Tag: enneagram 7

Enneagram – Health (Integration) Arrows

Posted on by melissakircher

The funny thing about the Enneagram health/aware/integration arrows is that we can’t force the move. It simply happens with a combination of inner work + natural wiring + intention + flow. We never quite figure out the formula. I’m a nerdy Enneagram Type Five, and even I use words like unexplainable and magical to describe the health arrow move!

Integration to your health number (or type) provides you with new energy, new awareness, and expansive options. How do you want to move forward in a different way? What got you here, and how do you feel? What do you see in a new light? What do you sense is right? How must things change? What will enliven and enrich your life?

Use your answers to accept the gifts of your health arrow – they almost always lead to expansion, healing, joy, and a revitalized relationship with yourself!

As you read through these, remember that they are a list of high-side attributes you go to in your health arrow. They are the best of that type. These are all qualities to help you notice when you’re in alignment.

Type 1 – To – Type 7

I find life fun and enjoyable. My mind expands, and I accept new ideas. Pleasure becomes a healthy priority. I embrace spontaneous adventures. My thinking becomes much more gray. I make decisions that resonate and feel good in my mind, body, and heart.

Type 2 – To – Type 4

My inner world is known to me. I take self-important risks and reap the rewards of trying new things. I can say no with confidence. I grant all my emotions equal importance. I learn how to love being with myself. My mind is filled with exciting ideas.

Type 3 – To – Type 6

I know and trust my own voice and authentic opinions. Loyalty takes the place of competition. I bravely communicate and share my heart. I learn to take careful, considered action. I am genuinely emotive, warm, and loving. I work cooperatively with others.

Type 4 – To – Type 1

I know what needs to be done. I find congruence in many areas of my life. I think objectively and with precision. My gut intuition is strong and trustworthy. My emotions and actions become aligned. I create new realities every day.

Type 5 – To – Type 8

My mind finds pockets of quiet. I move into the world with power an ease. I am aware of desire and act on it. My body speaks to me, and I listen to it. I relish life with robust energy. I accomplish goals with great success.

Type 6 – To – Type 9

All is well and will be well. I attract people who support and love me. I trust in the goodness of the universe. My body is on my side. My intuition is strong and leads me well. I relax, let go, and allow life to unfold.

Type 7 – To – Type 5

I focus and get so very much done. I find great delight in the mundane. The moments I inhabit are satisfying. My body is here, singing with life. I accept stillness and all it holds. My mind is my rational ally.

Type 8 – To – Type 2

I see others as worthy equals. My soft heart is shown to a chosen few. I embrace risk as part of being loved. My protection of others is boundaried. I accept my own humanity. My inner child feels safe to play.

Type 9 – To – Type 3

I know I am loved, worthy, and special. My goals become actions that are achieved. I take a stand on vital issues. My wants and needs become known to me. I see myself as someone of importance. My heart guides me, showing me the way.

Grief & The Enneagram Part III: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Grief & The Enneagram Part III: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Posted on by melissakircher
“We have a choice in grief (and life) to encounter resistance with swords, anger, and all the spitfire within us. Or we can recognize a shift in our external lives as a chance to soften and surrender. As much as it pains me to affirm this, we are not in control of the world around us. We are only in control of how we navigate the waves from the helm of our ship.” – Mandy Capehart

It’s the final chapter of this three-part grief and Enneagram series! So far we’ve explored how grief and Enneagram shadow work are very similar in their approach and application. In both instances, we wrestle with the unknown sides of life that indicate unacknowledged pain, confusion, or disruption to our path forward. Effective grief and Enneagram work provides a framework for understanding ourselves and embracing new ways of thinking about our lives and circumstances. The more we learn, the more we realize we are unique individuals. The nuance of our individuality causes our grief journey to be like a fingerprint. Even when some stereotypes apply, there is always a part of our spirit that needs a little more intention.

This journey allows us to cultivate the compassion needed to find movement through our pain. As you embrace the truth of grief in your life, you may find that learning more about your Enneagram type provides extra support.

Today, we’ll unpack Type Seven, Eight, and Nine misconceptions and how they can lead us to incorrect assumptions about how we “should” feel and move through our grief stories. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for all. We can reckon with the stereotypical reactions in our enneagram types that act as easy excuses to avoid the deeper, more intimate work of pursuing healing in our grief.

Type Seven

Type Sevens are all about chasing down a vibrant life, but their fear of pain and discomfort becomes front and center in grief. Their avoidant and coping behaviors shift into fifth gear, working overtime to keep the tender-hearted, overthinking Seven safe from emotional turmoil.

Grief and loss can amplify excitability, which feels dismissive and scary to observe. While most Sevens have animated, flighty, disconnected sides, Type Sevens can also be serious, quiet, and introverted.

When Sevens show their depth, people start to ask, “Are you okay?” yet have no idea what to do. Experiencing grief does not mean that a person needs distractions and adventures to heal; they need to be seen as valuable and worthy of love and attention, even when sad and heavyhearted.

The Sevens who know they are safe to fall apart and not demonstrate exuberance all the time will become one of the most loyal, committed, dedicated friends – especially if you’ve walked alongside them through one of the most emotionally trying times in their lives.

Type Eight

Type Eights probably seem least likely to deal well with grief, and that assumption is not too far off. For the average Eight, grief stirs up vulnerability and lack of control in the worst way possible. Eights see grief as just another mountain to overcome and can easily stuff the grief-y feelings to lead and demonstrate command – business as usual comes naturally to the Eight.

But the truth is, Eights need to let go more than any other number. Hidden within vulnerability is a true strength to lead. When Type Eights are grieving, we see their leadership style become more erratic, anxious, and detached. They’ve created another wall to protect themselves from appearing weak or incapable.

On the flip side, when Eights view their grief as an adversary worth challenging, they invite the difficult conversations with patience and grace. After the battle is waged, Eights begin to view grief as a constant truth of life and not an enemy.

These integrated, tender-hearted Eights look softer, kind, and invitational. They’ll start to ask for help because they’ve learned grief will not be strong-armed or intimidated to flee. These challengers know not all battles are meant to be won, but that also doesn’t mean you’ve lost.

Type Nine

Type Nines might seem like the most willing to hear your grief story and unpack the pain with you, but the truth is this number usually needs to retreat into their own pain, not carry yours. Nines are quick to protect their energy. Dealing with the grief of others is an excellent way to use their energy and avoid dealing with their own.

But when Nines decide to honor their boundaries, they suddenly become available to their pain. Independent of the opinion of others, they start to disentangle their mess of emotions and intense avoidance behaviors. Nines feel empowered; their grief is no longer an enemy but a familiar presence that does not make them want to run and hide.

Average Nines need quiet and rest, while integrated Nines are authoritative, calm, and even cheeky in their healing process. They know they can use their stillness and withdrawal as a source of strength and, in doing so, bring that level of stability to others for support. This becomes an energy reserve that doesn’t drain but invigorates. True peace ensues for all when Nines intentionally move toward stressful or grief-y situations instead of falling into them and hiding for days to follow.

Mandy Capehart is an author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is the founder of The Restorative Grief Project, an online community of grievers and grief supporters looking for movement while they heal. Her first book is titled, “Restorative Grief: Embracing our losses without losing ourselves,” released in 2021. This is a memoir and a 31-day guidebook for managing grief and growth in the aftermath of loss, no matter how long it lasts. You can hear more about her grief work on her podcast, Restorative Grief with Mandy Capehart. She also co-hosts The Uncomfortable Grace Podcast, where space is held for growth amid the messy middle parts of life.

Follow Mandy on Twitter at @MandyCapehart

Follow Mandy on Instagram at @mandycapehart

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Posted on by melissakircher

Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!

Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.

Type One

They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.

Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.

Type Two

They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.

Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.

Type Three

They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.

Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.

Type Four

They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.

Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.

Type Five

They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.

Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.

Type Six

They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.

Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.

Type Seven

They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.

Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.

Type Eight

They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.

Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.

Type Nine

They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.

Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.

Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Posted on by melissakircher

“..then he added, as if requiring a response to his own remark,
‘Probably the greater the difference, the greater the similarity, and the greater the similarity, the greater the difference,’ at that moment he did not yet know how right he was.” – José Saramago, All the Names

It is consistently interesting to me as I work with clients in my Enneagram Coaching Practice that both:

  1. Our external behaviours can look the same, yet have different internal emotional/energetic underpinnings.
  2. Our internal emotional/energetic underpinnings can be so similar and yet, have different external behaviors or manifestations.

Here is a series of observations I’ve made so far. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. We’re all interconnected and interwoven in such a way that I know I’ll be joyfully fascinated for the rest of my life! – Melissa

Type 9 & Type 5

Same: Both externally procrastinate when needing to complete important tasks. They fill the day with busywork.

Different: Type 5s internally fear being unable to handle the task and having to ask for help. Type 9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance/peace.

Type 4 & Type 7

Same: Both tend to quickly shift jobs, projects, interests, and relationships. This is often done unconsciously, neither Type aware of how much they change.

Different: Type 4s are searching for a sense of identity in each shift. Type 7s search for fulfillment and satisfaction with every move.

Type 2 & Type 8

Same: Both feel angry, often because their selfhood or boundaries are being violated in some way.

Different: Type 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this particular emotion. Type 8s show their anger more easily and consistently, and move on from it quickly.

Type 3 & Type 6

Same: Both are excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals.

Different: Type 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly and to great success. Type 6s expect that all manner of problems will arise and so they develop a myriad of contingencies just in case.

Type 1 & Type 5

Same: Both deal with voices of internal criticism and feeling not good enough.

Different: In response, Type 1s pour endless energy into improving all that surrounds them. Type 5s pick a few projects and try to silence their distrust of self with overzealous mastery.

Type 2 & Type 6

Same: Both appear externally warm and friendly in their many relationships.

Different: Internally, Type 2s cling to the love in their relationships; it gives them a sense of identity. Internally, Type 6s mistrust others, always keeping a watchful eye open for breaks in loyalty.

Type 3 & Type 4

Same: Both are intense and competitive, seeking outward recognition and approval.

Different: Type 3s push their true feelings aside to maintain momentum toward a goal. Type 4s lose goal momentum as their fluctuating feelings return them to an inward focus.

Type 7 & Type 9

Same: Both are adaptable, inviting, and would prefer to avoid conflict. Internally, both do not want to feel pain.

Different: Externally, Type 7s have a hectic, wild energy and express their desires. Type 9s live at a more measured pace, are generally mellow, and mesh with the desires of others.

Type 2 & Type 4

Same: Both are used to others liking them, seeking out relationships that bolster their self-confidence. Both are friendly and magnetic.

Different: Type 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, and it’s in inward image confirmation. Type 4s distrust their relationships and inwardly distrust that they are lovable.

Type 1 & Type 8

Same: Both are focused on control, feeling inwardly that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.

Different: Type 1s exert super-control over themselves and the details of their environment. Type 8s care about the big picture. They desire power to ensure they get what they want and everything stays together.

Can’t figure out your Type? I offer 1-hour Typing Sessions and have fall slots open! Click HERE to fill out a request and discover your number!

Enneagram Types: 7w6 vs. 7w8

Enneagram Types: 7w6 vs. 7w8

Posted on by melissakircher

“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” ― Noel Langley, The Wizard of Oz

Welcome to Enneagram Paths! Today, I’m sending you light and love during these strange and disorienting times. I thought now would be the perfect moment to dive deeper into Type Sevens, who often get a bad reputation for being “the fun, shallow Type”. I ADORE the Sevens in my life, and while it’s true that they are so much fun and a source of adventure and delight, I also find they have depth, wisdom, and a wealth of emotional intelligence to share with the world. Suzanne Stablile says this about Sevens in her book, The Path Between Us : “By refusing to seek fulfillment by any path other than their own, Sevens model for us the satisfaction that’s possible when we acknowledge the inherent value in our uniqueness. That kind of uniqueness needs to be honored and celebrated.”

So, let’s look together at the differences between a 7w6 and a 7w8, to better understand the complexity and shades of expression that exist within each Enneagram Type.

7w6

The 6w of an Enneagram Type Seven shades the person with a dose of relationship energy. 7w6s often have a friendly frame of mind and appear externally warm and open towards people. They are still lively and vivacious, of course. You can’t take the zip and dazzle out of a Seven! However, the 6w does moderate some of the adventurousness of Sevens, making them more reliable and responsible. They are good problem-solvers, but in a light-hearted way. 7w6s take their problems less seriously, having a sense of humor about hardships, while also making sure important issues are addressed. They have a shade of mellowness, and connect with their emotions more easily than 7w8s.

7w6s have an extra dose of the Head Center of Intelligence. They will often experience greater anxiety and fear. Sevens generally don’t want anyone to tell them what to do, yet the 6w pulls them towards strong people and gaining security from authority. These conflicting forces create a lot of internal tension. The Seven will desire to do something, but the 6w will start to doubt themselves and analyze the risks involved. This makes 7w6s more indecisive. The 7w6 will come up with great ideas, but then want to control every aspect of their projects. In health, the 6w lets go and the 7w6 can commit to a task, be a team player, and complete projects to great success! Healthy 7w6s are amazing friends, colleagues, and partners. They’re loyal and committed, while also being spontaneous and delighted by all aspects of life. In stress, 7w6s can feel stuck between the individualism of Type Seven and the corporal loyalty of the Type Six. This can make them frustrated and angry. By moving deeper into their emotions and allowing space for all the internal dissonance to coexist, the 7w6 finds that they are able to balance zest and moderation, knowing the appropriate time and place for the complex shades of their character.

7w8

7w8s are the more unconstrained and individualistic of these Enneagram Seven wings. They are entrepreneurial and courageous, and go after their ideas with great energy and tenacity. The 8w brings in a dose of the Body Center of Intelligence, gifting 7w8s with good instincts. They trust their guts and act with decisiveness.

In stress, 7w8s can exhibit a good deal of aggression and assertiveness. They are pleasure-oriented to an extreme. The 8w helps the Type Seven get exactly what they want. Stressed 7w8s can seem demanding and pushy. They become increasingly irresponsible and excessive the further they disintegrate. There is a “more is better” mindset. Short-term thinking can take over so the 7w8 gains things immediately without assessing any risks. Stressed 7w8s care less about people who feel limiting or who will frustrate their plans, which can lead to a trail of wrecked relationships, work, and finances.

In health, the 8w moderates the Type Seven’s natural anxiety, producing a more grounded Seven. They think, act, and feel concretely and with a straightforward attitude. They are decisive and practical, and move in reality instead of in their fantasies. 7w8s don’t mentally travel as much into the future anticipating what might go wrong. Instead, the 8w adds future goals and the ability to reach those goals with a strong willingness to take charge. They can seem less friendly than the 7w6, but only because they care less about what others think and refuse to be put into boxes. This natural ability to be themselves then extends to others, creating space for healthy individuality and uniqueness. Healthy 7w8 are honest and oriented towards justice. They do the right thing no matter what.

*Be sure to check out my new Enneagram Self-Love Downloads you can print and use instantly!*

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type's Shadow?

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type’s Shadow?

Posted on by melissakircher

Kim Parker of WayfindingLife.org says this about Enneagram Shadow work, “The Enneagram shows us the shadow side of our gifts and reveals the games we often unknowingly play. Although these can be difficult to face, doing so is part of a path that leads us toward freedom. Taking an honest look at ourselves, through the lens of the Enneagram, provides us with the awareness needed to let go of our unhelpful tendencies and patterns of behavior. Furthermore, as we begin to practice ‘letting go’ we are set free to be a more whole and loving p/Presence in the world.”

I love this! Something I often say to my coaching clients is that not only are struggles and weaknesses hidden in Shadow, so are amazing strengths.

Our Shadow Sides are places and spaces in our personality makeup that can be unconscious on a regular basis. However, when we dig into the darkness, a whole lot of light begins to shine, and we’re made aware of a myriad of exciting and challenging aspects of each Type’s survival mechanisms. Be kind to yourself as you investigate your Shadow Side. Always enter the work with kindness and love—and feel free to get in touch with me if you need an Enneagram Coach to guide you along this process!

Concealed in Shadow: Type One

The Type One’s Shadow conceals true desires and the need for spontaneity, levity, and joy. To preserve order, the Shadow suppresses undesired emotions like personal pain, melancholy, and deep frustration.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Two

The Type Two’s Shadow conceals the paradoxical belief that they’re deserving of royal treatment and that they’re only as good as what they give. They have a hidden thirst for love and attention. A need to express anger is also in shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Three

The Type Three’s Shadow conceals unconscious self-deception. They believe in the positive images they project, and suppress insecurity, fear, and vulnerability—all of which help them get in touch with their True Selves.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Four

The Type Four’s Shadow conceals an unconscious victimhood; a self-perpetuating cycle of lack and loss. It also hides a great wealth of happiness, satisfaction, capability, normality, and energetic action.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Five

The Type Five’s Shadow conceals a deep longing for connection, a vast wealth of wants and needs, fear of rejection, great power, emotionality, and a wise, unwavering strength that sources itself in Universe.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Six

The Type Six’s Shadow conceals a depth of connection to Source/Divine and self. There is a unconscious drive for ultimate security which can never be satisfied. Many actions are motivated by a fear of retribution from authority.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Seven

The Type Seven’s Shadow conceals the full spectrum of their inner emotional life, and a true ability to hone and focus attention. Feelings of insecurity and “unknown-ness” are also hidden in Shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Eight

The Type Eight’s Shadow conceals the purest parts of themselves because they are the least accessed: softness, innocence, and vulnerability. Their Shadow also hides insecurities that Eight’s refuse to admit.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Nine

The Type Nine’s Shadow conceals a layered emotionality, often with a deep reserve of rage/anger that must be expressed…to then access a kind of grief over abandoning themselves for so long.

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

Posted on by melissakircher

During this uncertain season, when none of us know quite what to do or how to feel, let’s turn our attention to positivity as best we can. What can we offer each other in our homes, in Zoom meetings, on FaceTime calls, or in the flurry of texts and emails that we’ll be sending in the coming days? Here are a few examples of the gifts each Enneagram Type brings to the table in times of crisis:

Type 1: Bravery, Attention to Detail, Order, Tenderness

Type 2: Empathy, Plausible Solutions, Grit, Boundaries

Type 3: Action, Resources, Authenticity, Cooperation

Type 4: Non-Judgment, Depth, Space, Vitality

Type 5: Wise Insight, Attention, Leadership, Courage

Type 6: Connectivity, Vulnerability, Endurance, Adaptability

Type 7: Ferocity, Goodwill, Warmth, Intelligence

Type 8: Protection, True Care, Soul, Character

Type 9: Calm, Understanding, Reconciliation, Goal-Setting

*Be sure to check out my new Enneagram Self-Love Downloads you can print and use instantly!*

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Posted on by melissakircher


What is Enneagram Darkness Growth?

A few thoughts on darkness in general. Darkness is something we try to avoid, right? And it IS awful going through a dark time or feeling in a dark place. Yet, darkness is an underrated state of being; it can actually be one of the most fertile moments in our lives. Deep stress, hurt, pain, transition, betrayal, uncertainty, and loss are all ripe for extraordinary change, growth learning, rebirth, and renewal. The following darkness ideas for each Enneagram Type might feel really “ouch”, but in actuality, are huge opportunities for growth.

The term I’m using “Darkness Growth” stems from the idea of a shadow side found in many Enneagram teachings. The shadow is characteristics, behaviors, and motivations that we exhibit but are not consciously aware. Both helpful traits and unhelpful are hidden in shadow, and can be brought to light to form a whole, integrated person.

The key with Darkness Growth is to remember we don’t shame or hate ourselves, we face the dark with courage to realize some behaviors harm us now, even if they’ve helped us survive for years. You have to love yourself first, to be able to authentically grow. Take the following thoughts and ruminate on them. See if they resonate with you in any way, and what questions you might ask yourself about what the darkness is inviting you into.

Darkness Growth Type One:

Pointing out the incorrect politics, moral failings, and questionable behavior of others to make the world better and prove your own goodness, only serves to exhaust you and alienate people. How can you embrace the spectrum of humanity?

Darkness Growth Type Two:

Cultivating an image of how good you are by constantly being there for others actually serves to disconnect you from your true feelings and personhood, turning you from falsely helpful to demanding and needy. How can you love yourself well first?

Darkness Growth Type Three:

Your character-shifting gets you admiration, likes, and success, but when it comes time to be intimate and love deeply, you will struggle because you don’t know who is the real you to share. How can you be still, in order to connect with yourself more fully?

Darkness Growth Type Four:

Idealization of self and others pulls people in, then pushes them away. This pattern solidifies your untrue victim status when people get fed up and leave. But you’re not a victim, you’re the perpetrator. How can you empower yourself with commitment?

Darkness Growth Type Five:

Your boundaries keep people from hurting you and affecting your perceived safety. But when shit hits the fan, you won’t have a network of people to help when you really can’t help yourself. Your aloneness will be real. How can you let others in?

Darkness Growth Type Six:

The search for certainty in situations and people is a self-defeating survival tool. Eventually everything will disappoint you, confirming an untrue belief that the world is unsafe. How can you shift your perspective to realistic optimism?

Darkness Growth Type Seven:

If you only show people the fun, energetic, happy side of you, they will come to think you’re truly happy all the time. It’s then not their fault that they don’t check on you or see the pain you’re experiencing. How can you share your heart?

Darkness Growth Type Eight:

You can technically treat people however you want, disregarding their feelings or etiquette. But then, when you realize you have tender, needy feelings that require love and nurturing, don’t expect compassion. How can you treat others better?

Darkness Growth Type Nine:

You can be so affable and nice that people forget you exist sometimes. The desire to avoid sticky situations backfires to eject you from a life that needs your active presence. How can you shine today?

Sexual/One-on-One Enneagram Subtype: Sevens

Sexual/One-on-One Enneagram Subtype: Sevens

Posted on by melissakircher

Welcome back from the holidays, Ennea-lovers! I hope you all had a good (not-too-stressful) season with family, friends, and loved ones. Today on the blog, we’re diving back into Enneagram subtype interviews. I love hearing from readers and fellow Ennea-nerds on Twitter and IG! It’s fun to learn from and alongside each other as we explore the nuance and depth of the Enneagram.

We‘re going to continue to look to Beatrice Chestnut’s book, The Complete Enneagram, for a quick Sx Seven roundup. Her book is amazing, and I would totally recommend it for researching subtypes. About Sx Sevens she says,”Contrary to what we might expect from this ‘Sexual’ Seven subtype, this Seven is not so much focused on sex as they are on the essence of love. Sexual Sevens fall in love very easily, but they’re not as interested in having sex with someone as they are in attaining a kind of idealized ultimate connection…They are gluttons for things of the higher world, and this makes them dreamers. They often feel an attraction to spiritual or metaphysical experience, as well as to extraordinary or esoteric things…For the Sexual Seven, earthly things take effort, and can therefore feel boring or tedious, whereas the mind works easily and without friction. It’s much easier to imagine doing something than to actually do it.” (Beatrice Chestnut, The Complete Enneagram, She Writes Press, 2013)

Sexual Type Sevens

Both Sevens chose to remain anonymous for this post. Thank you each so much for being here on Enneagram Paths!

Anonymous Seven I

1. What does it mean to you to be a Sexual Type Seven? It has been liberating. When I first started this journey, I believed that I was a Social Seven. That it was about my social standing and being in a group. But more and more, I have looked at myself and realized I am a One-on-One/Sexual Seven. I love that I really am about a deep connection to others and get energy from close relationships. In health—at my best—I bring an energy and optimism to deep conversations to let people know that I have learned to step into my pain and that there is life on the other side of pain.

2. How does the Sexual Instinct as a Seven shade your need for sexual intimacy, close relationships and friendships, and a connection to your bodily energy? Which of these needs do you most require to feel safe? It was in this area of my life that through reading and learning about the Enneagram, I knew I was a Type Seven. I wanted that connection, and if it was not happening organically, I would do anything I could to manufacture intimacy. Due to childhood trauma and false intimacy, I became addicted to wanting that connection. Pornography became a way for me to have that “intimacy”. I have also had to learn how to not force intimacy in friendships and my close relationships when they just needed a more light-hearted connection. When I get to have meaningful time with friends and close relationships, it fuels me for a while. I do, however, find myself in the middle of that time planning for the next time an interaction can happen.

3. What does Stress look like for you as a Sexual Seven? What does Integration/Health look like for you as a Sexual Seven? Stress for me means that others aren’t doing things right, and I become pretty hard on people. Many times, I do not voice my frustrations; I am making judgements in my mind. When stressed, I want to feel good, so I will turn to addictions. Food, drink, etc. I dislike when I am in this space, so I find ways to make the discomfort go away for a while. In health, I am on a quest to learn more, to love well and to give grace. I find that I want to learn about human behavior, so I read and listen to podcasts. I can sit with people in their pain and be sympathetic and directive. I am an energy that helps get things done and lighten the mood if heavy.

Anonymous Seven II

1. What does it mean to you to be a Sexual Type Seven? Being a Sexual Type Seven means that I care a lot about other people. I love to give to people and see them for the best that they can be! I mainly see the world that way too, through the most positive outlook. It can even mean that I sometimes don’t accept criticism or negative feelings at all. I can be more sensitive than other Sevens. 

2. How does the Sexual Instinct as a Seven shade your need for sexual intimacy, close relationships and friendships, and a connection to your bodily energy? Which of these needs do you most require to feel safe? I am very aware of my need for other people. I have a select few close friends who I know I can tell anything to, but I also have many others who I’d consider friends. I think that the sexual instinct causes me to crave intimacy, both physically and emotionally. I need someone who will look after me when I don’t know how to; when my emotions are going crazy. It also probably causes me to be confident in my body. I feel like because I see things in such a positive way, I connect to my body more easily than others. I’m aware of how I treat my body, and practice yoga and meditation often. I think the need I require the most to feel safe is knowing that I have a strong base of friends who will always listen and who connect with me by keeping in touch. 

3. What does Stress look like for you as a Sexual Seven? What does Integration/Health look like for you as a Sexual Seven? When I am stressed, I tend to shut down. I feel overwhelmed, like every word and sound is too much. I have to take time to breathe and refocus or I’ll panic. It really helps when someone can calm me down and tell me that everything will be okay. The most healthy me is when I can say no to destructive patterns of impulsiveness and think before I act. I am most healthy when I am aware of ALL my emotions, even the sadness and frustration that I might ignore/deny when I’m stressed. 

Loved having and hearing from you amazing Sevens! – Melissa

*Be sure to check out my Type Seven Self-Love Download to print and use instantly!*

Type Seven, More Fun Than Anyone: Alleli Hull

Posted on by melissakircher

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“It’s the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary; only wise [people] are able to understand them.” ― Paulo Coelho

Where I live, there has been never-ending rainfall… not fun. I have needed a dose of Type Seven optimism and energy! Good thing my little daughter is a Seven. She makes even the rainiest of days pure sunshine. I’m so excited to have another dose of bright sun this week on Enneagram Paths, Alleli Hull. As a refresher, Type Sevens are “future-oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open-minded. They are enthusiasts who enjoy the pleasures of the senses and who don’t believe in any form of self-denial.” (Eclectic Energies, The Enthusiast)

This is just a quick look at basic Type, so let’s dig a bit deeper into the active minds (Head Triad) and deep hearts of Type Sevens, because despite being happy-go-lucky, they are very deep, complex people. Welcome, Alleli!

1. Sevens see and experience the world by trying to enjoy every particle, every second. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.

I find a lot of satisfaction and fulfillment in noticing little details within the bigger picture. For example, in the song All Time Low by Jon Bellion, every fourth tambourine hit is pitched just a little bit lower than the first three. I am mesmerized that a producer’s brain can think of a detail that small! When I find moments like that in the world around me, I can’t help but share my experience with others!

The label I give this fascination is “simple joy.” I think if more people latched onto this label, we could become less frustrated with the world around us. Simple joy is going for a drive just because, playing card games with friends, making eye contact with a food service worker when saying thank you and watching their face light up. Honestly, it can be even simpler than that—playing my favorite song on repeat for the ninth time, taking my socks and shoes off after work, or even finding another clean shirt in the hamper so I can put off doing laundry for another day. Does simple joy make me a simple person? Heck no! I just like to take time to appreciate the little things.

2. How do you make decisions? From your gut, from your head, or from your heart? (Or any combination.)

The order is as such: Gut —> Head —> Heart

I have a tendency to want to make (and actually make) rash, impulsive decisions in both major and minor ways. But, if I give myself an extra 30 seconds, then I can keep the weight of the matter while getting rid of the emotional charge and make a more rational decision. BUT if I take too much time, then I’ll just go with whatever I feel like in that very moment.

When it comes to indecisive friends looking to me, I normally have our options put in alphabetical order in my head and pick a letter at random. Whatever I land on is the decision we collectively make.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type One? What happens when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Five? 

Moving to either One or Five brings focus and detachment to my scattered Seven brain.

When I go to Type One, rules become rigid. I hate when other people around me try to bend and break the rules while simultaneously exempting myself from them. Sometimes I’ll even make up rules in my head and expect people to follow them. I’ll start to detach from the people I’m closest to so I can justify putting my head down and getting through whatever situation I find myself in.

When I go to Type Five, my brain can slow down and focus in on one subject at a time rather than trying to multitask—thinking about how backpacks are made, what I’m going to eat tonight, and how to say anthropomorphize without stuttering over the word, all at once. I get to detach from the emotional charge of what people are saying and look beyond what I’m seeing and hearing. When I’m at my best and most comfortable, I can look like an extroverted Five—my favorite place to be!

4. How does Gluttony play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself lacking satisfaction with experiences, jobs, or people?

I have a massive tendency to over-consume. I’m the person who will eat the last slice of pizza because nobody wants to be “that person.” I like to drive just a little bit faster than the other vehicles around me and, unfortunately, have the driving record to prove it. I binge watched six seasons of Game of Thrones in less than three weeks. Why? Well, why the heck not‽ My reasoning for a lot of the decisions I make can boil down to this: Because I can.

The second part of this questions comes at a very transitional time in my life. Summer just ended (goodbye Six Flags), I recently turned in my two weeks notice and am switching jobs, and I’ve also recently cut out some unhealthy relationships. I’m always “lacking,” but I always find the silver lining to make the best of whatever situation is staring me in the face.

5. What do you wish other people understood about being a Type Seven? (And by the way, most of us want to be you!!)

SEVENS HAVE DEPTH!!! We are probably the most easily caricatured type because our natural disposition leans heavily into joyfulness and positivity, but don’t mistake our upbeat demeanor for an empty brain—when healthy, we work incredibly hard for depth and even harder for others to see it.

Sevens are also natural Jacks and Jackies of all trades. We have the intrinsic ability to pick up foundational skills on the fly but will rarely master any one thing. We fill skill gaps until a more qualified person can fill it. By then, we’re ready for more variety and a new challenge anyway!

6. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Seven?

I am a 7w8. While my natural disposition is to be upbeat and positive, I can get set off pretty quickly if somebody tries to control my mood or actions without permission. I’m not great at being a “good soldier” because that means my decisions aren’t my own.

I also have a really difficult time with people’s opinions stated as absolute. Regardless if I agree or disagree with whoever brought up the statement, my natural bent is to be against it. What is great about sitting in the opposite camp from the other person is now we get to dialogue and dissect; an animated, cordial conversation gets to happen, and now we can bend and stretch the absolute statement to see what it’s really made of.

7. As a Type Seven do you personally connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?

I have to. At some point, the shallow reasoning I have for most of the decisions I make aren’t good enough, and I have to seek out something/someone bigger and wiser than me. While I grew up in church and still stand on the beliefs cited within the Apostle’s Creed, I do not currently ascribe to any spiritual practices.

8. How do thinking and planning show up in your life? Are you able to recognize all the thinking you actually do?

I might be a good future thinker and planner, but I’m a terrible implementer. My brain can only wrap around planning up to two weeks out at a time before I have to take considerable measures to keep my schedule organized. If there is no concrete timeline on future plans, the sky is the limit on what I can or want to do. I have aspirations of becoming a serial podcast creator, recording my own music, fostering multiple dogs at a time, and building my own gaming computer. Those are not difficult to plan and account for the logistical details. Implementing those plans are a completely different story. There are so many other easier events I can execute, so I put many of my aspirations on the back burner to take care of “tomorrow.”

I am constantly in my head, and there are a lot of amoeba-like thoughts and ideas floating around. I can typically track my train of thought, but sometimes I have to play catch up. I have gone from silently appreciating a nice writing utensil to blurting out “Can you shoot a gun in outer space?” thirty seconds later. I know all of the thoughts in-between that got me to that point, but I still have to catch up to myself. When I’m not in a healthy headspace, I’ll have full conversations/arguments with people I’m close within my head. I’ve learned to catch these earlier, so I can dissect why I’m doing this by myself and not with whomever I’m having the “discussion” with and redirect the thought pattern into something more actionable.

9. Talk about what the words Focus, Maturity, and Pain mean to you today.

Focus is selective and subjective. If I find a topic interesting, I will deep dive it until I hit bedrock. For instance: a friend of mine asked me if I could create a playlist for all nine types. I spent eight hours straight curating nine different playlists with songs spanning across different genres and levels of popularity. But if I don’t find the topic interesting, I have to work really hard to find focus and buckle down.

Maturity is a journey in a vehicle that only goes 10 mph to a destination 1000 miles away. Maturity has come really slowly and awkwardly to me. It means rising to whatever occasion is in front of me and embrace what’s uncomfortable. It means learning to minimize my foot-in-mouth syndrome and grow in empathy for the people I am surrounded by. It also means reining in my impulsiveness and owning my situation rather than running from it.

Pain is scary and inevitable. Sometimes pain doesn’t have a resolution—I’m learning that lesson right now.

profile pictureAlleli Hull is a 31-year-old Midwesterner sweating it out in Memphis. She went to school for music performance and can play anything in your typical garage band. She enjoys a little coffee with her sugar and firmly believes the toilet paper roll should be over and not under. She also has a pup named Skander and can’t say no to him. She loves FPS games, and the Halo franchise was her first love. Her room and car might be disasters, but at least all the apps on her phone are in their rightful folders.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/alleli.hull

Instagram: @allelihull

Twitter: @allelihull

*Cover Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash