Emotions Enneagram Type Eight » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Enneagram 8: April Jordan

Posted on April 22, 2020 by melissakircher

Welcome back to Enneagram Paths! Thank you for being here during strange and difficult times. I’m sending out love and light to all of you as we collectively deal with the tragedy and hardships of Covid-19. Please feel free to reach out if you need support. Coaching is a deeply intuitive space where, together, we explore places that need healing, embodiment, and self-love.

Today, I’m honored to have April Jordon on the blog to talk about her experiences as an Enneagram Type Eight.

The Enneagram Institute says this about Eights, “Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self- mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring. [They] want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.” (Type Eight, The Enneagram Institute)

Thanks, April, for sharing about your experiences as a Type Eight with all of us!

1. In what ways do you use your easy access to anger for good? What are some healthy outlets (when not saving the world or protecting others) for your anger? My anger fuels me in the best way. I love accessing my anger because it drives me to solve problems big and small (why not save the world if you can, right?). I can’t stand inaction, and become quickly frustrated when issues are at a standstill, so I take that anger and channel it into finding solutions that work for everybody. I do my utter best to further the interests of the group (social subtype 8 here!)

2. What do Eights look for in others? What do we have to live up to? Where do we fall short? I look for honesty, honesty, honesty! I have mad respect for anyone who can just “own their shit.” I love it when people know who they are and can ask for their needs to be met, set healthy boundaries and help others while they’re at it.

To live up to that, start by being honest with yourself first. I know it’s hard sometimes and can be an ongoing process, but it’s so worth it when you come out the other side as a powerful, free, generous and self-loving being. Plus the healthy 8s in your life will love you for it.

People tend to fall short, for me, because they avoid pain and discomfort. I really think this is the root of a lot of the seemingly benign dishonesty in the world. People simply don’t want to deal with things, so they tell what seems to be a little white lie. But I firmly believe that telling lies, even small ones, takes the other person’s power away, and that’s not cool with me.
And I should note that, of course, there are some things that are just nobody’s business, you don’t want to get into, or you’re not at liberty to share. I wouldn’t consider hiding that a lie. But if the information involves another person or could affect their life, I so appreciate when people are real about that stuff.

3. What are three things you wished people understood about Eights? Well, I can only really speak for myself, but here are three things I wish people understood about me as an 8:

– I want the factual truth, the whole factual truth, and nothing but the factual truth. Every time. Knowing the cold hard facts helps me feel secure and (again) like you’re being honest and looking out for me, too. Once I know the facts, I normally move to compassion and start looking for those solutions I love so much – even if the solution is just to sit and listen to you tell me about your day.

– I know I can seem intense. I’m working on knowing when and where to let that all hang out – promise! In the meantime, please do me a solid and know that I’m not angry at you. If I’m angry at you specifically, I will say so!

– I act like I have it all together, and most of the time I genuinely do. But if you’re one of my close friends or family it means so much to me if I know I can rely on you for support on the days when I’m feeling run down. And on that vein, please don’t assume I can help you out or pick up the slack on something. I am probably willing and able, but please ask first – haha! This isn’t usually an issue in my life – my family and friends are the bomb. But I’m putting it out there for anyone reading this!

4. Do you have any spiritual practices and does your Enneagram number influence what you’re drawn to spiritually? I grew up Christian, but recently abandoned the faith after years and years of searching for answers to my big questions and coming up dry. I talk about this a lot on a podcast I co-host called the Curiously Strong Podcast. Nowadays, I do yoga – I love the quiet strength it takes to stay in the poses and stay present through the pain. It’s a great release for me. I also do a lot of adult coloring books. I find it somewhat meditative.

5. What happens to your closest relationship when you move in stress to your Arrow of Type Five? What happens to your closest relationships when you move in health/integration to your Arrow of Type Two? Going to Type Five looks like losing sight of my intuition and researching the crap out of everything to feel strong and capable again, which takes up a lot of time. I withdraw to spend time on my projects, distance myself from my spouse, friends and family, and hoard energy and resources. It strains my marriage because there is a clear divide between my normal energetic self and my stressed self. Also, if people reach out, I often don’t reply for fear that they want something from me that I can’t provide. It becomes very, very lonely and stressful.

Going to Type Two looks like building community and spending energy looking after others. I become more willing to bend to meet the needs of my spouse, friends and family and lose a bit of my “edge” (which always makes me a little sad, I have to say). I open up and become a little more comfortable with my feelings. Going to Two is incredibly painful because I realize how isolated I usually am and how protected I usually try to be. It’s worth it, though. The people around me are so kind.

6. Speak about what it’s like to be in the Body Triad. How does your body absorb and process the daily life of your existence? Oh boy. Where to begin! One thing I do is “somatize” everything, which means that everything I experience mentally or emotionally creates a distinct bodily response. For example, stress isn’t experienced as an emotion, rather my neck and jaw will tense up. If someone is upset with me, I don’t respond with emotion and may not even think much of it, but my stomach may become upset. When I accomplish something, I can feel a wave of peace and ease wash over my body. If I’m really happy, I can almost feel electricity coursing through my body, spurring me forward! It’s really hard to describe what this is like, but in short, almost everything happens as a body response first, then a mental response, then an emotional response. I hope that makes sense!

7. What do you love about your number? What is frustrating about your number? Healthy 8s are just the best, haha!! I am proud to be part of a group who shows up 110% to everything and has the strength to affect real change and empower others to do the same. I love my confidence and how much I care about “my people.” If you’re someone I love and trust, I’d give my left arm to keep you healthy and safe! Unhealthy 8s, however, are awful. Having such strength and determination is pretty destructive if we don’t pay attention to others’ needs and where they’re at.

8. What do you think would happen if you were to let the soft, loving, vulnerable side of your heart be known to the world at large? People would take advantage of it. That’s about all there is to it, haha!

9. What is your advice for parents of Type Eight children? (Totally selfish question!) If you strictly enforce a rule, be willing to explain the logic behind it. Nothing made me want to smash through boundaries like the “because I said so” answer. If I was still asking “why?” it was because the adults hadn’t convinced me that what they were telling me to do was a good or efficient or logical idea. 8 kids are smart – give us logic!

10. What do the words yield, affection, and empowerment mean to you these days? Yield – yikes. This one is hard for me, but I’m getting better. I selectively choose people who are clearly better than me at things and try to learn from them. I am willing to take a backseat to someone who can prove their competence and confidence in an area.

Affection – another yikes! This word really gives me the heebie-jeebies. But again, I think I’m getting better. I have a lot of 9s and 2s (or w2s) around me and I appreciate their softness. They give me space to open up slowly and test the waters at my own pace.

Empowerment – HELL YEAH! I love this word. I generally feel so empowered in life – like the world is mine for the taking – and I want that for everyone else. As a social 8, I do my very best to spread the power and help others, especially women, find it within themselves. You’ve got this!

April Jordan is a sustainability and social justice advocate from Vancouver, BC, Canada. By day she slings words as a Communications professional, and by night she slings words some more with her sustainable lifestyle and fashion blog and Instagram – The Honest Root. Other than that, you can usually find April up a mountain, in a coffee shop or thrifting at a local vintage or consignment shop. She would love for you to reach out and connect about any of the afore mentioned topics, or just to say hello.

Social Media:

Twitter: @thehonestroot & @curiouslypod
Instagram: @thehonestroot & @curiouslystrongpod

Enneagram Type Eight: Marisa M. & Jose A. Noguera

Posted on March 30, 2020March 30, 2020 by melissakircher

Hello, friends. It’s Monday….feels like years and years since last Monday, doesn’t it? I read a FB post the other day from a parent whose toddler kept asking, “Is today a day?” Poor kiddo could not understand what was up. Why is everybody at home? Seems about right to me! I want to send all of you love and light and hope wherever you can find it, and permission to let the darkness feel as big and scary as it needs to at times. Allow it all and know you’re not alone. We’re all here with you, a Oneness of being that surrounds you with love.

Today, I’m excited to have Marisa and Jose on the blog, sharing with you about their experiences as Enneagram Type Eights. Thank you both so much for being here! Let’s dive into their juicy interviews:

Marisa M.

1. In what ways do you use your easy access to anger for good? What are some healthy outlets (when not saving the world or protecting others) for your anger? Anyone who has any familiarity with Type Eights knows that when we’re angry about something, we don’t hesitate to jump into righting wrongs; whether they’ve been committed against us or someone else. I take care of myself all the time. But, I’ve also helped family and friends with financial, housing, healthcare, education, legal, personal, and local government issues, and made sure no one was taken advantage of. In a world where it’s every person for themselves, the folks who are most at risk seem to be the ones who have a harder time figuring out where to turn for safe, reliable help. That’s where Eights come in.

When I’m angry, I tend to have really good days in the gym. It’s a great catalyst for pushing myself harder than normal. Being active outdoors (hiking, biking, camping) has a very calming influence on me.

2. What do Eights look for in others? What do we have to live up to? Where do we fall short? As a Type Eight, I look for others to have strength of character and not shy away from me in timidity. I need them to understand that I crave opportunities to genuinely engage, especially with difficult but necessary conversations. I find this intense engagement intimate and vital to building strong relationships. I need folks to not betray me out of fear and throw me under the bus because they don’t have the courage to engage with me like a mature adult. As an Eight, where others see anger, I just see a normal conversation. I need people to be willing to explain to me how they’re perceiving me—what I can do to make the conversation safer for them and more productive for all of us.

3. What are three things you wished people understood about Eights?We’re passionate, not angry! We get worked up easily when it comes to injustices, but we’re not necessarily trying to steamroll anyone—we just want what’s right and fair, we want it yesterday, and we’ll do what it takes to make it happen. This urge is hard to temper. We’re eager to help, and that can sometimes come across as domineering, but that’s not at all the intent. Our passion for justice and helping lift others up tends to rev our energy levels, which is often interpreted as being controlling and dominating. We don’t mean it in a harmful way; we just have intense personalities. We are not assholes or dictatorial terrorists! We’re simply strong-willed and determined, and not about to sit down and shut up when we know we can do something to make a difference and help people. We’re really incredibly loving and nurturing, which is a byproduct of our inherent protective nature.

Bonus: The fact that I’m on fire about something doesn’t mean that I want to set the whole world on fire. I mean, I absolutely will if I deem it necessary. Without hesitating. I’m an Enneagram Eight, after all. But that’s not always the number one goal, or even on the radar.

4. Do you have any spiritual practices and does your Enneagram number influence what you’re drawn to spiritually? It’s my upbringing, really, that influences my spiritual practices. I don’t think my Eight-ness has much, if any, bearing on it. I pray, I reflect, I try to remain cognizant of the blessings in my life. That doesn’t seem too typically Eight to me…

5. What happens to your closest relationship when you move in stress to your Arrow of Type Five? What happens to your closest relationships when you move in health/integration to your Arrow of Type Two? When I move to Five, things get strained because I shut down and shut out. I withdraw, less to reflect and more to lick my wounds and cuss the situation (and often the other person(s) involved). When moving to Two, though, there’s an abundance of trust and openness and making space for those of us on each side.

6. Speak about what it’s like to be in the Body Triad. How does your body absorb and process the daily life of your existence? I get stressed when people won’t engage with me the way I need them to. When they won’t take the time to listen and understand me, and instead push me away thinking I’m being a jerk. When they won’t explain to me how I’m coming across and what I can do differently to engage with them in a more productive manner. The stress tends to hunker down in my neck and shoulders, so I feel it physically. I also tend to withdraw and shut down when it gets too intense, which negatively affects my mood.

7. What do you love about your number? What is frustrating about your number? I love that we’re readily willing to stand up for and protect not only ourselves, but others. I love that we’re loyal, often to a fault. I love that even though we run screaming from vulnerability, we still maintain the most incredible capacity for an intensely loving, protective nature.

It’s frustrating that my Eight-ness causes others to see me as intimidating and angry instead of passionate, strong, and determined. I dislike being so blunt; it hampers my abilities to hit pause and develop tact before proceeding. I dislike that my Eight-ness makes others want to distance themselves instead of (even just gently) stepping into the ring with me. I frustrate myself in terms of being so willing to jump in, instead of taking a hot second to survey the land and weigh possible options. I’m slowly learning to lean into my Nine wing to help in that regard.

8. What do you think would happen if you were to let the soft, loving, vulnerable side of your heart be known to the world at large? Folks might actually understand me better and not immediately conclude that I’m being a stereotypical Eight. But, vulnerability is scary and dangerous, and I was hurt horrifically the one time I dared to be completely vulnerable with someone. Because of that, I’m afraid I’d be hurt again if I took another stab at it. My girlfriend has been A-MAH-ZING in helping me process the trauma and damage, and slowly learn to let others in. It’s a work in progress…

9. What is your advice for parents of Type Eight children? (Totally selfish question!) Validate your kids. Allow them the freedom to live into who they are, their innate strength and desire to help and protect others, especially the younger ones. In fact, try to foster the Eight-ness in them, instead of trying to corral and control them. You’ll just tire yourself out and tick them off. In regards to the older, adult kids, don’t take us for granted. Yes, we’re always ready to take on a fight on your behalf, but it can be so exhausting. Be willing to take up your own battles and rely on us for support instead of dumping everything in our lap and sitting back to watch us work.

10. What do the words yield, affection, and empowerment mean to you these days?

Yield: Pause, think, reflect, allow others the right-of-way instead of always charging headfirst into a situation. … It’s going. To be. OK.

Affection: This is the tender, often-unseen part of being an Eight that needs to be brought to the forefront. This will help others better relate to and understand us.

Empowerment: We are already empowered. We need to use our Eight-ness to empower others and support them in the process.

Marisa was born and raised in the DFW Metroplex and tended to be a strong-willed child, always taking up for others and going toe-to-toe with authority figures. She only started to learn about the Enneagram in the last year—and that she’s an Eight—so her past and present are starting to make infinitely more sense. It’s also become clear why she chased after a profession in the fields of law enforcement and public service. Marisa is proud to say she’s the first in her family to obtain a Masters degree (MBA) and is a rabid and unapologetic Shake Shack fan, having visited 30 locations in 22 cities across 9 states, the District of Columbia, and 2 countries (as of publication). She loves to travel, but a government paycheck just isn’t sufficient enough to pay for the amount she needs to support her wanderlust. With less than 7 years to go before reaching full retirement eligibility, Marisa is looking forward to a second career where she can put her MBA to use and make fat stacks so she can travel the world (and visit more Shake Shack locations).

You can find Marisa on Twitter at @MarisaM_TX and online at marisaunleashed.wordpress.com.

Jose A. Noguera

1. In what ways do you use your easy access to anger for good? What are some healthy outlets (when not saving the world or protecting others) for your anger? I think I can summarize it in one word: Accountability. I think my access to anger allows me to hold myself and others accountable whenever I think we’re not living up to some standard. My ready ability to tap into accountability makes it easy to call myself and others out for being less than stellar— as well as standing up and fighting against things I don’t agree with.

2. What do Eights look for in others? What do we have to live up to? Where do we fall short? One of the most important things I look for in others is “effort” or “drive.” I absolutely understand that not everyone is capable of accomplishing the same things, but I think the one thing that matters most is that someone tried. I respect people who don’t make excuses for themselves, and I look up to those who are willing to try their best no matter what.

3. What are three things you wished people understood about Eights? I’m going to answer this from my perspective, but I really wish people didn’t think I was angry simply because I become very emotional in a conversation. I feel like my passion for things immediately gets received as anger, and that’s a little frustrating. I also think people don’t realize how unaware of ourselves we Eights can be. I always catch myself telling people “I really didn’t mean that that way” and I think part of that stems from how unaware I am of how I come off to people. Essentially, I wish people were capable of judging others based on their intent. Lastly, I wish others understood how self-critical we are. The one thing I find common about most of the Eights I know, is that we beat ourselves up endlessly, and I wish people saw that a little bit more.

4. Do you have any spiritual practices and does your Enneagram number influence what you’re drawn to spiritually? I’m not particularly religious, but I am absolutely drawn to things that make me feel more present in my body. Exercise and physical activity (hiking, jiu jitsu, skiing) really help me be present and help me be aware of myself in space. I think over time, as I’ve integrated, I’ve begun taking care of myself physically more and more, and that’s only helped me grow better.

5. What happens to your closest relationship when you move in stress to your Arrow of Type Five? What happens to your closest relationships when you move in health/integration to your Arrow of Type Two? My closest relationships take a beating whenever I stress out. I think one of our worst characteristics is how self-forgetting we are, and whenever I’m stressed out I typically become insufferable. Anyone around me could become an outlet for some of the stress I’m carrying, and that’s typically not healthy. Nonetheless, if I’m integrating, my closest relationships shine. I work tirelessly to raise the people around me up an to push them to be better versions of themselves. I like thinking of this internally as my own “amplifier” effect, since I’m capable of bringing out the best in those around me.

6. Speak about what it’s like to be in the Body Triad. How does your body absorb and process the daily life of your existence? The Body Triad is great hahaha! I love being so in tune with my self, and I think something in particular I like about being an Enneagram Eight is how I’m typically pretty self-aware most of the time. Nonetheless, being a member of the gut triad makes anger an accessible emotion, and I’d describe my typical emotional state to be “slightly annoyed at something all the time.” I feel full of energy, with a deep willingness to push myself to my limits, especially if I am passionate about what I’m doing. If lose faith or belief in what I’m doing, then I really struggle to invest in it.

7. What do you think would happen if you were to let the soft, loving, vulnerable side of your heart be known to the world at large? Hmm, I’m sure that would be good in theory, but that feels really difficult. I wonder what other Eights will respond to this, but damn, I feel like I can only do that with a select group of people that I trust enough.

8. What is your advice for parents of Type Eight children? Man, I think the best thing you can do is to invite them to own their little lives. My parents raised me that way, and even from a young age I was aware of myself. I think by tapping into that core desire and drive of Eights to be independent, you can help your Eight child move toward integration earlier in life by empowering them. We’re quite stubborn people, and if you work to steer the drive, the huffing and puffing, and the energy toward helping them grow that might reduce the amount of times you butt heads.

I am a 25 y.o. engineer working in the Energy Industry in Process Control and Optimization. I typically never back down from a challenge, and I love opportunities to demonstrate my skills (not out of narcissism, but purely out of enjoyment). I love pushing the limits of what I’m capable of, and that reflects in everything I do.
In my free time, I read, go to the gym, play guitar, cook, or look for new investment opportunities. In the past year, I started a nonprofit intended to teach people about economic freedom and the merits of capitalism. I recently took up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to add to my physical training, and I absolutely love skiing and hiking. Relationships are incredibly important to me. I strive to be able to provide for my parents and my close family so that if needed, they don’t have to worry about anything financially. In the long term, my goal is to affect and improve my community and the people around me. I’d like to enable all of those in my life to be better versions of themselves so they too can achieve their own goals.

You can find Jose on Twitter at @Janoguera94 and Instagram at @Janoguera.

The Great Eights: Interview with Enneagram Eight Asia Perrin

Posted on April 23, 2018April 23, 2018 by melissakircher

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“You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against.” ― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

Today we have a Type Eight in the house! Asia Perrin has graciously allowed me to interview her and ask all kinds of questions about what it’s like to be a Body Triad Eight. Her answers literally put me in the mind, body, and emotions of an Eight and are so helpful! I’m loving these interviews and have a bunch more lined up. It’s great to hear from real people about how the Enneagram is impacting their lives. Thank you, Asia, for sharing your amazing thoughts and experiences!

1. (Asia), when you typed yourself as an Eight did you feel deflated or have a confident sense of, “Oh yeah, that seems all good to me!” I’ve heard that of all the numbers, Eights are the most content with their number.

I was super content, haha. Actually, it was more like I felt known. That’s a big deal for me, feeling known past my “tough” exterior. (Which in my opinion, I don’t feel as tough as people perceive me!)

2. What is the energy flow of an Eight? How does being in the Body Triad impact how you work, play, relax, and interact? Does anything shift your energy, like do you have triggers that might send you into a different space/flow?

I always need to be doing something. I’m a tactile learner, I have to do/play with the lesson I’m learning in order to grasp it. Even relaxing for me is “doing” something. Cooking, cleaning, shopping. I don’t enjoy doing nothing. For me, being in the Body Triad means I physically experience things. Like, when I get really scared/angry, my mouth gets hot. When I experience something physically large in nature (waterfalls, Grand Canyon, mountains, etc), I get lightheaded. I’m also a Christian, so in context of the presence of God, I feel Him… instead of seeing or sensing Him. Everything I experience is very physical.

As far as triggers, it’s when people take away my attention of that moment; distracting or interrupting me from what I’m experiencing. Sometimes, in integration/health, I can feel people emotions. It’s weird, but often that overwhelms me. It’s tiring to process someone else’s emotions when processing your own emotions isn’t natural.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you are stressed (Arrow to Type Five)? What happens to your closest relationships when you are integrated/in health (Arrow to Type Two)?

Stressed: I’ve made it a point to surround myself with very strong people who aren’t afraid to call me out or put me in my place. I know my personality is intense, so I need people to be strong enough to tell me what I need to hear. But also, people who see past that strength, as well. SO usually in times of stress, they let me throw my fit and can handle the unbridled tongue of an Eight haha! But if something is too vulnerable to talk about, I don’t even share it with them. I handle it on my own, because if I, the juggernaut Eight, can’t fix the problem, how can they?

Health: In health, I’m a very protective, selfless person. It’s really interesting how much of a Type Two I embody in health. I can process and work through feelings. I don’t care about asserting my dominance. I still express anger, though—I’m not afraid to show anger in either stress or health. I think the most important thing is, in health, even if I think someone is trying to control me, I don’t feel scared or defensive because I’m in total control of myself. For me, it’s taking a lot of my energy to consistently function as an integrated Eight. I have a lot of counter-instinctual behaviors to adjust to. When I visualize an Eight in health, I picture a beautiful house, one that was made to be enjoyed by guests to find safety and rest (that’s the Type Two). This house, however, is enclosed by the most impenetrable wall that no one can get in unless I let them.

4. Do you know if you have a Seven or Nine Wing? If so, how do the characteristics of either the Seven or Nine or support/enhance the traits of being an Eight?

I’m a Seven Wing! I definitely embody a Type Seven in most social interactions. My Seven Wing is most shown through my energy. I’m social, outgoing, humorous, fun and love hanging out with people. I overcommit to social activities and am very dramatic in interactions… very loud and boisterous. In fact, for the most part, besides in stress, my Eight nature most comes out when I see someone trying to hurt others, especially those I care about.

5. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike the most?

I love that Eights are so comfortable (and proud) with who they are, that opinions don’t bother us. I also love how we love. Passionately, deliberately, and sincerely. If you have an Eight on your side, you have one hell of a companion. annie-spratt-54462-unsplash Have you ever seen an Eight walk into a room? As an Eight, even I’M captivated. We’re some of the most authentic and captivating types. The main thing I love about Eights is the authenticity we live in. We truly are ourselves, for better or worse.

What I dislike most, is the Eight’s ability to bully and manipulate. We carry too much intensity and authority to use it carelessly. I also truly dislike how people interpret Type Eight people. For the most part we’re seen as mean and often told to soften our personalities because others can’t be around us. While I agree in part, I don’t think it’s fair to the Eight.

6. What practices have you integrated into your life as an Eight to help you become more self-aware and grow? Are there any spiritual practices you connect to that might tie into your number?

When I get angry about something, I have to take a day or two to feel that anger and identify the root of it. Mostly, I’ll confront the source of my anger, whether that means talking to someone about an issue, processing an emotion I’m uncomfortable with, or asking for help. I always research things or try to find the truth behind a situation before I act out. Lastly, I started counseling, it really helps mirror how my actions come across but also validates the feelings I neglect. As far as spiritual practices, I pray a lot and talk to God about things I’m experiencing.

7. What do you wish people understood about your number? What are some common misconceptions about Eights?

We’re not mean, wild forceful beings that can’t be tamed. Those are aspects to us, yes, but that doesn’t mean that’s all we are. We’re actually super caring and emotional—when you let us be. It just takes some time for us to let down our walls, and if you’re not worth it, you’ll never see that side.

Eights do not mean to be rude, I promise. People can like having Eights around because we will say what they’re afraid to say. But our bluntness isn’t malicious, it’s coming from a sincere place of wanting to be honest. Eights value honesty so much that when we share the truth with you, it’s because we’re trying to do the right thing.

Eights unconsciously fight for those who can’t. It’s almost second-nature. This, however, leads to Eights fighting battles we were never intended to fight. You may have to tell an Eight to back off and let you do it on your own (I know it’s scary, but we need that smack sometimes.) However, Don’t use an Eight to engage in conflict when they’re for you, then “punish” us when that same energy is directed at you. We’re allowed to defend ourselves when other Types finally get the courage to say something to us, especially if it’s a negative interaction.

Lastly, women Eights are just as valuable as male Eights. DON’T FORGET THAT. Women Eights: you are strong and still delicate, protective, yet fragile, hardworking, yet still needing rest. It’s okay. You can do and have it all, and still ask for help. The right people will always be there to help you when you can’t do it anymore (even though we will still try)!

8. As a child, did you feel that somewhere along the line you picked up the message that, “You must always be strong,”? That somehow it would be unsafe to show softness or vulnerability?

I didn’t pick it up, so much as it was specifically said to me. Growing up, the message of not letting people take advantage of you and protecting others was instilled into me. Especially after becoming an older sister, that heightened. Unsafety in showing vulnerability and softness often came when people would tell me to “get over it”, use my vulnerability against me, or when someone would invalidate my feelings as trivial. It was really sad that emotions were regarded as a weakness when in reality, counter to the Eight’s belief, there’s immense strength in acknowledging and processing your emotions.

9. Talk about what the words truth, protect, and thoughtfulness mean to you today.

Those words carry so much weight!! Truth is everything. I have a really hard time when jon-tyson-628533-unsplash people lie. Mainly about stupid stuff. For me, I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t keep their mouth shut, instead of unnecessarily lying about something. Most of the time, the truth comes out and you look stupid. That’s intense I know, but I hate lying. Moral of the story: If we’re friends, tell me the truth, I can handle it

Protect: This word to me, is almost a command. “Protect those who can’t protect themselves.” I can’t tell you how many battles I fought that weren’t mine to fight. However, as I grow, I know it’s not my place to fight every battle, nor is it smart. It still does feel like a command though, so I definitely look down on people who abuse their power and hurt people they should be protecting.

Thoughtfulness: This is an acquired ability for me. Being thoughtful doesn’t come naturally, so it was a muscle I’ve had to exercise. Now, thoughtfulness is easier. Thoughtfulness is essential as Eights to care for and interact with others. It almost serves as a filter when the Eight overdoes it and tries to control everything. It helps bring my attention back to how my actions are affecting others.

Hi, I’m Asia! (Yep, just like the continent) I live in Orange County, but grew up in San Diego. My life consists of tweeting, getting far too invested in the Enneagram, and watching too much reality TV. Follow me on Twitter @AsiaJaLacie

*Photos by Arisa Chattasa , Annie Spratt , Jyotirmoy Gupta ,Jon Tyson on Unsplash