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Enneagram Resource Roundup: Books

Posted on November 4, 2019November 4, 2019 by melissakircher

“The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.” ― Anais Nin

I am the typical Type Five with my head always buried in a book. My love for reading extends to literally all the things, I love a good romance novel as much as a tome on quantum mechanics! Many people ask me about good Enneagram resources where they can dig in and learn all the nuts and bolts of this ancient wisdom, psycho-spiritual tool. And my Five self has books to share! I hope you find this list helpful, though it is not exhaustive, much to my chagrin. There are many Enneagram books still on my TBR List!

Primers

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson

This is my go-to Enneagram primer and one of the first books I always recommend to anyone starting out with Ennealiterature. It’s written in textbook format which makes the book easy to navigate and skip around, perfect for someone who isn’t sure of their Type yet. Thick and exhaustive, this book is worth the investment, you’ll use it and refer back to it forever.

The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr & Andreas Ebert

Rohr’s take on an Enneagram primer is serious and thorough, giving readers what feels like every spec of information possible. This book is a take on the Enneagram through a Christian lens, substituting the word sin instead of passion for each Type as one example. I liked this book, but it did feel a bit more somber than others I have read.

The Modern Enneagram by Kacie Berghoef & Melanie Bell

A quick and easy primer, this book is a fast rundown on all the Enneagram topics you could dream up. Not only do they go over history, type, wings, subtypes, and arrows, the authors discuss Types in relationships and at work. They provide stories as learning tools through which the reader can see different Type interact with a fictional situation. The back of the book has tips for each Type and questions to consider for healthy daily living.

Millenneagram by Hannah Paasch

Millenneagram is an Enneagram primer written by a Millennial and especially for Millennials, though it can be enjoyed by any age group. The author has an irreverent, witty, unique take on describing the nine EnneaTypes. The book will make you laugh and cry, though it does contain a good amount of swearing. LGBTQ+ and Exevangelical friendly, there is a definite edge to this tome, but I think it’s well worth the read no matter who you are.

Self to Lose Self to Find by Marilyn Vancil

This is another book about the Enneagram from a Christian perspective, though I found it to be light and easier to get from start to finish than Rohr’s book. This has a great take on the Authentic Self and lovely healing prayers at the back that could be adapted as mantras for people of other faith’s or spiritual traditions.

Relationships

The Path Between Us by Suzanne Stabile

A true gem of a book, this resource is all about relationships. Suzanne takes readers through how the nine Types interact and possibly react to each other with wisdom, good humor, and deep insight. This is a must read for anyone seeking to use the Enneagram as a tool to better understand and love the people in their lives.

The Enneagram in Love & Work by Helen Palmer

This book is exactly as described, an investigative peek into how different types would predictably behave in intimate relationships and in the workplace. Palmer is one of the Enneagram greats, and this book is a must read for its detailed, helpful, and informational take on the drives and motivations of the Types in relationships and at work. She takes the reader deep into the psyche with wonderful and realistic insights that have practical, real-life applications.

Are You My Type, Am I Yours? by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

This book is full of cartoon illustrations, a good resource for more visual learners. The authors have an interesting take on the Types in relationships, pointing out what each might think or say about the others. A lighthearted read that has a couple moments of depth.

Deep Dives

Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson

If ever you wanted a peek beneath your own skin, down into the abyss of your psyche and soul, this is the book for you! Riso & Hudson provided nine detailed levels of each type, with Level One being the healthiest version of the number and Level Nine being the darkest, most disintegrated space. This book is for people wanting to do serious Enneagram work on self-discovery and awareness.

The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge by Beatrice Chestnut, PhD

This is one of my favorite Enneagram resources with Chestnut diving into Subtypes, the three survival modes, if you will, for each Type. The book is divided into sections that describe the three subtypes for each number. I’ve found it an invaluable tool for being able to distinguish the differences in motivation and behavior within Type. A bunch of Type Two’s can all seem so different, and yet be the same number. This book explains why.

Niche Topics

The Art of Typing: Powerful Tools for Enneagram Typing by Ginger Lapid-Bogda, PhD

If you are at all uncertain of your Type, or trying to help a friend, family-member, or client figure out their number, this is an amazing resource! The author goes through every combination of Type and asks insightful questions—then provides the answer each Type might say. She really helps readers dig into motivations and drives behind Type, rather than simply typing by behavior alone. Highly recommend.

The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz

This book is a lyrical and beautifully written take on the Enneagram with a special emphasis on the pathways illuminated by Type back to the True Self and God. Heuertz provides in-depth contemplative practices for each number. He further explains and identifies why each Type would respond to a practice well and how everyone can experience healing within stillness, silence, and solitude. This book is written from a Christian perspective, but it’s so open and encompassing, people of different faiths could easily adapt it to fit their beliefs.

*Be sure to check out my new store for affordable Enneagram Self-Love Downloads you can print out and use instantly!*

Type Three Interview: Tim Brooks

Posted on December 10, 2018December 8, 2018 by melissakircher

“He who masters the power formed by a group of people working together has within his grasp one of the greatest powers known to man.”
― idowu koyenikan, All You Need Is a Ball: What Soccer Teaches Us about Success in Life and Business

Happy Monday everyone! Today, I’m excited to have someone from my hometown of Ellicott City, MD on the blog. It’s a crazy coincidence because we don’t know each other! Tim Brooks is a pastor, coach, and writer… and an Enneagram Type Three.

You will notice that the questions for each Type in the next month or two of interviews are the same. I’ve done this on purpose. In having different people of the same Type answer the same questions, we get to see and understand more deeply the similar motivations, thought patterns, and behavior. But, it also exposes so many nuanced deviations—because we’re humans and we can’t be put in boxes! The Enneagram is a useful tool, but it’s only a tool. We’re unique people with individualized experiences and to really grasp The Enneagram’s potential for personal growth, it’s so helpful to hear from as many diverse perspectives as possible! This blog is a brave space open to all beliefs or non-beliefs, all genders, and orientations.

Welcome, Tim! I’m so glad to have you here. Thank you for your willingness to share.

Type Three Interview: Tim Brooks

1. Three’s experience the world as a series of tasks or challenges to be overcome. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.

I struggle to understand how people even view life differently than this! My wife once told me that she didn’t have goals of grandeur, that a simple life would make her happy, and I wasn’t sure even how to be married to that (I have come around, it was a short crisis). I’m hyper-competitive and still unsure if that is a result of being a Type Three, or if it feeds my Three-ness. But I do have an insatiable need to win, making competitions out of the most mundane tasks (how fast I can get in and out of a grocery store, beating the caravan back from a staff lunch, guiding my daughter’s soccer teams to victory, etc.)

If I’m feeling unchallenged, I tend to think I’m wasting time. I then add a new side-project, join a new committee or board, or even change jobs. Mastery equals monotony very quickly for me, whereas many of my friends feel accomplished by mastery, I feel boredom.

2. How do you make decisions? From your gut, from your head, or from your heart? (Or any combination.)

Emotions don’t play a huge role in my life, so I think heart is cut out of the equation. I’m suspicious of emotions as liars because it’s so easy to use them to manipulate and to be manipulated. As such, my authentic feelings are always at war with my rational thoughts. I bounce between the two. There are times that I have a gut sense of what needs to be done that seems overwhelmed by rational thought. But I have a deep confidence that I can beat the odds, and doing what my gut tells me to do is possible. I tend to be willing to bet on myself, and that pays off more often than it doesn’t. But when it doesn’t pay off, there tend to be catastrophic consequences.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Nine? What happens to your relationships when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Six?

When I’m stressed and go Type Nine, people don’t know what to do with me. I am usually a reliable leader (especially in my family), and when I go full “leave me alone, I’m playing video games, and I’m in my own little world,” it creates a void in the systems I usually cultivate, and I think people feel my stress.

My wife is a Six, and she drives me nuts in the normal marriage way. Think 3/6 marriage! I always want to break ceilings and accomplish something new, and man is she afraid of new! If she was writing this, she could tell you all about how I drive her crazy as well. But when I go to a Type Six in health, I suspect I’m more governed by the rational part of me: planning, articulating, weighing risk, being practical. My wife loves it when I live there.

4. How does the need for image and status play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself changing and adjusting to people and circumstances?

Yeah, in some ways it’s exhausting, trying, as the Apostle Paul put it, “to be all things to all people.” As a pastor, I feel this tension most acutely when I move from younger people to older people. Older folks want a formal, less flawed, articulate pastor who spends time with them. Younger folks want a flawed, fun, relatable character who practices being “real.”

When it comes to politics, I often find myself as a centrist because I am able to hear people from left and right of the political center and really understand their arguments, motivations, and dreams. Rather than not having convictions—as the center is often accused of—my problem is more being able to sympathize with those who are articulating their point at the moment. I really can see both sides of an argument very clearly.

5. What do you wish other people understood about being a Type Three?

That we are not “liars” and we are not “fake.” That our ambition is not about thinking we are better than anyone else either. So often, especially when Threes are healthy, our ambition is about elevating all of us: our communities, our churches, our friends, our teams, etc.

6. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Three?

I guess I could be a Two Wing. But really, I think I’m more of a full Three. My job as a pastor seems to cultivate the Two Wing… I have to care about people a lot. But, honestly, it takes a ton of energy for me.

7. What would the phrase, “I am loved as myself, even when I fail,” mean to you if you knew it to be deeply true?

Yeah, I know that is deeply true, but I am not sure how it is true—I just know that it is. I don’t know yet how to tell the story of who I am without listing accomplishments.

8. As a Type Three do you connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?

Spirituality must be corporate for it to work for me. Meditation, personal devotions, etc. quickly turn into my mind wandering, processing all I have to do. But joining with others in prayer, study, book club, worship, conversation, etc. always centers me.

9. How do feelings show up in your life? Are you able to recognize and experience your feelings or do you suppress them?

I’m not good with my own feelings, but I think I am good at helping other people with their feelings. I suppress my emotions – not that I wrestle with them often. I mentioned this earlier, but feelings, which I acknowledge are legitimate, are so easily distorted.

10. Talk about what the words Authenticity, Be, and Pain mean to you today?

Authenticity: My wife hates reading about my Enneagram Type because all she sees is “fake.” I think the chameleon piece is our authentic self… because we aren’t simply what we are solely for self-preservation, but also because we need to be what you need us to be… and we can switch that on easily. If we were all accomplishment, all achievement without being able to be the person you need us to be, we would be aloof. Maybe we still are, but I think moments where we can be what you need, allows for all of us to appreciate each other.

Be: Man, this word is difficult. To be feels so stagnant. I am way more interested in what I want to become.

Pain: I know pain. I know it in many degrees from many moments. Pain makes me better. It makes me want to rise above it. It makes me want to create systems to avoid it. It cultivates empathy within me for others that I can draw on.

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Tim Brooks is the lead pastor at Crossroads Church of the Nazarene in Ellicott City, MD. He is the husband to Charryse, father to Mackenzie (10) and Claire (8). Tim coaches softball, basketball, and soccer. He is an editor for Preacher’s Magazine, a writer for The Community blog, and a contracted author for The Foundry Publishing. He has an earned doctorate from Nazarene Theological Seminary where he studies the overlapping agendas and formational power of pop culture and religious worship.

www.crossroadsnaz.org

http://www.thefoundrycommunity.com/

www.preachersmagazine.org

Twitter: @pastortimbrooks

Four on the Floor: Interview with Liz Johnson

Posted on June 4, 2018June 1, 2018 by melissakircher

agnieszka-boeske-354851-unsplash “I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.” ― Jess C. Scott, The Devilin Fey

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Happy Monday everyone! Today on Enneagram Paths we have an interview with Liz Johnson, an Enneagram Type Four. Just to refresh our memories, The Enneagram Institue defines Type Fours as people who, “[are] self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.”

Welcome, Liz, and thank you so much for sharing about yourself and what it’s like to be a Type Four!

Enneagram Type Four

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. Are there things you’re learning to do that help balance energy and get in touch with your thoughts and body?

I’ve been learning to not dwell on my emotions. I’ll catch myself in the act of letting an emotion consume several hours of my day — or sometimes the entire day. Lately, I’ve been telling myself that when something hits (feeling defeated, sadness, anger, etc) to not let my whole self become that feeling. I take the feeling out of my body and let it go. The Enneagram has opened my eyes to how much I allow myself to fully immerse my mind, body, and spirit in an emotion. I hadn’t realized how deep into an emotional rabbit hole I’d go. The more I awaken to this as it’s happening, the more I make the initiative to be productive. Breathing has helped with emotions. Just being still, focusing on the breath going in and out. Emotions can take such a toll on my body. I have to be kind to myself and remember to “breathe” it back to somewhat of a homeostasis, or even do some yoga. Release the negative energy.

2. What do you love about your number? What do you hate about your number?

I love that Type Fours can poetically explain how certain emotions feel. This can happen through the lyrics of a song because a Four can cause a person to say, “Yes! that’s exactly how that feels!” Sometimes, the lyrics don’t even make sense but they impact someone in a specific way. Same with art. Fours can take those emotional wounds and create art that stirs something deep within the soul. keagan-henman-479521-unsplash

Also, Fours can hold space for pain without the need to fix it with unrealistic optimism. People need to process suffering organically and at their own pace. If someone shares their pain with me, I want to help them allow themselves to feel it and not prematurely cut it off. It’s part of the healing process. A Four will not encourage you to “just get over it” and brush your pain under the rug. That is not the nature of a Four and I love this part of me. Sometimes, I hate the physical toll emotions have on my mind and body — like I just want to move on already! When I experience an emotion, it is as if it’s held in place by a really strong magnet and it becomes paralyzing. It takes some serious intentional effort to let go.

3. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One?

In stress to Type Two, I can recall times when I’ve been worried about the status of a friendship and would attune to my friend’s needs — while disregarding my own needs. I now see the damage that does to my self-worth. I learned a long time ago that if there’s tension with someone, I can’t set myself aside and selflessly make sure they’re okay. It’s so important to maintain boundaries. It’s also been said that Fours get “clingy” in Two. This could happen if I allowed myself to be that way, but I also know people have their own boundaries, and I have enough common sense to not “cling” a relationship to exhaustion. I keep my distance (because Fours hide a lot anyway), and have had overall decent relationships for a while now.

In health towards a Type One, I notice some of my better days are when I’m intentional and actually commit to creating something. There have been many times I daydream about doing a project, but never actually execute it. My overall mood is a lot better on days when I actually let go of clinging to my emotions and fantasies and create. However, there is still much to process on this Arrow as well.

4. How does envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others?

It made sense when I read that envy was the “deadly sin” of Type Four. At times, envy has caused me to feel as though my life and creations are worthless and pale in comparison to others. Sometimes, if someone shares an accomplishment I may have a thought like, “I wish I could do that”, instead of fully embracing their joy. I can also relate to the Four’s tendency to feel as if something is missing from an experience. It seems like others experience life to the fullest. I want to be fully engaged in the present like everyone else around me appears to be. It’s so challenging to let go of anything outside of the moment and trust that it doesn’t lack anything.

There has also been a divine sweetness in realizing my own story helps me to let go of envy. I am special (said like a true Four) and as I create from my soul, I see more and more that I truly am needed in this world. In realizing this truth, there is no room for envy.

5. Talk about what the words Unique and Authenticity mean to you today.

Unique makes me think of how I always had this sense that I had to look unique and stand out by wearing outfits that set me apart from everyone! I went through several different phases: grunge, punk, goth, retro, futuristic, etc. This was a way to express myself because I felt like my voice had no worth or wasn’t being heard. I had a lot of emotional pain, therefore fashion was a means by which I could communicate to others.

I’ve realized I’ve been doing Enneagram work unawares for a couple years now. Now that I have a name for this work, it’s shown me how much I long for a vocation — job/work/calling/purpose — that isn’t something I just settle with and do for a paycheck. Over time I’ve come to understand that what I naturally like to do is unique AND authentic, I’ve just been avoiding it. I avoided painting, drawing, and writing because it seemed like a waste of time. But, after taking the time to work on myself and process my pain, I now see that creativity is a means through which I can share myself; by letting others know they’re not alone and encouraging them on their healing journey.

Authenticity. I wonder who I am without the personality of Type Four and it’s coping methods? Who is anyone without their Enneagram number keeping them from being their true, authentic self? It’s so worth the time/energy/money/etc to discover our true selves.

6. Are there any spiritual practices you’re drawn to as a Type Four?

When creating a piece of art, I not only create from my personality but with a mysterious presence that dwells within me. I tend to live life through a Type Four filter, but even deeper there is a good, true, divine image of our creator and source of life. Often, I’m surprised by what stirs in my soul when I finish a drawing or painting. I’m in awe of the ways my creations have revealed mysterious wonder, wisdom, and truth. I see this as spiritual because these creations do not come to life solely by my humanity, but with a spiritual presence as well. I love to hike and have had incredible divine insight as I walk in the woods. I suppose this has become a spiritual practice as well.

7. How has learning about your Enneagram Type impacted your life and relationships? Has it changed the way you view yourself or others?

We all have some kind of pain or wounding from childhood. Before I knew I was doing the work of the Enneagram, learning about my childhood led me to discover ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). What we experience in childhood can have a huge impact on our minds and bodies, and ACEs research, along with many other similar subjects, has shown the science behind adversity/toxic stress. I came across a TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician who is on a mission to encourage ACEs screenings at all childhood wellness visits. I agree with Nadine and hope that with enough awareness of ACEs, there will someday be ACE screenings at all pediatric wellness visits, and ACEs/trauma training in schools.

The work of the Enneagram involves addressing one’s childhood in order to understand why we are a particular Type. I can’t expect my center to move towards health unless I process and heal from childhood wounds. I continue to research my childhood in relation to who I am as an adult which has changed the way I view all my relationships. Knowing and processing my own story and Type has helped me to have grace for the times when I live in a fantasy world rather than live with intention, believe the negative lies in my head, hurt others (or when others hurt me), and numerous other ways I miss the mark.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances the Type Four characteristics.

juliette-leufke-154599-unsplash I think I might be a Five Wing, but I’m unsure about it. Sometimes it seems like I fit the description of a Three Wing and sometimes a Five wing. I can be both social and private. Sometimes I create with an audience in mind and sometimes I create for myself. The thing that draws me to the Five Wing is the fact that I love to research. When something sparks my interest, I’ll read several books, search about it on Youtube or podcasts, and follow experts on the subject on social media. What I discover from researching fuels an inward fire that impacts what I create. From this fire also comes strength, like that of a Five’s growth towards a healthy Type Eight. As a Four, I desire to have the strength of an Eight. If that’s possible, that is so worth the hard work of the Enneagram!

Liz resides in northeast Ohio, a place where she’s able to experience the beauty of each season, welcoming winter with the most joy. She lives with her husband Jon, daughter Roxy and son Kai. She’s an artist and writer, blogging her journey with a focus on ACEs advocacy, personality, spirituality, and the science behind those subjects. She loves to hike, research, and frequently enjoys the creativity and wisdom of a children’s picture book. Instagram: @lizjartist Blog: @painsplatteredholygenes.wordpress.com

*Photos by Agnieszka Boeske , Keagan Henman , Erik Witsoe , Juliette Leufke on Unsplash

I’m Afraid; I’m Going to Punch You: Discussions About the Phobic and Counter Phobic Enneagram Type Six

Posted on April 9, 2018April 10, 2018 by melissakircher

“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

“Fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

Of all the nine numbers of the Enneagram, Type Six is the only one with two variants: Phobic and Counter Phobic. Many scholars believe that Sixes will fall somewhere on a spectrum between Phobic and Counter Phobic, having a dominant variant instead of being strictly one or the other. Let’s discuss the main features of both the Phobic and Counter Phobic Six, as well as the basic features of the type in general.

Type Six Generalities

At their healthiest, Sixes are quite adept at problem-solving. They use their analytical skills to confidently lead their own unique life and take control of situations. They trust themselves, their hearts, and their instincts and can take individual action based on their gut instincts. They move about in the world with confidence in their decisions. Type Sixes can become productive troubleshooters who are amazing at spotting future problems or potential issues. Integrated Sixes can see the uplifting and inspirational side of life and develop a good sense of humor about things that go wrong. At their best, Sixes are sensitive and loyal friends, family members, employees, and citizens.

In autopilot, the main downfall of the Six, namely, their unrelenting fear, becomes the focus of all their attention. They are in the Head Triad and so their minds begin to fill with constant anxiety. The Six feels helpless, self-doubtful, and emotionally unstable. Left to stew with their churning, fearful thoughts about worst-case scenarios, they become hyper-cautious and tense; unable to make decisions or take action. It becomes almost impossible for them to trust their own judgment. They start to feel they can’t handle even the smallest of obstacles and become complainers about small injuries. Sometimes, they aggrandize their perceived helplessness so that another “stronger” person will take charge.

Spirituality

“Doubt involves a loss of faith. The [Six] child reacted with fear to losing the permanent security of essence, initiating a lifelong preoccupation with courage. Fear creates dependency on rules and protective authority, which mimics the certainty of faith. The Enneagram’s Fear type has a parallel in the Doubting Mind category of Buddhist practice, in which attention shifts from belief to intense internal questioning…The path of faith begins with the firmly held beliefs seen in psychologically mature people, but, like all of the qualities that originate in essence, faith can transform consciousness.” – (The Enneagram in Love and Work, Helen Palmer, pg.151,152)

Phobic Six

travis-bozeman-396018-unsplash Fear is the central emotion in Sixes; a Phobic Six will flee from whatever causes them fear. A Phobic Six will literally exude nervousness. Their speech will be hesitant and sometimes they might stutter or mispronounce words. Their gaze will be scattered, moving around the room, not settling on anything for long. They can also put on a calm, compliant, warm front—in order to disarm other people. A Phobic Six will either consciously or unconsciously think, “When I am nice, it doesn’t cause trouble and I will be safe.” Their smiles will look strained and you may catch a suspicious sort of look in their eye; even while they’re working hard at being engaging. A Phobic Six is always watching you, always testing you. They are obedient to authority but also very suspicious.

A Phobic Six tends to complain a lot, in a very whiny manner. They talk about dangers, risks, undesirable outcomes, or worst-case scenarios. “I have a stomach ache,” they think, “it must be cancer.” Type Sixes often disempower themselves and in reaction they empower forces outside themselves, trying to make other people do what they believe they can’t. They show devotedness to an authority who feels safe – they become a loyal soldier. Once safe inside the care of authority, they check to make sure everyone else is adhering to set guidelines, traditions, or beliefs.

They talk about their fear so much to diffuse it. Sixes feel their fear in their bodies and can frighten themselves to such a degree they need to vent their anxiety. Otherwise, it becomes very overwhelming inside of their minds and hearts.

Phobic Sixes in autopilot (see paragraph one for more healthy Six characteristics) are often over-reactive. Their emotions are felt in extremes. They dramatize challenges to seek attention, magnifying small injuries and making mountains out of molehills. Their tone of speaking is negative and pessimistic. On the flip side, more integrated Phobic Sixes can be quite funny and have a good sense of humor. This humor helps them to deal with anxiety by making fun of it in a self-deprecating way.

The Phobic Six will often take a position in a group discussion they don’t necessarily agree with. They want to engage others in order to test the quality of the argument and identify weaknesses or to disprove or discard the argument as a whole.

Counter Phobic Six

Fear is the central emotion in Sixes; a Counter Phobic Six will confront and jump into their fears in order to overcome them. They can even seek out their fears at times.

Their body-language will be an overcompensation of their inner fears—Counter Phobic Sixes are often mistaken for Type Eights. They appear strong, powerful, and authoritative, with direct, probing eye-contact. An Enneagram Eight will be very distant and secure in their power stance, you can differentiate the Counter Phobic Six by the small glimmers of anxiety that seep through their facade: rapid eye movements and blinking a lot. They have quicker and more reactive hand and arm gestures when talking.

The Counter Phobic Six will still talk a great deal about dangers and risks, but they will emphasize how unafraid they are. They want to anticipate dangers and to do something about them. “What needs to be done to handle this worst-case scenario before it’s too late?” Counter Phobic Sixes focus on preparation, tools, and plans. They also like to speak about us vs. them situations. They are usually loyal to one organization or authority because it brings a sense of belonging and security, and so they are active in promoting their own team. My church vs. your church. My corporation vs. your corporation. My sports team vs. your sports team.

This Six variant wants to show you they’re not afraid. Inside they are actually very afraid, but they handle it by creating safety in preparation, plans, a safe authority, and keeping risky people at a distance. In a strange mini-twist, the Counter Phobic Six will also be very wary of their chosen authority figure; they are obedient but distrustful. They will continually test the authority or organization, looking for red flags or warnings that something might become untrustworthy.

Counter Phobic Sixes are bold when they are healthy and authoritarian when they are stressed. In stress, they will expect submission from you, becoming contentious and argumentative. They will intentionally cause controversy, ask a lot of questions, and initiate arguments.

In summary, a Phobic Six is afraid. A Counter Phobic Six is afraid, but they will karate chop that fear into tiny, wee pieces. In doing their work and moving toward integration, both variants are confident, smart, decision-makers who are great friends and employees. You want a Six by your side in life!

*Photos by Jean-Philippe Delberghe , Travis Bozeman , Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Passions and Virtues: The Spiritual Enneagram: Part II

Posted on March 7, 2018March 3, 2018 by melissakircher

Enneagram spiritual work has been explored by many of the great teachers: Riso and Hudson, Beatrice Chestnut, and Richard Rohr to name a few. All of them seem to agree that the Enneagram is an excellent tool for spiritual, as well as personal, growth. Riso and Hudson talk about what they call “the Essence”, which others might call the Universe, God, Divine, or True Self. “[Even] the most traumatic childhood experiences cannot damage or destroy our Essence. Our Essence is still pure and untarnished, although it is constricted and obscured by the structures of our personality.” (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Don Riso & Russ Hudson, pg. 35) Thus, Enneagram spiritual work is done to travel back to our Essence. To peel back the layers of personality that have hidden our True Selves and discover that, in fact, we are so much more than a number; we are infinite possibility.

In his book, The Sacred Enneagram, Christopher L. Heuertz explains how we can identify the spiritual growth and spiritual regression patterns of each number. He provides charts of the passions and virtues of all the numbers. Here Enneagram Paths has taken the names of each passion and virtue from the charts and expanded them to include examples of behaviors and attitudes found in each number. The Sacred Enneagram is one of the best books on Enneagram spirituality and is highly recommended.

The Passion Paths: Lead to Darkness, Disintegration, and Brokeness in Relationship to Self, God, and Others.

Type 1: Anger which leads to a fixation on resentment. The Type One fears that they are imperfect and defective, and become overzealous in finding and correcting the perceived flaws in both themselves and others. The inability to ever find true perfection as a human leads to a simmering and suppressed rage. The suppression of the rage is what fuels their resentment. “Why can’t everyone else see and do things the right way, like me?” They exhaust themselves with this anger and compulsion.

Type Two: Pride or Self-Abnegation which leads to a fixation on Flattery. They give and give and give and deny their own needs in order to feed a lost sense of self-worth. They tend to have weak boundaries and confuse putting others first as love. They can become seductive, intrusive, and/or passive aggressive to win others — all an unspoken and often unconscious attempt to get their needs met.

Type Three: Deceit which leads to a fixation on Vanity. The Three in unhealth isn’t necessarily lying, they are bending the truth to serve their own need to succeed and thus prove their worth. Playing with words, telling half-truths, and selling something are all tricks Threes use to get others on board with their schemes and stroke their vanity. They often deceive themselves, not having a clear understanding of their own emotional landscape.

Type Four: Envy which leads to the fixation of Melancholy. The Four has an ideal outcome for everything and when their ideals fail to materialize, they are quick to see how everyone else’s life has worked out. The envy of others leads them down a dark path of depression and a miasma of low self-esteem. They swim in their sadness and disappointment.

Type Five: Avarice which leads to the fixation of Stinginess. Avarice is the excessive desire for gain. A Five can have an unquenchable need to hoard their resources. They gather their time, knowledge, energy, and material possessions around them like a dragon sitting atop a mountain of treasure. They feel inadequate and incompetent and hoarding all this stuff makes them feel safe. The cost of this attitude is stinginess. A Five who has let avarice take over will believe the universe is scarce. Thus, generosity with their resources is a source of danger and fear.

Type Six: Fear which leads to Cowardice. Sixes can focus much of their time and attention on the worst case scenarios. They are afraid to be alone, without the support and guidance of a group or person. When a Six gives into their overwhelming sense of fear about literally everything, they become cowardly, unwilling to step outside whatever safe comfort zone they have established. They refuse to open their minds to new ideas, to trust new people, or to try new things.

Type Seven: Gluttony which leads to the fixation of Planning. The passion of gluttony for a Seven means that they can become obsessed with the need for more. More food, more fun, more pleasure, more adventure, more money, more life! When a Seven cannot place healthy restrictions on themselves, they find they can never “be” in the present moment. They can’t enjoy what’s happening right now because their mind is busy whirling, trying to figure out how the next thing will be even better.

Type Eight: Lust which leads to the fixation of Vengeance. Eights lust for intensity, for a constant challenge—which can manifest in self-destructive behaviors. They are extremely confrontational with both themselves and others and feel compelled to make people pay for the ways they have betrayed the Eight (even though the Eight is likely to have started the fight in the first place).

Type Nine: Sloth which leads to the fixation of Indolence. A Nine will check out of life, becoming inactive and numbing themselves. They are unaware of their inner life and don’t care to be included in the external life of the world. They say whatever will keep the peace and can often be found sleeping, unable to cope with the demands of both their own feelings and the feelings of others.

The Virtue Paths: Lead to Light, Integration, Love of Self, God, and Others.

Type One: Serenity which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Perfection. When Ones can accept that nothing in life is ever 100% perfect and at the exact same time there is a delight to be found in the imperfections of life — they are able to accept themselves, others, and circumstances with calm serenity. They understand the divine beauty in all things and let go of the desire for everything to be right. Everything is already exactly what it needs to be right now.

Type Two: Humility which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Will or Holy Freedom. When a Type Two is spiritually growing they own their needs without shame and allow others to gift them with love. The ability to receive is wonderful for a Two, it teaches them healthy humility— a place of strength for a Two. They are then free to give to others in the way that God gives, with abandon, generosity, and no strings attached.

Type Three: Authenticity which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Harmony/Hope. When a Three does their spiritual work and accepts that they are loved not for what they do, but for who they are, they move out into the world with their authentic selves. They are able to use their high-energy and drive to motivate a group towards worthy goals. They also provide others with grounded, realistic optimism founded on the great hope of a loving God.

Type Four: Equanimity which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Origin. A healthy Four will understand that their emotions are the sea, constantly ebbing and flowing, all the drops of water part of the whole. This leads them to be at peace with their emotional state, accepting the rise and fall of the waves of feeling. Their Godlike quality understands that they are unique and special… and so is everyone else. They bring an awareness of the authentic, unique divine that resides within each person.

Type Five: Detachment which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Omniscience. A Five who has done spiritual work realizes the health in dissociating their thought life from outcomes. They detach from the need to think everything through in order to protect themselves and their resources. This allows them access to the divine power of energy and good detachment. They are able to assess situations with great wisdom and a Yoda-like-all-knowingness.

Type Six: Courage which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Strength. When a Six stops doubting themselves they find an inner wellspring of courage. Instead of engaging in mental acrobatics about worse-case scenarios, a spiritually healthy Six will move through their lives with purpose and great strength. They understand that God is their authority and safe space and can even become leaders, confident and resilient.

Type Seven: Sobriety which leads to the Godlike quality of Wisdom, Holy Work, or Holy Plan. A Seven who can learn to practice sobriety calms down their need for more. They are able to feel the full spectrum of their emotions and inhabit each moment exactly as it comes. This enables them to bring wisdom, a focused calling/work, and/or ideas about the divine order of the universe to the world.

Type Eight: Innocence which leads to the Godlike quality of Truth. When an Eight falls hard enough they become vulnerable and open themselves up to huge tender hearts that have been buried for so long. They become a protector of those wronged. They look out for the vulnerable with all the power and innate strength of will they have at their disposal. They are great advocates for social justice causes.

Type Nine: Action which leads to the Godlike quality of Holy Love. Nines in health will be active peacemakers. They will recognize their own firm beliefs and then seek life paths that are actively inclusive, making sure others experience love, inclusion, and acceptance. They can truly understand and accept everyone’s point of view (much like the divine source from which we all come).

Photos by Ian Espinosa & Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

The Spiritual Enneagram – Part I

Posted on March 2, 2018March 1, 2018 by melissakircher

“You who want knowledge, seek the Oneness within. There you will find the clear mirror already waiting.” – Hadewijch II

aaron-burden-43435-unsplash “Once upon a time, in a not-so-far-away land, there was a kingdom of acorns, nestled at the foot of a grand old oak tree. Since the citizens of the kingdom were modern, fully Westernized acorns, they went about their business with purposeful energy; and since they were midlife, baby-boomer acorns, they engaged in a lot of self-help course. There were seminars called “Getting All You Can out of Your Shell.” There were woundedness and recovery groups for acorns who had been bruised in their original fall from the tree. There were spas for oiling and polishing those shells and various acornopathic therapies to enhance longevity and well-being.

One day in the midst of this kingdom there suddenly appeared a knotty little stranger, apparently dropped “out of the blue” by a passing bird. He was capless and dirty, making an immediate negative impression on his fellow acorns. And crouched beneath the oak tree, he stammered out a wild tale. Pointing upward at the tree, he said, “We…are…that!”

Delusional thinking, obviously, the other acorns concluded, but one of them continued to engage him in conversation: “So tell us, how would we become that tree?” “Well,” he said, pointing downward, “it has something to do with going into the ground …and cracking open the shell.”

“Insane,” they responded. “Totally morbid! Why, then we wouldn’t be acorns anymore.” -(Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram, pg. 39)

The roots of the Enneagram are spiritual and spiritually diverse. To incorporate its knowledge as part of your spiritual growth journey, it’s helpful to understand that we are all human beings and as such, not everything about our personalities fits inside one single construct. That being said, the Enneagram is a wonderful tool for spiritual growth as it shows us we are not our numbers.

There is a divine spark inside the human, a true self; a place of infinite peace and love untouched by trauma and darkness. This is the real, authentic self.

kai-dorner-150694-unsplash Our numbers are simply the patterns of behavior and thought and interactions with the world that we developed in our formative years to survive. There were certain things lacking that were necessary for our optimal health and growth, and we did not receive them—thus we adapted to the lack and created a personality or Type. To grow as spiritual human beings we must “shake off the limiting outer shell of our personality and grow into all that we were meant to be.” (Chestnut) We realize that we are from the oak tree (God/Universe) and we are imbued with the possibility of tree (God/Universe) and given time, have the ability to transform from acorns into oak trees (God/Universe).

*Quick clarification – there are different schools of thought about God. One, that humans are actually divine (God), or that there is a spark/piece/indwelling of the divine in each person, or that God is more of a construct for the creative energy of the universe. For reasons of inclusiveness, we accept all theories.

The Enneagram uses the dynamic nature of the nine numbers to invite all of us on a journey of personal, relational, and spiritual transformation. It is a journey we will travel over and over and over again throughout our lives.

*Photos by Aaron Burden & Kai Dörner on Unsplash