Tag: enneagram 4

Enneagram – Health (Integration) Arrows

Posted on by melissakircher

The funny thing about the Enneagram health/aware/integration arrows is that we can’t force the move. It simply happens with a combination of inner work + natural wiring + intention + flow. We never quite figure out the formula. I’m a nerdy Enneagram Type Five, and even I use words like unexplainable and magical to describe the health arrow move!

Integration to your health number (or type) provides you with new energy, new awareness, and expansive options. How do you want to move forward in a different way? What got you here, and how do you feel? What do you see in a new light? What do you sense is right? How must things change? What will enliven and enrich your life?

Use your answers to accept the gifts of your health arrow – they almost always lead to expansion, healing, joy, and a revitalized relationship with yourself!

As you read through these, remember that they are a list of high-side attributes you go to in your health arrow. They are the best of that type. These are all qualities to help you notice when you’re in alignment.

Type 1 – To – Type 7

I find life fun and enjoyable. My mind expands, and I accept new ideas. Pleasure becomes a healthy priority. I embrace spontaneous adventures. My thinking becomes much more gray. I make decisions that resonate and feel good in my mind, body, and heart.

Type 2 – To – Type 4

My inner world is known to me. I take self-important risks and reap the rewards of trying new things. I can say no with confidence. I grant all my emotions equal importance. I learn how to love being with myself. My mind is filled with exciting ideas.

Type 3 – To – Type 6

I know and trust my own voice and authentic opinions. Loyalty takes the place of competition. I bravely communicate and share my heart. I learn to take careful, considered action. I am genuinely emotive, warm, and loving. I work cooperatively with others.

Type 4 – To – Type 1

I know what needs to be done. I find congruence in many areas of my life. I think objectively and with precision. My gut intuition is strong and trustworthy. My emotions and actions become aligned. I create new realities every day.

Type 5 – To – Type 8

My mind finds pockets of quiet. I move into the world with power an ease. I am aware of desire and act on it. My body speaks to me, and I listen to it. I relish life with robust energy. I accomplish goals with great success.

Type 6 – To – Type 9

All is well and will be well. I attract people who support and love me. I trust in the goodness of the universe. My body is on my side. My intuition is strong and leads me well. I relax, let go, and allow life to unfold.

Type 7 – To – Type 5

I focus and get so very much done. I find great delight in the mundane. The moments I inhabit are satisfying. My body is here, singing with life. I accept stillness and all it holds. My mind is my rational ally.

Type 8 – To – Type 2

I see others as worthy equals. My soft heart is shown to a chosen few. I embrace risk as part of being loved. My protection of others is boundaried. I accept my own humanity. My inner child feels safe to play.

Type 9 – To – Type 3

I know I am loved, worthy, and special. My goals become actions that are achieved. I take a stand on vital issues. My wants and needs become known to me. I see myself as someone of importance. My heart guides me, showing me the way.

Grief & The Enneagram Part II: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Grief & The Enneagram Part II: Guest Post by Mandy Capehart

Posted on by melissakircher

Welcome back to this three-part grief and Enneagram series. To summarize why this series is so important let’s revisit an excerpt from the last post:

“Grief and Enneagram shadow work are very similar in their approach and application. In both instances, we wrestle with the unknown sides of life that indicate unacknowledged pain, confusion, or disruption to our path forward. Effective grief and Enneagram work provides a framework for understanding ourselves and embracing new ways of thinking about our lives and circumstances. The more we learn, the more we realize we are unique individuals. The nuance of our individuality causes our grief journey to be like a fingerprint. Even when some stereotypes apply, there is always a part of our spirit that needs a little more intention.

This journey allows us to cultivate the compassion needed to find movement through our pain. As you embrace the truth of grief in your life, you may find that learning more about your Enneagram type provides extra support.”

Today, I want to unpack three more type misconceptions and how they can lead us to incorrect assumptions about how we “should” feel and move through our grief stories. We already know that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for all. We can reckon with the stereotypical reactions in our enneagram types that act as easy excuses to avoid the deeper, more intimate work of pursuing healing in our grief.

Type Four

Type Fours are known for being comfortable with melancholy and conflicting emotions and are often wonderful people for grievers to speak with when their own hearts cannot figure out how to survive a heavy loss.

Fours believe they are fundamentally different, which, in grief, can also lead them to spiral down a road of overthinking. They try to sort their emotions into a grief identity that makes sense yet remains unique.

But what we don’t often see in Type Fours is the propensity for forward motion. Grief is not about learning to move on; it’s about integrating our losses into our identity in a way that allows us to become more nuanced, intentional, and whole. There is no one more adept at adjusting to big, heavy emotions in an integrative way than Fours.

When they live in their heart center, Fours become witty, clever, insightful, and clear-minded. They work through grief productively, thinking intentionally rather than in a circular way. As a result, Fours begin to spiral upward with high energy and healing for themselves and others.

Type Five

Type Fives are full of wisdom, depth, and intelligence. They look for depth with each question, perfectly delighted to chase ideas down whatever obscure path they find. Because Fives are typically introspective and thoughtful, we assume that grief is something they’ve sorted out. Perhaps Fives have learned how to detach from the pain and therefore experience no grief at all?

Not true. What really happens for a grieving Type Five is that their mental wheels spin faster than ever. You may perceive them as cold and calculated, yet Fives are truly empathetic, deeply attuned people. They search for answers to relieve suffering or lack, but that’s not something available in grief. Not truly.

When Fives are able to become embodied – really connecting to the center of who they are – they will find strength outside of knowledge. Type Fives who allow themselves to take action toward reintegration of their whole selves become authoritative, confident, and compassionate to others and themselves.

Once Type Fives accept a thoughtful path toward healing for themselves, they will become the leaders you always suspected they could become. Their emotional side will surface with intention and grounding, leading others to heal, as well.

Type Six

Type Sixes aren’t strangers to thinking about grief – in fact, Sixes are hyper-aware of potential grief events and do all they can to minimize possible loss before it happens. Once introduced to their story, grief drives secure, steady Sixes into overdrive for resolution.

Then, natural cynicism surfaces, affirming their belief that all things are inherently untrustworthy. This draws Type Sixes further away from integration, where they would experience a settled spirit and an understanding of their secure place in the world, even when threatened by grief.

However, when Sixes embrace grief as truth, they gain new insight about the facts of their life circumstances. They acknowledge their lack of control in loss and recognize the grief in their life is not the end of the story. As they begin healing, their lighthearted, confident nature emerges.

Grief changes Sixes for the better, so long as they process their experiences as survivable. Not in a “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” platitude way, but through gaining soul-deep, inherent wisdom about the nature of life and loss.

Type Sixes long to express their free-spirited, lighthearted, fun side. When grief doesn’t destroy them, Sixes learn they can find a way to trust others and survive the most intimidating pain because life is so much richer than navigating around fear.

Mandy Capehart is an author, speaker, and certified grief and life coach in the Pacific Northwest. She is the founder of The Restorative Grief Project, an online community of grievers and grief supporters looking for movement while they heal. Her first book is titled, “Restorative Grief: Embracing our losses without losing ourselves,” released in 2021. This is a memoir and 31 day guidebook for managing grief and growth in the aftermath of loss, no matter how long it lasts. You can hear more about her grief work on her podcast, Restorative Grief with Mandy Capehart. She also co-hosts The Uncomfortable Grace Podcast, where space is held for growth amid the messy middle-parts of life.

Enneagram Type 4: Enneagram Art Series

Enneagram Type 4: Enneagram Art Series

Posted on by melissakircher

Happy Wednesday Enneagram Paths friends! Today, I’m bringing you the next installment of my Enneagram Art Series, melding two of my passions: art and the Enneagram.

This Type Four artwork is fourth in a series of nine illustrated paintings that visually imagine the essence and integration experience of each Enneagram Type. Here on the blog, I want to give you both the art and the creation intention behind each piece. Here is a brief, succinct peek into my mind as I painted and inked each piece. The rest of the feeling, resonating, and interpreting is up to you!

Type 4: With this piece, I wanted to create a landscape infused with drama. I went for rich colors, and the energetic movement found in nature. The spectrum from light to dark is signified by the sun to the deep sea, honoring Type Fours’ full, vibrant emotionality. There are calmer waters and a flowing current underneath the tumultuous waves to show how the True Self of Fours is steady and true. The sunset is the way Fours illuminate the beauty in the world for the rest of us. And the serene stillness of the ocean in the back of the waves illustrates the embodied, authentic Essence of Fours found in integration.

High-Res Digital Download Link

Society6.com Framed Prints Link

I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to leave me feedback on my @enneagrampaths Twitter and Instagram. All nine illustrated paintings will be shared on social media.

Make sure to check out my FREE Type Four Self-Love Workbook!

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Remember: How Each Enneagram Type Seems vs. How They Actually Are

Posted on by melissakircher

Remember is a powerful word. Why? Because we humans, despite all our learning and education and wise living, are prone to forgetfulness. We forget that not everyone else thinks, feels, and acts like us. We forget that everyone sees the world through their own unique lenses. We forget because it’s just a natural thing to do!

Sometimes, we need a little help with remembering. A gentle nudge to restore our compassion and empathy for another who seems rather alien (or irritating) to us! Here is a list of things to remember about each Enneagram Type.

Type One

They give the best advice, allow space for anger, are fantastic problem solvers, and make us cry-laugh with their great sense of humor.

Remember: Type Ones might seem harsh and judgemental to you, but they are so much harder on themselves. Compassion and levity go a long way in relationships with Ones.

Type Two

They are such a source of encouragement, root for the underdogs, know exactly what you need when you’re low, and truly care about everyone doing well.

Remember: Type Twos can seem overly involved and extra cheerful to you, but they are actually giving out the kind of love they need to receive. Thoughtfulness and reaching out go a long way in relationships with Twos.

Type Three

They want you to reach your fullest potential, believe in the greatness of others, care deeply, and want the world to be an amazing place.

Remember: Type Threes might seem disingenuous and unemotional to you, but they have actually lost their connection to self in order to please everyone else. Offering grounded, heartfelt space to process will go a long way in relationships with Threes.

Type Four

They are masters of metaphor, make ample space for other’s pain, delve into authenticity with vigor, and can pinpoint feelings with serious accuracy.

Remember: Type Fours might seem dramatic and mysterious to you, but they are actually seeking a deep understanding of themselves and all of life. Offering stories about your own emotional landscape will go a long way in relationships with Fours.

Type Five

They are thoughtful, measured, funny, spontaneous, curious, and care for their chosen tribe and projects with great zeal.

Remember: Type Fives might seem aloof and detached to you, but they are actually making sure that when they do show up, it’s with care, empathy and 100% presence. Believing in the deep, vast hearts of Fives will go along way in relationships with them.

Type Six

They are loyal friends and partners, kind, care deeply about everyone’s wellbeing and are totally prepared badasses.

Remember: Type Sixes might seem wary to you, but this is not your fault. They are trying to figure out if they trust themselves about trusting you. Being forthright about who you are and where things stand will go a long way in relationships with Sixes.

Type Seven

They are sensitive, deep, bright, infused with curiosity, go-getters, and full of zest.

Remember: Type Sevens might seem scattered and flaky to you, but they are actually trying to get the most out of life. Being calm and centered will go a long way in relationships with Sevens.

Type Eight

They have your back, live with passion, are seriously compassionate, strong and fight for the underdog.

Remember: Type Eights might seem intense and intimidating to you, but they are actually wearing this specific armor to keep their big hearts safe. Standing your ground with compassion will go a long way in relationships with Eights.

Type Nine

They are warm, inviting, calm, fierce, smart and understand others with great depth.

Remember: Type Nines might seem checked out to you, but they are actually working hard to keep all their connections intact. Asking what they want, with tons of space and time for answers, will go a long way in relationships with Nines.

Are you unsure about your Type? Have you taken online assessments and found them to be confusing and unhelpful? I, Melissa, am here to help with 1-hour phone Typing Sessions! I’m a certified Enneagram Teacher who can untangle the often mystifying world of typing! Click here to get more information about your unique session: ENNEAGRAM TYPING SESSIONS

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Enneagram Types: Similarities & Differences

Posted on by melissakircher

“..then he added, as if requiring a response to his own remark,
‘Probably the greater the difference, the greater the similarity, and the greater the similarity, the greater the difference,’ at that moment he did not yet know how right he was.” – José Saramago, All the Names

It is consistently interesting to me as I work with clients in my Enneagram Coaching Practice that both:

  1. Our external behaviours can look the same, yet have different internal emotional/energetic underpinnings.
  2. Our internal emotional/energetic underpinnings can be so similar and yet, have different external behaviors or manifestations.

Here is a series of observations I’ve made so far. This is just the tip of the iceberg though. We’re all interconnected and interwoven in such a way that I know I’ll be joyfully fascinated for the rest of my life! – Melissa

Type 9 & Type 5

Same: Both externally procrastinate when needing to complete important tasks. They fill the day with busywork.

Different: Type 5s internally fear being unable to handle the task and having to ask for help. Type 9s internally fear that the importance of the task will upset their inner balance/peace.

Type 4 & Type 7

Same: Both tend to quickly shift jobs, projects, interests, and relationships. This is often done unconsciously, neither Type aware of how much they change.

Different: Type 4s are searching for a sense of identity in each shift. Type 7s search for fulfillment and satisfaction with every move.

Type 2 & Type 8

Same: Both feel angry, often because their selfhood or boundaries are being violated in some way.

Different: Type 2s express their anger in explosive outbursts after trying to repress this particular emotion. Type 8s show their anger more easily and consistently, and move on from it quickly.

Type 3 & Type 6

Same: Both are excited planners, working diligently toward achievable goals.

Different: Type 3s are internally optimistic, believing everything will move smoothly and to great success. Type 6s expect that all manner of problems will arise and so they develop a myriad of contingencies just in case.

Type 1 & Type 5

Same: Both deal with voices of internal criticism and feeling not good enough.

Different: In response, Type 1s pour endless energy into improving all that surrounds them. Type 5s pick a few projects and try to silence their distrust of self with overzealous mastery.

Type 2 & Type 6

Same: Both appear externally warm and friendly in their many relationships.

Different: Internally, Type 2s cling to the love in their relationships; it gives them a sense of identity. Internally, Type 6s mistrust others, always keeping a watchful eye open for breaks in loyalty.

Type 3 & Type 4

Same: Both are intense and competitive, seeking outward recognition and approval.

Different: Type 3s push their true feelings aside to maintain momentum toward a goal. Type 4s lose goal momentum as their fluctuating feelings return them to an inward focus.

Type 7 & Type 9

Same: Both are adaptable, inviting, and would prefer to avoid conflict. Internally, both do not want to feel pain.

Different: Externally, Type 7s have a hectic, wild energy and express their desires. Type 9s live at a more measured pace, are generally mellow, and mesh with the desires of others.

Type 2 & Type 4

Same: Both are used to others liking them, seeking out relationships that bolster their self-confidence. Both are friendly and magnetic.

Different: Type 2s genuinely believe they can get anyone to like them, and it’s in inward image confirmation. Type 4s distrust their relationships and inwardly distrust that they are lovable.

Type 1 & Type 8

Same: Both are focused on control, feeling inwardly that if they have a sense of control, all will be well.

Different: Type 1s exert super-control over themselves and the details of their environment. Type 8s care about the big picture. They desire power to ensure they get what they want and everything stays together.

Can’t figure out your Type? I offer 1-hour Typing Sessions and have fall slots open! Click HERE to fill out a request and discover your number!

Interview with Enneagram Type Four, Rima Lyn

Interview with Enneagram Type Four, Rima Lyn

Posted on by melissakircher

Hello Enneagram Paths, friends! Happy Monday, and welcome back! I hope all of you are finding ways to love yourself well, move deeper into acceptance and awareness, and listen to your body as we continue to navigate Covid-19 times.

Today we are lucky to hear from the fantastic Rima Lyn about her unique experiences as an Enneagram Type Four! Rima and I connected on Instagram, so make sure you scroll to the bottom of the interview to find the link to her excellent Ennea-IG page.

Hi Rima, thanks so much for being here today and talking to all of us about what it means for you to identify as a Type Four!

1. Emotions are dominant for Fours as part of the Heart Triad. How do emotions affect your daily life?

I am rather tempestuous and quick to have an emotional reaction. I am a trained actress and member of the Screen Actors Guild and was encouraged early on in classes to allow immediate reactions to flow on stage, be they tears, laughter or anger. There is a saying that acting is re-acting, and I find that to be true as a Type Four. As an Sx4, competition is something with which I struggle. I can be quite defensive because I imagine sleights that aren’t there to galvanize or motivate or protect myself. For a long time, I thought I could be a Type Eight though I am too elitist to help masses of downtrodden groups of people. I am generous with emotional support in a one-on-one setting. I was also an art teacher for ten years, and a safe place for other artists to feel their feelings. One of my favorite songs is ‘You’ve Gotta Have Heart” from Damn Yankees. Coincidence? 🙂

2. What happens when you’re stressed and go along your Arrow to Type Two? What happens when you’re in a healthy place and go along your Arrow to Type One? 

I believe that both the move to Type One and Type Two can be stressful if you are at a low level of development in your Type. Both moves can also be positive if you have done personal or Enneagram work. Type One energy can cause me to be more dutiful, more of a rigid perfectionist, not feel my feelings, or put someone else first at my own expense. I spent so long acting like a Type Two, that every test I took, including the recently updated Enneagram Institute test, typed me as a Two. I used to hide behind other artists and be a ‘helper’ so that I wouldn’t have to reveal my art or my point of view. It was safer to hide behind another ‘diva’ like personality. I realized I needed to be the diva for growth—a balanced diva who is at peace with my quirkiness and can allow myself to be an integral part of things instead of always hiding or holding back my true self. I feel more likable in Type Two space because I am soooooooo helpful and can move mountains for others, but barely grab a drink of water for myself.

3. How does Envy play out in your interactions with people? Do you find yourself comparing your life, experiences, career, etc. to others? 

I don’t do straight-up envy, but I do compare myself to others and then judge or beat myself up. I don’t wish people who have it more together than me would fail, but sometimes I assume something is wrong with me because I haven’t achieved the thing they have seemingly easily accomplished: damaged goods and all that.

4. Talk a little about the desire to be unique. Why is this so important to you? Is it important? How do you try to be a unique person in daily life? 

I got a lot of verbal reinforcement from my grandmother that there was no one like me. That I was 100% original and that I could do anything. My grandmother also used to recite a nursery rhyme to me, “When she was good, she was very, very good and when she was bad she was horrid.” Of the five people in my immediate family, I felt she was the only one who got me, so I used creativity as a way to feel productive. Since I had a unique name, a scratchy voice, intense eyes, and a lot of talent for the performing arts, very early on I saw that if I couldn’t fit in it was good to be special, original, and entertaining. I like to use the phrase “hip geek” or “cool nerd” to describe myself, and I’m getting better about wanting to fit into a group of misfits/creatives vs. being the loner that no one understands. As an Sx4 I have a lot of passion and zeal—I work on using these traits to help me from getting bogged down in melancholy. I fight against it and try to be as productive as possible (3w.)

5. Talk about what the words Discipline and Objectivity mean to you today. 

I hate discipline so much!!!!! ACK. For years it was all about “when I feel like it and at no other time.” Every meal was about what I was craving, every radio choice, what song I was in the mood for. Exercising to exercise, writing every day as a practice, sticking to a diet—these were all things I could not do until I embraced my Five Wing and the high side of Type One. Equanimity—but without being a boring zombie robot—that is the goal.

6. What does the phrase, “You are good enough,” mean to you? 

It means I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to jump through hoops. It means self-acceptance and forgiveness.

7. Are there any spiritual practices you are drawn to as a Type Four? 

Beauty in nature. Appreciating the sublime. The perfection of imperfection. Believing in the arts and the magic of creativity and self-expression.

8. Do you know if you have a Three or Five Wing? If so, tell us about how your Wing supports and enhances your Type Four characteristics.

If I lean into my 3w, I get to stay in the Heart Triad, but I’m less emotional and more productive. If I lean into my 5w, I get some genius, brilliant, maverick inspiration, and ideas that come to me fully formed. These ideas clearly originate from the ether, and I can find the courage to be truly original.

Rima Lyn is a longtime educator in the creative arts. Her writing has appeared in Art Magazine, Quercus Review Press, Schuylkill Valley Journal of the Arts, and Voices de la Luna. She was awarded 3rd place in the 2020 Writer’s Digest contest for screenplays and is a 2019 Nicholl Quarter Finalist. A graduate of UCLA’s Film History program, you can read her take on Mexican food at http://tacomaven.blogspot.com

Instagram: @enneagramista

Are you a Type Four that would like a Certified Enneagram Coach to help you move into deeper authenticity, wisdom, and self-love? Book a free 15-minute consultation with me right now! – Melissa **FREE CONSULT**

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type's Shadow?

What is Concealed in Each Enneagram Type’s Shadow?

Posted on by melissakircher

Kim Parker of WayfindingLife.org says this about Enneagram Shadow work, “The Enneagram shows us the shadow side of our gifts and reveals the games we often unknowingly play. Although these can be difficult to face, doing so is part of a path that leads us toward freedom. Taking an honest look at ourselves, through the lens of the Enneagram, provides us with the awareness needed to let go of our unhelpful tendencies and patterns of behavior. Furthermore, as we begin to practice ‘letting go’ we are set free to be a more whole and loving p/Presence in the world.”

I love this! Something I often say to my coaching clients is that not only are struggles and weaknesses hidden in Shadow, so are amazing strengths.

Our Shadow Sides are places and spaces in our personality makeup that can be unconscious on a regular basis. However, when we dig into the darkness, a whole lot of light begins to shine, and we’re made aware of a myriad of exciting and challenging aspects of each Type’s survival mechanisms. Be kind to yourself as you investigate your Shadow Side. Always enter the work with kindness and love—and feel free to get in touch with me if you need an Enneagram Coach to guide you along this process!

Concealed in Shadow: Type One

The Type One’s Shadow conceals true desires and the need for spontaneity, levity, and joy. To preserve order, the Shadow suppresses undesired emotions like personal pain, melancholy, and deep frustration.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Two

The Type Two’s Shadow conceals the paradoxical belief that they’re deserving of royal treatment and that they’re only as good as what they give. They have a hidden thirst for love and attention. A need to express anger is also in shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Three

The Type Three’s Shadow conceals unconscious self-deception. They believe in the positive images they project, and suppress insecurity, fear, and vulnerability—all of which help them get in touch with their True Selves.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Four

The Type Four’s Shadow conceals an unconscious victimhood; a self-perpetuating cycle of lack and loss. It also hides a great wealth of happiness, satisfaction, capability, normality, and energetic action.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Five

The Type Five’s Shadow conceals a deep longing for connection, a vast wealth of wants and needs, fear of rejection, great power, emotionality, and a wise, unwavering strength that sources itself in Universe.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Six

The Type Six’s Shadow conceals a depth of connection to Source/Divine and self. There is a unconscious drive for ultimate security which can never be satisfied. Many actions are motivated by a fear of retribution from authority.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Seven

The Type Seven’s Shadow conceals the full spectrum of their inner emotional life, and a true ability to hone and focus attention. Feelings of insecurity and “unknown-ness” are also hidden in Shadow.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Eight

The Type Eight’s Shadow conceals the purest parts of themselves because they are the least accessed: softness, innocence, and vulnerability. Their Shadow also hides insecurities that Eight’s refuse to admit.

Concealed in Shadow: Type Nine

The Type Nine’s Shadow conceals a layered emotionality, often with a deep reserve of rage/anger that must be expressed…to then access a kind of grief over abandoning themselves for so long.

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

What Each Enneagram Type Offers in Hard Times

Posted on by melissakircher

During this uncertain season, when none of us know quite what to do or how to feel, let’s turn our attention to positivity as best we can. What can we offer each other in our homes, in Zoom meetings, on FaceTime calls, or in the flurry of texts and emails that we’ll be sending in the coming days? Here are a few examples of the gifts each Enneagram Type brings to the table in times of crisis:

Type 1: Bravery, Attention to Detail, Order, Tenderness

Type 2: Empathy, Plausible Solutions, Grit, Boundaries

Type 3: Action, Resources, Authenticity, Cooperation

Type 4: Non-Judgment, Depth, Space, Vitality

Type 5: Wise Insight, Attention, Leadership, Courage

Type 6: Connectivity, Vulnerability, Endurance, Adaptability

Type 7: Ferocity, Goodwill, Warmth, Intelligence

Type 8: Protection, True Care, Soul, Character

Type 9: Calm, Understanding, Reconciliation, Goal-Setting

*Be sure to check out my new Enneagram Self-Love Downloads you can print and use instantly!*

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Darkness Growth for Each Enneagram Type

Posted on by melissakircher


What is Enneagram Darkness Growth?

A few thoughts on darkness in general. Darkness is something we try to avoid, right? And it IS awful going through a dark time or feeling in a dark place. Yet, darkness is an underrated state of being; it can actually be one of the most fertile moments in our lives. Deep stress, hurt, pain, transition, betrayal, uncertainty, and loss are all ripe for extraordinary change, growth learning, rebirth, and renewal. The following darkness ideas for each Enneagram Type might feel really “ouch”, but in actuality, are huge opportunities for growth.

The term I’m using “Darkness Growth” stems from the idea of a shadow side found in many Enneagram teachings. The shadow is characteristics, behaviors, and motivations that we exhibit but are not consciously aware. Both helpful traits and unhelpful are hidden in shadow, and can be brought to light to form a whole, integrated person.

The key with Darkness Growth is to remember we don’t shame or hate ourselves, we face the dark with courage to realize some behaviors harm us now, even if they’ve helped us survive for years. You have to love yourself first, to be able to authentically grow. Take the following thoughts and ruminate on them. See if they resonate with you in any way, and what questions you might ask yourself about what the darkness is inviting you into.

Darkness Growth Type One:

Pointing out the incorrect politics, moral failings, and questionable behavior of others to make the world better and prove your own goodness, only serves to exhaust you and alienate people. How can you embrace the spectrum of humanity?

Darkness Growth Type Two:

Cultivating an image of how good you are by constantly being there for others actually serves to disconnect you from your true feelings and personhood, turning you from falsely helpful to demanding and needy. How can you love yourself well first?

Darkness Growth Type Three:

Your character-shifting gets you admiration, likes, and success, but when it comes time to be intimate and love deeply, you will struggle because you don’t know who is the real you to share. How can you be still, in order to connect with yourself more fully?

Darkness Growth Type Four:

Idealization of self and others pulls people in, then pushes them away. This pattern solidifies your untrue victim status when people get fed up and leave. But you’re not a victim, you’re the perpetrator. How can you empower yourself with commitment?

Darkness Growth Type Five:

Your boundaries keep people from hurting you and affecting your perceived safety. But when shit hits the fan, you won’t have a network of people to help when you really can’t help yourself. Your aloneness will be real. How can you let others in?

Darkness Growth Type Six:

The search for certainty in situations and people is a self-defeating survival tool. Eventually everything will disappoint you, confirming an untrue belief that the world is unsafe. How can you shift your perspective to realistic optimism?

Darkness Growth Type Seven:

If you only show people the fun, energetic, happy side of you, they will come to think you’re truly happy all the time. It’s then not their fault that they don’t check on you or see the pain you’re experiencing. How can you share your heart?

Darkness Growth Type Eight:

You can technically treat people however you want, disregarding their feelings or etiquette. But then, when you realize you have tender, needy feelings that require love and nurturing, don’t expect compassion. How can you treat others better?

Darkness Growth Type Nine:

You can be so affable and nice that people forget you exist sometimes. The desire to avoid sticky situations backfires to eject you from a life that needs your active presence. How can you shine today?