Category: Lists

Enneagram – Health (Integration) Arrows

Posted on by melissakircher

The funny thing about the Enneagram health/aware/integration arrows is that we can’t force the move. It simply happens with a combination of inner work + natural wiring + intention + flow. We never quite figure out the formula. I’m a nerdy Enneagram Type Five, and even I use words like unexplainable and magical to describe the health arrow move!

Integration to your health number (or type) provides you with new energy, new awareness, and expansive options. How do you want to move forward in a different way? What got you here, and how do you feel? What do you see in a new light? What do you sense is right? How must things change? What will enliven and enrich your life?

Use your answers to accept the gifts of your health arrow – they almost always lead to expansion, healing, joy, and a revitalized relationship with yourself!

As you read through these, remember that they are a list of high-side attributes you go to in your health arrow. They are the best of that type. These are all qualities to help you notice when you’re in alignment.

Type 1 – To – Type 7

I find life fun and enjoyable. My mind expands, and I accept new ideas. Pleasure becomes a healthy priority. I embrace spontaneous adventures. My thinking becomes much more gray. I make decisions that resonate and feel good in my mind, body, and heart.

Type 2 – To – Type 4

My inner world is known to me. I take self-important risks and reap the rewards of trying new things. I can say no with confidence. I grant all my emotions equal importance. I learn how to love being with myself. My mind is filled with exciting ideas.

Type 3 – To – Type 6

I know and trust my own voice and authentic opinions. Loyalty takes the place of competition. I bravely communicate and share my heart. I learn to take careful, considered action. I am genuinely emotive, warm, and loving. I work cooperatively with others.

Type 4 – To – Type 1

I know what needs to be done. I find congruence in many areas of my life. I think objectively and with precision. My gut intuition is strong and trustworthy. My emotions and actions become aligned. I create new realities every day.

Type 5 – To – Type 8

My mind finds pockets of quiet. I move into the world with power an ease. I am aware of desire and act on it. My body speaks to me, and I listen to it. I relish life with robust energy. I accomplish goals with great success.

Type 6 – To – Type 9

All is well and will be well. I attract people who support and love me. I trust in the goodness of the universe. My body is on my side. My intuition is strong and leads me well. I relax, let go, and allow life to unfold.

Type 7 – To – Type 5

I focus and get so very much done. I find great delight in the mundane. The moments I inhabit are satisfying. My body is here, singing with life. I accept stillness and all it holds. My mind is my rational ally.

Type 8 – To – Type 2

I see others as worthy equals. My soft heart is shown to a chosen few. I embrace risk as part of being loved. My protection of others is boundaried. I accept my own humanity. My inner child feels safe to play.

Type 9 – To – Type 3

I know I am loved, worthy, and special. My goals become actions that are achieved. I take a stand on vital issues. My wants and needs become known to me. I see myself as someone of importance. My heart guides me, showing me the way.

Enneagram : Deep Breaths When…

Posted on by melissakircher

Our Enneagram type’s job is to protect us, to keep us safe. Type (or internal parts) form patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior that shield us from being hurt, wounded, and in pain. These parts of our type have a lot of power, but no matter how hard they work on our behalf…life inevitably presents triggers and activations.

We DO eventually experience all the things our type (or internal parts) try to avoid. It happens to everyone. We all get activated, wounded, and hurt. Here is where we need deep breaths. Take a few now. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Let your breathing deepen and slow.

As you breathe, allow your awareness to flood with love, seeing your type/ego/parts. Then notice where in the body you feel them. Next ask what they need from you. Often our type/ego/parts need a loving witness, to be seen and known. With intention ask yourself, what new choices might be before me? If type cannot protect me in the same way it’s always done, how can I expand, grow, and heal while facing this activator? What new, healthy ways can I respond?

If you have any trouble locating these internal parts or energies, here is a list of common activators for each Enneagram Type. These are some places and events that require deep breaths! Do any of them resonate with you?

Type 1

• When others dismiss my emotions, not understanding that I’m sensitive and emotionality takes work.

• When life gets messy and I don’t feel like I have control.

• When my concerns aren’t heard; it feels unjust.

• When I or others fail to meet my expectations.

Type 2

• When I’ve worked hard to make others feel seen and known but that energy isn’t reciprocated.

• When my emotions are strong and I feel them deeply.

• When others are suffering and I don’t know how to help.

• When I feel rejected or that people don’t understand me.

Type 3

• When I hit my energetic limit, it’s like everything shuts down, and I’m fully done.

• When I’m brave enough to share, and others don’t listen.

• When my valiant efforts on your behalf are disrespected.

• When I don’t know how I feel and my insides are a confusing tangle that I can’t grasp.

Type 4

• When others don’t get me, despite how hard I’ve worked to communicate my nuance and complexity as a person.

• When I’m ignored or left out; when I’m slighted.

• When life is so raw, I feel it in the marrow of my bones.

• When my emotions overwhelm me, I need to take deep breaths.

Type 5

• When my emotions are safe to emerge, and they do so at once in an overwhelming rush.

• When all the choices feel bad, and there is no logical solution. When I feel trapped.

• When I’m called awkward, and I already feel like I don’t fit in.

• When I’m left out just because I’m quiet and reserved.

Type 6

• When I ask for help and I’m disappointed. When someone doesn’t show up for me.

• When people don’t treat me as worthy and valuable.

• When I feel out of control, and my plans aren’t working.

• When my worries and concerns are invalidated.

Type 7

• When I’m judged or when someone doesn’t talk to me directly about being upset.

• When people fail to live up to the good opinion I have of them.

• When my sadness and pain linger longer than I’d like.

• When my ideas fall flat or don’t pan out like I’d hoped.

Type 8

• When I’m tired because there is a right thing to do, and no one is doing it but me.

• When my emotions bubble to the surface and I feel them.

• When people I counted on seem to betray me.

• When others misunderstand my passion as anger.

Type 9

• When I work so hard to set healthy boundaries and they are not respected.

• When I’ve let tasks pile up and I’m totally overwhelmed.

• When people I love are treated unfairly or cruelly.

• When I’m so understanding of others, but they willfully misunderstand me.

Ted Lasso and the Enneagram

Ted Lasso and the Enneagram

Posted on by melissakircher

Hello Enneagram Paths friends! Today, something fun and totally new for me, typing characters from a TV show. Full disclosure, it took much cajoling by my husband and a podcast by Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach to convince me to try Ted Lasso. Episode one made me want to to peel all my skin off; it was that uncomfortable. But, by episode two, I was in love with sports and every single character.

Usually, I steer clear of typing fictional characters or public figures because one can only guess and never truly know. Only Jason Sudeikis and the others writers will ever be able to definitely say if a type is correct or not. However, this show is so masterfully crafted I had to give it a go!

Here are my Ted Lasso type guesses so far. I’d expect disagreement, and that’s okay! Please feel free to leave your take in the comments, and let’s have some fun with this 🙂

Roy Kent: 8

Stress move to 5 shows up in taciturn, nihilistic withdrawal that affects his energy. Average 8 would be earlier in his career when he was a force of nature. Health move to 2 shows up as he protects the underdogs, reveals vulnerability, and has a huge heart.

Keeley Jones: 9

Average 9 is her warmth, ability to get along with everyone, and create team unity with true understanding. Stress is 6 anxiety smoking and freaking out about her life choices. Health 3 is when she breaks up with Jamie, owns what she needs with Roy, and crushes her job.

Ted Lasso: 7

Average 7 has him optimistic to the point of weird, yet likable even with his manic energy. He’s endearing. Stress 1 energy shows up when winning matters or his pain threatens to come out of hiding. I think we’ll see healthy 5 emerge through therapy and as he embraces the full spectrum of his emotions.

“Nate” Shelley: 6

Average phobic 6 is being wary, skittish, and prepared for the worst to happen to him. Health 9 shows up when he relaxes into good things showing up in his life. Traumatic parents quickly turn this energy into stress 3 where it’s all about ego and dominating.

Rebecca Welten: 3

Average 3 has her fixated on her looks, public image, and hidden revenge. Stress to 9 shows when she eats her feelings, can’t stand up to mum, and lets her ex walk all over her. Health 6 is embracing team unity, letting others love her, and working for the greater good.

Coach Beard: 5

Average 5 is brilliant, but behind the scenes. Keeps his personality hidden. Offbeat loner who maintains his life in secluded sections. Health 8 is throwing Jamie’s dad out of the locker room like a true leader-protector. Stress 7 is beginning to show with drinking and toxic relationship with Jane.

Dani Rojas: 7

I mean, do I have to explain this one? (wink) He’s happiness on eight million cups of coffee. I think healthy 5 energy shows up in his ability to hone in and focus on a singular thing: soccer. I also think his stress move to 1 shows up in soccer as well; he’s obsessed with it and pursues it to perfection. I’m looking forward to learning more about Dani’s story as season two unfolds.

Jamie Tartt: 3

Average 3 is his whole Jame Tartt persona that hides a wounded son heart seeking approval. Stress 9 energy lets his team down and trade happen without a fight. He gives in to a “whatever happens happens” mentality. Health 6 shows as he realizes he can shine bright AND also help his team win. He becomes loyal and truly magnetic.

Higgins: 2 or 6

I can’t tell yet! He’s loyal yet nervous like a 6, but helpful and longs to be needed like a 2. Both types enjoy getting the recognition they justly deserve, and we see this with Higgins. His motivation is a heart-centered love of his family and I see self-preservation in doing what it takes to keep his job.

I hope you enjoyed these Ted Lasso Enneagram type guesses. Share some of your own! I’m still watching Sam, Dr. Fieldstone, Isaac, and Trent Crimm (maybe he’s a 1?). I adore this show and am so glad for some awesome TV storylines these days!

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Posted on by melissakircher

Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!

Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.

Type One

They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.

Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.

Type Two

They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.

Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.

Type Three

They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.

Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.

Type Four

They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.

Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.

Type Five

They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.

Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.

Type Six

They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.

Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.

Type Seven

They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.

Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.

Type Eight

They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.

Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.

Type Nine

They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.

Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.

Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS

Re-Focus [By Enneagram Type]

Re-Focus [By Enneagram Type]

Posted on by melissakircher

“Very occasionally, if you pay really close attention, life doesn’t suck.”
― Joss Whedon

During my time with The Coaching Fellowship, one of the many lessons my coach taught me was, “What you focus your attention on determines what you miss.” Shout out to my coach, the fantastic Janice Reches!

I don’t know about you, but I constantly have to re-orient my focus of attention to have a more broad, truer version of reality in my sights. Just today, I had to remind myself to look for abundance instead of mentally pinpointing all the areas my Type Five ego said were barren and scarce. Shifting my focus immediately changed my perspective and mood! And you know what? There was a white bowl filled to the brim with juicy oranges in front of me. Abundance right under my nose!

Where do you need to re-focus today? Here are some tips by type to help you get started!

Type 1: Ones, you focus your attention on what needs to be improved or fixed in any given situation or relational space. This is exhausting. To avoid burnout, can you try to notice moments where you feel satisfied or light? The experience of both these things will retrain your brain to see the full spectrum of life.

Type 2: Twos, you often leave an event, meeting, group, or hang-out with the question of, “Was I wanted?” Instead, try re-focusing on curiosity about, “Did I enjoy those people? What made me light up during that time? Do I want to continue to be a part of this scene?”

Type 3: Threes, you are often preoccupied with how well you are doing in any given circumstance, how people see you. Instead, try to re-focusing on being present, noticing how your body feels when someone says something or any emotions that well up within. Can you notice your existence?

Type 4: Fours, you tend to be hyper-aware of feelings of superiority and inferiority to others. You swing, dizzyingly, between the two. Could you try to re-focus on all the similarities between yourself and others> How do you see yourself belonging to the world?

Type 5: Fives, you get lost down rabbit-holes of attention-time-sucks like Google to stave off the feeling that the world will swallow you whole. Scarcity drives you. Instead, try to re-focus on abundance, noting any little place or things that give you joy. Mantra, “I’m looking for abundance.”

Type 6: Sixes, you often have scanning sort-of attention, warily assessing if others are trustworthy. Instead, try shifting your focus onto yourself. Where have you proven to yourself that you’re trustworthy? Can you see areas of strength and capability?

Type 7: Sevens, you tend to focus on future-oriented ideas, imaging what could be and missing out on what is. Could you practice feeling grounded in the present by wiggling your toes, breathing deeply, noticing the temperature of the room, and listening to the sounds all around you?

Type 8: Eights, you move out into the world, scanning for where you can exert power and control, using up energy better spent on doing things that truly matter to you. Can you try identifying who else might take over so that you can relax and get down to your own business?

Type 9: Nines, many of you find that focus is lacking, getting caught up in whatever person or situation is right in front of you. However, even a lack of attention is attention. Can you find your focus by creating small moments for yourself each day? Ask, “What do I feel, think, or want?”

Is Enneagram Coaching right for you? Set up a free 15-minute consultation today to find out! I have a few spring openings left!

Cover Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Posted on by melissakircher

“..then he added, as if requiring a response to his own remark,
‘Probably the greater the difference, the greater the similarity, and the greater the similarity, the greater the difference,’ at that moment he did not yet know how right he was.” – José Saramago, All the Names

It is consistently interesting to me as I work with clients in my Enneagram Coaching Practice that both:

  1. Our external behaviours can look the same, yet have different internal emotional/energetic underpinnings.
  2. Our internal emotional/energetic underpinnings can be so similar and yet, have different external behaviors or manifestations.

Here is a series of observations I’ve made so far. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. We’re all interconnected and interwoven in such a way that I know I’ll be joyfully fascinated for the rest of my life! – Melissa

Type 9 & Type 5

Same: Both externally procrastinate when needing to complete important tasks. They fill the day with busywork.

Different: Type 5s internally fear being unable to handle the task and having to ask for help. Type 9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance/peace.

Type 4 & Type 7

Same: Both tend to quickly shift jobs, projects, interests, and relationships. This is often done unconsciously, neither Type aware of how much they change.

Different: Type 4s are searching for a sense of identity in each shift. Type 7s search for fulfillment and satisfaction with every move.

Type 2 & Type 8

Same: Both feel angry, often because their selfhood or boundaries are being violated in some way.

Different: Type 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this particular emotion. Type 8s show their anger more easily and consistently, and move on from it quickly.

Type 3 & Type 6

Same: Both are excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals.

Different: Type 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly and to great success. Type 6s expect that all manner of problems will arise and so they develop a myriad of contingencies just in case.

Type 1 & Type 5

Same: Both deal with voices of internal criticism and feeling not good enough.

Different: In response, Type 1s pour endless energy into improving all that surrounds them. Type 5s pick a few projects and try to silence their distrust of self with overzealous mastery.

Type 2 & Type 6

Same: Both appear externally warm and friendly in their many relationships.

Different: Internally, Type 2s cling to the love in their relationships; it gives them a sense of identity. Internally, Type 6s mistrust others, always keeping a watchful eye open for breaks in loyalty.

Type 3 & Type 4

Same: Both are intense and competitive, seeking outward recognition and approval.

Different: Type 3s push their true feelings aside to maintain momentum toward a goal. Type 4s lose goal momentum as their fluctuating feelings return them to an inward focus.

Type 7 & Type 9

Same: Both are adaptable, inviting, and would prefer to avoid conflict. Internally, both do not want to feel pain.

Different: Externally, Type 7s have a hectic, wild energy and express their desires. Type 9s live at a more measured pace, are generally mellow, and mesh with the desires of others.

Type 2 & Type 4

Same: Both are used to others liking them, seeking out relationships that bolster their self-confidence. Both are friendly and magnetic.

Different: Type 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, and it’s in inward image confirmation. Type 4s distrust their relationships and inwardly distrust that they are lovable.

Type 1 & Type 8

Same: Both are focused on control, feeling inwardly that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.

Different: Type 1s exert super-control over themselves and the details of their environment. Type 8s care about the big picture. They desire power to ensure they get what they want and everything stays together.

Can’t figure out your Type? I offer 1-hour Typing Sessions and have fall slots open! Click HERE to fill out a request and discover your number!

Enneagram Orientation to Time

Posted on by melissakircher

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” 
― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

Happy Monday, Enneagram Paths friends! Welcome back. I hope this post finds you safe and well. Today, we’re going to discuss time, specifically how each Enneagram Type has a dominant Time Orientation. For an in-depth look at this idea, I’d recommend The Enneagram Journey podcast Episode 50 by Suzanne Stabile. Basically, there are three (and doesn’t the Enneagram love that number?) Time Orientations: Past, Present, and Future.

Knowing our dominant Time Orientation helps us adjust our perspective when conflicts arise, allowing us to see other sides of a situation, and supporting us in working to understand where other people might be coming from in relation to their focus of attention. Which is the long and short of what Time Orientation is; it’s where we focus most of our thoughts and attention. We have access to all three orientations, so if you’re a Past Oriented person, consciously choosing to experience the present moment or planning for future goals would be healthy, holistic practices to engage in. If you’re a Future Oriented human, then reflect on the past; what went well or wrong, and what you can learn from those encounters, as well as trying to be present in each moment. If you’re Present Oriented, then past and future thinking will help you move out of getting lost in the moment. The key is always balance, accepting and loving how our Type has helped us survive, then inviting in new energies as we work toward integration.

*Please note: Right now, due to Covid shutdowns globally, we are experiencing time trauma; simultaneously processing a future that’s unknown, a present that changes hourly, and past that is re-evaluated. Hopeful trends can be sent backward, past lows can be interpreted as positive. This all at once present, past, and future shifting has us in a kind of “time warp” that can have real impact on our mental, emotional, and physical health. This is different from working toward Enneagram Time Orientation balance. Please make sure you are “making time” to process the disorientation of time. Talk to someone else. Listen to your heart and body. It’s okay to feel totally out of whack.

Past Time Orientation

Type Four:

Four’s emotions and thoughts center most often on what has already happened, what they regret, or an ideal experience they romanticize.

Type Five:

Five’s thoughts center most often on analyzing what has already happened, making sense of previous experiences and feelings, and coming up with logical solutions to earlier problems.

Type Nine:

Nines ruminate about how their lives were both positive and negative in the past, feeling stuck and unable to alter negative patterns or improve the good ones.

Present Time Orientation

Type One:

One’s act in either a flurry of movement or methodical steps, to correct and perfect moment-by-moment the things that come to their attention.

Type Two:

Type Two’s emotions and thoughts center often on what someone else needs, seeking to fulfill it immediately, without regard to past experiences or future consequences.

Type Six:

Sixes immerse themselves in whatever current situation is triggering the Type’s “danger” warning system.

Future Time Orientation

Type Three:

Threes are planning how to efficiently complete the next task and thinking about ways to successfully achieve their goals.

Type Seven:

Sevens can be constantly in motion, thinking about what next fun thing to do and moving toward an ever-evolving horizon.

Type Eight:

Eights seek to pave the way toward their goals by planning exactly how to power past any and all obstacles.

*Cover photo by Alex Perez on Unsplash

Enneagram Healing Messages

Enneagram Healing Messages

Posted on by melissakircher

According to master teachers Don Riso and Russ Hudson, each Enneagram Type has a Basic Fear. These fears drive the patterned survival habits of thought, behavior, and emotion that make up each Type.

When we practice being aware of our Type’s Basic Fear, we can calm and heal these drives in ourselves. When the fear flares, we speak positive, true messages and lovingly invite in new energy.

*All the Basic Fears are direct quotes from The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso & Russ Hudson.

Type One

Basic Fear: “Of being bad, defective, evil, corrupt.”

Healing Message: You are already good. The Divine/Universe loves you in all your imperfect perfection.

Type Two

Basic Fear: “Of being unloved and unwanted for themselves alone.”

Healing Message: It’s healthy to have needs. You are lovable just as you are.

Type Three

Basic Fear: “Of being worthless, without value apart from their achievements.”

Healing Message: It is okay to ‘be’, everything necessary is already done.

Type Four

Basic Fear: “Of having no identity, no personal significance.”

Healing Message: You are whole and complete now, nothing within you is missing.

Type Five

Basic Fear: “Of being helpless, useless, or incapable (overwhelmed).”

Healing Message: You have the wisdom of the Universe within. Let go.

Type Six

Basic Fear: “Of having no support and guidance, of being unable to survive on their own.”

Healing Message: You can trust yourself to courageously handle whatever happens.

Type Seven

Basic Fear: “Of being deprived and trapped in pain.”

Healing Message: Everything you could ever need, you already have. Rest, and be.

Type Eight

Basic Fear: “Of being harmed or controlled by other, of violation.”

Healing Message: Vulnerability is a strength. It draws healthy people and Universal love to you like a magnet.

Type Nine

Basic Fear: “Of loss and seperation; of annihilation.”

Healing Message: You are important and loved as your whole, true self.

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type's Shadow?

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type’s Shadow?

Posted on by melissakircher

Kim Parker of WayfindingLife.org says this about Enneagram Shadow work, “The Enneagram shows us the shadow side of our gifts and reveals the games we often unknowingly play. Although these can be difficult to face, doing so is part of a path that leads us toward freedom. Taking an honest look at ourselves, through the lens of the Enneagram, provides us with the awareness needed to let go of our unhelpful tendencies and patterns of behavior. Furthermore, as we begin to practice ‘letting go’ we are set free to be a more whole and loving p/Presence in the world.”

I love this! Something I often say to my coaching clients is that not only are struggles and weaknesses hidden in Shadow, so are amazing strengths.

Our Shadow Sides are places and spaces in our personality makeup that can be unconscious on a regular basis. However, when we dig into the darkness, a whole lot of light begins to shine, and we’re made aware of a myriad of exciting and challenging aspects of each Type’s survival mechanisms. Be kind to yourself as you investigate your Shadow Side. Always enter the work with kindness and love—and feel free to get in touch with me if you need an Enneagram Coach to guide you along this process!

Concealed in Shadow: Type One

The Type One’s Shadow conceals true desires and the need for spontaneity, levity, and joy. To preserve order, the Shadow suppresses undesired emotions like personal pain, melancholy, and deep frustration.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Two

The Type Two’s Shadow conceals the paradoxical belief that they’re deserving of royal treatment and that they’re only as good as what they give. They have a hidden thirst for love and attention. A need to express anger is also in shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Three

The Type Three’s Shadow conceals unconscious self-deception. They believe in the positive images they project, and suppress insecurity, fear, and vulnerability—all of which help them get in touch with their True Selves.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Four

The Type Four’s Shadow conceals an unconscious victimhood; a self-perpetuating cycle of lack and loss. It also hides a great wealth of happiness, satisfaction, capability, normality, and energetic action.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Five

The Type Five’s Shadow conceals a deep longing for connection, a vast wealth of wants and needs, fear of rejection, great power, emotionality, and a wise, unwavering strength that sources itself in Universe.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Six

The Type Six’s Shadow conceals a depth of connection to Source/Divine and self. There is a unconscious drive for ultimate security which can never be satisfied. Many actions are motivated by a fear of retribution from authority.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Seven

The Type Seven’s Shadow conceals the full spectrum of their inner emotional life, and a true ability to hone and focus attention. Feelings of insecurity and “unknown-ness” are also hidden in Shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Eight

The Type Eight’s Shadow conceals the purest parts of themselves because they are the least accessed: softness, innocence, and vulnerability. Their Shadow also hides insecurities that Eight’s refuse to admit.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Nine

The Type Nine’s Shadow conceals a layered emotionality, often with a deep reserve of rage/anger that must be expressed…to then access a kind of grief over abandoning themselves for so long.

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Posted on by melissakircher


What is Enneagram Darkness Growth?

A few thoughts on darkness in general. Darkness is something we try to avoid, right? And it IS awful going through a dark time or feeling in a dark place. Yet, darkness is an underrated state of being; it can actually be one of the most fertile moments in our lives. Deep stress, hurt, pain, transition, betrayal, uncertainty, and loss are all ripe for extraordinary change, growth learning, rebirth, and renewal. The following darkness ideas for each Enneagram Type might feel really “ouch”, but in actuality, are huge opportunities for growth.

The term I’m using “Darkness Growth” stems from the idea of a shadow side found in many Enneagram teachings. The shadow is characteristics, behaviors, and motivations that we exhibit but are not consciously aware. Both helpful traits and unhelpful are hidden in shadow, and can be brought to light to form a whole, integrated person.

The key with Darkness Growth is to remember we don’t shame or hate ourselves, we face the dark with courage to realize some behaviors harm us now, even if they’ve helped us survive for years. You have to love yourself first, to be able to authentically grow. Take the following thoughts and ruminate on them. See if they resonate with you in any way, and what questions you might ask yourself about what the darkness is inviting you into.

Darkness Growth Type One:

Pointing out the incorrect politics, moral failings, and questionable behavior of others to make the world better and prove your own goodness, only serves to exhaust you and alienate people. How can you embrace the spectrum of humanity?

Darkness Growth Type Two:

Cultivating an image of how good you are by constantly being there for others actually serves to disconnect you from your true feelings and personhood, turning you from falsely helpful to demanding and needy. How can you love yourself well first?

Darkness Growth Type Three:

Your character-shifting gets you admiration, likes, and success, but when it comes time to be intimate and love deeply, you will struggle because you don’t know who is the real you to share. How can you be still, in order to connect with yourself more fully?

Darkness Growth Type Four:

Idealization of self and others pulls people in, then pushes them away. This pattern solidifies your untrue victim status when people get fed up and leave. But you’re not a victim, you’re the perpetrator. How can you empower yourself with commitment?

Darkness Growth Type Five:

Your boundaries keep people from hurting you and affecting your perceived safety. But when shit hits the fan, you won’t have a network of people to help when you really can’t help yourself. Your aloneness will be real. How can you let others in?

Darkness Growth Type Six:

The search for certainty in situations and people is a self-defeating survival tool. Eventually everything will disappoint you, confirming an untrue belief that the world is unsafe. How can you shift your perspective to realistic optimism?

Darkness Growth Type Seven:

If you only show people the fun, energetic, happy side of you, they will come to think you’re truly happy all the time. It’s then not their fault that they don’t check on you or see the pain you’re experiencing. How can you share your heart?

Darkness Growth Type Eight:

You can technically treat people however you want, disregarding their feelings or etiquette. But then, when you realize you have tender, needy feelings that require love and nurturing, don’t expect compassion. How can you treat others better?

Darkness Growth Type Nine:

You can be so affable and nice that people forget you exist sometimes. The desire to avoid sticky situations backfires to eject you from a life that needs your active presence. How can you shine today?