Enneagram growth » Enneagram Paths Coaching

“Very occasionally, if you pay really close attention, life doesn’t suck.”
― Joss Whedon

During my time with The Coaching Fellowship, one of the many lessons my coach taught me was, “What you focus your attention on determines what you miss.” Shout out to my coach, the fantastic Janice Reches!

I don’t know about you, but I constantly have to re-orient my focus of attention to have a more broad, truer version of reality in my sights. Just today, I had to remind myself to look for abundance instead of mentally pinpointing all the areas my Type Five ego said were barren and scarce. Shifting my focus immediately changed my perspective and mood! And you know what? There was a white bowl filled to the brim with juicy oranges in front of me. Abundance right under my nose!

Where do you need to re-focus today? Here are some tips by type to help you get started!

Type 1: Ones, you focus your attention on what needs to be improved or fixed in any given situation or relational space. This is exhausting. To avoid burnout, can you try to notice moments where you feel satisfied or light? The experience of both these things will retrain your brain to see the full spectrum of life.

Type 2: Twos, you often leave an event, meeting, group, or hang-out with the question of, “Was I wanted?” Instead, try re-focusing on curiosity about, “Did I enjoy those people? What made me light up during that time? Do I want to continue to be a part of this scene?”

Type 3: Threes, you are often preoccupied with how well you are doing in any given circumstance, how people see you. Instead, try to re-focusing on being present, noticing how your body feels when someone says something or any emotions that well up within. Can you notice your existence?

Type 4: Fours, you tend to be hyper-aware of feelings of superiority and inferiority to others. You swing, dizzyingly, between the two. Could you try to re-focus on all the similarities between yourself and others> How do you see yourself belonging to the world?

Type 5: Fives, you get lost down rabbit-holes of attention-time-sucks like Google to stave off the feeling that the world will swallow you whole. Scarcity drives you. Instead, try to re-focus on abundance, noting any little place or things that give you joy. Mantra, “I’m looking for abundance.”

Type 6: Sixes, you often have scanning sort-of attention, warily assessing if others are trustworthy. Instead, try shifting your focus onto yourself. Where have you proven to yourself that you’re trustworthy? Can you see areas of strength and capability?

Type 7: Sevens, you tend to focus on future-oriented ideas, imaging what could be and missing out on what is. Could you practice feeling grounded in the present by wiggling your toes, breathing deeply, noticing the temperature of the room, and listening to the sounds all around you?

Type 8: Eights, you move out into the world, scanning for where you can exert power and control, using up energy better spent on doing things that truly matter to you. Can you try identifying who else might take over so that you can relax and get down to your own business?

Type 9: Nines, many of you find that focus is lacking, getting caught up in whatever person or situation is right in front of you. However, even a lack of attention is attention. Can you find your focus by creating small moments for yourself each day? Ask, “What do I feel, think, or want?”

Is Enneagram Coaching right for you? Set up a free 15-minute consultation today to find out! I have a few spring openings left!

Cover Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

What is Enneagram Darkness Growth?

A few thoughts on darkness in general. Darkness is something we try to avoid, right? And it IS awful going through a dark time or feeling in a dark place. Yet, darkness is an underrated state of being; it can actually be one of the most fertile moments in our lives. Deep stress, hurt, pain, transition, betrayal, uncertainty, and loss are all ripe for extraordinary change, growth learning, rebirth, and renewal. The following darkness ideas for each Enneagram Type might feel really “ouch”, but in actuality, are huge opportunities for growth.

The term I’m using “Darkness Growth” stems from the idea of a shadow side found in many Enneagram teachings. The shadow is characteristics, behaviors, and motivations that we exhibit but are not consciously aware. Both helpful traits and unhelpful are hidden in shadow, and can be brought to light to form a whole, integrated person.

The key with Darkness Growth is to remember we don’t shame or hate ourselves, we face the dark with courage to realize some behaviors harm us now, even if they’ve helped us survive for years. You have to love yourself first, to be able to authentically grow. Take the following thoughts and ruminate on them. See if they resonate with you in any way, and what questions you might ask yourself about what the darkness is inviting you into.

Darkness Growth Type One:

Pointing out the incorrect politics, moral failings, and questionable behavior of others to make the world better and prove your own goodness, only serves to exhaust you and alienate people. How can you embrace the spectrum of humanity?

Darkness Growth Type Two:

Cultivating an image of how good you are by constantly being there for others actually serves to disconnect you from your true feelings and personhood, turning you from falsely helpful to demanding and needy. How can you love yourself well first?

Darkness Growth Type Three:

Your character-shifting gets you admiration, likes, and success, but when it comes time to be intimate and love deeply, you will struggle because you don’t know who is the real you to share. How can you be still, in order to connect with yourself more fully?

Darkness Growth Type Four:

Idealization of self and others pulls people in, then pushes them away. This pattern solidifies your untrue victim status when people get fed up and leave. But you’re not a victim, you’re the perpetrator. How can you empower yourself with commitment?

Darkness Growth Type Five:

Your boundaries keep people from hurting you and affecting your perceived safety. But when shit hits the fan, you won’t have a network of people to help when you really can’t help yourself. Your aloneness will be real. How can you let others in?

Darkness Growth Type Six:

The search for certainty in situations and people is a self-defeating survival tool. Eventually everything will disappoint you, confirming an untrue belief that the world is unsafe. How can you shift your perspective to realistic optimism?

Darkness Growth Type Seven:

If you only show people the fun, energetic, happy side of you, they will come to think you’re truly happy all the time. It’s then not their fault that they don’t check on you or see the pain you’re experiencing. How can you share your heart?

Darkness Growth Type Eight:

You can technically treat people however you want, disregarding their feelings or etiquette. But then, when you realize you have tender, needy feelings that require love and nurturing, don’t expect compassion. How can you treat others better?

Darkness Growth Type Nine:

You can be so affable and nice that people forget you exist sometimes. The desire to avoid sticky situations backfires to eject you from a life that needs your active presence. How can you shine today?

Re-Focus [By Enneagram Type]

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type