Different: Type 5s internally fear being unable to handle the task and having to ask for help. Type 9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance/peace.
Type 4 & Type 7
Same: Both tend to quickly shift jobs, projects, interests, and relationships. This is often done unconsciously, neither Type aware of how much they change.
Different: Type 4s are searching for a sense of identity in each shift. Type 7s search for fulfillment and satisfaction with every move.
Type 2 & Type 8
Same: Both feel angry, often because their selfhood or boundaries are being violated in some way.
Different: Type 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this particular emotion. Type 8s show their anger more easily and consistently, and move on from it quickly.
Type 3 & Type 6
Same: Both are excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals.
Different: Type 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly and to great success. Type 6s expect that all manner of problems will arise and so they develop a myriad of contingencies just in case.
Type 1 & Type5
Same: Both deal with voices of internal criticism and feeling not good enough.
Different: In response, Type 1s pour endless energy into improving all that surrounds them. Type 5s pick a few projects and try to silence their distrust of self with overzealous mastery.
Type 2 & Type 6
Same: Both appear externally warm and friendly in their many relationships.
Different: Internally, Type 2s cling to the love in their relationships; it gives them a sense of identity. Internally, Type 6s mistrust others, always keeping a watchful eye open for breaks in loyalty.
Type 3 & Type 4
Same: Both are intense and competitive, seeking outward recognition and approval.
Different: Type 3s push their true feelings aside to maintain momentum toward a goal. Type 4s lose goal momentum as their fluctuating feelings return them to an inward focus.
Type 7 & Type9
Same: Both are adaptable, inviting, and would prefer to avoid conflict. Internally, both do not want to feel pain.
Different: Externally, Type 7s have a hectic, wild energy and express their desires. Type 9s live at a more measured pace, are generally mellow, and mesh with the desires of others.
Type 2 & Type 4
Same: Both are used to others liking them, seeking out relationships that bolster their self-confidence. Both are friendly and magnetic.
Different: Type 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, and it’s in inward image confirmation. Type 4s distrust their relationships and inwardly distrust that they are lovable.
Type 1 & Type 8
Same: Both are focused on control, feeling inwardly that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.
Different: Type 1s exert super-control over themselves and the details of their environment. Type 8s care about the big picture. They desire power to ensure they get what they want and everything stays together.
Can’t figure out your Type? I offer 1-hour Typing Sessions and have fall slots open! Click HERE to fill out a request and discover your number!
