Body Center » Enneagram Paths Coaching

Enneagram 9w1 vs 9w8

Posted on July 9, 2018July 8, 2018 by melissakircher

What is the function of the Enneagram wings? In brief, the wings serve as an enhancement of the basic type, they bring out different centers or magnify the (body, heart, mind) center already present in the type, and they introduce different variations of the basic type. Let’s look at the two wings for Type Nine.

Type Nine with a One Wing (9w1)

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We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.” ― Gwendolyn Brooks

In Integration:

9w1s in health (or integration) are people who combine the desire for peace of a Type Nine with the responsibility and moral obligation of a Type One. They follow the rules and fulfill what is expected of them because they truly want to create a harmonious society — and feel they have a duty to do so. They desire to do good and be good. 9w1s have double body center. 9w1s are generally nice people, like all Nines, and the One wing adds judicious and tactful tendencies. The One wing helps the Nine have a sense of acceptable social behaviors and good conduct. This subtype is much more reserved and orderly than 9w8s. They are less prone to bursts of anger like the other subtype. 9w1s are often spiritually oriented people. They connect to the flow of the universe like the Nine, but the One wing allows them to channel their spiritual experiences into daily practices like yoga, prayer, meditation, the reading of sacred texts, and reflection. The One wing is so helpful to the Nine in this way because spiritual practices help the Nine to restore their inner balance when it’s disrupted. Peace (both inner and outer) is vital to a Nine’s well-being and the One wing creates a drive in a healthy Nine to devote energy to bringing peace into the world. They are adept and patient mediators, social justice initiators, wise sages showing others different paths to the Divine, and generally, they seek to create unity wherever they go. You will experience a 9w1 as a comforting, calm, person who has a firm belief that their efforts towards harmony are important in creating a better world.

In Stress/Disintegration: In stress, 9w1s goes to the low side of both numbers. They are people who desire peace no matter what. Their anger, feelings, and opinions are repressed in order to sustain this peace, and they do their very best to ignore anything that will disrupt inner and outer harmony. They will put up with abusive behavior from others, they will disregard things that are unfair, and they become inert in the face of challenges. Nines in stress check out naturally, but the One wing compounds this desire to disconnect from everything, including themselves. This detachment can extend for many years, as long as 9w1s remain stressed and cope in unhealthy ways. This can lead to many 9w1s experiencing depression. A 9w1 in disintegration will also exhibit some of the perfectionistic tendencies of Type One. They can start to be obsessively organized, stubbornly insisting that things in life be done the right way and put in proper order. A 9w1 won’t get angry, but they will have attitudes of censure and bitterness.

Type Nine with an Eight Wing (9w8)

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“When two brothers are busy fighting, an evil man can easily attack and rob their poor mother. Mankind should always stay united, standing shoulder to shoulder so evil can never cheat and divide them.” ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

In Integration:

9w8s in health are pleasant, agreeable people who also exude an innate sense of authority. They are also a double body center. 9w8s bring a stable, calm, firm, and solid energy into places and situations. The Eight wing brings an aura of strength to the easygoing Type Nine. Their strength is much more reserved and detached than the aggression and raw power of the pure Type Eight, though. The Eight wing helps the Nine to move through life with more common sense, directness, and a take-charge attitude. 9w8s can be leaders, CEOs of big corporations, or politically inclined. (I often wonder if President Obama is either a 9w8 or 9w1.) They are usually very cool under pressure and don’t resort to despair in the face of crisis. Other people truly like and follow 9w8 leaders because they are powerful and compelling, while also being kindhearted, serene, and pleasant.

In Stress/Disintegration:

In stress, 9w8s take on the low side of Type Nine and the low side of Type Eight. This creates a very strong internal tension because the Nine desires harmony at all costs and the Eight desires to express anger and engage in conflict. Usually, a stressed out 9w8 will be compliant and try to move away from conflict, except for the times when the Eight wing roars and the Nine suddenly explodes. These eruptions of anger serve to try to communicate to people in their lives that a Nine’s boundaries have been crossed. The Eight wing also propels the Nine to step into conflict at the very end in order to diffuse and wrap up a fight in a direct, efficient manner. This allows the 9w8 to then move back to a place of harmony as quickly as possible. 9w8s are not as upset by their anger as 9w1s would be, they don’t feel guilty about it. Their desire is to get back to inner and outer peace; their feeling of normal. One distinguishing feature of the disintegrated 9w8 is their tendency to dissociate from others and their own feelings, all while exacting revenge on people who have wronged them. They are dispassionately vengeful. And like a Type Eight, once you are on their bad side, you are blacklisted forever. They might seem nice and act socially polite, but any kind of relationship with them will be over for good.

Interview With Type One, Rachel Hamm

Posted on May 28, 2018May 27, 2018 by melissakircher

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“If I can do things right, I don’t see why everyone else can’t.” ― Courtney Summers, Cracked Up to Be

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ― Rumi

Monday interview time! Today, I have Rachel Hamm here, an Enneagram Type One — which is also sometimes called “The Perfectionist”. Rachel and I have actually been friends for a long time. Alas, she moved away a number of years ago but we still have the best, deep conversations on the phone! Welcome, Rachel, and thank you for sharing your growing knowledge of the Enneagram and what it means for you to be a Type One.

Enneagram Type One

1. How do you as an Enneagram One move about in the world? How does your number impact your daily life?

I’m always moving. I almost never “shut down” or “slow down.” I have lists upon lists in my head that include what I need to do at the moment and all kinds of projects I want to improve upon in the future. But, at the same time, I can become paralyzed in the midst of projects where I don’t know the next perfect or ideal step. For instance, I can’t complete something until I know the BEST way to accomplish it (physically, financially, logistically, relationally, spiritually, etc. etc.)

2. Does having a fairly constant inner critical voice impact your body? Ones are in the Body Triad and I’m wondering how it feels on the inside to a One?

I didn’t realize it until recently but the critical voice (and genetics) have caused a lot of anxiety for me. I can feel overwhelmed by all I want to do — to the degree that I think I “need” to do these things — and it can build up like pressure in my chest so that it feels like I’m holding the weight of the world and can barely breathe. In the past, and in not being a healthy One, my body was affected by high anxiety, an inability to rest/relax, and always having to be on the move, on the go, doing more and more to the point of exhaustion. Sleep has never come easily to me, likely genetic but also being a Type One, I have a hard time shutting down. My body is in a constant state of inertia, driven by my inner voice that “it’s never enough.”

3. What happens within your closest relationships when you are stressed (Arrow to Type Four)? What happens within your closest relationships when you are integrated/healthy (Arrow to Type Seven)?

Arrow to Four in Stress: “Black and White” thinking has been my life. I can “see” so clearly what is right and wrong and true and false in other people. In other words, I am quite a judgmental know-it-all, even if well-intentioned.

Arrow to Seven in Health: I’m no longer codependent; focused on fixing others. I allow time, space, themselves, and God to change their lives, in their time and God’s way. I can love and forgive myself, and therefore love and forgive others with much grace. The wisdom I have is shared, “seasoned with salt” and is usually found valuable by others, BUT my identity or value is not found in whether they find me or my suggestions valuable. There is room for others to grow in the way they need to (from God’s point of view) and not just how I think they need to. And the same for me, I have room to grow, without knowing the plan or foreseeing the future. I can trust more freely both God and others.

4, What do you love about your number? What do you dislike the most?

I love that I have integrity and am not lazy. I admire those characteristics in myself and others. I think we are world-changers in many ways. I love the fact that I love to grow. I’m always open to learning and growing in any avenue of my life. I don’t like that in my black and white “clarity” of situations — and in my hot lifelong pursuit of correcting what I deem as “wrong” or “to be improved upon” — I have unknowingly, unwillingly, and unintentionally hurt, offended others, and made close friends feel isolated or judged. I would never want that to happen, I’m usually just trying to help!

5. What practices have you integrated into your life as a One to help you become more self-aware and grow? Are there any spiritual practices you connect to the most that might tie into your number?

I know I need space and time and quiet to be able to think, process my thoughts, and to be able to pray. yoal-desurmont-588828-unsplash Recently, I’ve realized to best hear my spiritual voice (the voice of God through the Holy Spirit), I need my body to be working but not my mind. For instance, weeding, gardening, biking, swimming laps — all bodily movement things that free my mind. My body is a slave to my mind, or my mind is freed by my body; something like that! I find if I put my body to work at reforming something or improvement, then my mind is free to process, to dream, and to recalibrate the critical inner voice — and to just be.

6. What do you wish people understood about your number? What are maybe some common misconceptions?

I wish people understood that whatever you say about me that is critical, I’ve already said it one hundred times to myself. And that I am extraordinarily sensitive and fragile on the inside in response to criticism, disappointing, or hurting others, despite the fact that I might have a tougher exterior. If I wound someone else, it wounds me at least twice as bad and will take me longer to forgive or forget my own imperfection. Also, that I really do want what [I think] is best for you!! My heart is in the right place, even if my words or tone come across otherwise.

7. As a child, do you feel that somewhere along the line you picked up the message that, “You must always be better than you are?”

My dad is a Type One as well. I often hear his voice in my head saying, “If you’re not going to do it right, you might as well not do it at all!” I think it’s a mantra for my life, haha!

8. Talk about what the words joy, spontaneity, and pleasure mean to you today.

Freedom. So. Much. Freedom. I have been trapped for far too long as an unhealthy One. Today, I am able to find gratefulness and an abundance of joy in the littlest things again — being tickled by my kids while my dog tries to lick me, my daughter’s curls, or fresh produce! I’ve started to be spontaneous again, and I know my kids really appreciate that side of me because they always thank me profusely and tell me how much they love me when I’m fun and able to enjoy them and enjoy life. That’s what I want to be able to teach them how to do.

Rachel is a married mother of three kids and a recovering perfectionist who is trying to find joy and God’s hand in everything, everywhere. She loves learning, gardening, farm-to-table cooking, dog kisses, and being an effective steward all of the gifts God has given her. She has a passion for sharing life-tips and resources on being purposeful with faith, family, finances, food, fitness, and (sometimes) fashion. She’s an ex-accountant and finance guru that now stays home and tries to play with her kids more. She dislikes olives, parades, large groups of children, and littering. Follow Rachel on Instagram @passionately_purposeful and her (maybe) soon to be blog www.passonatelypurposeful.com.

*Photos by Marcus Löfvenberg , Ryoji Iwata , Yoal Desurmont ,Bobby Rodriguezz on Unsplash

More Great Eights: Interview with Enneagram Eight, Stacey Midge

Posted on April 30, 2018 by melissakircher

peter-john-maridable-53936-unsplash “There is no Space or Time
Only intensity,
And tame things
Have no immensity”
― Mina Loy, The Lost Lunar Baedeker: Poems of Mina Loy

I signed up for Rev. Stacey Midge’s awesome new e-mail blast about Enneagram Type Eight’s because my son is an Eight (Right now, obviously! I’m typing him in my thoughts…but he’s so an Eight!) and I wanted some insight into the inner workings of his mind, body, and heart. So far, I’m in love with getting weekly reminders about the challenges and amazing gifts Eights bring to the world. Welcome, Stacey!

1. In what ways do you use your easy access to anger for good? What are some healthy outlets for your anger?

Perhaps this is just life from an Eight’s perspective, but it seems there is a lot going on in the world for which the most appropriate response is anger. The pure expression of anger probably isn’t going to be the eventual solution to a problem, but anger can point to a problem that is being ignored, clarify the extent of the problem, and energize people toward change. We’re the people you want if you have a cause that needs a great deal of attention. For a healthy Type Eight, anger is just the beginning. We use it as fuel, and while others may get tired of fighting, fighting is the thing that energizes us. This can make us very irritating to others who prefer unity and compromise, but in movements for social change, you need both impulses. If you’re ever in a bad situation, especially an unjust one, you want an Eight and all their anger on your side, because we do not back down, and we are not afraid of whatever powers that be – even when it might be smarter to be a little afraid.

Easy access to anger can also benefit one-on-one relationships if it’s channeled well. Eights are not afraid of conflict. If there’s a problem, we want to have it out immediately, so conflict doesn’t stew and build up over time. The downfall is that not everyone is ready to deal with our intensity right on the spot. matthew-henry-86779-unsplash I’ve had to find gentler ways to approach people in a conflict so I don’t scare them away from communicating with me; to give them space to process and come back to me later. It’s extremely hard for me to wait on other people to sort out conflict, but I have to keep repeating the mantra: “Just because it’s not solved today, doesn’t mean it won’t be solved.”

Healthy anger outlets: I need to do something physical. My anger – and really all my emotions – are very connected to my body. I feel them physically, and when I avoid them, they build up and start manifesting physically. In an ideal world, I would maintain regular practices of martial arts/kickboxing and yoga. One, to get out the aggression and provide a challenge, and the other to listen to my body in a gentler, slower manner that accepts limitations. I’ve had some injuries in the last couple of years that have prevented this, and I can really feel the lack. Also, I love verbally sparring with other Eights (or other types who can hang in there and not think my intensity means I dislike them). I kind of need to have at least one really good argument a week. Sometimes this shows up on Twitter.

2. What do Eights look for in others? What do we have to live up to? Where do we fall short?

Eights tend to be drawn to two polar opposite sets of qualities in other people. We get very tender and protective of people who have obvious weaknesses or are underdogs, and often our own vulnerability comes out most readily with those folks. Our competitiveness can take a rest, and they already know we are strong because we’re the ones fighting on their side. We are also drawn to people who can match our intensity. For me that tends to be other Eights who get excited about going toe-to-toe, Sevens who crave adventure and experience (I’m a strong Seven Wing as well), and Fours who share my level of intensity but situate it in their emotional core, which draws me into the emotional territory that I sometimes avoid if left to my own devices. We are also looking for a high level of loyalty. If I see or sense that someone will not have my back, or that they will take their problems with me to someone else and create discord behind my back, we’re not friends. I can deal with a lot of miscommunications, misunderstandings, and differences, but if you betray me, we’re done.

“Fall short” sounds like such a judgmental way of putting it, but I do have a hard time with people who seem to lack the courage of their convictions or who put on such different personas that I don’t feel like I know who they really are. Studying the Enneagram has helped me understand that sometimes these behaviors are not a fundamental lack of integrity, as I once believed, but rather patterns that people develop to achieve desired ends – which are different than my desired ends. That said, if someone fails to stand with me against injustice, I would probably use the judgy “fall short” terminology.

3. What are three things you wished people understood about Eights?

– We’re not (usually) trying to scare or bully you; we really just think we’re stating an opinion. We often don’t know how forceful we sound or how much space we take up in a room.

– Yes, we’re angry, but it’s because we care. We care immensely about people and systems, and it comes out in anger. Type Eights are quite capable of not caring, and you can tell because we no longer have opinions or get angry about something if we don’t care. We’ve completely disconnected, and there’s no coming back from that.

– Most Eights will make you earn our vulnerability. It’s not that we can’t be vulnerable, or that we don’t want to be, but we want to know we can trust you first.

4. Do you have any spiritual practices and does your Enneagram number influence what you’re drawn to spiritually?

I’m naturally drawn to practicing my spirituality in entirely active and outward-focused ways. I can do advocacy and activism all day, every day. But eventually, even an Eight burns out from doing and doing – and never being. I’ve intentionally integrated contemplative practices into my life so that I can build a foundation for my social action and access other emotions than anger. I still don’t like contemplative prayer or meditation – and I’m always struggling against the voice that says I could be out doing something – but I do practice them regularly. I also take 2-3 day silent retreats at least once a year, which is the hardest and best thing ever for this highly extroverted 8w7. It takes me at least twenty-four hours just to stop thinking I should give up and go talk to some humans, and then I can start to dip a toe into the reality of my emotional and spiritual state.

Part of my spiritual practice is also an intentional community. I’ve been part of a small cohort of other women clergy for several years, and we check in with each other regularly, do some writing together, and meet occasionally for retreats. That group has been a really important part of keeping me grounded and also helping me grow into some of those vulnerability things that are hard for Eights. It’s pretty crucial for me to have people around who know me well enough that they won’t settle for my bullshit and who push me to be more emotionally honest and whole.

5. What happens to your closest relationship when you move in stress to your Arrow of Type Five? What happens to your closest relationships when you move in health/integration to your Arrow of Type Two?

My move toward Five is a big danger zone flag, and fortunately, the people closest to me have been well trained to recognize it. I withdraw and get secretive, which is not at all my normal way of being. I know that when I don’t want to tell anyone what I did last night, even if it was just watching a movie on my couch, I am disintegrating. Beware the Eight doing research; we’re often preparing to blow something up. A serious move toward Five means that I disconnect from all of my close relationships.

When I integrate toward Type Two, I become extremely generous with my time and emotional energy. I’m much more likely to be aware of how best to care for other people, and I’m naturally open-hearted and trusting. In groups, I intentionally provide a lot of space for other people to fully express themselves instead of dominating conversations.

6. Speak about what it’s like to be in the Body Triad. How does your body absorb and process the daily life of your existence?

warren-wong-346736-unsplash I think the experience of what happens to our bodies in response to anger or challenge is central to being an Eight. I literally feel like I am physically growing and my presence in a room seems quantifiably larger to me. When I’m in a highly emotional state, it’s often hard for me to be touched, because I can feel energy rolling off my skin like heat. All of my emotion radiates out from my gut and core, and when I disintegrate, that’s also where things go wrong and I end up with digestive and lower back problems. I mentioned physical activity as an outlet earlier, and I really need to engage my body through breathing exercises, yoga, walking, or punching things if I want to calm down.

7. What do you love about your number? What do you hate about your number?

I love that conflict doesn’t scare me, and that I can stand up for myself and for others without second guessing myself or fearing the outcome. I love being decisive and clear, and knowing that I can assert myself when it’s necessary. I love the big heartedness and generosity that comes with health. I love the rush of knowing I’m going into a big battle. And I know this is why people of other types dislike us, but I confess that I kind of love it that if I need to, I can scare people a little.

I hate that our more tender emotions get so buried that we often don’t know they exist, and I don’t love it that our intensity of opinion makes us come off as blowhards. I hate that other types feel worse about their “negative” qualities than Eights usually do, not because I want to feel worse, but because there is a lot of pressure from other Enneagram folks to feel bad about your type. The Enneagram journey for a lot of people involves discovering their type because it is uncomfortably resonant and points out things they would rather people didn’t know and working toward acceptance. For Type Eights it tends to be opposite. We think it’s all a crock, then we hear Eights described and think, “Hell yes, that is what I am and it is awesome!” and then it’s a process of realizing not EVERYTHING about it is awesome.

8. What do you think would happen if you were to let the soft, loving, vulnerable side of your heart be known to the world at large?

I just rolled my eyes and sighed deeply; does that tell you anything? I’m still trying to figure out what it means to consistently let myself show the soft, loving, vulnerable side of my heart to good friends and to my congregation. At this point, I don’t really think anything negative would happen, but it’s challenging to access the part of me that openly expresses loving emotions. I’m working on articulating affection, which I feel, but am terrible at speaking. I think I’ve gotten beyond my fear that people will reject or betray me if I’m open with them, but I’m still often so busy accomplishing all the things that it doesn’t occur to me to stop and verbally appreciate people.

9. What is your advice for parents of Type Eight children? (Totally selfish question!)

The best thing my parents did for me was to respect my autonomy and reasoning skills. I’m not sure I ever considered any of their decisions or rules to be the final answer, which I’m sure was frustrating at times, but they listened to me, explained why the rules existed, and gave serious consideration to my alternative ideas. They never made me follow a rule that didn’t make sense, and they let me make a lot of my own decisions from a very young age as long as I could prove I was adequately responsible. In hindsight, I probably would have benefitted from a little more encouragement to be affectionate and to ask for help when it was necessary because I really drank in the message that it was best to be tough and self-sufficient. It served me well in many ways, but learning to open up to people at forty is a challenge!

10. What do the words yield, affection, and empowerment mean to you these days?

Yield – It’s hilarious how my body draws back as if it’s preparing to resist in response to just the word. I can think of this positively if I frame it as yielding the floor – making space for someone else to express their ideas or feelings. Or a yield sign on a freeway entrance, that means you need to wait and take your turn so the road is safe for everyone. But yield also carries the connotation of giving up or ceding a competition to someone else, and apparently, I’m still way too Eight for that.

Affection – I’m actively seeking to be more receptive to and expressive of affection. For me, it’s sort of like trying on clothes that are not at all your normal style. I tell myself that I’m going to try it out, and it’s probably going to look awkward and feel kind of uncomfortable, but I’m at least going to put it on and sashay around in front of the mirror for a few minutes before I decide to discard it. And sometimes I end up deciding it’s the perfect thing to keep on for a few hours. I haven’t overhauled my wardrobe yet, but I keep a few pieces around for regular use. Have I exhausted this metaphor yet? People regularly hug me now and I don’t freak out. Often, I even like it. Occasionally, I initiate it, and that is huge.

Empowerment – I love me some empowerment, but I’m embracing the empowerment of emotions other than anger. Moving through grief well is tremendously empowering. Allowing yourself to love is empowering. One of my favorite things about the congregation I serve is that we laugh together all the time. Collective laughter is its own form of resistance, and it is tremendously empowering.

Rev. Stacey Midge serves as the pastor of Mt. Auburn Presbyterian Church in Cincinnati, Ohio. She’s a musician, hockey fan, and traveler, but does all things at the beck and call of her elderly hound, Laila. Stacey has been working with the Enneagram personally for about ten years and recently started integrating it into congregational ministry. You can find her on her website staceymidge.com or on Twitter @revstacey. To sign up for her “For 8s by 8s” Email List”: CLICK HERE

*Photos by Peter John Maridable, Matthew Henry , Ty Williams on Unsplash

The Great Eights: Interview with Enneagram Eight Asia Perrin

Posted on April 23, 2018April 23, 2018 by melissakircher

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“You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against.” ― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak

Today we have a Type Eight in the house! Asia Perrin has graciously allowed me to interview her and ask all kinds of questions about what it’s like to be a Body Triad Eight. Her answers literally put me in the mind, body, and emotions of an Eight and are so helpful! I’m loving these interviews and have a bunch more lined up. It’s great to hear from real people about how the Enneagram is impacting their lives. Thank you, Asia, for sharing your amazing thoughts and experiences!

1. (Asia), when you typed yourself as an Eight did you feel deflated or have a confident sense of, “Oh yeah, that seems all good to me!” I’ve heard that of all the numbers, Eights are the most content with their number.

I was super content, haha. Actually, it was more like I felt known. That’s a big deal for me, feeling known past my “tough” exterior. (Which in my opinion, I don’t feel as tough as people perceive me!)

2. What is the energy flow of an Eight? How does being in the Body Triad impact how you work, play, relax, and interact? Does anything shift your energy, like do you have triggers that might send you into a different space/flow?

I always need to be doing something. I’m a tactile learner, I have to do/play with the lesson I’m learning in order to grasp it. Even relaxing for me is “doing” something. Cooking, cleaning, shopping. I don’t enjoy doing nothing. For me, being in the Body Triad means I physically experience things. Like, when I get really scared/angry, my mouth gets hot. When I experience something physically large in nature (waterfalls, Grand Canyon, mountains, etc), I get lightheaded. I’m also a Christian, so in context of the presence of God, I feel Him… instead of seeing or sensing Him. Everything I experience is very physical.

As far as triggers, it’s when people take away my attention of that moment; distracting or interrupting me from what I’m experiencing. Sometimes, in integration/health, I can feel people emotions. It’s weird, but often that overwhelms me. It’s tiring to process someone else’s emotions when processing your own emotions isn’t natural.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you are stressed (Arrow to Type Five)? What happens to your closest relationships when you are integrated/in health (Arrow to Type Two)?

Stressed: I’ve made it a point to surround myself with very strong people who aren’t afraid to call me out or put me in my place. I know my personality is intense, so I need people to be strong enough to tell me what I need to hear. But also, people who see past that strength, as well. SO usually in times of stress, they let me throw my fit and can handle the unbridled tongue of an Eight haha! But if something is too vulnerable to talk about, I don’t even share it with them. I handle it on my own, because if I, the juggernaut Eight, can’t fix the problem, how can they?

Health: In health, I’m a very protective, selfless person. It’s really interesting how much of a Type Two I embody in health. I can process and work through feelings. I don’t care about asserting my dominance. I still express anger, though—I’m not afraid to show anger in either stress or health. I think the most important thing is, in health, even if I think someone is trying to control me, I don’t feel scared or defensive because I’m in total control of myself. For me, it’s taking a lot of my energy to consistently function as an integrated Eight. I have a lot of counter-instinctual behaviors to adjust to. When I visualize an Eight in health, I picture a beautiful house, one that was made to be enjoyed by guests to find safety and rest (that’s the Type Two). This house, however, is enclosed by the most impenetrable wall that no one can get in unless I let them.

4. Do you know if you have a Seven or Nine Wing? If so, how do the characteristics of either the Seven or Nine or support/enhance the traits of being an Eight?

I’m a Seven Wing! I definitely embody a Type Seven in most social interactions. My Seven Wing is most shown through my energy. I’m social, outgoing, humorous, fun and love hanging out with people. I overcommit to social activities and am very dramatic in interactions… very loud and boisterous. In fact, for the most part, besides in stress, my Eight nature most comes out when I see someone trying to hurt others, especially those I care about.

5. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike the most?

I love that Eights are so comfortable (and proud) with who they are, that opinions don’t bother us. I also love how we love. Passionately, deliberately, and sincerely. If you have an Eight on your side, you have one hell of a companion. annie-spratt-54462-unsplash Have you ever seen an Eight walk into a room? As an Eight, even I’M captivated. We’re some of the most authentic and captivating types. The main thing I love about Eights is the authenticity we live in. We truly are ourselves, for better or worse.

What I dislike most, is the Eight’s ability to bully and manipulate. We carry too much intensity and authority to use it carelessly. I also truly dislike how people interpret Type Eight people. For the most part we’re seen as mean and often told to soften our personalities because others can’t be around us. While I agree in part, I don’t think it’s fair to the Eight.

6. What practices have you integrated into your life as an Eight to help you become more self-aware and grow? Are there any spiritual practices you connect to that might tie into your number?

When I get angry about something, I have to take a day or two to feel that anger and identify the root of it. Mostly, I’ll confront the source of my anger, whether that means talking to someone about an issue, processing an emotion I’m uncomfortable with, or asking for help. I always research things or try to find the truth behind a situation before I act out. Lastly, I started counseling, it really helps mirror how my actions come across but also validates the feelings I neglect. As far as spiritual practices, I pray a lot and talk to God about things I’m experiencing.

7. What do you wish people understood about your number? What are some common misconceptions about Eights?

We’re not mean, wild forceful beings that can’t be tamed. Those are aspects to us, yes, but that doesn’t mean that’s all we are. We’re actually super caring and emotional—when you let us be. It just takes some time for us to let down our walls, and if you’re not worth it, you’ll never see that side.

Eights do not mean to be rude, I promise. People can like having Eights around because we will say what they’re afraid to say. But our bluntness isn’t malicious, it’s coming from a sincere place of wanting to be honest. Eights value honesty so much that when we share the truth with you, it’s because we’re trying to do the right thing.

Eights unconsciously fight for those who can’t. It’s almost second-nature. This, however, leads to Eights fighting battles we were never intended to fight. You may have to tell an Eight to back off and let you do it on your own (I know it’s scary, but we need that smack sometimes.) However, Don’t use an Eight to engage in conflict when they’re for you, then “punish” us when that same energy is directed at you. We’re allowed to defend ourselves when other Types finally get the courage to say something to us, especially if it’s a negative interaction.

Lastly, women Eights are just as valuable as male Eights. DON’T FORGET THAT. Women Eights: you are strong and still delicate, protective, yet fragile, hardworking, yet still needing rest. It’s okay. You can do and have it all, and still ask for help. The right people will always be there to help you when you can’t do it anymore (even though we will still try)!

8. As a child, did you feel that somewhere along the line you picked up the message that, “You must always be strong,”? That somehow it would be unsafe to show softness or vulnerability?

I didn’t pick it up, so much as it was specifically said to me. Growing up, the message of not letting people take advantage of you and protecting others was instilled into me. Especially after becoming an older sister, that heightened. Unsafety in showing vulnerability and softness often came when people would tell me to “get over it”, use my vulnerability against me, or when someone would invalidate my feelings as trivial. It was really sad that emotions were regarded as a weakness when in reality, counter to the Eight’s belief, there’s immense strength in acknowledging and processing your emotions.

9. Talk about what the words truth, protect, and thoughtfulness mean to you today.

Those words carry so much weight!! Truth is everything. I have a really hard time when jon-tyson-628533-unsplash people lie. Mainly about stupid stuff. For me, I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t keep their mouth shut, instead of unnecessarily lying about something. Most of the time, the truth comes out and you look stupid. That’s intense I know, but I hate lying. Moral of the story: If we’re friends, tell me the truth, I can handle it

Protect: This word to me, is almost a command. “Protect those who can’t protect themselves.” I can’t tell you how many battles I fought that weren’t mine to fight. However, as I grow, I know it’s not my place to fight every battle, nor is it smart. It still does feel like a command though, so I definitely look down on people who abuse their power and hurt people they should be protecting.

Thoughtfulness: This is an acquired ability for me. Being thoughtful doesn’t come naturally, so it was a muscle I’ve had to exercise. Now, thoughtfulness is easier. Thoughtfulness is essential as Eights to care for and interact with others. It almost serves as a filter when the Eight overdoes it and tries to control everything. It helps bring my attention back to how my actions are affecting others.

Hi, I’m Asia! (Yep, just like the continent) I live in Orange County, but grew up in San Diego. My life consists of tweeting, getting far too invested in the Enneagram, and watching too much reality TV. Follow me on Twitter @AsiaJaLacie

*Photos by Arisa Chattasa , Annie Spratt , Jyotirmoy Gupta ,Jon Tyson on Unsplash