Enneagram Body Center » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Enneagram Type Eight Interview: Sheila Hozhabri

Posted on March 9, 2020March 8, 2020 by melissakircher

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Enneagram Paths! Today, we have an interview with Sheila Hozhabri, a digital marketing powerhouse, to talk about her experiences as an Enneagram Type Eight.

Let’s take a quick look at the description of a Type Eight by Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, whose new book, Whole Identity, outlines a brain-based take on the Enneagram. It’s fascinating! Click on the book title to check out his entire site and grab a copy of this groundbreaking Enneagram theory for yourself!

Dr. Lubbe uses the term ‘Disruption’ to summarize Type Eights. Of Eights, he says, “The innate human capacity reflected in [Eight] nature is the energy of disruption. What [Eight] nature seeks and is motivated by is autonomy. [Their] primary style of engagement is action. Positive limbic attachments reinforce a sense of being in control and self-sufficient. Negative limbic attachments are triggered fastest by dominance or oppression. When overwhelmed, fatigue expresses as panic. The primary and practical application for [Eight] nature is to breathe and practice stillness. The healthy [Eight] nature in each of us is the most gifted at modeling our human capacity for growth.” (Whole Identity, Dr. Jerome D. Lubbe, pg. 54)

Thanks, Sheila, for being here today and sharing with us what it means for you to live life as an Enneagram Eight!

Sheila Hozhabri

1. In what ways do you use your Type Eight easy access to anger for good? This is a difficult one. I’m not sure I’ve fully honed in on how to use it for good, but I’d say standing up for those who can’t/won’t stand up for themselves. What are some healthy outlets (when not saving the world or protecting others) for your anger? The most healthy outlet I’ve found for my anger is boxing! I started doing it over a year ago and I can’t say enough about what a positive impact it’s had on my life. The best way I can describe it is that it exhausts me, and pours water over the anger flames.

2. What do Eights look for in others? What do we have to live up to? Where do we fall short? Loyalty. I don’t let a lot of people in, and definitely not quickly, but I am a good judge of character. Everyone I meet is living up to how I’ve judged them. If they fall short of my expectations, I can take it personally, and question my judgement. I’ve been learning to grow and accept people in my life when they fall short, but a big hurdle for me is betrayal. That one is hard to get over.

3. What are three things you wished people understood about Eights? We’re very emotional and loving people. We’re not always angry. We’ll be your Ride-Or-Die for life—if you don’t let us down!

4. Do you have any spiritual practices and does your Enneagram number influence what you’re drawn to spiritually? No spiritual practices, but I have gotten into meditation over the past year. Honestly, boxing has become my spiritual practice!

5. What happens to your closest relationship when you move in Stress to your Arrow of Type Five? In stress, I shut people out to protect myself and my heart. I feel like I need to deal with stressful things on my own, so it’s difficult for me to let others in to help me deal. What happens to your closest relationships when you move in Health/Integration to your Arrow of Type Two? I am more open, vulnerable, and forgiving. I feel like an enlightened floating yogi, who can take on the worries/stresses/concerns of those around me and help them find the grace to deal—because I’m in a graceful place myself.

6. Speak about what it’s like to be in the Body Triad. How does your body absorb and process the daily life of your existence? For a long time I felt like I had a ball of anger in the pit of my stomach, and I couldn’t figure out why. Sometimes it would get bigger, other times smaller. I carry all my stress in my shoulders, so I need to get massages regularly! HaHa. I’ve become a huge fan of box breathing to help release some of what has been absorbed. And of course, the boxing helps release that, as well. I can happily say that the ball of anger feels very controlled and small thanks to these techniques.

7. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike about your number? I didn’t realize that so many people have an issue saying ‘no’, it’s something I’ve never struggled with. Then, I figured out that it’s a trait of being a Type Eight, and I just LOVED that. I dislike the anger aspect of being an Eight, and how what I consider to be regular expression can be miss-interpreted as anger. (Melissa: This is big. Take note. Many Eights don’t feel or see the anger they express. For them, it’s just regular talking/communication. Sometimes, it’s not actual anger, but energy or bluntness and Eights can feel grossly misunderstood.)

8. What do you think would happen if you were to let the soft, loving, vulnerable side of your heart be known to the world at large? For most of my life, I would have said that I would get taken advantage of or be left upset/heartbroken because showing that side of me is revealing my weakness. I just found out about a year ago that I had difficulty with vulnerability, and it took me a while to even figure out what being vulnerable means and how to practice it. I’m currently reading Brené Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” which has opened up my eyes and heart to fully understanding vulnerability and shame and how being vulnerable isn’t a weakness.

9. What is your advice for parents of Type Eight (presenting) children? Know that what is perceived as anger probably isn’t. As a kid, I would usually shut down when I got really angry. Avoid “calm down” or “Don’t get so mad/upset”. Instead, acknowledge that the child is feeling an emotion and help them walk through it. That might look like going for a walk, taking deep breaths, or being silent until they can form their thoughts clearly before talking about what’s wrong.

10. What do the words yield, affection, and empowerment mean to you these days? Yield – Breathe. Don’t be trigger happy. Take a minute. Take breaths. Form your words and then speak/react. Affection – Speak how you’re feeling (good or bad), because closing yourself off is only hurting you in the long run. Empowerment – You don’t always have to carry the burden of the load. You can also trust others not to drop it.

Sheila is a digital marketing powerhouse who has been responsible for managing several successful digital platforms for pop artists. She is a driven, creative professional who is destined for a long, dynamic career in the entertainment industry. Sheila developed at love for the music industry in her teens and moved to Nashville to attend Belmont University in 2002. While at Belmont, she took a Comparative Spirituality and World Religions class where she first learned about the Enneagram. Upon graduating from Belmont, Sheila worked in artist management for 3 years before moving to London to get her masters at the University of London. In 2013, Sheila moved to Los Angeles and began working for a digital marketing company handling digital marketing strategy for major pop acts.

Instagram: @sheila

Twitter: @sheila_h

*Cover Photo by Franck V. on Unsplash

Interview With Type One, Rachel Hamm

Posted on May 28, 2018May 27, 2018 by melissakircher

ryoji-iwata-625080-unsplash

“If I can do things right, I don’t see why everyone else can’t.” ― Courtney Summers, Cracked Up to Be

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi

Monday interview time! Today, I have Rachel Hamm here, an Enneagram Type One — which is also sometimes called “The Perfectionist”. Rachel and I have actually been friends for a long time. Alas, she moved away a number of years ago but we still have the best, deep conversations on the phone! Welcome, Rachel, and thank you for sharing your growing knowledge of the Enneagram and what it means for you to be a Type One.

Enneagram Type One

1. How do you as an Enneagram One move about in the world? How does your number impact your daily life?

I’m always moving. I almost never “shut down” or “slow down.” I have lists upon lists in my head that include what I need to do at the moment and all kinds of projects I want to improve upon in the future. But, at the same time, I can become paralyzed in the midst of projects where I don’t know the next perfect or ideal step. For instance, I can’t complete something until I know the BEST way to accomplish it (physically, financially, logistically, relationally, spiritually, etc. etc.)

2. Does having a fairly constant inner critical voice impact your body? Ones are in the Body Triad and I’m wondering how it feels on the inside to a One?

I didn’t realize it until recently but the critical voice (and genetics) have caused a lot of anxiety for me. I can feel overwhelmed by all I want to do — to the degree that I think I “need” to do these things — and it can build up like pressure in my chest so that it feels like I’m holding the weight of the world and can barely breathe. In the past, and in not being a healthy One, my body was affected by high anxiety, an inability to rest/relax, and always having to be on the move, on the go, doing more and more to the point of exhaustion. Sleep has never come easily to me, likely genetic but also being a Type One, I have a hard time shutting down. My body is in a constant state of inertia, driven by my inner voice that “it’s never enough.”

3. What happens within your closest relationships when you are stressed (Arrow to Type Four)? What happens within your closest relationships when you are integrated/healthy (Arrow to Type Seven)?

Arrow to Four in Stress: “Black and White” thinking has been my life. I can “see” so clearly what is right and wrong and true and false in other people. In other words, I am quite a judgmental know-it-all, even if well-intentioned.

Arrow to Seven in Health: I’m no longer codependent; focused on fixing others. I allow time, space, themselves, and God to change their lives, in their time and God’s way. I can love and forgive myself, and therefore love and forgive others with much grace. The wisdom I have is shared, “seasoned with salt” and is usually found valuable by others, BUT my identity or value is not found in whether they find me or my suggestions valuable. There is room for others to grow in the way they need to (from God’s point of view) and not just how I think they need to. And the same for me, I have room to grow, without knowing the plan or foreseeing the future. I can trust more freely both God and others.

4, What do you love about your number? What do you dislike the most?

I love that I have integrity and am not lazy. I admire those characteristics in myself and others. I think we are world-changers in many ways. I love the fact that I love to grow. I’m always open to learning and growing in any avenue of my life. I don’t like that in my black and white “clarity” of situations — and in my hot lifelong pursuit of correcting what I deem as “wrong” or “to be improved upon” — I have unknowingly, unwillingly, and unintentionally hurt, offended others, and made close friends feel isolated or judged. I would never want that to happen, I’m usually just trying to help!

5. What practices have you integrated into your life as a One to help you become more self-aware and grow? Are there any spiritual practices you connect to the most that might tie into your number?

I know I need space and time and quiet to be able to think, process my thoughts, and to be able to pray. yoal-desurmont-588828-unsplash Recently, I’ve realized to best hear my spiritual voice (the voice of God through the Holy Spirit), I need my body to be working but not my mind. For instance, weeding, gardening, biking, swimming laps — all bodily movement things that free my mind. My body is a slave to my mind, or my mind is freed by my body; something like that! I find if I put my body to work at reforming something or improvement, then my mind is free to process, to dream, and to recalibrate the critical inner voice — and to just be.

6. What do you wish people understood about your number? What are maybe some common misconceptions?

I wish people understood that whatever you say about me that is critical, I’ve already said it one hundred times to myself. And that I am extraordinarily sensitive and fragile on the inside in response to criticism, disappointing, or hurting others, despite the fact that I might have a tougher exterior. If I wound someone else, it wounds me at least twice as bad and will take me longer to forgive or forget my own imperfection. Also, that I really do want what [I think] is best for you!! My heart is in the right place, even if my words or tone come across otherwise.

7. As a child, do you feel that somewhere along the line you picked up the message that, “You must always be better than you are?”

My dad is a Type One as well. I often hear his voice in my head saying, “If you’re not going to do it right, you might as well not do it at all!” I think it’s a mantra for my life, haha!

8. Talk about what the words joy, spontaneity, and pleasure mean to you today.

Freedom. So. Much. Freedom. I have been trapped for far too long as an unhealthy One. Today, I am able to find gratefulness and an abundance of joy in the littlest things again — being tickled by my kids while my dog tries to lick me, my daughter’s curls, or fresh produce! I’ve started to be spontaneous again, and I know my kids really appreciate that side of me because they always thank me profusely and tell me how much they love me when I’m fun and able to enjoy them and enjoy life. That’s what I want to be able to teach them how to do.

Rachel is a married mother of three kids and a recovering perfectionist who is trying to find joy and God’s hand in everything, everywhere. She loves learning, gardening, farm-to-table cooking, dog kisses, and being an effective steward all of the gifts God has given her. She has a passion for sharing life-tips and resources on being purposeful with faith, family, finances, food, fitness, and (sometimes) fashion. She’s an ex-accountant and finance guru that now stays home and tries to play with her kids more. She dislikes olives, parades, large groups of children, and littering. Follow Rachel on Instagram @passionately_purposeful and her (maybe) soon to be blog www.passonatelypurposeful.com.

*Photos by Marcus Löfvenberg , Ryoji Iwata , Yoal Desurmont ,Bobby Rodriguezz on Unsplash

Enneagram Type One: Basic Characterisitcs and Arrows

Posted on March 26, 2018April 10, 2018 by melissakircher

taylor-grote-415994-unsplash “If you look for perfection, you’ll never be content.” ― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

“Probably my worst quality is that I get very passionate about what I think is right.” —Hillary Clinton (Type One)

“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out the way they’re supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.” ― Goldie Hawn

Enneagram Type Ones in integration are the kind of citizens, neighbors, bosses, teachers, and leaders the world so desperately needs. Ones in health are reliable, honest, conscientious, and hardworking. They have a sincere desire to improve the world and do so with integrity. When healthy, Ones contribute an intuitiveness about the natural order of things to leadership-type roles. They brush off their inner critic and become content to live out their personal ideals of wisdom and rightness in their own lives; accepting the humanity of others with grace and magnanimity. When invited to do so, Ones offer discerning insight to problems and be very wise advisors—but this is not a compulsion, an integrated One allows others to be on their own path.

In autopilot, a Type One fixes their attention on perceived imperfections. They notice the two percent of a job done ninety-eight percent well. This hyper-focus on what needs to be changed or made perfect can push them to become unbalanced. A One will often find they have an incessant inner voice that speaks critically about themselves and others. They can often come across as very arrogant—too secure in their idea of their own rightness. Ones in autopilot can be excessively judgmental.

“Average Ones are particularly troubled by perceived inconsistency, either in themselves or others, and therefore they attempt to make all their behavior consistent, sensible, and justifiable.” (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Riso and Hudson, pg. 112)

Type Ones often think and judge the world as “black and white”, there is no gray, no truth to be found on both sides of any given issue. When this kind of thinking takes over, Ones cut themselves off from healthy living. They unconsciously push others away with harsh judgments and relentless critical demands. They also exhaust themselves by trying to live correctly all the time. clinton-naik-176636-unsplash If there is black and white, right and wrong, they can get stuck in always trying to do the right or correct thing—and therefore burn out. This when their long-repressed anger at themselves and others will come bursting forth in fits of rage. Self-control and self-restraint will quickly kick back in though, because the One does not condone anger as a good emotion, and they will, therefore, stuff it back down inside.

“[As children Ones renounced] the development of their true selves to please others and earn the love of people who have sent them the signal, ‘You’re okay only when you’re perfect.’ One children have the childhood driven out of them; too soon have they had to act like adults. Often they had to take on responsibility, very early on, for a family in which for one reason or another one of the parents was missing…” (The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective, Richard Rohr, pg. 50)

Arrows:

In stress, a Type One takes on the lower qualities and behaviors of a Type Four.

Depressive and melancholy feelings emerge.
They want to be free of the burden of perfection and lose themselves in fantasies and daydreams.
Thoughts begin to circulate that no one understands them.
Withdraw from others.
Discipline and self-control collapse into storms of envy and resentment. They become suddenly dramatic about their feelings.

In health, a Type One takes on the higher qualities and behaviors of a Type Seven.

Become more spontaneous and reactive to life’s surprises.
Their inner critic relaxes and they enjoy each moment as it arises.
More open to a variety of opinions.
Curiosity, optimism, and a willingness to learn emerge.
In relating to others with a more open-hearted attitude, they discover the joy, humor, and whimsy in life and often become more joyful and funny themselves.

If you are a Type One and would like to be interviewed for an upcoming blog post please fill out the form on the Contact Page and I will get in touch!

*Photos by Taylor Grote , Clinton Naik & Allef Vinicius on Unsplash