Author: melissakircher

Melissa Kircher is a fine artist, illustrator and writer who enjoys everything bold and beautiful. Her work has been exhibited in Massachusetts, Connecticut and New York City. She is the author of four books, including The War Inside, The Gray Horizon and Dream On, novels for young adults, and the non-fiction book 99 Thoughts on Marriage and Ministry. She has worked for clients such as The New York Graphic Society, Relevant Magazine, Group Magazine, and EBSCO Publishing. Melissa lives and works in Norwalk, Connecticut.

Deep Dive With a Five: Alexandra Arroyo-Acevedo

Posted on by melissakircher

cristian-palmer-718048-unsplash.jpg

This (beginning-to-be-fall!) Monday, we have Alexandra Arroyo-Acevedo on the Enneagram Paths blog. Welcome, Alexandra, it’s so great to have you and we’re looking forward to hearing about what it’s like to be a Type Five in your life. As a reminder, Riso and Hudson in The Wisdom of the Enneagram define a Type Five as, “[the investigator who] wants to understand how the world works. They are always searching, asking questions, and delving into things in depth. They do not accept received opinions and doctrines, feeling a strong need to test the truth of most assumptions for themselves.”

As a Type Five, I found myself saying, “Hell yes!!” a lot when reading through this interview. I learned about Alexandra, a person different from me, but who sees the world using my same lens. This is why I love doing interviews, they’re both so uplifting of individual expression, while also unifying under the shared expression of Type, growth, and stress. I hope that Enneagram Paths is a place where you can feel like you’re not alone in the way you think, act, or emote and I hope it helps you become more compassionate about the way others move through the world.

Here we go!

1. Alexandra, Fives see and experience the world by trying to make sense of it with their thoughts. Talk a little about how this shows up in your life.

Oh god, how does this not show up in my life? Understanding is how I feel comfortable enough to bring forth my full personality—my humor, my effort, my ideas, my generosity, everything. This applies to people, social environments, jobs, machines, you name it. The people who know me well almost unanimously believed I was cold and arrogant at first, and then got closer and knew the real me better. The ones that did not have that first impression of me, saw me as gregarious, extroverted, and opinionated, probably because they were observing me in a setting I was already comfortable in. (Five go to Type Eight in health/integration) Crazy difference.

I frequently compare my personality to that of a cat. I can’t be approached quickly without being startled. It’s best to make your presence known and then just exist around me while I get comfortable on my own. People descriptions of themselves mean almost nothing to me, sad to say. I have to observe them for myself.

2. How do you make decisions? From your gut, from your head, or from your heart? 

My default is to make decisions from my head. Even with the influences from my gut and my heart, my head has the last say. I have to consciously make the decision to give my heart and body a voice. However, that is a practice that still makes me very nervous. Putting my head in the back seat makes me feel prone to behaving like a wild animal. Exciting and honest, but reckless and potentially dangerous. At times, I definitely wish that I was more spontaneous and bold with action and emotion, but those responses only seem to come out after my processing has made its way through the plumbing of my brain.

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Seven? What happens when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Eight?

I’m sure I frustrate people when I go to Type Seven spaces. I crawl into my Type Five cave but seem indifferent to my stressors. My favorite phrases to use are “I just need some space” or “I just need to re-center”. Then I cheerfully flutter away on my own to some activity that doesn’t require me to think like yoga, cleaning, shopping, etc. It must confusing to watch because right before that, I’m usually DEEP into a rabbit hole of confusion and indecision. I’m sure it’s mostly frustrating because I’m very resistant to help or advice.

Being in a Type Eight space is very different. My loved ones, even strangers, feel more connected to me because I become more outspoken and forward. This especially comes out in group settings with friends or family. My charm comes out confidently and I feel seen and felt. Although sometimes I dip into the low end of Eight and get a little too blunt when I’m feeling determined but nervous about what needs to be said. It’s a balancing act.

My fiancé is an 8w9. He’s the greatest man on the planet and such an inspiration. Our relationship is super helpful to my growth because it requires me to speak up and take action just as often as it requires him to slow down and access his gentleness.

4. How does Avarice/Greed play out in your daily life? Do you find yourself hoarding time, energy, and resources?

Time and energy are my most precious resources. I’ll decline invitations and cancel plans if I feel my day or my week is too filled up because I worry I won’t have the energy or attention span or fullness of myself to be engaging or sharp or effective. I also tend to exaggerate how much time I need to complete tasks or to recuperate post social event. I don’t find that I’m greedy with my physical resources (money/ food/etc.) but perhaps this is because I don’t often put myself in positions where others can see them as available.

5. What do you wish other people understood about being a Type Five? 

Our slow pace towards action, even reactions, is not due to indifference! If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it! …eventually. I just need to go about doing it correctly and thoroughly. If I don’t immediately argue back or respond in a discussion, it’s because I need a moment (or many) to consider what I’m being told in order to respond thoughtfully and effectively. The worst thing I could do is give someone a reason to believe I don’t know what I’m talking about! I care so much! Just in a slow, methodical way.

6. Tell us about your Wing. Do you know what it is? How does it color your experiences as a Five?

I have a large, large 4w. Large enough to have confused me considerably when I was trying to figure out my type. I relate to almost everything about the Type Four—the deep emotions, the comfort in melancholic feelings, the self-awareness, etc. The observation that finalized me being a Type Five is that I prefer to keep all of my intensity to myself. Fours, though shy at times, wear their hearts on their sleeves and are very emotionally forward. That’s not naturally me; I need a very familiar, safe space to be able to bring my emotions forward.

My 4w brings positives and negatives. Negatives: I have a stronger tendency to withdraw and wallow when I’m in lower levels of health. The Four energy can really slow me down because not only do I have to sort through my mental process, but I have to understand my emotions. Positives: it’s easy for me to empathize with others. As a teacher, my 4w is heavily utilized in making my younger students feel comfortable. Being in tune with my emotions has helped me understand that emotions are often just ever-changing weather patterns. Not all of them need to be deconstructed and taken too seriously. What a relief.

7. What would the phrases, “You know enough. You can handle this. You are wise,” mean to you if you knew them to be deeply true? 

Just reading these phrases makes me nervous and emotional. Moments of really, truly believing I can handle things makes me feel like a superhero. And while the idea of ever knowing enough is wildly foreign to me, believing that to be true would make me question where to put my energy. Into just enjoying things? Into building an empire? Who knows! Perhaps, it would propel me to do everything I could, as well as I could. Knowing I have it all in me would be paradise.

8. As a Type Five do you personally connect to spirituality? Are there any spiritual practices you participate in?

Conceptually and emotionally, absolutely. However, the application of those practices to the “real world” requires an amount of discipline I still struggle with. I practice yoga fairly regularly. The idea of playing with shapes takes away the pressure of being perfect. The need to breathe through moments of struggle and tension is a good reminder to relax into my problems and trust that I know how to handle myself. Knowing that I will only get better and stronger if I continue to show up is invaluable wisdom.

9. How does emotion show up in your life? Do you value or suppress emotion?

I definitely used to suppress emotion. I still do without realizing it from time to time, but I value it enough to consciously bring myself back to it. Growing up, my mom and many close friends were very emotional. Their decision-making would depend on their mood, which wouldn’t always work out too great for them. So I learned to really discount how I’m feeling when it came to deciding what to do. Then a few years ago, I was in a relationship that really brought out the full force of my heart. I admired his emotional bravery and really learned how to tap into my own emotional intelligence. I learned that the confusion I was often frustrated with was really sadness or anger. I also learned that my relationship was actually highly manipulative and I had been feeling neglected and taken advantage of for a long time without realizing it. Learning how to listen to my own heart helped me take care of myself because, instead of constantly going back to the drawing board to find a thread of logic that would explain or justify the circumstances, I was able to just say “I don’t feel cared for or loved or respected” and finally leave.

Being a Five, though, emotions are not my first language. So rather than being in my emotions, I like to say that I have a relationship with them. I want them to feel heard and cared for and loved because they keep me feeling nurtured and cared for. It’s quite a team.

10. Talk about what the words Voice and Relationship mean to you today.

Voice makes me think that I should be louder about my thoughts. That maybe my perspectives could be helpful or insightful. The only thing that stops me is the idea that people will find them ridiculous or find that one flaw that will destroy it, making me look like an idiot. Working on that.

Relationship immediately makes me think of the word “generosity”. My close relationships with family, friends, coworkers, my fiancé all require my time, attention, and energy. I have to give myself to them in order to cultivate those connections and help them grow. And I do so happily because as dramatically introverted as I am, my relationships are my most precious jewels. They love and accept the way that I am while encouraging me to grow and play and build. Every Five needs relationships. They’re softening and strengthening, relaxing and energizing all at once.

 

image11.jpegHi, I’m Alexandra Arroyo-Acevedo! I’m 26 and I work as a private vocal/piano coach, as well as a singer in a duo with my fiancé (8w9). I spend an embarrassing amount of time binge-watching dark dramas or bad reality shows. I fantasize about going back to school for a masters degree but the idea of being told what to study and how to study it stops me dead in my tracks every time. I’m just as into astrology as I am the Enneagram. I’m a collector of books, dog and cat mom, food lover, and I’m learning how to bead jewelry. Surprise! I’m a Ravenclaw.

IG: @iamalexandraaa

Twitter: @aarroyoacevedo

*Header Photo by Cristian Palmer on Unsplash

Some Time with a Nine: Marc Frigon

Posted on by melissakircher

nathaniel-tetteh-800097-unsplash

“When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.” ― Fred Rogers

Happy Monday! Welcome to Marc Frigon, an Enneagram Type Nine and one of my former college classmates from way back when. (And yet somehow we’re both still technically millennials!) Thank you for being here, Marc, and sharing a bit about your experiences as a Nine.

1. When and how did you discover you are a Type Nine?

I learned I was a Nine while reading The Road Back to You, by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. The first I had ever heard about the Enneagram was when I discovered “The Liturgists Podcast,” and they kept mentioning these cryptic numbers that represented certain essential aspects about themselves. I had no idea what they signified at the time, but I was intrigued. Immediately, I started reading everything Google could tell me about the Enneagram, and shortly thereafter I had The Road Back to You in hand!

It was difficult to type myself at first since I kept seeing myself in lots of the different numbers, but when I got to the chapter on Nines, so much of what they described pages was ringing true. The kicker was a line on page 69: “…Nines tend to see the world from the viewpoint of every number but their own.” I immediately stopped, put the book down, and laughed out loud at the sheer truth of that statement. At that point, it was like I’d found a key that perfectly matched a locked door in my mind, and when that door opened, everything started to make sense. Needless to say, The Road Back to You has a permanent place on the bookshelf in my cubicle at work, and I still go back and periodically re-read that chapter.

2. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike about your number?

My favorite aspect of being a Nine is that I relate to others’ viewpoints so easily. It has enabled me to be a peacemaker in a lot of ways—to find common ground in situations that would be perplexing if I weren’t able to empathize with another person’s motivations and opinions. This, of course, leads directly into one of the two things that I dislike most about being a Nine: the fact that it’s a long, difficult, and confusing process for me to suss out what my own opinions and beliefs are. Because I so easily merge with others out of a desire for empathy and agreement, the discovery of my type threw me headlong into a process of looking back through my life and reexamining every opinion, belief, and philosophy I’ve ever held through the lens of peacemaking. I finally had to be honest with myself—and that was not easy to do. At least, not at first. Now, I am deeply thankful for that journey, as I feel like I finally have a sense of who I am, what I believe, and what motivates me—quite literally for the first time in my life.

The second thing I dislike about being a Nine is that I’m an insufferable procrastinator. I’m reasonably sure that this stems from the fact that I’m also a perfectionist. I know when there is something I need to work on, it will take me a long time. Even the thought of starting a task tires me out, so I’ll just keep putting it off forever. I’m also easily distracted. When I’m working on a task that requires a lot of brainpower, concentration, and time to complete, the temptation to check the Washington Post or Facebook news feed can be almost too much to resist. And if there’s any doubt about the power of my procrastination, it took me almost nine weeks to even begin answering these interview questions!

3. What happens to your closest relationships when you’re stressed and go to Arrow Type Six? What happens when you’re healthy and go to Arrow Type Three? 

I have a hard time making decisions, but when I’m stressed, I basically become paralyzed. At the same time, I become much more critical of others, and any tendencies toward passive-aggression are much more pronounced. I get more introverted and go hard into my “inner sanctum.” This translates into radio silence with friends, and an irritable attitude at home. Naturally, this creates strain in my closest relationships. I’ve learned to recognize when I’m heading towards my negative Six tendencies, and proactively schedule some alone time (usually in the woods) to satisfy my need for introversion, gather my thoughts, and regain some balance.

When things are in balance, though, my relationships benefit. I’ve struggled with self-confidence for much of my life, but when I move towards the healthy side of Three, I find that I actually have it in abundance. Confidence is the natural result of when I know for sure I’m in sync with my own identity—when I’ve taken the uncomfortable step of being honest with myself and others about what I’m feeling and what my own needs are. I honestly don’t think I’ve felt quite so assured of my own opinions about anything until I started doing Enneagram work. After a lifetime of merging with others’ identities and not having any kind of certainty about my own identity,  going to a healthy Three is freeing. Liberating. It’s enabled me to make hard decisions and stick to them because I knew they are “right action” (to use a bit of Enneagram Nine terminology) and in keeping with the truest part of myself. In my closest relationships with my wife and children, I’m less unsure of myself and irritable, and I can support them when they need to make difficult decisions or undertake challenging tasks.

4. How does narcotizing or numbing affect your daily life? Do you find yourself checking out on both your inner and outer experiences?

The struggle against narcotizing is real! It’s probably my biggest pitfalls as a Nine. My tendencies to procrastinate and to be easily distracted are like twin sirens luring me into a seductive trance of forgetting to experience life. There have been many days where I’ve not felt much of anything. Rather than being mindful and living in the moment, I whittle the day away with distractions and fantasies, then wonder why I’ve done nothing—but still feel out of energy!

5. Do you know what your Wing is? Can you talk about how your Wing shades aspects of being a Nine (for you)?

 I’m a 9w1, so my One wing certainly explains my perfectionism and my strong tendency to see things in terms of “right and wrong.” Although I do embody the stereotypically Nine characteristic of wanting to preserve inner and outer harmony at any cost, I credit my One wing with giving me the conviction that I need speak up when something feels so horrifically wrong that I have no other choice. When I’ve felt enough conviction to speak out to friends, family, and coworkers in defense of things that I feel passionate about (such as gender equality and taking a stand for LGBTQI+ rights and inclusion), I’ve been amazed at how it has opened the door to some truly productive, bridge-building conversations. For me, the key is making sure I’m in a healthy enough place psychologically that I feel worthy of taking a stand.

6. What would the phrase, “You can handle being fully yourself and fully present in body, mind, and spirit,” mean to you if you knew it to be true?

It would be tremendously empowering. I’m still not quite there yet, but this phrase would make the perfect mantra for me to use in my goal of becoming an integrated Type Nine. Deep down, I know I can handle being fully myself, fully present, fully alive in the moment, but there is still a deeply-ingrained fear of what that means. What if being fully myself costs me friendships with people I have falsely emulated? What if being fully myself requires me to take a stand that threatens my membership in social groups? These are difficult questions, but I know that if that phrase is true, it means that I can handle it. It’s better to be integrated and alive in the moment than to put up a false identity to preserve relationships and social standing. Whatever the cost, the reward of a life honestly lived is worth it, and will lead to deeper and more genuine relationships than would otherwise have been possible.

7. Are there any spiritual practices you are drawn to as a Type Nine?

This is an interesting question for me to consider at this particular point in my life. As I’ve deconstructed my own outlook on God, spirituality, and matters of faith, I’ve found my most meaningful spiritual experiences have come subtly and unbidden—and they usually involve being out in nature or seeing the Divine in other people. My current spiritual practice has been to let go of the need for theological beliefs and simply live in the moment. The closest I can come to distilling my current “God-concept” into words would be to say that God is Love—in its purest, most powerful, most inclusive, most essential form—as revealed perfectly by Christ (but sadly understood imperfectly by humans), and that She is everywhere and in everyone, if only we have the eyes to see. But even in this description, I feel there is a wideness and a mystery to God that defies the ability of the human mind to comprehend. So I long to accept that the Divine is a mystery, and that to experience life is to experience the Divine and to rest in that.

It occurs to me that as a Nine, it’s probably more natural for me than for other Enneagram types to experience God by stepping fully into that mystical sense of union with the Divine. There is one particular poem that has stuck with me for years, and I would say this, more than anything else, captures the essence of my spiritual practice:

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

 -“The Peace of Wild Things,” by Wendell Berry

8. Talk about what the words Anger and Goals mean to you today.

Anger: Anger is a tough one. It’s something I’ve had to wrestle with since learning about the Nine’s place in the “Anger Triad.” As a Nine, I’m very good at stuffing anger and keeping the peace by suppressing my own feelings. But as a parent of young children who seem uniquely designed to test the limits of my own anger suppression system, I’ve been alarmed by how my anger seems to be right there, simmering just below the surface. With remarkable speed, I can transition from being a calm, compassionate parent, to an impatient, shouting mess. It’s been so helpful to recognize the things that contribute to those angry outbursts so I can try to prepare for them.

Goals: These interview questions keep pointing me toward the fact that Enneagram work is really a goal-setting process. Knowing that I’m a Nine is one thing, but putting that knowledge into action by transforming the way I approach myself and others has definitely required me to set—and attain—many goals. One goal has been to practice having opinions. My wife will tell you that I’m that guy who responds immediately with “Well, what are you craving?” when asked what I’d like to order for take-out. To be honest, I’m still that guy, so in this particular area, I’ve got room to grow. (It’s not lost on me that this exact example is what Ian Cron used to describe Nine-ness in The Road Back to You.) In other areas, I have made more progress. One huge goal I set for myself was to take the time to respond to these interview questions, and I have to say that it’s incredibly gratifying to have seen it through! These questions have helped me to examine my own identity as a Nine in a much deeper sense, and to achieve the goal of being more vulnerable to myself and to others. (From Melissa: “Wahoo!”)

frigon_marc_.jpg
A native of the Boston area, Marc is a proud New Englander and enjoys spending time with his wife and kids, exploring the outdoors, and reading all the things.  He has been a geek for his entire life, and given the opportunity, will gladly talk at length about pretty much anything.  His favorite color is the kind of blue that the sky turns on the first perfectly crisp, clear, flannel shirt-worthy day of mid-fall.

*Photos by Ian Drummond of Drum Drum Photo https://www.drummondphoto.com/ & Nathaniel Tetteh on Unsplash

 

The View From a Two: Brittany Straub

Posted on by melissakircher

chad-madden-164800-unsplash

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”
― Maya Angelou

Today on Enneagram Paths we have Brittany Straub, an awesomely inked lady (check out the picture of her sleeve below) who also happens to be an Enneagram Type 2w3.  Just as a reminder, Don Riso and Russ Hudson — Enneagram gurus — roughly define Type Twos as people who, “are either the most genuinely helpful to others or, when less healthy, the most highly invested in seeing themselves as helpful… The love and concern they feel — and the genuine good they do — warms their hearts and makes them feel worthwhile.” Twos are generally concerned with emotions, relationships, and finding love/deep connection.

Welcome, Brittany, we’re so excited to hear from you! Thank you for such insightful responses, I know I learned a good deal about you and being a Two from all you’ve shared.

1. Talk to us a little about what it feels like to be intensely attuned to other people’s needs. How does this attunement play out in your everyday life?

Sometimes it feels like I can look at someone and they are begging for help through their smiles. I like to think that when I notice it, it is real, but it isn’t always. There are times that I have been completely off in regards to what that person needed or wanted. In those times I find myself still looking for clues because there’s no way they wouldn’t need me.

Before I was aware that I was a Type Two, and what that meant, I thought I really had my stuff together, and people really trusted me. However, on the flip side, I now realize that most of the time I was pushing myself on people; even some who truly did not want or need anything. And what makes it worse, I wasn’t actually helping to benefit them. It was all for self-gratification so I could say they needed me. I love black sheep — I am one —and I love making another black sheep feel like they belong even more.

Fast forward to today… I still feel like I can “read” people, especially those struggling with something, but instead of prying until I’m allowed to intervene, I listen. I’ve found that just genuinely caring about someone will help us both.

2. What do you feel like would happen if you took time for self-care, for silence and rest, and/or invested in activities that made you feel happy and fulfilled?

This question comes at a very peculiar time for me. I’m recently divorced and have a ten-year-old son that I’m essentially raising on my own. I have NEVER been this kind of exhausted before. Lately, I find myself searching for just a second of silence so that I can do absolutely nothing. I feel like if I were to take any extra time for just myself, then some aspect of my life would unravel. I can’t even go shopping for myself without putting everything for me back and replacing it with something for someone else. I latch onto the sense that I’m not the center of attention and someone else (my son especially) deserves that attention that I almost thought about giving myself.

Being a single parent adds a lot of different layers to this. There will be judgment from family members or people surrounding me that feels like I’m pushing my child aside if I take even one night to go out with friends. This cycle has been very harmful. I’ve stated this is a peculiar time because recently I’ve noticed that I feel like I’m drowning. I actually do need time to myself, for myself! And more importantly for my son. I think I’ll still struggle with feeling like I don’t deserve that free time, but I’m starting to recognize that it’s absolutely necessary for me to stay mentally healthy.

3. Type Two’s are in the Heart Triad, which means you experience the world through emotion/relationship. How does this lens of heart impact your actions and thoughts? Are you aware of thoughts and do you feel your body much?

Absolutely everything that I do is centered around how I feel. My attitude is determined by the kind of love I feel I’ve received from the people most important to me that day. I’m a very emotional, passionate person, and I cannot hide how I feel, whether it be overly happy or the inevitable resting bitch face. (Can I say that? Melissa: yes you can!)

When my relationship is struggling, I struggle. But it’s not just struggling in one aspect of my life, it overflows into everything and will consume me until I can fix it. Usually, waiting is out of the question when there is a problem. I need to know I am loved, and everything will be okay almost immediately after an issue has been exposed and resolved.

I’m aware of my thoughts, and I’m always thinking. When I do feel my body, it’s when I’m at the very end of my rope, which usually means I just need sleep.

4. How do you deal with boundaries? Do you set boundaries for yourself? Do you feel like you respect the boundaries of others well?

Boundaries are the hardest thing in the world for me. They make me feel like I am untrustworthy or unwanted. I do have boundaries for myself, but they are easily crossed because I don’t want to upset anyone by letting them know I’m not comfortable with something. As far as other people’s boundaries go, I do feel like I respect them unless I feel disrespected, then EVERYTHING is out the window.

5. What happens in your relationships when you’re stressed and move to your Arrow Type Eight? What happens in your relationships when you’re healthy and move to your Arrow Type Four?

I do not like myself when I am stressed. I become the exact opposite of everything I believe myself to be, all of the inner self-work, therapy, meditation, prayers… all of it has zero impact on me and how I handle stressful situations. When stressed, I make people feel my presence because I have to be in control, I have to be strong, and I cannot ask for help.

When I am healthy, I am at peace. I strive to stay in that space. The kitchen can be a mess overnight, my son can go to sleep without taking a bath — it doesn’t matter. When healthy, I listen to people when they speak, and HEAR what they are saying. I’m soft around the edges, and easy-going. The struggle for control and power ceases. Honestly, when I feel loved and wanted, I willingly relinquish those things to the person I’m with.  Being in control is something I consider myself to be good at, but it’s not what I want.

6. Do you know your wing? How does your wing number enhance or contribute two aspects of being a Type Two? 

I have a 3 Wing. I feel like it exaggerates a lot of the self-gratification aspects of my personality/Type. I have to be successful, I have to achieve whatever it is I am set on doing. If I’m able to keep that drive focused on work or my family then great!! However, the 3 Wing energy usually ends up back on relationships, and then I become overbearing and smothering, needing to be right.

7. Do you feel like in your formative years you somewhere picked up the message that to be loved, you had to put your own needs aside? That meeting others needs were the path to love and security?

100%, absolutely, yes yes yes. I felt like to truly love someone you had to be willing to bleed out to that person. And if they would not do the same for you, then they could not possibly love you the same. If I loved someone enough, took care of them, paid their bills, cleaned their house, cooked for them, and prayed hard enough, then it would be reciprocated, and that person would, in turn, do those things for me — which is what I wanted to make me feel safe and secure.

8. What would make you feel truly safe and secure in yourself? In a relationship? 

Honestly, this has changed drastically for me very recently. I’ve always wanted someone to take care of me, to be “the man of the house”, be strong. I had all that, and it was the loneliest I’ve ever been — surrounded by people. I now want someone to look at me with affection, to tell me everything will be okay when I screw something up, and that they will be next to me to help me figure out how to fix it together. I want them to smile and be happy around me. Then I will know I’m loved and wanted and appreciated. I feel like I have the same requirements for me to feel secure in my own self. I need to know that when I walk into a room, people are happy to see me, trust me to do my job, and trust me with their thoughts/ feelings.

9. What do the words True Self, rage, and voice mean for you today?

True Self: The me behind the thing… the me that doesn’t need to be needed, but is wanted, and not because I’m good at something. The me that is happy and silly and confident.

Rage:  The absolute worst possible reaction, uncontrollable emotions/words/expressions. Nothing makes sense, talking in circles. The need to be right, and noticed. Unnecessarily irrational.

Voice: I don’t think I can answer this 100% just yet. It’s something I’m still working on. I am easily guided by external voices and influences, and listening to myself is proving to be very difficult.

10. What do you love about your number? What do you dislike about your number?

I took the test probably six times praying that I would not be a Type Two! I was a Two every single time. I can tell you what I dislike about my number easily: I don’t like that I’m selfish with my actions, that my motivations are self-fulfilling, and that I’ll use my emotions to manipulate situations, so they are easier for me to navigate and be in control of.

I’m learning to love my number right now. I do genuinely care about people. I love that I am able to separate my need to be needed from their actual need of assistance. I’ve learned to love when someone comes to me for help! I appreciate being asked to do things now, instead of just doing them and then becoming upset because I wasn’t acknowledged for doing it in the first place.

image1.jpeg
Brittany is thirty-four and has a ten-year-old son Killian that looks just like her. She was in the Air Force for six years. She is now a nurse and manages an Orthopedic Surgery office. She’s been divorced for almost two years, which was when she started her sleeve 🙂 She has a boyfriend who is a Type 4w5 and sings like no one she’s ever heard before. You can connect with Brittany on social media at:
Instagram: @britt_straub
Twitter: @brittmstraub
*Photo by Chad Madden on Unsplash

A Look at Anger and Enneagram Types

Posted on by melissakircher

justin-ng-322116-unsplash

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.”
― Maya Angelou

Most of us are taught that if we feel angry, the best course of action is to suppress it. Anger is one emotion on the spectrum of emotions that every healthy human should allow themselves to feel. But we don’t get mad. Instead, we keep our rage hidden, stuff it down, and this leads to a whole slew of unhealthy ways that anger tends to weasel its way out of us. A wise friend once told me that anger shows us where things in life aren’t fair, and I loved her description. Now, when I feel wrathful, I try to figure out what isn’t fair in my life, a relationship, or the world.

Instead of working so damn hard to keep our anger at bay, here are some suggestions — by Type — to physically and safely express our anger.

Type 1 – The simmering rage is there all the time. Things aren’t perfect, and people let you down. You can either moralize your anger away and emotionally explode OR you can punch the hell out of a punching bag and accept your anger needs an outlet.

Type 2 – You give, but you don’t receive as much as you need. People don’t anticipate how to love you best. This creates anger. Running, kickboxing, even yoga might be ways to physically vent how upset you are.

Type 3 – You explode when you fail and then you blame others for exploding, trying to offload the guilt. You need to pre-express anger through boxing or martial arts as a way to access your deeper emotions before they spill onto others.

Type 4 – Your anger comes out pretty often, and it’s super dramatic. You thrive on drama. BUT, authentic anger isn’t drama, it’s admitting things aren’t fair, and you are hurt. A physical practice like running or boxing could help even out and deepen your experience of anger.

Type 5 – You know you’re the original badass, right?! You need proactive anger outlets like martial arts, boxing, or running to angry music or all that withdrawing and passivity will physically explode on someone in an unhealthy way.

Type 6 – Anger for you would be a healthy way to vent some of your fear and feel more empowered. Physically showing anger by screaming in the woods or your car, stomping your feet, or boxing would be ways to get in touch with your inner power.

Type 7 – You breeze over your rage, but then find addictive ways to express it. Swimming, running, and kickboxing are all fast-moving ways that you can access your anger, but process it and not feel trapped by it. Remember, all emotions pass.

Type 8 – You probably already have a gym membership and know all of the ways to physically vent your ever-constant need to spout off. Keep this up, but also introduce self-awareness to your practices. Your anger masks a tender, bleeding heart that you need to feel from time to time.

Type 9 – Sign up for the gym or hire a personal trainer. Get in touch with your body. Once that happens, you’ll begin to feel that things actually bother you sometimes and now you’ll have a safe, healthy space to express your anger.

 

*Photo by Justin Ng on Unsplash

 

 

Both/And: Enneagram Types in Non-Duality

Posted on by melissakircher

elena-tudor-897319-unsplash.jpgOne of the many, many things I love about the Enneagram is the way in which “the work” — or, personal growth — is not intended to be forced. I might not like lots of the characteristics of being a Type Five, but I can’t force my way out of them. I can’t make myself Arrow to Eight or shed it all and get in touch with my true self on command — as much as I might try. It has to happen organically.

The work of the Enneagram is to become healthy the old-fashioned way, through time, experience, insight, life-lessons, other people, spiritual practices, and self-awareness. The key here is time. And since a lifetime is required to become who we really are, there’s a lot of acceptance that has to happen during the in-between. This is where Both/And comes in. It’s the idea that life can be experienced in non-duality — the same way you can look at a pencil and just see an eraser, or turn it and see the tip, yellow side, and eraser. It’s still a pencil, but there are different views, different ways it can be experienced and seen. People are like this. We can be two things at once. We can be many things at once. Confusing, yet true.

I’d invite you to ask yourself how the following Both/And’s might apply to you and how that makes you feel, think, or act. Enjoy!

Both/And Type One: You both have a drive for perfection AND the capacity to understand that the imperfection of life is truly valuable.

Bonus: You can learn to whimsically enjoy things going wrong.

Both/And Type Two: You both need to be loved AND you are innately worthy of love without doing a thing.

Bonus: You can learn how to love yourself well.

Both/And Type Three: You both lose yourself behind a myriad of successful images you present to the world AND have the capacity to be insanely alluring and desirable when you let your authenticity show.

Bonus: You can learn from failure.

Both/And Type Four: You both swim in a sea of fluctuating shallow emotions AND dive deep to find what is authentically true in your heart.

Bonus: You can learn to help others discover their true selves through attention and divine insight.

Both/And Type Five: You are both someone who observes and acquires knowledge to feel distantly safe AND a fountain of innate wisdom, feeling, and connection.

Bonus: You can learn to be vulnerable with others in the moment.

Both/And Type Six: You are both mentally preparing for every worst-case scenario AND innately able to courageously and competently handle unforeseen circumstances.

Bonus: You can learn how to give people your trust.

Both/And Type Seven: You both seek constant stimulation as a way of running from hard/boring things AND have the capacity to truly delight in every day, ordinary events.

Bonus: You can learn to teach others how joy-filled their lives are right now.

Both/And Type Eight: You both react in anger as a way to protect yourself AND have tender hearts that empower others who are marginalized.

Bonus: You get to say fuck more than any other number.

Both/And Type Nine: You both merge with others as a way to narcotize your own feelings AND are powerful forces for uniting people in true peace.

Bonus: You can learn to be fully yourself while mitigating conflict.

kirstyn-paynter-424217-unsplash

Photos by Kirstyn Paynter &  Elena Tudor on Unsplash

 

Enneagram 2w1 vs. 2w3

Posted on by melissakircher

Enneagram Type Twos are often called the Helpers. They have a desire to fulfill the needs of others; often in order to get their own buried needs met. They can sense emotions with clarity and precision and are in the Heart Triad, meaning they experience the world through the lens of feeling and relationships. They know you very well, but when healthy, also know themselves well, maintaining good boundaries and practicing self-care.

Type Two with a One Wing (2w1)

JointUnpleasantAmericancrayfish-size_restricted

In Integration:

Type 2w1s are the warm, generous, loving people you’d expect, with a shade of moral obligation and resolve thrown into the mix. Their desire to do good in the world and to meet the needs of others is amplified by the 1w motivation of correctness. Their generosity is often turned toward social justice and they truly wish to change the world for the better through their efforts. “They are often Good Samaritans, willing to take on thankless and unglamorous tasks that others generally avoid.” (The Wisdom of the Enneagram, Riso & Hudson, pg. 130) Type Twos are in the Heart Center Triad, but the 1w brings a measure of the Body Center. This is advantageous to the 2w1 because they have help processing their reality with body energy, more easily recognizing when their feelings threaten to overtake them. The 1w is also empowering, supplying the Type Two with a sense of physical presence and backbone.

In Stress/Disintegration:

In stress, the 2w1 experiences the drive for perfection of Type Ones. They still want to be needed and give, but the 1w makes them think that they know best. Often, 2w1s in stress will begin to impose their “help” onto other people, intruding into their lives in order to tell them the correct thing to do. They can often seem preachy, going on and on about what they perceive to be right — in your life, not theirs — and rub others the wrong way. 2w1s in stress can also struggle with severely judging themselves. Type Twos have trouble recognizing their own feelings and needs, and the 1w makes them further think that personal desire is somehow wrong or selfish. They toil away for others but often resent the fact they are not recognized for their work. In extreme duress, the 2w1 can even begin to neglect their bodies, melding together the body shame of Type Twos and the strive toward physical perfection of Type Ones. This can lead to bodily neglect, eating disorders, or extreme exercise regimens.

Type Two with a Three Wing (2w3)

tumblr_ljbtugLywD1qc85hro1_500.gif

In Integration:

2w3s are solidly in the Heart Triad, therefore they will be more good-humored and social than 2w1s. They will be more driven by their feelings (often unconscious) and the feelings of others. 2w3s seek security by trying to foster as many relationships as possible and by supporting those they love. Because they are innately more social, they have more socially pleasing manners than 2w1s—they are charismatic, alluring, chatty, versatile, adventurous, and generally pleasant to be around. They often like to be the host or hostess and gather people in their homes or out at parties. They want to offer all their good qualities and advice to others. It makes them feel good to give wholeheartedly of themselves and they do so to advance the experiences and lives of those they care about. They are less caretakers and more the attentive host.

In Stress/Disintegration:

2w3s in stress will find it challenging to see past overwhelming feelings; their entire reality will seem clouded by the feelings of others that they perceive so strongly and their own emotions that are repressed but bubble up from time to time. The fact that they lack a wing in a different Center/Triad makes self-awareness much more difficult. The influence of a Head or Body energy would help pull them out of their conditioned patterns of behavior. 2w3s will have to work extra hard to overcome autopilot. They might have more problems in relationships as they see the huge, self-sacrificing gift of their friendship as “enough”. They are sensitive and easily affronted by any criticisms directed their way because the Type Two has poured themselves out for another and the 3w cares about how they are perceived. Criticism is thus a double offense to their overinflated pride. 2w3s in stress can become arrogant, overbearing, authoritarian and are prone to bursts of anger.

An Enneagram, Post-Deconstruction, Mid-Reconstruction, Integrated Response to Ariana Grande’s “God is a Woman”

Posted on by melissakircher

Isn’t that the best blog post title you’ve ever read?

So.

I can’t even with the new Arianna Grande video. I love it so freaking much it’s almost painful. The symbolism. The art. The Sacred Feminine. The Divine as a Mother. A woman owning her sexuality. A woman bigger than angry white men. A woman loving her body and all the things it can do. Smashing glass ceilings with a gavel. I mean, sigh. Happiness.

Here you go. Some fun:

Type One: I’m morally obligated to let you know that the perfect expression of God is found in both male and female energies.

giphy.gif

Type Two: If it helps your spiritual life to think about God as a woman then I will support your journey. Tell me all your feelings.

giphy (5)

Type Three: Yes! She looks amazing. The video is so gorgeous. Those visuals. And the Sistine Chapel part made me cry—bonus emotions!

giphy (1)

Type Four: *Deep breathing* The scope of authentic, pure ideals shown in the video have now made my heart literally stop. I’ve known a shift away from patriarchy was coming and have been waiting for the rest of the world to realize what we sensitive artists have intuited for so long.

giphy (2)

Type 5: I mean, if you even read the Bible you see that God is described as both Mother and Father. So it’d make sense that both genders would want equal representation in sacred spaces.

giphy (3).gif

Type Six: At first the idea of God as a woman freaked me out. I mean, what would that do to my theology? But then I thought, fuck it, I’m going to follow my heart and my heart says hell yeah!

giphy (4)

Type Seven: I love everything about this! I’m SO into feminism and the Sacred Feminine. Sign me up for a class or a retreat or something. Lets’ get a group together and discuss the video! Drinks on me!

tenor

Type Eight: Fuck yes! I mean….fuck yes!!

3Rm6XNm

Type Nine: I believe in all things, that we are one, that God is one, that we can find peace by accepting God as both genders and also genderless.

tenor

 

 

Enneagram 9w1 vs 9w8

Posted on by melissakircher

What is the function of the Enneagram wings? In brief, the wings serve as an enhancement of the basic type, they bring out different centers or magnify the (body, heart, mind) center already present in the type, and they introduce different variations of the basic type. Let’s look at the two wings for Type Nine.

Type Nine with a One Wing (9w1)

200

We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.” ― Gwendolyn Brooks

In Integration: 

9w1s in health (or integration) are people who combine the desire for peace of a Type Nine with the responsibility and moral obligation of a Type One. They follow the rules and fulfill what is expected of them because they truly want to create a harmonious society — and feel they have a duty to do so. They desire to do good and be good. 9w1s have double body center. 9w1s are generally nice people, like all Nines, and the One wing adds judicious and tactful tendencies. The One wing helps the Nine have a sense of acceptable social behaviors and good conduct. This subtype is much more reserved and orderly than 9w8s. They are less prone to bursts of anger like the other subtype. 9w1s are often spiritually oriented people. They connect to the flow of the universe like the Nine, but the One wing allows them to channel their spiritual experiences into daily practices like yoga, prayer, meditation, the reading of sacred texts, and reflection. The One wing is so helpful to the Nine in this way because spiritual practices help the Nine to restore their inner balance when it’s disrupted. Peace (both inner and outer) is vital to a Nine’s well-being and the One wing creates a drive in a healthy Nine to devote energy to bringing peace into the world. They are adept and patient mediators, social justice initiators, wise sages showing others different paths to the Divine, and generally, they seek to create unity wherever they go. You will experience a 9w1 as a comforting, calm, person who has a firm belief that their efforts towards harmony are important in creating a better world.

In Stress/Disintegration:  In stress, 9w1s goes to the low side of both numbers. They are people who desire peace no matter what. Their anger, feelings, and opinions are repressed in order to sustain this peace, and they do their very best to ignore anything that will disrupt inner and outer harmony. They will put up with abusive behavior from others, they will disregard things that are unfair, and they become inert in the face of challenges. Nines in stress check out naturally, but the One wing compounds this desire to disconnect from everything, including themselves. This detachment can extend for many years, as long as 9w1s remain stressed and cope in unhealthy ways. This can lead to many 9w1s experiencing depression. A 9w1 in disintegration will also exhibit some of the perfectionistic tendencies of Type One. They can start to be obsessively organized, stubbornly insisting that things in life be done the right way and put in proper order. A 9w1 won’t get angry, but they will have attitudes of censure and bitterness.

Type Nine with an Eight Wing (9w8)

8-7

“When two brothers are busy fighting, an evil man can easily attack and rob their poor mother. Mankind should always stay united, standing shoulder to shoulder so evil can never cheat and divide them.” ― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

In Integration: 

9w8s in health are pleasant, agreeable people who also exude an innate sense of authority. They are also a double body center. 9w8s bring a stable, calm, firm, and solid energy into places and situations. The Eight wing brings an aura of strength to the easygoing Type Nine. Their strength is much more reserved and detached than the aggression and raw power of the pure Type Eight, though. The Eight wing helps the Nine to move through life with more common sense, directness, and a take-charge attitude. 9w8s can be leaders, CEOs of big corporations, or politically inclined. (I often wonder if President Obama is either a 9w8 or 9w1.) They are usually very cool under pressure and don’t resort to despair in the face of crisis. Other people truly like and follow 9w8 leaders because they are powerful and compelling, while also being kindhearted, serene, and pleasant.

In Stress/Disintegration: 

In stress, 9w8s take on the low side of Type Nine and the low side of Type Eight. This creates a very strong internal tension because the Nine desires harmony at all costs and the Eight desires to express anger and engage in conflict. Usually, a stressed out 9w8 will be compliant and try to move away from conflict, except for the times when the Eight wing roars and the Nine suddenly explodes. These eruptions of anger serve to try to communicate to people in their lives that a Nine’s boundaries have been crossed. The Eight wing also propels the Nine to step into conflict at the very end in order to diffuse and wrap up a fight in a direct, efficient manner. This allows the 9w8 to then move back to a place of harmony as quickly as possible. 9w8s are not as upset by their anger as 9w1s would be, they don’t feel guilty about it. Their desire is to get back to inner and outer peace; their feeling of normal. One distinguishing feature of the disintegrated 9w8 is their tendency to dissociate from others and their own feelings, all while exacting revenge on people who have wronged them. They are dispassionately vengeful. And like a Type Eight, once you are on their bad side, you are blacklisted forever. They might seem nice and act socially polite, but any kind of relationship with them will be over for good.

Four on the Floor: Interview with Liz Johnson

Posted on by melissakircher

agnieszka-boeske-354851-unsplash“I envy people that know love. That have someone who takes them as they are.” ― Jess C. Scott, The Devilin Fey

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Happy Monday everyone! Today on Enneagram Paths we have an interview with Liz Johnson, an Enneagram Type Four. Just to refresh our memories, The Enneagram Institue defines Type Fours as people who, “[are] self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.”

Welcome, Liz, and thank you so much for sharing about yourself and what it’s like to be a Type Four!

Enneagram Type Four

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. Are there things you’re learning to do that help balance energy and get in touch with your thoughts and body?  

I’ve been learning to not dwell on my emotions. I’ll catch myself in the act of letting an emotion consume several hours of my day — or sometimes the entire day. Lately, I’ve been telling myself that when something hits (feeling defeated, sadness, anger, etc) to not let my whole self become that feeling. I take the feeling out of my body and let it go. The Enneagram has opened my eyes to how much I allow myself to fully immerse my mind, body, and spirit in an emotion. I hadn’t realized how deep into an emotional rabbit hole I’d go. The more I awaken to this as it’s happening, the more I make the initiative to be productive. Breathing has helped with emotions. Just being still, focusing on the breath going in and out. Emotions can take such a toll on my body. I have to be kind to myself and remember to “breathe” it back to somewhat of a homeostasis, or even do some yoga. Release the negative energy.

2. What do you love about your number? What do you hate about your number? 

I love that Type Fours can poetically explain how certain emotions feel. This can happen through the lyrics of a song because a Four can cause a person to say, “Yes! that’s exactly how that feels!” Sometimes, the lyrics don’t even make sense but they impact someone in a specific way. Same with art. Fours can take those emotional wounds and create art that stirs something deep within the soul.keagan-henman-479521-unsplash

Also, Fours can hold space for pain without the need to fix it with unrealistic optimism. People need to process suffering organically and at their own pace. If someone shares their pain with me, I want to help them allow themselves to feel it and not prematurely cut it off. It’s part of the healing process. A Four will not encourage you to “just get over it” and brush your pain under the rug. That is not the nature of a Four and I love this part of me. Sometimes, I hate the physical toll emotions have on my mind and body — like I just want to move on already! When I experience an emotion, it is as if it’s held in place by a really strong magnet and it becomes paralyzing. It takes some serious intentional effort to let go.

3. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One? 

In stress to Type Two, I can recall times when I’ve been worried about the status of a friendship and would attune to my friend’s needs — while disregarding my own needs. I now see the damage that does to my self-worth. I learned a long time ago that if there’s tension with someone, I can’t set myself aside and selflessly make sure they’re okay. It’s so important to maintain boundaries. It’s also been said that Fours get “clingy” in Two. This could happen if I allowed myself to be that way, but I also know people have their own boundaries, and I have enough common sense to not “cling” a relationship to exhaustion. I keep my distance (because Fours hide a lot anyway), and have had overall decent relationships for a while now.

In health towards a Type One, I notice some of my better days are when I’m intentional and actually commit to creating something. There have been many times I daydream about doing a project, but never actually execute it. My overall mood is a lot better on days when I actually let go of clinging to my emotions and fantasies and create. However, there is still much to process on this Arrow as well.

4. How does envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others? 

It made sense when I read that envy was the “deadly sin” of Type Four. At times, envy has caused me to feel as though my life and creations are worthless and pale in comparison to others. Sometimes, if someone shares an accomplishment I may have a thought like, “I wish I could do that”, instead of fully embracing their joy. I can also relate to the Four’s tendency to feel as if something is missing from an experience. It seems like others experience life to the fullest. I want to be fully engaged in the present like everyone else around me appears to be. It’s so challenging to let go of anything outside of the moment and trust that it doesn’t lack anything.

erik-witsoe-618924-unsplash.jpgThere has also been a divine sweetness in realizing my own story helps me to let go of envy. I am special (said like a true Four) and as I create from my soul, I see more and more that I truly am needed in this world. In realizing this truth, there is no room for envy.

5. Talk about what the words Unique and Authenticity mean to you today. 

Unique makes me think of how I always had this sense that I had to look unique and stand out by wearing outfits that set me apart from everyone! I went through several different phases: grunge, punk, goth, retro, futuristic, etc. This was a way to express myself because I felt like my voice had no worth or wasn’t being heard. I had a lot of emotional pain, therefore fashion was a means by which I could communicate to others.

I’ve realized I’ve been doing Enneagram work unawares for a couple years now. Now that I have a name for this work, it’s shown me how much I long for a vocation — job/work/calling/purpose — that isn’t something I just settle with and do for a paycheck. Over time I’ve come to understand that what I naturally like to do is unique AND authentic, I’ve just been avoiding it. I avoided painting, drawing, and writing because it seemed like a waste of time. But, after taking the time to work on myself and process my pain, I now see that creativity is a means through which I can share myself; by letting others know they’re not alone and encouraging them on their healing journey.

Authenticity. I wonder who I am without the personality of Type Four and it’s coping methods? Who is anyone without their Enneagram number keeping them from being their true, authentic self? It’s so worth the time/energy/money/etc to discover our true selves.

6. Are there any spiritual practices you’re drawn to as a Type Four? 

When creating a piece of art, I not only create from my personality but with a mysterious presence that dwells within me. I tend to live life through a Type Four filter, but even deeper there is a good, true, divine image of our creator and source of life. Often, I’m surprised by what stirs in my soul when I finish a drawing or painting. I’m in awe of the ways my creations have revealed mysterious wonder, wisdom, and truth. I see this as spiritual because these creations do not come to life solely by my humanity, but with a spiritual presence as well. I love to hike and have had incredible divine insight as I walk in the woods. I suppose this has become a spiritual practice as well.

7. How has learning about your Enneagram Type impacted your life and relationships? Has it changed the way you view yourself or others?

We all have some kind of pain or wounding from childhood. Before I knew I was doing the work of the Enneagram, learning about my childhood led me to discover ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). What we experience in childhood can have a huge impact on our minds and bodies, and ACEs research, along with many other similar subjects, has shown the science behind adversity/toxic stress. I came across a TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician who is on a mission to encourage ACEs screenings at all childhood wellness visits. I agree with Nadine and hope that with enough awareness of ACEs, there will someday be ACE screenings at all pediatric wellness visits, and ACEs/trauma training in schools.

The work of the Enneagram involves addressing one’s childhood in order to understand why we are a particular Type. I can’t expect my center to move towards health unless I process and heal from childhood wounds. I continue to research my childhood in relation to who I am as an adult which has changed the way I view all my relationships. Knowing and processing my own story and Type has helped me to have grace for the times when I live in a fantasy world rather than live with intention, believe the negative lies in my head, hurt others (or when others hurt me), and numerous other ways I miss the mark.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances the Type Four characteristics. 

juliette-leufke-154599-unsplashI think I might be a Five Wing, but I’m unsure about it. Sometimes it seems like I fit the description of a Three Wing and sometimes a Five wing. I can be both social and private. Sometimes I create with an audience in mind and sometimes I create for myself. The thing that draws me to the Five Wing is the fact that I love to research. When something sparks my interest, I’ll read several books, search about it on Youtube or podcasts, and follow experts on the subject on social media. What I discover from researching fuels an inward fire that impacts what I create. From this fire also comes strength, like that of a Five’s growth towards a healthy Type Eight. As a Four, I desire to have the strength of an Eight. If that’s possible, that is so worth the hard work of the Enneagram!

image-1.jpg

Liz resides in northeast Ohio, a place where she’s able to experience the beauty of each season, welcoming winter with the most joy. She lives with her husband Jon, daughter Roxy and son Kai. She’s an artist and writer, blogging her journey with a focus on ACEs advocacy, personality, spirituality, and the science behind those subjects. She loves to hike, research, and frequently enjoys the creativity and wisdom of a children’s picture book. Instagram: @lizjartist Blog: @painsplatteredholygenes.wordpress.com

 

*Photos by Agnieszka Boeske , Keagan Henman , Erik Witsoe , Juliette Leufke on Unsplash